A Pre-Review, if you will.

So I have some quirky habits.
Most of them you know, like how after 3 days the open package of  lunchmeat gets tossed in the trash if it isn't eaten because IT HAS A SMELL I DO NOT CARE WHAT YOU SAY.
And how I feel it's unsanitary to take the batteries out of your Rabbit to use for your electric toothbrush.
Also I prefer my desktop computer with the ergonomic keyboard more than any other tech in this entire house, which is why my phone is usually wherever I'm not, and often dead.

What you may not know is that when I am super excited to read an ARC that I plan to review, I like to read it sitting at my desk so I can take Live Notes right here for the stuff I want to remember.
I used to read them in bed like I do everything else, but then I end up with every third page dog-eared and underlined  and IT IS MY PRECIOUS and I do not want to harm THE SPECIAL.

Author-signed books are my favorite and also at the top of the list of Things I'll Save In A Fire.
No worries, the kids are for sure a strong number two on the list.
Well, my purse and the kids.
And pictures.
So, the kids, my purse, and photo albums, solid #2.
Okay, maybe 3. But a HARD 3. I mean really, there are two kids, one can help get the other out while I grab the car keys and vacation money jar.
I'm going to need those, right?
Kids, firm three. For reals.

Okay so I just got THIS (Hooray for me! None for you! Which is double the pleasure for me!)

in the mail the other day and while I have been ever-so-anxiously awaiting its arrival, now I'm scared to start it because I know it's going to be over WAY TOO SOON and then I have to wait a WHOLE YEAR for another one and MAN IT IS SO HARD TO BE A NUMBER ONE FAN READER!

There is a war between instant and delayed gratification happening here.
Sorry if it causes  earthquakes or tsunamis and such near you - it's pretty intense.
If I get the housework ALL done and work work ALL done, this will be my reward tonight.

I will let you know how it turns out - but just get ready to add this title (and really ALL the #PeterAsh by @NickPetrie books) to your Christmas and birthday wish lists, because I can already tell it's gonna be a good one.

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In the words of The Terminator, "I'll be back."

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In the words of C.S. Lewis, "You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suit me."

#TrueStory Although I would probably substitute coffee for tea.
Also the exception is that Goldfinch book, which was about 300 pages way too long and wordy and seriously how many chapters can a person reasonably be expected to tolerate reading about getting drunk and hurling? The answer is "considerably less times than were written about in that book."

Let's all pretend to be Iceland this year. #BestIdeaEVER

I mean really, just scroll down the last few posts and they're mostly all book reviews - books I got for FREE!
Those of you who've been to my house and have seen the 9 crammed-full overflowing bookshelves realize how exciting this is for me. Don't even ask how many books (read and unread) are on my kindle. And iBooks. And audible audio books. SHUT UP.
The books, they make me happy.

AND LOOK HOW MUCH I AM HELPING WITH YOUR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING RIGHT NOW!

In fact, here's a new review for a BRAND NEW SERIES (wooooohoooo!) by one of my beloved favorite authors, Taylor Stevens.
You'll probably recognize her name because I've reviewed several of her books in the Vanessa Michael Munroe series - so natch I was very excited to *UNEXPECTEDLY* receive an ARC of this new Jack & Jill series.

This is not a 5th grade book report, so don't expect all the delicious details of the book here.
For that you must GO BUY THE BOOK AND READ IT.  (You really should pre-order yours right this minute. Order a couple for your friends. I'll wait.)

So let me say this: If you go into this expecting something like Vanessa Michael Munroe, you're going to be disappointed, so you need to lay that aside right now. Pretend this is a debut novel (which it kind of is, series-wise) and go from there.

The book is all action from the jump - it's like opening your front door and stepping into a tornado.

I like that. I like it A LOT.

Also? To be honest I did not find most of the main characters to be likeable in the most generic sense of the word. (Likable? Why do I never know how to spell that word? IT LOOKS WEIRD)
Fortunately that's not a deal-breaker for me, as long as the characters are interesting and intriguing and engaging, which these certainly were, with bright flashes of snark and humor here and there.
Like that TV show Scandal - by season 4 the only people I cared about were the assassins and I was all on their side. This was sort of like that.

This family...kind of like Spy Kids. Grown-up Spy Kids on crack in Bizarroworld. I mean that in the best possible way. Sibling rivalry, paranoia, and frayed but unbreakable family ties are taken to a whoooole other level.
Plus single mom with boy/girl twins? THIS IS MY ACTUAL FOR REALS LIFE. #TrueStory
Now I feel like I've failed my kids in some way by not teaching them spycraft. Or learning it for myself, which would be awesome. Seriously I can always tell when I've been watching & reading too many thrillers because I find myself constantly checking for a 'tail' whenever I leave the house because YOU KNOW I AM SO IMPORTANT PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW WHAT I AM UP  TO. #NotActuallyTrueAboutBeingImportant

The characters, their lives, their history  - all fleshed out in little nibbles throughout each chapter.
If you're one of those people who just feels like they MUST figure out all the twists and WHODUNIT and the end game long before you get to the end...JUST. STOP IT.
Seriously. Put it away and read on.
There are hints and teases and bite-size clues...just let the story carry you along.

