Sunday, August 24, 2014

Things I SHOULD Say

Just to counterbalance my last post...things I don't say often enough and shouldn't assume that you already know.
(#YIIAY Lisa)

1. I don't hate you. Mostly.

2. Your posts always make me smile with delight at your happiness.

3. It is utterly comforting to know I can ask you for anything, any time.

4. I'm glad I met you.

5. Your friendship sometimes makes me a nicer person.

6. I sincerely appreciate you and all that you do for me. In fact I like you well enough that I'd probably appreciate you if you did nothing for me ever.

7. Sometimes the laughter at your posts is what gets me through the day.

8. I truly value you and I'm happy you're in my life in some small way.

9. I hardly ever want to headstab you.

10. I do love you. For reals, yo. In a totally non-sexual way. Except maybe you and you...how YOU doin', baby?

11. Most of these are probably about all of you.

Things I Wanted To Say

Just a fun little exercise in which I relieve the pressure of Not Engaging and point no fingers.
(#NINAY Lisa)(heehee)(I knew you would ask)

1. You haven't heard from me because sorry, I can't bear watching you make the exact same decision over and over again when it's destroying your life.

2. I question the state of your mental health.

3. You actually are an idiot in a good disguise.

4. Grow up and get over the one-upmanship. This isn't high school, that ship sailed about 30 years ago and it's very unattractive.

5. There comes a time when you have to stop dressing like you're still in your 20s. You're not actually as cute as you think you are.

6. Stop gender-neutralizing your "friends" when you talk about "them" because that's always a dead giveaway.

7. I only ... creatively fictionalized...my answer a little bit so I wouldn't hurt your feelings, because you are important to me.

8. Your ability to turn even good things into whiny complaints has made me wash my hands of you.

9. If you're promoting the message of hate and intolerance while calling yourself a Christian, you aren't one. Period.

10. It hurts my feelings a tiny bit when you go out of your way to publically thank people...except somehow never Me. Ridiculous of me to be hurt, but nonetheless, it does.

11. None of these are about any of you.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Sweatin' it out.

Let's take a moment to talk about sweat.
I know, ew.

I've used Secret deodorant for many, many years - and recently I've discovered that it may be "Strong enough for a man", but it can't hold a candle to the stank that is menopause sweat.

OMG.

If there's one thing that mightily offends my scentsors, it's the stink of  BO.
I mean, I like the smell of skin sometimes, especially a lover's special scent. But nasty pit-smell? NO THANK  YOU.

At first I thought maybe Secret had changed their formula and it was no longer Strong Enough For A Man but Made For A Woman, then I realized it was NOT made for a woman with menopause.
When I hit 45 last year, my body started betraying me overnight.
I've had chronic back troubles for years - I keep re-injuring the same places when I lift Josh in & out of the wheelchair or bathtub.
But all of a sudden my back is aching in new ways, I have a neuropathy thing that makes my feet and toes cramp and feel tingly and weird, and recently woke up one morning with what is apparently tendonitis in my wrist.

AND THE SWEAT.
I've been having hot flashes and night sweats for three or four years now - my hormones are totes out of whack.
But the last year or so, I can get out of the shower, put on my Secret...and within 5 minutes I DO NOT SMELL GOOD anymore.
WTF.
Unacceptable.

I finally googled to see if stanky menopause sweat was actually A Thing... AND IT IS.
Fortunately for some of you, it doesn't happen to everyone.
Unfortunately for me, it does happen to some.
*sigh*

This is not an advertisement or review for deodorant, I'm just passing on a little advice: If you're stricken with this problem, Degree Clinical Strength actually works.
Which is good so that I don't have to save up to have my sweat glands removed.

Are any of you going through this? My misery would love the company.
Also? MENOPAUSE SUCKS.

That is all.
Have a day.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Let it GO, let it GO!

I read a lot of blog posts, facebook statii, and tweets that advise us to "just let it go."
"Let go of the hurt."
"Let go of your past."
"Put down the baggage and walk away."
"Let go of his neck because you're going to get charged with murder." 

What I want to know is...
HOW DO YOU DO THAT?
Well, I mean except for that last thing, you just have to loosen your grip a little. Before the cops get there.

But seriously, how do you know if you've actually let it go?
It's still in your mind, right? You still remember it, yeah? It's not like you can take a Magic Eraser (although WOULDN'T THAT BE COOL??) and rub out the bits that you don't like.

