Divided by fours

One of my newest pals, the lovely Smiler, has chosen to ignore my anti-social tendencies tagged me with a Foursome. (that sort of sounds dirty. I like it)

---

The Four Meme.



4 jobs I've had:
Waitress
Telemarketer (I know! Ick! I was only 20)
Hotel General Manager (Studio 6, La Quinta Inn)
Writer/Photographer

4 movies I love to watch over and over:
Sense and Sensibility
Waiting For Guffman
The Big Chill
Monty Python and the Holy Grail

4 places I have lived:
Luther, Oklahoma
Edmond, Oklahoma
Jones, Oklahoma
Midwest City, Oklahoma

4 TV shows I enjoy watching:
Grey's Anatomy
The Amazing Race
Hell's Kitchen (and Kitchen Nightmares, I loves me some Gordon Ramsay! YUM)
Boston Legal

4 places I have been:
Disney Land (CA)
Disney World (FL)
New Orleans, LA
6th St. in Austin, TX


4 websites I visit daily:
Bloglines (how ELSE could I lurk you all?)
Facebook
eBay (no, it's for my JOB!)
iGoogle


4 favorite foods:
General Tso's chicken
My dad's homemade lemonade pie
Pimiento cheese
Ice cream. Any ice cream.

4 places I would rather be:
On a beach in the Carribbean
Visiting the home of anyone on my blogroll
In a snuggly log cabin in the mountains
In bed

4 blogs I'm tagging:
You
You
You and
you

Should you decide to accept this mission, please leave me a comment so that I may come and admire your work.

---

That is all.
Have a day.

MotherTalk Book Review - The Thirteenth Tale

"A good story is always more dazzling than a broken piece of truth." Vida Winter

When I was given a brief synopsis of this book, The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield, I immediately signed on; it sounded right up my alley.

It's a story about a story, filled with half-truths, secrets, mysteries and scandal. LOTS of scandal. Definitely my kind of book.

Conjoined twins, feral twins, death and sex and murder and mysterious disappearances, twisted love and even a smidge of romance.

We have a young bookish girl who works in her father's bookshop and a reclusive, elderly author of 'popular fiction'.
The author, Vida, has kept her past vague and mostly hidden...but as she comes to the end of her life she decides, once and for all, to bring forth the truth--but in her own way. Vida chooses Margaret Lea (who has no particular fame other than a well-researched, well-written biographical essay) to record Vida's life story. As Margaret hears the story, her own story becomes entwined with Vida's life.

There are twists and turns around every corner, with a hint of goth and a taste of otherworldliness--this was the perfect book with which to lie a-bed on a rainy evening with a cup of hot chocolate.

I think I put the book down once...because I had to pee. This book captured my imagination right away and sucked me right down into the story and didn't let go until the end (which, I should add, was great--you know how I like all the ends tied up neatly so THIS was quite satisfactory).

Really, I wish I could tell you more...and let's face it, I could if I really wanted to...but I won't. READ IT.

Before I got the book I read this description: "...tinged with the eeriness of Rebecca and the willfulness of Jane Eyre" and I sort of agree, but in my opinion, the language of the book put me in mind of Barbara Michaels or--even better!--Phyllis A. Whitney. Yeah, it sort of had that Phyllis feel to it.
Did you know how much I love Phyllis A. Whitney? A lot.

Anyway.
Don't take my word for it, read it yourself. And check out the interactive website right here.

Besides, in a couple of weeks there won't be any new episodes of your favorite TV shows for awhile and you'll need new books to read.
Make The Thirteenth Tale one of them.

Word Picture Sunday! Yeah!

Join in the fun...don't forget to put your link in the Mr. Linky box so that everyone may come and admire your handiwork!

---

Now unroll your blogroll and grab a thesaurus--it's time for
WORD PICTURE SUNDAY!

The rules are quite simple:
1. Pick a name from your blogroll
2. Think of a single word that you feel describes that person
3. Open an IMAGE SEARCH engine, type in the word, and find the picture that fits.
4. Post the blog, word, and picture.

See how easy? Many of our blogrolls have lots of the same names, so I'll be very interested to see what words YOU come up with for those people.

---

This week's feature is Brian from An Audience Of One. He's a fellow Okie and a very dear friend with whom I've been fortunate enough to spend Real Life time--it was difficult to narrow it down to a single word. Brian is just...bright. Intelligent, clear-thinking, kind, sweet, and thoughtful. He's a light in the darkness for many of us, including the kids that he works with every day.
So the word I chose for Brian was:

Beacon



Who'd you pick this week?

I KNOW you're sorry you missed it.

As well you should be. That's okay; out of the kindness of my heart I'll let you listen to the podcast RIGHT HERE or you can listen with the player below.

Sexy Finn from "A Life Less Ordinary" was in the hizzouse, bringin' your fo' reals horoscope and you DON'T want to miss that!


Click here to get your own player.

---

---

Quote o' the Day:

"Sometimes I feel like I'm a size 10 foot and my life is a size 8 stiletto." --Me

FRIDAY! NIGHT! LIVE!

Do you really need a reminder?

Tune in tonight at 9pm CST (that's 10pm EST, 7pm Pacific)
for
FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE WITH MONTY!
only on EMPIRE RADIO

PLUS!
Special guest FINN brings you "Hey baby, what's your sign?" tonight
Super sounds of the 80s!
Reality TV update!
and
Me.

Tune it in. TURN IT UP.

Chat room will be open!

Come and listen. It's more fun than a barrel of people.

A conversation with my mother

We were briefly discussing the writer's strike, and mom wondered aloud how long it was likely to go on.

ME: "Well, the strike in the 80s lasted 22 weeks, from what I hear."

MOM: "What strike in the 80s? There was a strike in the 80s?"

ME: "Don't you remember?"

MOM: "No, do you?"

ME:: "No. I was working and had games & drama & debate & stuff."

MOM: "I never even knew there was a strike before. But between your ball games, your sister's tournaments and your brother's ball games, we were never home until time for you all to go to bed."

ME: "I guess we didn't miss much."

MOM: "Nope, we didn't miss a thing."

---

It was good to be reminded that there are other, more important things in life than TV.

Promoting atheism to the children?

A friend of mine sent me an email warning about the movie "The Golden Compass".

It reads:

Just wanted to inform you what I just learned about a movie that is coming out December 7, during the Christmas season, which is entitled THE GOLDEN COMPASS. It stars Nicole Kidman and it is directed toward children. What is disturbing to me is that this movie is based on the first of a trilogy of books for children called HIS DARK MATERIALS written by Philip Pullman of England. He's an atheist and his objective is to bash Christianity and promote atheism. I heard that he has made remarks that he wants to kill God in the minds of children, and that's what his books are all about. He despises C. S. Lewis and Narnia, etc. An article written about him said "this is the most dangerous author in Britain" and that Pullman would be the writer "the atheists would be praying for, if atheists prayed." Pullman said he doesn't think it is possible that there is a God and he has great difficulty understanding the words "spiritual" and "spirituality." What I thought was important to communicate is what part of the agenda is for making this picture. This movie is a watered down version of the first book, which is the least offensive of the three books. The second book of the trilogy is THE SUBTLE KNIFE and the third book is THE AMBER SPYGLASS. Each book gets worse and worse regarding Pullman's hatred of God. In the trilogy, a young girl becomes enmeshed in an epic struggle against a nefarious Church known as the Magisterium. Another character, an ex-nun, describes Christianity as "a very powerful and convincing mistake." As I understand it, in the last book, a boy and girl are depicted representing Adam and Eve and they kill God, who at times is called YAHWEH. Since the movie would seem mild if you viewed it, that's been done on purpose. They are hoping that unsuspecting parents will take their children to see the movie, that they will enjoy the movie and then the children will want the books for Christmas. That's the hook. Pullman says he wants the children to read the books and decide against God and the kingdom of heaven. If you decide that you do not want to support something like this, I suggest that you boycott the movie and the books. I googled a synopsis of THE GOLDEN COMPASS. As I skimmed it, I couldn't believe that in a children's book part of the story is about castration and female circumcision. If you want to read about the first book, go to www.sparknotes.com/lit/hisdarkmaterials/section1.html

Here's the Snopes verification.

