Sunday, September 30, 2007

Because I care.

Dear Girl Who Plays Lilly Rush on that show Cold Case:

Hi. I've watched your show a couple-three times and I wasn't going to say anything, but...but...it's your hair. I'm sorry, but you have the worst, stringiest hair I've ever seen on TV. And is that a weave? Because it looks like one of the cheap ones.

And whatever did you do to make your make-up artist hate you so much? The most unflattering colors imaginable, and it always looks smeary and smudged like you've spent the last hour making out in your trailer or maybe you've just come off a three-day bender. (I applaud the making out, but still--THINK LIP LINER. It is not a tool of the devil. Is all I'm saying)

What I'm getting at is that Courtney Love ain't got nothin' on you.
And PS you might think about getting out into the sunshine once in a while.

Love,
A concerned once-in-a-blue-moon viewer


Dear People Who Made That Show Moonlight,

I really loved the show...in its first incarnation, when it was called "Angel".
And plus David Boreanaz was much hotter. And broody & sensitive, which is why women everywhere loved him and wished that he would come and bite their necks.

Sincerely,
A Buffy Fan


Dear Pamela Anderson,

PLEASE.STOP.GETTING.MARRIED.
Especially to losers who make sex tapes with Paris Hilton. You're getting PARIS'S sloppy seconds, for crap's sake.

Thank you,
The girl who knew you and Kid Rock would never last.
(You should really learn to listen to me)
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