So when people say they've "let it go", does that just mean they never speak of it again? Do they somehow box up the problem like "out of sight, out of mind"? That doesn't seem like letting go, it seems like burying it deeper in the dark so it can grow into giant fungus.

Because I don't understand how you can make the thoughts, and the feelings that accompany those thoughts, just disappear. I DO NOT GET IT.

I carry a lot of baggage -- I don't mean to. I don't DWELL on it. It's just there. The thoughts & feelings from the experience are there. I'm not holding grudges or still mad or upset about THIS or THAT or THE OTHER THING...I've forgiven people for hurting me - even if they don't know it.
So I think okay, I've let it go.
And then a situation arises that's similar and reminds me of THIS or THAT or THE OTHER THING -- so the memory returns and the feeling returns and although I wasn't *trying* to think of it, I wasn't *looking* for it...BOOM! Right back in the suitcase I'm carrying around.

So someone tell me...how do you really let something go? Or is that just another of those phrases that really means nothing when applied to Real Life?
#AskingForAFriend


Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Death of a comedian

Most times, when I hear of a celebrity death, I feel a vague sort of sadness. A little sorrow at a wasted life if it's got something to do with drugs. It's sort of a passing emotion - like you'd feel for an innocent stranger as you pass a fatal car accident - and I don't dwell on it.

Until Johnny Carson died. That day I cried...the actual boohoo sobbing kind of cry, not merely weeping. I cried every time I saw a tribute to him, for weeks afterward. I didn't know him personally any more than I knew Brittany Murphy or Heath Ledger, but Johnny was something else. I cried as if he'd been my own family.

Yesterday, hearing about the death of Robin Williams, I didn't want to believe it was true. I'll admit that my first thought was, "Probably a cocaine overdose," because I'd read over the last 20-some-odd years about his struggles and relapses with drugs. I'd never really read much about his depression.
And I cried. Like with Johnny Carson. Like Robin had been a favored uncle in my life. 
I always thought he had very kind, very sad eyes, even in the midst of manic humor.

When I read all the hundreds of beautiful, well-written posts and tributes and remembrances, I tear up again.
I love that there are so many people posting hot-line numbers to help others who are depressed and/or suicidal. 

I don't have anything to add except that depression is a sneaky, stealthy bastard. It comes for you in the day or the night, for no reason at all sometimes, and often is harder to treat than cancer. 
Be aware, for yourself and of your friends, so that maybe you can reach out for a helping hand or offer one to someone else.




**UPDATE for no real reason: I just remembered the one other celebrity death which made me truly cry and filled me with sorrow and vengeance - Phil Hartman. Man, I loved the hell out of that guy.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Seriously?

Punishing your kid for fucking up is NEWS now?

Well, I guess it has been for awhile with the whole social media deal - parents shaming their kids making them stand by the road wearing a sandwich board, that kind of thing, while posting and re-tweeting and sharing it.

And every time I see one one of those stories and see all the "Go mom!" "We need more parents like you!" "Best parenting ever!" comments...I just shake my head and say "WHAT THE HELL, PEOPLE."

Do you not punish your own kids? What is so special and newsworthy about making your kid do chores for the neighbors to pay for totaling your car and lying about where he was going? And really, is that the best you can come up with for punishment for that big of A Thing?

I DON'T GET IT.

Who HASN'T been punished by having to do chores? Plus being grounded and no TV and blahblahblah.
The occasional spanking...which can ALSO get you on the news but you sure won't be hearing any "Go mom!" comments for THAT (except maybe from me).

Maybe if more of you "Go mom!"ers would spend some time disciplining your own kids, it wouldn't seem like such a big deal.

Because I totally can not figure out how it becomes News.

WHAT THE HELL, PEOPLE.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

A post in the style of early MTV

By which I mean it contains actual music videos.

Because I've had too much of this lately:



And not nearly enough of this:


Which means it's time for this:



That is all.


Wednesday, July 23, 2014

The Sun Also Rises... in Libra.

I don't usually put a lot of stock in horoscopes and astrological type thingies, but I have to admit that some characteristics of certain signs seem pretty consistent with the people to whom they're attached.