---

One of the book reviewers says: "Pullman says his message that he wants to get across to kids is that which he has written on a note on his writing desk, 'So: There is a God, but he is a liar and he's mortal.'"

---

Check out the links.
Your thoughts??

Technically challenged am I

I need a nice graphic. Who can make me a nice little graphic?

(For free, I mean. I'VE NEVER PAID FOR IT IN MY LIFE! Despite what you may hear to the contrary. LIES, LIES I TELL YOU!)

Music to my ears?

My baby girl's first band concert is tonight...an hour of Christmas music from the beginning band class.

Should be interesting.

Wanna come?

Strike this.

I could be wrong here--after all, I don't really know how guilds and unions work and what's more, I could give a crap.
However.

Seems to me that if you work for an organization that provides you with a measure of job security, wages above that of the national average AND excellent bennies (because, you know, SOME of us don't even HAVE benefits of any sort with our jobs), you should shut your fucking pie-holes and do your jobs.

Srsly, it's not like your company asked you to murder somebody. Well, at least if they did it's only on paper in a script.
What are the writers striking for, again? Damned if I can remember.
OH YEAH, that's right! A bigger slice of the pie. More of the CHA-CHING from DVD sales/rentals/whatever.
Greedy bastards.

I think when people like that go on strike, they should be forced to take jobs working minimum wage with NO benefits and NO job security AND SEE HOW THEY LIKE THAT.

Is all I'm saying.

Captain Trips?

You know, my son is severely disabled, along with most of his classmates. Not a school year goes by without him or one of those classmates doing hospital time.
He's extremely susceptible to various bugs & illness.

Have you ever read The Stand, by Stephen King?

This MRSA Superbug thingy scares the ever-lovin' shit out of me.

Word Picture Sunday

(Don't forget to download or listen to my Super 70s Show!)

---

Unroll your blogroll and grab a thesaurus--it's time for
WORD PICTURE SUNDAY!

The rules are quite simple:
1. Pick a name from your blogroll
2. Think of a single word that you feel describes that person
3. Open an IMAGE SEARCH engine, type in the word, and find the picture that fits.
4. Post the blog, word, and picture.

See how easy? Many of our blogrolls have lots of the same names, so I'll be very interested to see what words YOU come up with for those people.

---

This week's victim: Amanda from Amandaland!

She's from my neck of the woods and we've met in person. There are many words I could choose for this wonderful woman...however, at this moment I'm still completely awed by her bravery.

Dauntless





Come and play!

Bonus!

Missed the live show last night? No problem. You can listen right here:


Super hits of the 70s!
An on-air chat with Tom Wyld of the group Wyld Dark Heart!
Your horoscope!
and
ME!

What? What did I do?

Dear Coffee,

How are you, my friend? You know, we've been together a really, really long time, ever since my grandma first served you to me in that green mug (remember that green mug? It was so cool, and I always got to be the one to use it because I was the oldest grandkid and I called it) with a half a cup of milk and a tablespoon of sugar.
Man, Coffee, Grandma always fixed you up just right. (and Grandma, if you're in heaven reading this over my shoulder right now, HI! And stop reading over my shoulder, it creeps me out a little bit. And I love you!)
Anyway.
Coffee, my true love, I have enjoyed you in all your many forms...black, with sugar, with cream, with flavored creamer, in lattes and cappucinos and frappucinos (I have no idea how to spell all that stuff, so suck it)...I have loved you often and I have loved you well.
You know I have.
So what I want to know is what have you done to yourself? You've obviously been letting yourself go...I can't even feel the caffeine anymore! You have not been showing me the buzz-love in ages. I drink a whole pot of you in the morning and I still feel like going back to bed.
Sometimes I DO go back to bed for a 30 minute nap.
THE HELL?
That's not supposed to happen. Uh-uh, nohow, no way.
Where is that rush of caffeine pleasure? Where is my jolty, shaky goodness?
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH IT?
I can drink you at night and still fall right to sleep.
I miss you, Coffee. I miss your caffeine zip.
No, I did not purchase your brother, Decaf Coffee, by mistake. I double-checked to make sure.

WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?

Look, if you don't do something to juice up the caffeine bite really soon, my flirtation with Red Bull is going to become a full-fledged affair.
Is all I'm saying.

Wanting us to be the way we were,
Monty

Trick or Treat!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN
from
Pierre Hamel of the '75 OKC Blazers and pre-Kotter Gabe Kaplan.




(okay, it was my brother and me, but you see the resemblances, right?)

---

In this particular costume, I knocked on my grandma's door, my uncle answered--and didn't recognize me. I duly reported back to my mother that "Uncle Terry didn't know" who I was, so she sent me back and I just walked right in the house. My uncle hollered for his mom (my grandma) and Grandma proceeded to lecture me on the impropriety, bad manners, and dangers of walking into a stranger's house.

At that point I believe I started giggling...and then the jig was up.
We still make fun of Grandma for that...and for many, many other things.

I have no idea why Grandma doesn't like me.

I am the Best.Aunt.Ever.

Is it wrong for me to teach my baby niece how to say red rum and do that little finger thing like the kid in The Shining?

Nah.

Monday discoveries and odd things

Remember that time I told you that I buy toilet paper every time I go to the store? (and coincidentally, when I went to look up that post I discovered that I wrote it 2 years ago today! How odd!)
In addition to that weirdness, I must confess that I buy deodorant every time it's on sale, no matter how much I already have at home. And then? When it gets low (not empty-I never use it all the way down!) I do NOT throw it away, I put it in the medicine cabinet "just in case".
In case of what? Nuclear war in which all the deodorant factories are vaporized?

My family will be the sweetest smellin', gaaahRONteed.

---

I discovered today that it appears I've broken my previous record in the sport of How Long Can I Go Without Shaving My Legs?

Go me!

I've decided to make cornrows. With beads.

---

Also, I discovered that it's not much fun to play pick-up-the-soap when you're showering alone.

---

Surely one has nothing to do with the other.
Surely.

---

That is all.
Have a day.

Maybe yes, maybe no...

I've been considering it for quite some time, but I keep forgetting to ask you about it.
Jeckles was a guest on my show quite some time ago, and it was great fun.

I'm thinking of making it a semi-regular thing--guest spots, I mean to say.
You interested in a guest spot/interview?
It'll be fun...and we can make fun of the people in the chat room, which is always a good time.

Let me know if you're up for a good time.

The HELL?

How could I possibly have lost the USB cord for my scanner?
It's gone, gone, gone I tell you.
Dammit.

Word Picture Sunday

(Don't forget to download or listen to the Halloween show!)

---

Unroll your blogroll and grab a thesaurus--it's time for WORD PICTURE SUNDAY!

The rules are quite simple:
1. Pick a name from your blogroll
2. Think of a single word that you feel describes that person
3. Open an IMAGE SEARCH engine, type in the word, and find the picture that fits.
4. Post the blog, word, and picture.

See how easy? Many of our blogrolls have lots of the same names, so I'll be very interested to see what words YOU come up with for those people.

*Side benefit: I'm cleaning up my blogroll...I didn't realize how many mislabeled and old links I had in there.

---

This week's featured blogger: Finn from A Life Less Ordinary.

This is but one of the many words that describe Finn:

Evocative
(because I couldn't find an image for kick-your-dick-up hot)



In this case, I think the picture captures it better than words ever could.

Is it live or is it Memorex?

just in case you missed the (fabulous, fun, spooky Halloween) show:

In The Abstract

but first..
TUNE IN tonight at 9pm Central (10pm Eastern, 7pm Pacific) for Halloween Fun with Monty!

Two hours of...stuff.
CHAT ROOM will be open!
Only on EMPIRE RADIO.

---

Did you ever have so much stuff crammed into your head that, when you look in the mirror, you expect to see lines of text trickling from your ears?

Or is that just me?

---

Are you ever so confused that, if you were drawn as a cartoon, your thought bubbles would look like a Pollack painting?

