NO MORE COUPONS. Sorry.

If you've visited here before, you're likely well-aware that I am brand loyal to very few things...but one of the products I will never, ever substitute is Clorox bleach.

LOVE IT. Even the plain ol' regular kind without any added scent. It just signifies CLEAN to me... reminds me of hanging sheets out on the line with my great-grandma on Saturday afternoons.

I've been lucky enough to get to review a few of Clorox's other products recently, and I still love 'em. I ALWAYS try to sign up right away for Clorox reviews.

As much liquid bleach as I've used over the years, I've never tried the Clorox 2 color-safe bleach, so I was VERY anxious to try it out. Most of you know that my son is in diapers and sometimes there are...leakage issues. ESPECIALLY at night.

THIS STUFF GETS THE PEE SMELL OUT. Even the detergent with Oxy-Clean that I typically use doesn't do the job on its own.

Also? I have a lot of black shirts and NONE OF THEM FADED. I admit I was a little fearful, because "bleach" and "black" do not go together well in the washing machine (or WARSHING MACHINE if you're my grandma).

I threw in black, red, and light blue... and Clorox 2 Stain Fighter and Color Booster.

No clothes were ruined in the experiment.

SCORE!

PLUS, if you head on over to this Clorox 2 site, they have a STAIN WARS contest!.
This stuff can even be used as a pre-treater as well. Want to give it a try??


I have 4 (FOUR) coupons to give away, worth ONE FREE BOTTLE/PACKAGE of CLOROX 2!
The coupons are good for the 44oz liquid or the 49.2oz dry Clorox 2.

SORRY. ALL GONE.

---

and now for something completely different...

Dear McDonalds:
I know it's a tradition, but I'm hoping that one of you will decide to rebel or think outside the box...and put the fries in RIGHT-SIDE UP some day.
Thanks.

---

Dear Braum's Dairy Store:
I really enjoyed snickering at reading your marquee sign that was advertising "PUMMKIN PIES"
Think spell-check.
Is all I'm saying.

---

If you missed the show LIVE on Friday Night - Now's your chance to get it while it's hot: EAT IT! Happy Day After Thanksgiving Show

---

That is all.
Have a day.

How dumb ARE you?

Dear Everyone who will ever consider running for President of the US:

DON'T. FUCK. AROUND. ON. YOUR. SPOUSE.
Seriously, have you NOT been paying attention the last 40 or 50 years?
SOMEBODY ALWAYS TALKS. And then your poor spouse and kids get slapped in the face with YOUR weakness and infidelity over & over again.

It's simple: if you cheat on your spouse or your taxes, the story will come out.
IT WILL.

So suck it up, keep your dick in your pants, and don't humiliate your wife & kids.
mkay?
Good.

Sincerely tired of political foibles,
Monty

---

ONE MORE THING.

Make sure you grab the podcast for last week's Friday Night Live - GEORGE-A-PALOOZA!
Lots of fun things happened.
You'll see.
Or, rather, HEAR.

It's finally Friday, thank the sweet baby Jesus.

TONIGHT! FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE!
9pm CST, 10pm EST, 7pm PST

It's TEEN DREAM-A-PALOOZA!
(courtesy of Nicole and Miss Meliss)

It's like an audio edition of Tiger Beat, only with less pictures.
Can you handle the Cassidys? Leif? SPRINGFIELD?

TUNE IT IN and TURN IT UP! Listen HERE or HERE

The Mosh Pit will be open!
Hey baby, what's your sign? will be brought to you by Random Nicole!

Some of the cool kids will be there. Don't you want to hang out with us?

---

Dear Seattle,

Keep your stinking basketball team. Srsly. Shut up the bitching. Sure, I agree you deserve a nice new arena...but if the fans would've been more supportive BEFORE NOW, the move wouldn't be in question.
So suck it.

Love and kisses,
Monty

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Dear Grant Hill,

You and the basketball you rode in on, pal. You just sound ignorant sometimes...like when you open your mouth.
FYI, it's only cold here like three months out of the year.
So you can suck it too.

And PS your friends Shaq & Charles Barkley can suck it as well. We have more than chickens here, we also have gay-bashing politicians, mullet-wearing rednecks, and judges who whack off whilst hearing cases on the bench. We've got plenty enough to be embarrassed about without you throwing poultry in the mix.

Love and kisses,
Monty

Now I've seen (damn near) EVERYTHING.

Dear Joaquin,

Umm....what?



Dude, whatever you're smoking that makes you misspell your own name...I'll have some of that.

Hoping that you retain your sanity,
Monty

Because I care.

Dear Girl Who Plays Lilly Rush on that show Cold Case:

Hi. I've watched your show a couple-three times and I wasn't going to say anything, but...but...it's your hair. I'm sorry, but you have the worst, stringiest hair I've ever seen on TV. And is that a weave? Because it looks like one of the cheap ones.

And whatever did you do to make your make-up artist hate you so much? The most unflattering colors imaginable, and it always looks smeary and smudged like you've spent the last hour making out in your trailer or maybe you've just come off a three-day bender. (I applaud the making out, but still--THINK LIP LINER. It is not a tool of the devil. Is all I'm saying)

What I'm getting at is that Courtney Love ain't got nothin' on you.
And PS you might think about getting out into the sunshine once in a while.

