How are you, my friend? You know, we've been together a really, really long time, ever since my grandma first served you to me in that green mug (remember that green mug? It was so cool, and I always got to be the one to use it because I was the oldest grandkid and I called it) with a half a cup of milk and a tablespoon of sugar.
Man, Coffee, Grandma always fixed you up just right. (and Grandma, if you're in heaven reading this over my shoulder right now, HI! And stop reading over my shoulder, it creeps me out a little bit. And I love you!)
Coffee, my true love, I have enjoyed you in all your many forms...black, with sugar, with cream, with flavored creamer, in lattes and cappucinos and frappucinos (I have no idea how to spell all that stuff, so suck it)...I have loved you often and I have loved you well.
You know I have.
So what I want to know is what have you done to yourself? You've obviously been letting yourself go...I can't even feel the caffeine anymore! You have not been showing me the buzz-love in ages. I drink a whole pot of you in the morning and I still feel like going back to bed.
Sometimes I DO go back to bed for a 30 minute nap.
That's not supposed to happen. Uh-uh, nohow, no way.
Where is that rush of caffeine pleasure? Where is my jolty, shaky goodness?
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH IT?
I can drink you at night and still fall right to sleep.
I miss you, Coffee. I miss your caffeine zip.
No, I did not purchase your brother, Decaf Coffee, by mistake. I double-checked to make sure.
WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?
Look, if you don't do something to juice up the caffeine bite really soon, my flirtation with Red Bull is going to become a full-fledged affair.
Is all I'm saying.
Wanting us to be the way we were,