Or is that just me?

---

After more than 10 years of internet usage, I'm astounded (not really) to find that I still cannot properly set up Outlook Express. I do not understand how to make it work.

Is it just me?

---

That is all.
Have a day.

whoops.

It occurs to me that I have yet to pay off the rest of my blogathon bribes.
I'll try to do them this weekend--I'm fairly certain I know which showtune I'll be singing.

It's a surprise.

---

MAKE PLANS NOW to tune in to my show tomorrow night (Friday) at 9pm Central (10pm Eastern)--it might be SPOOOOOOKY.

Two hours of fun. And stuff.

JOIN THE EMPIRE.

If you don't, then you are the suck.
You don't want to be the suck, do you? I thought not.

---

OH YEAH.
Monday?
That was my wedding day, in nineteen and eighty-eight.
Ten twenty-two eighty-eight.
The marriage sucked ass, but the wedding was pretty fun.

---

And P.S. don't make fun of the hat. It was the 80s, for crap's sake.

---

P.P.S. Okay, you can make fun of the hat.

Morbidity

These are uncomfortable thoughts to have in my head; even more uncomfortable to discuss, but I have to dump them somewhere. It's perilously close to whining--can't help that, it is what it is.

See, I have marquees in my head. Always scrolling along the back of my brain, mostly quiet but always there. They're like black electronic boards with bright white thoughts playing and replaying endlessly. Do you have those?

I can't help what I think about. I have yet to master the art of shutting some thoughts out of my head. These particular uncomfortabilities (no, I don't think that's really a word, but I don't care) are abhorrent to some people...they say things like oh, you musn't think that way! and dearie me, how can you have such dark thoughts! and be positive! Think happy thoughts!
Easier said than done, pal, especially when a person has a low 'cheeriness' threshold and a high bitch factor.

My marquees are stacked three high, with their disturbing messages that I can usually ignore to some extent, but I can't make them not be there.

I do not want to outlive my children.
But I do not want my daughter to be the one to find me when I die.
And what will happen to my son? Will his father put him in a home, an institution?

I want to see my children grow up, but I want to die long before either of them--which tears me, because my son's "life-span" will most likely be shortened due to his extreme disabilities. Living with that knowledge...well, it hurts every day. Don't get me wrong, I never stop hoping and praying and believing...but still.

I want my children to live long, healthy, happy lives...I want to be around to see it happen.

Then I think horrible, horrible things like--what if I die while the kids are at school? And my daughter is waiting and waiting for me to pick her up and I never show? And the bus comes with my son and no-one exits the house to get him?
What if my daughter is at her father's or her grandma's for the weekend and I'm home alone with my son when it happens? No one would know ALL WEEKEND.

Yes yes yes, I know how stupid it is to play the 'what if' game. I know. I get it.
Doesn't stop me from doing it, though. So no need to lecture me, okay?

I know lots of parents have sort of the same fears and concerns. I wonder if mine are more...developed...because I'm just one parent and there is no Hubby Dear to cover for me. I wonder if other single parents have these things on their minds all the time. The thoughts get especially loud whenever I have a pain in my chest or a weird, abnormal ache somewhere it shouldn't be.

Scary.

Word Picture Sunday

but first...
Please go wish my friend Alala a very happy birthday!

---

Time to play! Unroll your blogroll and grab a thesaurus--it's time for WORD PICTURE SUNDAY!

The rules are quite simple:
1. Pick a name from your blogroll
2. Think of a single word that you feel describes that person
3. Open an IMAGE SEARCH engine, type in the word, and find the picture that fits.
4. Post the blog, word, and picture.

See how easy? Many of our blogrolls have lots of the same names, so I'll be very interested to see what words YOU come up with for those people.

---

This week's feature: Raehan from Stammtisch.
(I know, that seems out of alphabetical order, but I still have her listed as "Agog and Aghast" in my blogroll)

The word I chose for her is Nurture, because that's what she does in so many ways for so many people.


Who's YOUR pick today?

one more little thing...

It's FRIDAY! TUNE IN tonight at 9pm Central for Friday Night Live with Monty!
Chat room will be open.
Join us. Or may the bird of paradise fly up your nose.

MotherTalk Review - The Reincarnationist

I have to start with this: strictly speaking, I don't believe in reincarnation. I am, however, open-minded enough to allow that it is not outside the realm of possibility. It's like I tell my non-believing friends when we discuss religion, God, Jesus...I guess we'll find out which of us was right when we die.
Simple as that.
Whether you are a 'reincarnationist' yourself or not, I think you'd enjoy this book: The Reincarnationist, by MJ Rose.

Josh -- a normal guy, a photographer -- survives a severe injury and begins to have barely controlled lurches in his memory, taking him to ancient Rome during the time of the Vestal Virgins as well as 19th Century New York.
Josh discovers that, through his camera's viewfinder, some people have halos, or auras, that cannot be captured on film...he thinks that perhaps these are the old souls in the new bodies. He finds connections (past and present), questions, adventure, and considerable danger--it's quite twisty-turny and exciting!

One particular idea that I found intriguing was that children in some other countries are believed when they have "memories" of past lives, but here in the You Ess Of Aaay we treat the kids as though they're pretending, or playing with imaginary friends. Maybe they are...but...what if???

The book is, in large part, about seeking answers. It also made me stop and think about certain things, like those times when you feel a strong sense of deja vu or when you feel a current of connection between yourself and someone that you've just met--you know, when you can almost hear the 'click'. It made me wonder, just a teeny bit, if I met you in person today...would I see my past in your eyes? Our past? What would you see in mine?

Whether or not I believe, the idea of reincarnation is a very interesting subject about which to think.

The transitions between the present and the past were easy to follow, for the most part--my problem is that I get caught up in that particular time in the story, and it takes me a second to make the switch when it happens. All in all, this book was engaging and excellently written--although I must say that the ending was a bit too abrupt for my personal taste...but then I like every single thread wrapped up in a nice tidy bow and that doesn't always happen.
Just like real life.

You know...

It's a damn shame that Child Protective Services is not nearly as diligent in protecting children as the animal rescue group that made Ellen Degeneres cry is about protecting pets.

Yes, I realize that many, many wonderful and caring people work for CPS or DHS or whatever initials you're familiar with...but when little babies in my state are taken from abusive parents and then HANDED BACK to the abusive parents so that they're beaten even more until they ARE KILLED...then yeah, that's a problem. I know that many of the Child Welfare counselors are seriously overworked, overstressed, and WAY underpaid. I'm pointing a finger at the system as a whole.

Apparently we care more about our pets than our children. Nice.

---

And a P.S. to the animal rescue group--enjoy your bad press. You made Ellen cry, for crap's sake.

---

P.P.S. I love Ellen.

Why you shouldn't trade exclusively on your looks

I went next door for dinner last night and my mother(!!)--reality TV hater--was watching Beauty and the Geek.
The host was telling the couples about their next challenge when one of the "beauties" said, "What's arithmetic?".

During the selection process, the potential beauties were asked what they thought their I.Q. was. Answers varied from 2.0 to 24 to "what does that mean?"

I am no longer worried that my daughter is going to flunk out of school for forgetting to turn in her completed homework.

Pity, party of one

I.Cannot.Cope.

Word Picture Sunday

In the interest of reviving the dead...

If you've been coming here for a very long time, you may remember a picture game I used to play. It was a fun game and I've decided to zombify it; that is, bring it back to life.

The rules are quite simple:
1. Pick a name from your blogroll
2. Think of a single word that you feel describes that person
3. Open an IMAGE SEARCH engine, type in the word, and find the picture that fits.
4. Post the blog, word, and picture.

See how easy? Many of our blogrolls have lots of the same names, so I'll be very interested to see what words YOU come up with for those people.

I plan to start at the beginning and go straight on to the end. And maybe start over.

So, wanna play with me?

---

Beginning at the beginning...

My pal Mike from A Day In The Life Of A Single Father.

COMPASSIONATE



Who'll be your first pick? I can't wait to see it!