Love,
A concerned once-in-a-blue-moon viewer

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Dear People Who Made That Show Moonlight,

I really loved the show...in its first incarnation, when it was called "Angel".
And plus David Boreanaz was much hotter. And broody & sensitive, which is why women everywhere loved him and wished that he would come and bite their necks.

Sincerely,
A Buffy Fan

---

Dear Pamela Anderson,

PLEASE.STOP.GETTING.MARRIED.
Especially to losers who make sex tapes with Paris Hilton. You're getting PARIS'S sloppy seconds, for crap's sake.

Thank you,
The girl who knew you and Kid Rock would never last.
(You should really learn to listen to me)

How To Spend A Friday Night

TONIGHT (Friday). 10pm EST (9pm Central).
Friday Night Live with Monty!
Empire Radio.

Two hours of the best mix of music on the 'net, plus Reality TV updates, your horoscope, and...me.

You can listen while you play your geeky RPGs.
You can listen while you surf pr0n.
You can listen while you write your next blog post.
I can be inspiring, you know.

Tune it in. TURN IT UP.
Chat room will be open!

**interested in going on the air for an interview? email me!

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THANK YOU Mr. Fabulous for the big packet of CDs!
THANK YOU Kim for the cool snapfish cards!

(Do you KNOW how much I love getting packages in the mail? Because I do)

---

Dear Friend,

Perhaps you should have devoted more time to keeping the (loyal) friends you already had instead of always trying to gather more and more acquaintances in the name of "Popularity".
Is all I'm saying.

Been nice knowin' you.

Sincerely,
Monty

Why Thursday Sucks in three part harmony.

Terrifying moment of the day:

So I was at a drive-thru window because it's HOT outside and I needed a big iced tea (oKAY! So it was a big iced tea AND a grilled chicken snack wrap)(and small fries) and all the windows were down and I turned my head and BAM! GIANT RED WASP IN MY FACE!
Well, he was a few inches from my face, but really anywhere closer than five feet is TOO CLOSE.
I handled it okay, though...I screamed and nearly crashed into the building whilst frantically feeling around for the window roller-upper button, bobbing and weaving in the seat trying to keep it from getting ALL THE WAY INSIDE where it would be free to fly about and terrorize me, in which case I would have had to park the car and walk home & watch the wasp do a little victory dance because he 'jacked my ride.
(Okay, so it was a CRISPY chicken snack wrap and not grilled. STOP INTERROGATING ME!)

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Dear Mom,

Yes, I know how you're always right and how you never ever forget stuff. Remember how you bought my son a bed without telling me? That was cool, and I really appreciated it! I mentioned at the time that I had no way to haul off the old mattress & box springs. And DAD was the one who put the old stuff on my front porch, telling me he & my brother would (eventually) haul it to the dump.
And the mattress & box springs sat there. And sat. And sat. And sat. AAAAND sat.

Look, I know I said I was going to REMIND ask dad & Shawn to haul it off this past weekend. Well, I FORGOT.
Yes, I asked Shawn to help me get the stuff off my porch last night and put it in the garage.
Yes, Shawn wasn't paying attention & smashed his finger between two panels of the garage door.
Yes, I feel TERRIBLY guilty about it because he was hurt while helping me. Did you know I've smashed my finger in that door before? I have. I probably didn't mention it because really, what's the point? It hurt, turned purple, healed up. Shit happens.
Here's the point: When I call to see if there's anything I can do, to check on my brother, and ask if the finger is broken, it is NOT NECESSARY for you to say, "Probably it's broken. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE THEM HAUL IT TO THE DUMP, not the GARAGE!"
Yeah, that doesn't have anything to do with anything, but thanks for twisting the knife in my already guilty-feeling heart.
You really need to stop doing that, because as the oldest someday I'll be in charge of picking your nursing home. You want to remember THAT.

Love,
Your stupid irresponsible daughter

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Dear Sperm Donor,

I just wanted to tell you that I find it...interesting...that you go on and on about how you can't afford to drive all the way up here from Texas (which is why I usually meet you halfway between your house & mine), but your wife can drive from Texas to Arkansas to see her grandbaby.
I find it even more interesting that since your wife wants to come up here to the city to "see her son's condo that he just moved into", you can afford to make the weekend trip.
I find it most interesting of all that you won't give me a straight answer regarding whether or not you'll be keeping BOTH kids overnight or just your daughter. You'll have to "get back to me on that".
Until you do, I can't make any plans for that weekend.
Fuck you very much.

Dislike,
The-lady-who-is-tired-of-hearing-your-sob-stories-about-how-you-don't-have
any-money-but-yet-you-took-a-second-job-to-pay-THOUSANDS-in-chemo-for-your-DOG
because-it-had-leukemia-and-you-have-two-new-cars-and-new-house-but-I-had-to-BEG
for-$60-to-SPLIT-your-daughter's-band-supply-costs.