I've always thought my sun-sign, Aries, was kind of accurate, but the other day I was wondering why, as a fire sign, I'm so drawn to water to soothe my soul. I love floating in water. I love daydreaming of beaches, any kind of beaches. I often dream of living on a houseboat in some harbor, like John D. Macdonald's Travis McGee.
So I figured I'd check out my moon-sign - which I actually just learned was A Thing.
I think it's far more accurate than my sun-sign.


AQUARIUS (well that explains a lot right there) (and the bolding is mostly my doing):
Aquarius

The Moon is Out-Of-Bounds (declination 24° 37')
Original, knowledgeable, competent, has strong opinions. Likes freedom, enjoys reading. Hates mediocrity and incompetence (*ed. note: I hate it in other people, not necessarily myself).
In many life situations, the Moon in Aquarius people have their own, distinct and sometimes very original opinion, and they are not going to change this opinion no matter what, even if they will be left completely alone. It is very important for these individuals to retain their independence. They don't want their personal life to be anybody else's concern.
Often the Moon in Aquarius individuals have some outstanding abilities in one or another field, and they work like a magnet for those people who share their interests. This is why so often they take a central place in the company of like-minded friends. And even there they somehow manage to keep their uniqueness. They are not mixing well with the other people, they are together with them, but still alone.

As a result of their character, quite often the Moon in Aquarius folks can become really alone in their personal life, and their constant urge for independence can lead to chronic emotional stress. Hence their susceptibility to the disorders of nervous and circulatory systems, as also those unpredictable changes in their mood. There is an impression that at times they are getting tired of themselves, and to get rid of this tiredness they are trying to change abruptly, as if to become a different person.
To restore after a significant stress, the Moon in Aquarius persons need to have a hobby which they could plunge themselves into, forgetting about the surrounding world. It would be really good for them if they could speak out their problems, but this is not so easy, because Lunar Aquarians do not like to just chat with anyone about anything. They prefer dealing with experts in their field of interest - this is with whom they are ready to talk endlessly. And if there is no such a person around, a good book could serve as a replacement for a friend.
The Moon in Aquarius parents can be very original. From the early years they will make clear to their child that everyone's individuality is precious, and everyone should be independent. As a result, their kids might not be always properly fed or dressed, but they will become self-reliant earlier than their peers, and their talents will develop more successfully.



So I thought I'd check out my "rising sign" even though I'm not really sure exactly what that means. From what I understand, it's supposed to be how other people view me, and my outward demeanor.

See, this is where I am completely lost. Is this REALLY how you view me? SRSLY? SAY IT AIN'T SO!

Your Ascendant: 21°18' LibraLibra
 Libra
Your psychological nature is sanguine and communicative or nervous and introverted, depending on who, either Venus or Saturn, is the strongest. Libra is ruled by both Venus, the principle of harmony, extraversion, attractiveness, outgoing and airy in this sign, and by Saturn, the principle of rigour, introversion, restraint, concentration and meditation. Unless Saturn is very strong in the chart, Libra is delicate, charming, sociable, perpetually compromising (??? No way!). For this reason, you may sometimes come across as hesitant and weak because you dare not to insist or to give your opinion (THIS CANNOT BE RIGHT!). You prefer to act as a unifier, an element of understanding and equity, even though it is detrimental to your own assertiveness. You loathe violence, you spare no efforts for the sake of pacification and you adjust to the situation with flexibility and charm. (CHARMING? MOI? UH UH)
With this Ascendant, you come across as sentimental, charming, polite, delicate, refined, loyal, peace-loving, fair, distinguished, light, romantic, cultured, airy, likeable, neat, perfectionist, caring, gentle, quiet, tidy, artistic, tolerant, lenient, sociable, seductive, elegant, kind, with a taste for aesthetics. But you may also be hesitant, weak, wavering, selfish, fragile, indecisive, fearful, indolent, cold or even, insensitive. (what the actual fuck? Did they pick out all the exact OPPOSITE words for me? The only ones I would associate myself with are ...selfish, cold, and insensitive. Loyal for sure. Tolerant maybe, and seductive IF I WANT AND I AM REALLY GOOD AT THAT YOU KNOW)




Clearly the wrong planet ascended at the wrong time and messed stuff up, which would actually explain a lot. Also, since my sun-sign is fire and my moon-sign is water...wouldn't they cancel each other out?
AM I REALLY JUST A VOID?
Don't answer that.