In which I give WAY TMI

My daughter just became a woman.

Why do I feel like I want to cry?

---

And PS she'd kill me if she knew I said anything about it, so keep it on the DL.

---

PPS: I should clarify...no, she did not have sex. She's 12. It was the other thing.

Your Reminder *DING DING*

It's Friday night and you know what that means...
Friday Night Live with Monty!
9pm Central. 10pm Eastern. 7pm Pacific.

ONLY ON EMPIRE RADIO.

Plus:
Reality TV update
Hey baby, what's your sign?
The best mix of music on the 'net
and
Me.

Listen while you surf p0rn, listen while you write tomorrow's Pay Per Post.

Chat Room will be open!

FABulous!

For some reason, the lovely and talented and most excellent Wander is totally deluded thinks I'm fabulous and handed me one of these:



The rules (ALWAYS THE RULES! I'm a REBEL, don't you understand me at all??) are the usual: Pass it on to some other fabulous folks.
So without further ado (no, adieu means goodbye, which really doesn't make sense in this context unless I'm like...leaving you right now):

My Fabulous People (oh hell, you're ALL fabulous! But I have to put some names down-them's the rules)

Mr. Fabulous hisself! (yes, I know I put 'hisself'. It was on purpose. Work with me, people)

Simply Sassy really is simply sassy and I love her! See if y'all can get her to make me a quilt. They're AWESOME.

My darling, oh-so-sweet Raggedy One. You want to see a strong person, visit Raggedy. She da bom. An' stuff.

The talented and gorgeous Elle. She's had a tough row to ho hoe lately, but she's coming back better than ever.

and finally

One of the most fabulous people I know, Michele. Half of my blogfriends I've met over at Michele's place, and she is ever gracious and elegant and kind.

---

Thank you, Wander! And right back atcha, baby.

Chewing holes in my tongue. Or fingers. Whatevs.

So, you know how sometimes you really really want to say (write) something, but you exert massive self-control and somehow manage to keep it in because you know it would sound hurtfully mean to at least two or three people?

The dam is cracked, but still holding.
Barely.

(I was going to use a whole analogy about a finger in a dyke, but that was just too easy)

---

*crack*
I canNOT believe you're playing that card...AGAIN.

Why does this stuff make me LAFF SO MUCH?

Regarding her TWO MONTH DETOXIFICATION in a Utah rehab center, Lindsay Lohan said, "It was a sobering experience."

OH.EM.GEE.

Tell It To Me Tuesday

I decided to play along with Janet's Tell It To Me Tuesday this week:

"What are your favorite hair band songs of all time and why?"

Having been a teenager in the 80s, I grew up lovin' the Big Hair bands and the Metal Hair Bands...my criteria for favorite is simple: Did I love it then? Do I love it now?
I'll try to cull it down to the top five, in no particular order.

---

1. There's No One Like You - The Scorpions. It's a ballad but not quite a ballad, and back then it perfectly described my feelings toward my boyfriend. I still love the words today..."I just wanna be loved by you..."

2. Wait - White Lion. Hearing the song today is the same as it was then: "WAIT. I never had a chance to love you." "I must know the reason why we say goodbye." Slow down & gimme another chance, okay???

3. Livin' On A Prayer - Bon Jovi. What favorite song list of any kind would be complete without Bon Jovi? This song used to touch my almost-a-woman heart, reinforcing the belief that if you stick it out through the tough times, love could conquer all.
I've learned better since then, but I still love the song.

4. Love Bites - Def Leppard. Seriously, what better song to sing out at the top of your lungs after you've had your heart broken? These days I'd lean more toward Laura Branigan if that happens, but I've no doubt this one would make the playlist too.

5. Home Sweet Home - Motley Crue. I just love this song, then and now. It's got a good sound, different from what I was used to from Motley Crue...there's no particular reason, I just dig it.

---

I have a zillion more favorites, but some of 'em just didn't QUITE qualify as "hair bands" to me--more like pop rock...like Loverboy, REO Speedwagon, etc etc.

Now, your turn. Drop me a comment letting me know you played, then run over to Janet's and do the same.

---

---

And PS: Seriously, stop stealing my stuff. At least ASK first. I REALLY MEAN IT THIS TIME.

A remembered conversation

Gigi: "I get 'Will' for William and even 'Bob' for Robert...but how do you get 'Dick' out of Richard?"

Me: "I don't know...but I heard Jenny got some out of him last week. *giggle*"

Okay, it was funny when we were in high school.

Proof positive that you should be tuning in on Friday nights

<---Lookie what I got! Thank you, thank you to everyone who voted for me! I also got the Runner-Up nod for Best Humor Blog, but Redneck Diva (a personal favorite of mine!)(see what good blog taste I have?) won instead--CONGRATS KRISTEN!

**note to self: find someone to...disappear...Redneck Diva before next year's competition

I also want to say a special CONGRATS to another personal favorite: Brian from Audience Of One won the award for Best Writing--it's well deserved.

CONGRATS to all the other winners...you can find the complete list right here. And HUGE thanks to Mike at OkieDoke for going to the trouble of making sure we Okie Bloggers have a chance to get together and have some fun, as well as coordinating the awards. Our little blogging community here is growing and growing!

The Okie Blogger Round-Up happened last night in T-Town; I was sad that I was unable to make it so I didn't get to spend time with some of my favorite people. I hear that it was a pretty fun time--now people, I expect to see some pictures! Preferably the kind a person could use for...well, blackmail is such an ugly word...

video

Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free!

My Podcast Alley feed! {pca-3602bc3bf648137b9614e657abcc6638}

The MUST-SEE Movie of 2007!!

"The EMPIRE RADIO GANG Goes To Math Camp"
(alternately titled: "Iceprincezz Does Calculus In The Buff")

**if for some reason the video doesn't play, hit the SHARE button & email it to yourself. You really have to see this.


Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free!

*sigh*

It occurred to me today that I am now too old to be the young half of a May-December romance.

An October-December romance, though...maybe I could still pull that off.

Goin' all Hollywood and stuff

Quote of the day:

"It's not a lie, it's a gift for fiction." ~~William H. Macy, State And Main

---

Sarah Michelle Gellar (Buffy The Vampire Slayer) and I have the same initials.
Which is very cool.

---

Ashley Judd and I have the same exact birthday.
Which is also very cool.

---

Speaking of celebrities, four of the most brilliantly clever writers known to man:
David Mamet
Joss Whedon
Christopher Guest
and Bryan Fuller.

---

That is all.
Have a day.

---

OH and PS stop stealing my stuff. Except for, you know, Memes. Those are allowed.
You know who you are.

Time for the PERFECT POST AWARDS!

As many of you know, each month Kim and Lindsay host the Original Perfect Post Awards.




Over the last few months I've not had much time for blogreading--and I especially haven't had time to search out any new-to-me blogs. But late last night (on a commercial during the original Star Trek) I followed a link and found this post:

Blogging For A[buse] Cause on Trenting Dot Com.

This particular post hit me where I live, since I can personally relate to parts of one of the stories.

---

Sept 23rd
I forgot to get Alex's beer tonight, but he said he would forgive me if I would have sex with him I am so proud to have a husband that still feels attracted to me.

Sept 25th
I embarrassed Alex in front of the neighbors last night, he reprimanded me by giving me a little smack across the cheek, I should not have made him feel humiliated in front of company, and I really deserved it.

---

Oh. That hurt my heart. I've been exactly in that spot, and I know that some of you have as well. Maybe someone who is trapped in the way we used to be trapped will read it and find a hand outstretched to help them. Go read it. It's disturbing and sad and hurtful and angry-making and all too common.

Because I care.

Dear Girl Who Plays Lilly Rush on that show Cold Case:

Hi. I've watched your show a couple-three times and I wasn't going to say anything, but...but...it's your hair. I'm sorry, but you have the worst, stringiest hair I've ever seen on TV. And is that a weave? Because it looks like one of the cheap ones.

And whatever did you do to make your make-up artist hate you so much? The most unflattering colors imaginable, and it always looks smeary and smudged like you've spent the last hour making out in your trailer or maybe you've just come off a three-day bender. (I applaud the making out, but still--THINK LIP LINER. It is not a tool of the devil. Is all I'm saying)

What I'm getting at is that Courtney Love ain't got nothin' on you.
And PS you might think about getting out into the sunshine once in a while.

Love,
A concerned once-in-a-blue-moon viewer

---

Dear People Who Made That Show Moonlight,

I really loved the show...in its first incarnation, when it was called "Angel".
And plus David Boreanaz was much hotter. And broody & sensitive, which is why women everywhere loved him and wished that he would come and bite their necks.

Sincerely,
A Buffy Fan

---

Dear Pamela Anderson,

PLEASE.STOP.GETTING.MARRIED.
Especially to losers who make sex tapes with Paris Hilton. You're getting PARIS'S sloppy seconds, for crap's sake.

Thank you,
The girl who knew you and Kid Rock would never last.
(You should really learn to listen to me)

Saturday Ad Circular

I haven't plugged the BossLady in quite some time--but with autumn upon us and winter not far behind I thought I'd let you designer mavens know that we've got TONS of BRAND NEW stuff--with tags!--(including deliciously soft cashmere & silk jackets and sweaters) for 70%-75% OFF the retail price.

If you go for vintage clothing, we've got plenty of that as well...some of it will be PERFECT for making your HALLOWEEN COSTUMES!

OH YEAH! And we've got some NEW IN THE BOX gorgeous shoes and buttery soft leather boots--Prada, Marni, Stella McCartney, Steve Madden, Alexander McQueen, & MORE!

AND! BIG $9.99 SALE on a big ol' bunch of stuff--some NEW WITH TAGS!
Come visit our store and buy lots of stuff. Do your Christmas shopping with us!

COCKTAIL DRESSES and FORMAL DRESSES for those holiday parties are being added now!

New stuff added daily!!

---

Hey, it's better than google ads, right? Right.

---

I love you. Pass it on.

How To Spend A Friday Night

TONIGHT (Friday). 10pm EST (9pm Central).
Friday Night Live with Monty!
Empire Radio.

Two hours of the best mix of music on the 'net, plus Reality TV updates, your horoscope, and...me.

You can listen while you play your geeky RPGs.
You can listen while you surf pr0n.
You can listen while you write your next blog post.
I can be inspiring, you know.

Tune it in. TURN IT UP.
Chat room will be open!

**interested in going on the air for an interview? email me!

---

THANK YOU Mr. Fabulous for the big packet of CDs!
THANK YOU Kim for the cool snapfish cards!

(Do you KNOW how much I love getting packages in the mail? Because I do)

---

Dear Friend,

Perhaps you should have devoted more time to keeping the (loyal) friends you already had instead of always trying to gather more and more acquaintances in the name of "Popularity".
Is all I'm saying.

Been nice knowin' you.

Sincerely,
Monty

Why Thursday Sucks in three part harmony.

Terrifying moment of the day:

So I was at a drive-thru window because it's HOT outside and I needed a big iced tea (oKAY! So it was a big iced tea AND a grilled chicken snack wrap)(and small fries) and all the windows were down and I turned my head and BAM! GIANT RED WASP IN MY FACE!
Well, he was a few inches from my face, but really anywhere closer than five feet is TOO CLOSE.
I handled it okay, though...I screamed and nearly crashed into the building whilst frantically feeling around for the window roller-upper button, bobbing and weaving in the seat trying to keep it from getting ALL THE WAY INSIDE where it would be free to fly about and terrorize me, in which case I would have had to park the car and walk home & watch the wasp do a little victory dance because he 'jacked my ride.
(Okay, so it was a CRISPY chicken snack wrap and not grilled. STOP INTERROGATING ME!)

---

Dear Mom,

Yes, I know how you're always right and how you never ever forget stuff. Remember how you bought my son a bed without telling me? That was cool, and I really appreciated it! I mentioned at the time that I had no way to haul off the old mattress & box springs. And DAD was the one who put the old stuff on my front porch, telling me he & my brother would (eventually) haul it to the dump.
And the mattress & box springs sat there. And sat. And sat. And sat. AAAAND sat.

Look, I know I said I was going to REMIND ask dad & Shawn to haul it off this past weekend. Well, I FORGOT.
Yes, I asked Shawn to help me get the stuff off my porch last night and put it in the garage.
Yes, Shawn wasn't paying attention & smashed his finger between two panels of the garage door.
Yes, I feel TERRIBLY guilty about it because he was hurt while helping me. Did you know I've smashed my finger in that door before? I have. I probably didn't mention it because really, what's the point? It hurt, turned purple, healed up. Shit happens.
Here's the point: When I call to see if there's anything I can do, to check on my brother, and ask if the finger is broken, it is NOT NECESSARY for you to say, "Probably it's broken. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE THEM HAUL IT TO THE DUMP, not the GARAGE!"
Yeah, that doesn't have anything to do with anything, but thanks for twisting the knife in my already guilty-feeling heart.
You really need to stop doing that, because as the oldest someday I'll be in charge of picking your nursing home. You want to remember THAT.

Love,
Your stupid irresponsible daughter

---

Dear Sperm Donor,

I just wanted to tell you that I find it...interesting...that you go on and on about how you can't afford to drive all the way up here from Texas (which is why I usually meet you halfway between your house & mine), but your wife can drive from Texas to Arkansas to see her grandbaby.
I find it even more interesting that since your wife wants to come up here to the city to "see her son's condo that he just moved into", you can afford to make the weekend trip.
I find it most interesting of all that you won't give me a straight answer regarding whether or not you'll be keeping BOTH kids overnight or just your daughter. You'll have to "get back to me on that".
Until you do, I can't make any plans for that weekend.
Fuck you very much.

Dislike,
The-lady-who-is-tired-of-hearing-your-sob-stories-about-how-you-don't-have
any-money-but-yet-you-took-a-second-job-to-pay-THOUSANDS-in-chemo-for-your-DOG
because-it-had-leukemia-and-you-have-two-new-cars-and-new-house-but-I-had-to-BEG
for-$60-to-SPLIT-your-daughter's-band-supply-costs.

You know you secretly love Memes. You DO.

Shamelessly heisted from Chaz, who swiped it from someone else...
A Music Meme.

*Put your MP3 player on shuffle, write down the first lines of the first twenty-five songs that come up, and then have people guess which songs they are.

Like Chaz, if the first line or two gave away the title I used the next lines.

---

1. Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?/I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season
2. Cover me when I run/Cover me through the fire
3. When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide/Where I stop and I turn and I go for a ride
4. Don't cry to me/If you love me/You would be here with me
5. I live my life like there's no tomorrow/And all I've got I had to steal
6. Makin' a livin' the old hard way/Takin' and givin' my day by day
7. On a long & lonesome highway east of Omaha/you can listen to the engine moanin' out its one note song
8. I don't need a-whole lots of money/I don't need a big fine car
9. Friday night I crashed your party/Saturday I said I'm sorry
10. I-I-I don't wanna know your name/'cause you don't look the same/the way you did before
11. I'm stayin' here with some friends and they've got lots of room/You can sell your paintings on the sidewalk/By a café where I hope to be workin' soon
12. Mirror, mirror, on the wall/the face you show me scares me so
13. Whiskey bottles, and brand new cars/Oak tree you're in my way
14. I'm comin over, see me down at the station/By the lane with my hands in my pocket
15. Hey girl, is he everything you wanted in a man?/You know I gave you the world, you had me in the palm of your hand
16. I gave a girl a ride in the wagon/she crawled in and took control
17. I hope the ring you gave to her turns her finger green/I hope when you're in bed with her you think of me
18. When you grow up, livin' like a good boy oughta/and a Mama takes a shine to her best son
19. Seems like the other day/My baby went away/He went away 'cross the sea
20. A winter's day/in a deep and dark December/I am alone
21. Ain't no two ways about it/I just can't live without ya
22. Blow 'round by the wind/thrown down in a spin
23. I hear the ticking of the clock/I'm lying here, the room's pitch dark
24. And let me play among the stars/Let me see what spring is like/On Jupiter and Mars
25. I want you/But takin' it easy ain't an easy thing to do/And I want you, want you/you must know

---

P.S. Remember, I'm old.
P.P.S. Forgive any misheard lyrics. I once thought "Jet Airliner" lyrics were "Big old Chad and Lionel, don't carry me too far away"

Fun With Google

Just a few of the search terms that have brought the perverts people here this week:

"Two Dogs Fucking" - Yep, still one of my favorite jokes.

"Scientific word for eating a girl" - Um...cannibalism?

"Lime green boogers" - Okay, I understood the chocolate covered ones, but I know I've never said anything about lime green. And I really don't think they taste like lime. Maybe green apple.

"Birthday wish for an older woman" - Might I suggest one of these? I think it's one size fits all. Or maybe one of these.
Either/or.

an old conversation

no-longer-a-friend, really: "I gave birth to an 8 pound baby, yours was just over a pound. You can't possibly understand the pain I was in. Yours couldn't have hurt that much."

Me: "I had a vaginal birth and a caesarean within an hour of each other. Top that."

no-longer-a-friend, really: "...."

Me: "Plus, what came out was still bigger than anything that ever went in."

---

That is all.
Have a day.

When in doubt, quiz.

but first...

Do you know Mr. Fabulous? The F-Man? if you don't, you should. Mostly I like him because he makes me laugh with his often twisted and dark humor, but it doesn't hurt that he thinks I'm the best DJ ever. (you people know that I'm easy and can be had for a compliment)(and plus I AM the best DJ ever)
Anyway...
Mr. Fab has decided that he really, really wants to win Best Humor Blog in the Blogger's Choice Awards, so I'm fixin' to lend a helping hand. (Notice in my sidebar that I have been nominated for a couple Blogger's Choice Awards, but I don't have very many votes. *sigh*)
Help the F-Man win this category--srsly, dooce isn't really that funny. I'm so over her and I pity those of you who aren't.
Let's help one of the "little people" win (no, he's not a dwarf or midget--at least, not that I'm aware of, I mean one of the commoners) and go cast your vote now!

---

You Scored an A

You got 10/10 questions correct. It's pretty obvious that you don't make basic grammatical errors. If anything, you're annoyed when people make simple mistakes on their blogs. As far as people with bad grammar go, you know they're only human. And it's humanity and its current condition that truly disturb you sometimes.

The It's Its There Their They're Quiz

You Are Olive Green

You are the most real of all the green shades. You're always true to yourself. For you, authenticity and honesty are very important... both in others and yourself. You are grounded and secure. It takes a lot to shake you. People see you as dependable, probably the most dependable person they know.

What Color Green Are You?

quickie

Missed the show last night? Never fear, you can CLICK RIGHT HERE and then "Play" or "Download". Easy, no?
You don't want to miss out on the Girl Power! show...every song had a girl's name in the title...From Zappa to Costello, BNL to Dr. Hook, Fountains of Wayne to Cat Stevens...AND MORE!

---

Dear Cutie-pie who put a new tire on my car for me this morning,

Have you ever heard the song "Older Women Are Beautiful Lovers"?
Think about it.
Rawr.

Love,
The Cougar

Cinderella

My mind is logjammed, lately; trying to unstick a single (coherent) thought is next to impossible.
Been thinking about my daughter. You know how awesome she is, right? Right. She is. Everyone thinks so, it isn't just me.

You ever wonder if your kid has a calling of some sort? Because I wonder that sometimes. When she became interested in going to church I was very happy--I'm a semi-regular churchgoer and I was glad that she was curious. She loves going to church. She loves being involved with church. She asked her teachers at school if it was okay to pray in class and/or talk about God--some teachers said yes and some said no--and I thought, "When I was her age I would've been too embarrassed to do that".
And my girl? She's the one who sits with different kids every day at lunch, especially if she notices someone sitting alone. No cliques or BFFs for her, no sirree. Where does she get that? Not from me. I'm WAY less of a good person than she is. I don't know how she's not totally fucked up with me as a mother, quite frankly.

She doesn't pout for more than a few minutes and never holds a grudge--again, totally my opposite. If I yell at her or get on to her for something, 10 minutes later all is forgotten and forgiven. How does she do that??

At home she's a Godsend--literally. I don't know how we'd get out the door every morning if not for her. She packs her brother's backpack, and half the time she feeds him breakfast while I get everything else ready.
She feeds him dinner MORE than half the time...I get it ready and she does the feeding while I work.
She never complains about it. When I say, "Do you mind doing this?" she always answers, "ABSOLUTELY NOT!"
When she goes outside to check the mail, or when she's getting ready to run next door to see if Grandma has any chocolate milk, she ALWAYS says, "Be right back, Ma!"
(I've brainwashed her into the belief that I need to know where she is every single minute)

When I was so sick a couple-three weeks ago, she was my nurse. She even did the laundry without being asked. She offered (several times) to walk up to the 7-11 to get me a drink/food/aspirin.

Her brother is much too heavy for her to lift, but one morning (while sick) I got up to find that she'd dragged him into a sitting position against the head of his bed and fed him breakfast because she "knew I needed my sleep to get well & didn't want to wake me up".
Wow.
Yeah.
She's a better mom than I am. Hell with that, she's a better person than I am.

So then I have to wonder (and this is really the whole point I was trying to reach)...
Is she suffering under the burden of her responsibilities?
Have I piled too, too much upon those thin little shoulders?
Am I stealing her childhood?
Am I selfishly sucking the...the kidness...out of her simply because it makes my life easier?

I don't know. I worry about that a lot.
And it shames me to think that it may be so.

I can tell you one thing for certain, though: God suuuure knew what He was doing when He gave me the kids I've got.

Most Awesome Thing Ever

Unbeknownst to me, my friend Ranger videotaped us last evening while we were having a dance-off. We gots mad skillz, as I'm sure you'll agree:


Star in Your Own JibJab! It's Free!

I should be working right now.

But I had to take a break and say THANK YOU and give some hugs & whiskery smooches to Buddah and Max The Psychokitty. Purrrrrrrrrr.

---

I was just thinking I should create a stuffed toy monkey for adults, and when you squeeze certain areas it will say things like, "Wanna play hide the banana, chiquita?" and "Have you spanked your monkey today?"

Look for me on QVC, or one of those annoying all day infomercial thingies that cover all the channels every Saturday & Sunday.

Order now while supplies last!

---

CRAPOLA! I almost forgot to give you the heads-up: don't forget that TOMORROW, 9/19, is TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY!

Mother Talk Book Review! Come & Get it

"Shakespeare, Mr. Pearl, is not just art. It's a religion." ~~Athenaide, Interred With Their Bones



When I was offered the chance to review a suspense novel for Mother Talk, I jumped right on it because I LOVE LOVE LOVE this type of book.

It's called Interred With Their Bones (bring back any high school memories?) by Jennifer Lee Carrell.

Here's what:
The book opens with the burning of The Globe theatre, in Shakespeare's own time...and segues nicely into present day and a frantic search for works of literature and art, zipping across countries, finding clues and deciphering their meanings, and an ever-growing cast of characters.

A long lost Shakespearean play, a second burning of The Globe, anxiety that you can feel...mine shafts and Shakespeare In The Park, murder and betrayal.

There are a couple of very significant plot twists that I didn't even see coming. I'm not one of those people who always says, regarding book or movie, "OH, I had it figured out way before the end!"
(P.S. I really hate those people. We get it; you're smarter than everyone else. Okay then. You're also very very annoying)
Anyway. I don't actively try to figure out the plots, for the most part--if the story is truly engaging then I'm traveling right along with the characters, finding out what THEY find out as they do it.

You know, every few years it seems the headline pops up: "Was Shakespeare Really The Author?"
Funnily enough, it has popped up again--I just read a Yahoo! teaser about two weeks ago that proclaimed the same thing. Apparently this becomes a hot-button issue every so often. Truthfully I've never thought much about it...until I read this book.
I have to tell you that there is compelling evidence that Shakespeare actually...
Well. You'll have to read the book and find out. A lot of the historical information is fact-based due to the author's own fascination with and study of The Bard.

This novel is wonderfully prose-y...typically I don't prefer that in my suspense novels but it was beautifully written without being overdone.

And also? I learned many new Shakespearean quotes, which is a bonus because, well, quoting Shakespeare makes me sound smarter.


This book is a definite YES, READ IT! from me.
(and just to whet your appetite, here's a little bit of backstory from the book)

Now I shall amaze you with my smartness:
"The evil that men do
lives after them;
the good is oft
interred with their bones."

Thank you, and goodnight.

Just do it or else.

Missed my show on Friday night? I forgive you. Again.
You can make it up to me by going to this page and clicking "Play".

You've already heard the songs on your playlist, now come listen to mine.

---

Why does my son's room always smell like the zoo?
Do little boys secrete some weird monkey scent while they sleep?

---

When I was a little girl, my great-grandpa (Papa) told me that I could dig straight through the ground into China.

I dug a lot of holes in his backyard that summer.

---

Of course, I also thought Hell was located in the center of the earth, so I spent several hours wondering how I was going to stop The Devil from getting me as I was digging through his territory.

---

Four feet down I imagined that the earth beneath my feet was getting warmish, so I gave up my quest.

---

I still want to go to China, though.

---

**ADDENDUM: Do you suppose that, in China, there are hundreds of holes in backyards, heading toward America?

Rhetorically speaking...

Say, did you ever have to run down to the local 7-11 (or similar) right after you'd finished off a pint of Ben & Jerry's Dublin Mudslide? And then, when you get back into your car AFTER getting your bottle of water, roll of tums, and sunflower seeds (salted in the shell!) you glance in the rear-view mirror only to see a smear of coffee-fudge-swirl on your lip?

Oh. Yeah. Me neither.
I was just askin'.

Great State Fair & Okie Blog Awards

Yes, it's that time of year when our Great State Fair rolls into town...and I need to go on the stroll to check out the carnies--perhaps THIS will BE.MY.YEAR.

Kidding.
But I may be that desperate soon.

---

AND!
IT IS TIME FOR THE OKIE BLOGGER AWARDS!

Thanks to the person(s) I've got totally fooled responsible for nominating me--I was pleasantly surprised to see my name pop up a couple of times! I'm honored to be among some of my most favorite people in the world, like Brian, Chaz, Ammie, Melessa, and Steph (just to mention a very few). And BIG THANKS to The Man Behind The Scenes who goes to all the trouble of handling all the pesky details.

IF YOU ARE AN OKLAHOMA BLOGGER, you can vote your little heart out.
No, not necessarily for me; there are many, many better blogs than this that you should check out.
If you're not an Okie Blogger, then it sucks to be you then I would say even though you can't vote, you really should check out my competition.

---

Ironically (portentiously?) Beck's Loser just now came up on my playlist and blasted through my headphones.

OH and PS

I promise there will be something here other than reviews soon. But, you know, FREE STUFF.

Eating my words

Okay, so I've been pretty well opposed to kids+cell phones. I don't think kids need phones at school; after all, I didn't have one back then (of course, no one else did either, but still) and my family managed to get along just fine.

Then the fab folks at Mom Central Consulting and MotherTalk offered the opportunity to test out a cell-phone geared for a kid's use. What can I say? I said yes. Also I was thinking that this one particular boy could now STOP CALLING MY DAUGHTER ON MY PHONE, because if I don't answer he leaves a 5 minute message. Sometimes with singing.

Last week we got the package from Kajeet and my first thought was HEY! This has a camera! And it is WAY COOLER than my phone..that sucks!
And it is cool.
The buttons are all clearly labeled with 'back', 'end', 'speaker phone', and 'talk'.
The button for the camera has a picture of...well, a camera.
Much easier to figure out than my phone, too.

Checked out the Kajeet website and it's pretty user friendly as well. The most excellent thing about this phone service is that I can log in and see who has called my baby girl, who SHE has called, who's been texting and how much, AND I can block any and all phone calls during certain hours if I want to (like after 8pm, or during school hours, or...WEEKENDS, if she's in trouble with me. HAHA! I love that part).

Worried about a big phone bill? Don't be. It's pay as you go. Whatever is in the account can be spent (yes, there is a charge per call AND a charge per text message)...but when it's gone, TOO BAD SO SAD, kiddo. This works in my favor around the house too, because I made it clear that part of a certain little girl's allowance would have to pay for her phone use, and if that little girl's chores were not done then NO allowance would be forthcoming. (I should add that the allowance thing is new--chores have been done free of charge up 'til now. Because that's how it works here in MontyLand)

One more thing: you can sign up for the service and activate your account online (OH! And separate passwords & usernames for you and the kid) or you can call customer service. I chose to check out the customer service center--mostly because so many companies have really crappy CS agents.

NOT SO HERE. I dealt with a girl named Tory and she was a treasure. She should get a raise. She was patient and explained everything to me clearly, took me through the steps one by one, and was a sweet and lovely sounding girl.
BIG bonus points for stellar customer service.

So if you ARE going to cave and get your youngster a phone...give Kajeet a try. (and by the way, Kajeet, thanks for the phone! NIIICE!)

---

MotherTalk Book Review - The Dark Dreamweaver

I was pleased at the opportunity from Mother Talk to review, with my 12-year-old daughter, another young adult book: The Dark Dreamweaver, by Nick Ruth.

The storyline sounded entertaining (if quite familiar--young boy sucked into an unfamiliar magical place to do battle with Evil), and we dove right in.

Okay. I read the back of the book and evidently this story has received several awards and honors, so I was feeling pretty good about it.
Turns out that after finishing the book, I'm sort of on the fence.
But we'll start with the good stuff, since the not-so-good stuff could be corrected.

Here's what: A young boy, David, is having nightmares in which a robe-clad creature is starring...and the creature appears to be evil. The local news reports that people are having terrible nightmares everywhere...a Mystery!
David begins hearing voices whilst awake...and discovered that his caterpillar (which hatched from one of the butterfly eggs he'd collected) was actually a transformed wizard, and the tiny wizard was stuck in an accelerated life cycle of the Monarch butterfly.

In order to help save the wizard AND the wizard's homeland, David must go on an adventure to stop the Evil Wizard from making all mankind suffer from nightmares forever.

My daughter really loved it. Since reading her first wizarding/fantasy book about You-Know-Who, she's really into that genre. That's okay with me, I like it too. When she was finished I asked her what she thought and she said, "I loved it! It was exciting and funny and HEY MOM, now I have an idea on how to search for butterfly eggs! We should go find some and see if we can hatch them."
Good! Educational, bonus points. Got the kid excited about nature, more bonus points.

I liked the storyline pretty well; it was entertaining with a few fun twists and turns, cute (and quite unusual) characters, and some funny dialogue.

However.
I hate to say anything negative--I think your youngsters and tweens, if they love to read simply for the joy of the story, will enjoy it.
As an adult I have to say that if this were my book...well...let's just say it needs a good polish before being shelf-ready, in my opinion.

It's rather choppy in parts, and large amounts of background are crammed into two or three pages...it doesn't do the story justice and doesn't flow very smoothly at all. All that info was a little overwhelming all at once.
The most disturbing part was a 5-paragraph monologue from the caterpillar wizard (pages 22-23), wherein each paragraph ended with quotation marks. This was somewhat confusing for me when I finally got to David's part again.

Like this (the caterpillar is speaking the whole time):
"Of course not! But you couldn't know that."
"Let me start at the beginning. In Remin, there are certain people who have the innate ability to..."
"A man named Thane was one of the Dreamweavers..."

Plus there was some other extraneous punctuation throughout, but since I like to use extra punctuation now and then, I tried not to be too picky.
But that? With all the extra quotation marks? A problem for me because I expect published books to be mostly error free.

Overall I think the book is pretty good and if it were to get a good editorial fix-up then I would definitely recommend that your kids try it out.

Monty Plays The Blues

I know how disappointed you must be that you missed last night's show. No worries, you can get it right here or here:


Click here to get your own player.



It's the perfect backdrop while you're playing games and/or surfing p0rn.

Pink is the new...pink.

but first...
Tonight. 10pm Eastern. 7pm Pacific. 9pm Okieland.
FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE WITH MONTY
Empire Radio

Chat room will be open!

---

So awhile ago this really groovy dude decided that I deserved this:



Boy oh boy do I have him fooled!

Thank you, F-Man!

---

Now, the rules (always the RULES! OY!) say that I should pass this on to seven others. See, this is the part I don't like because there are WAY more than seven of you whom I think are nice. So I used my scientific process to determine the seven--it's totally random, so please don't feel slighted at all if you don't see your name!.
The Process: I have this clay thingy objet d'art that my sister made in high school, and I keep it on my computer desk. It's sort of a vase/container...something. So I wrote your names on pieces of paper, threw them in the thing, and drew seven names.
Some of the names are boy's names, because boys can be nice too.

Besides, if super-hot Mr. Fabulous can put up a pink flowered button without being a puss, then so can you. It just means you're secure in your masculinity.
I think he summed it up nicely: "Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness, however. Fuck with me and I will make your life a living hell."

---

1. Brian. One of the last truly nice fellas. He's tall, bald, and handsome, terribly intelligent, and I adore him. Always have. I'm very lucky to call him friend, and I have been privileged to spend many hours laughing with him.

2. Mamacita. I want to move in with Mamacita and live forever and ever, and we will watch our favorite movies and read our favorite books. Mamacita is one of those naturally caring people who ALWAYS thinks of others, never herself. I PPH (pink puffy heart) her.

3. Kim (the blogger formerly known as MommaK). A steady and loyal friend, a true friend, who likes me even when I'm a jerk (which, as you know, is a frequent occurence)(and why do I never know how to spell occurence? Does it have 2 rs?). I love Kim dearly, she goes out of her way to be nice.

4. Debi. Deb is my other half of my shared brain. We keep each other going, and she always makes me laugh. She calls or texts just to cheer me up, just when I need it most. She sends me confetti-filled cards which someday I plan to kill her for because I'm STILL finding confetti from the last one. If we weren't both straight, we'd probably be married. I love her with a deep and abiding love.

5. Raehan. One of my favorite people, she's sweet and caring down to the bone. She always seems calm and smooth, like oil poured over water. I PPH Raehan too. Did you hear she's started her own religion? I'm planning to join.

6. Heather. One of my soul-mates. Heather's a nurse and I couldn't pick a better profession for her. She's innately kind and caring, and I would totally let her stick me with a needle anytime, even in the bum. She's got a big heart and shares it with everyone.

and last but not least...

7. Jeckles. Oh, stop shaking your heads and rolling your eyes. I know that some of you have read his blog and listened to Shitty Blog Radio and you're looking at me like I'm crazy. I know he's full of rage and loathes stupid people. He's a self-proclaimed asshole.
But. What I'm about to tell you, you must keep to yourselves, otherwise he's going to yell at me for ruining his reputation.
Jeckles is nice to me.
I've had a lot of problems with my computer...and he's helped me every single time. When I have questions, I ask Jeckles. He helped me figure out what memory card I needed for my computer, and patiently walked me through installing it myself. He lets me vent and commiserates with me when I've had a rotten day.
He's going to hate this award and the button and will most likely not acknowledge it...but still. There you go.

---

Now go forth and spread the love.

All the little pieces.

My life is a mosaic, made with fragments of you.

You're so pretty.

---

So I offer a few fragments of me...

---

I was so sick last week that I could barely get out of bed...so my hair didn't get washed for a few days (and by the way, UCK).

My mom called me Snape-Head.

I don't think that was very nice. Especially since I'm blonde.

---

Sometimes when I'm at the computer I put on the headset...and forget to turn the music on. For quite some time.

Maybe there's just something comforting about having my ears covered.

---

Sometimes I'll be thinking about something or other and I will speak a random word or phrase out loud.
On accident.
Like yesterday I was thinking about...I don't even know what, when I said "Daxahol" out loud.

Wha'??

Should I be concerned?

---

Don't answer that. I'm in the denial phase.

---

Yesterday in my stats there was a google search for "raehan religion".
Umm...Raehan honey, you been holding out on me? And can I drink the grape kool-aid too? ;)

---

One of the best compliments I ever got was from a review site.
See, about two years ago I submitted my site to The Bloggy Awards.
(Okay, okay, it was a long time ago when I was all comment hungry & stuff)

Anyway, months and months and months passed and I'd completely forgotten about the submission. Then one day last summer I was checking linkage and I noticed that my blog had come up for review! This particular site awards points in several different categories; my Overall Experience was okay, I guess, at 7. I was tad disappointed, but hey, this place ain't for everyone.
The best part, however was this:

Reading Enjoyment - 10

A pretty enjoyable blog to read. The author is not one to post long boring entries but goes for a single entry with varied topics that are of interest to her and her readers of course. Monty is interesting and so are her thought provoking posts. Her posts don’t just bitch about mundane stuff but actually bitches about stuff people should care for and think about once in a while. And oh yes, she’s also funny.

(this was when I had my old template, that I STILL love but apparently many other people hated)

This blog needs a better look but has good content. Monty manages to be funny most of the time and when she isn’t she surprises us with thought provoking entries.

Reading enjoyment. That's what it's all about.

---

That is all.
Have a day.
Whatever kind you want.

SBC Survivor Journal -- I'm Your Chum

Dear Diary.

I haven't updated you, dear diary, in two weeks--due to the fact that I've been hiding out from the others. As you know, our last task was to create a model of the island...preferably life-sized, according to Jeckles. Being of a contrary nature (and plus because it was easier), I made mine as small as possible. Rule #5 of the Shitty Blogs Club: Expend as little effort as possible.
So technically, I followed the rules.

But then that dirty mean stupid rat bastid my dear friend and SBC El Presidente, Jeckles, smacked me down with this:



I've lost my Survivor Champ title. *sob*

I know that if I survive the sharks then I will set Jeckles' truck on fire Jeckles had a tough decision to make and apparently the sexual favors didn't work and I might smother him in his sleep because all three of our entries were AWESOME but of course he was picking on me.

So that's why I've been hiding out here on Survivor Island, using Chad's old trench, because I don't want to be shark bait.
But they've found me.
Dammit.
I have to swim for it.
Wish me luck.

Love,
Me

and PS: Good luck to the Final Two, Rose and Nat!!

PPS: You'll be sorry. You'll all be VERY, VERY SORRY.

Maybe it's a tumor.

First...thanks for all the wonderfully lovely concerned emails. I heart you for hearting me.

Woke up Wednesday morning with what I suspected was the beginning of a narsty ol' migraine. Took my usual migraine fixer-upper, Excedrin Migraine.
Didn't even touch it.

The headache moved into my neck.
And shoulders.
And back.
All the way down to my lower back.
I couldn't sleep because everything hurt. I couldn't lie down, couldn't sit up.
I got sort of hungry every now and again...and that made me nauseous.
On the other hand whenever I think about actually eating, my stomach feels all tight and squinched.
AND I have NOT EVEN HAD COFFEE SINCE TUESDAY. If you know me at all then you know that coffee, for me, is the Elixir Of Life.

After two days of excruciating pain and a half a bottle of Bayer aspirin, I remembered that when I've had strep throat, it primarily affects my skull and neck.

Yes yes, Monty, go to the doctor so they can swab you (*teehee*) and give you medicine.

But...no insurance. AND no money. When you're poor, you have to prioritize and food for the kids came higher on the list. So just stop. Thanks.

ANYWAY. It was all very miserable and pathetic but now I have antibiotics and I'm feeling closer to human, finally. So whether it was strep or something else entirely, the antibiotics are kickin' it.

Although I've taken so much aspirin in the past five days that I'm afraid if I nick myself shaving, I might bleed to death.
I imagine my blood is so thin that it's pink.

Hey, wouldn't that be cool, to have pink blood? Groovy.