By the time I got to the end, I was dazed in the best kind of way, AND I'd found a character I really liked in the good way. The ending is something that so many *series* authors have trouble writing to my personal satisfaction; often it's either too much of a cliffhanger or you don't know where they can take the storyline into the next book or there are too many loose ends left dangling.
HOWEVER, Taylor has mastered this art by leaving the ending open enough to give a glimpse into where the next book might go while also managing to tie up the majority of loose ends and leaving just enough cliffhanger to be mysteriously exciting but not frustrating as though the book were missing the final 2 chapters or something.

So, long story short (TOO LATE!) - pre-order the book. It will be released on DECEMBER 18 so get your order in NOW. Kindle, paper, audio - one for you and one for a friend because HELLO CHRISTMAS!
Spread the book love. Let's be Iceland together.

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**stuff I have to disclose: YES I was given a free ARC copy (that was totes unexpected, THANK YOU SO MUCH KENSINGTON BOOKS!! YOU ARE MY FAVORITE!). NO I was not told I had to actually write a review NOR was I told what any such review needed to say.
MY OPINIONS ARE MY OWN and I SAY WHAT I SAY and THAT IS THAT.

Chicken Finger THUNDERDOME: 2 Fingers Enter - Only One Survives

Well, technically none survived.

So yesterday was a tough day on my little family - Joshua had an appointment with the orthopedic dr for his broken arm.
Okay, I know it's JUST a broken arm but for a multiple-disabled, non-communicative kid who is like a 6-9 month old, nothing is ever "just" anything.
Of course it was a little strain on Becca and me (he weighs about 85 lbs) moving him around all day but the worst part was knowing I was hurting him.
Joshua doesn't cry. He fusses, he whines, he hollers, he makes this moaning sound that I DETEST and he knows it, but he hasn't actually cried in about 10-15 years.  Yesterday though, getting him in and out of bed, wheelchairs, and the van...I hurt him a lot moving him.
When I put him in bed last night, he had tears in the corners of his eyes and I wanted to just die.

ANYWAY THAT IS NOT WHERE I WAS GOING WITH THIS WHOLE THING.

After the doctor and the tag agency (time to get new tags! Also wtf, THEY charge ME $1.50 to look at my insurance form I had to bring in? WHAT IS THAT ABOUT??)...Becca and I were not ready to go home and begin the unloading process - we were hungry and wanted some comfort food and decided to splurge and eat out.

So there's a Raising Cane's not too far away and then a Zaxby's on the way home, so we thought we'd just do a little Chicken Finger comparison for fun and share our results.
We got the same meal from both places: 4 chicken fingers, texas toast, coleslaw, fries, & each place has their own "secret dipping sauce." OH, and it came with a drink.
Price difference: Zaxby's was 20 cents more on the menu.

As you can see, Zaxby's has the bigger drink but Cane's has a bigger box. (*teehee!*)  Raising Cane's had asked if we wanted ketchup and I said yes, so we got....ONE KETCHUP.  And one napkin. NO.

So here's what we got  - and man, is that a LOT OF FREAKING FOOD.
FIRST THINGS FIRST: The Zaxby's fries were bigger cut (and a bit more generous), but taste-wise the Raising Cane's were much better and cooked more to my liking.  Zaxby's were a little overdone.
SECOND: We both preferred Raising Cane's Texas Toast, athough I have to say that Zaxby's seemed extra buttery as compared to usual.
THIRD: Look at that enormous container of coleslaw from Zaxby's!
But it is an optical illusion, because it is a very shallow bowl and only LOOKS so  much bigger than the smaller-around but deeper container from Cane's.  Cane's was pretty good coleslaw - they claim it's made fresh every day and we saw no reason to doubt that...but flavor-wise the Zaxby's was tastier for both of us.  It reminded me of when KFC used to have that really good, finely chopped coleslaw a long time ago.

Look at that sauce. It almost looks the same and guess what? It almost tastes the same.  Zaxby's (right) seems to be a tiny bit spicier and tomato-ier (or tangier, Becca said).  Basically though, I could barely tell them apart. I call it a saucy draw.

And now the main event - The Chicken Fingers.
Awww, they look sort of like a little chicken yin/yang!
Maybe this is why Zaxby's was 20 cents more, because clearly their chickens have bigger fingers. Also crispier, flavorful crust.  I like the crust a little more well done and dark and crunchy like that.
The lighter crusted, less well-done Raising Cane's fingers were actually pretty flavorless when sans sauce.  They were just meh. Juicy enough but nothing special, basically bland.  Without the sauce, they're no more impressive than frozen chicken fingers you can pop in the microwave.

THE AFTERMATH.
Although the fries & bread were better at Raising Cane's, the overall taste & size was worth the extra 20 cents at Zaxby's.
OH, and the service was friendly and fine at both, although I feel sorry for the Cane's person having to say HEY HEY HEY IT'S A GREAT DAY to every customer all day long because EW.

As you can see, we wanted to be completely thorough so as to give YOU the best possible answers to help with any dining dilemma you might ever have.
YOU ARE WELCOME.

THUNDERDOME WINNER: ZAXBY'S

This has been a public service.

Get the skinny on Skinny & Co...or Put The Lime In The Coconut.

In case you missed it, the Ceremonial Unboxing Of The Goodies video can be seen in the previous post.  (Yes, I realize this post is somewhat delayed but HEY I wanted to make sure I used all the products more than once to give you an accurate review. I DID IT FOR YOU.)

Skinny & Co sent me a nice box of samples of different coconut oil products.
I do like coconut oil and often cook with it.
This company makes beauty products from coconut oil too, so I was anxious to give it a try.

FAVORITE: The Sugar Scrub.
(This one was not a consumable but since the ingredients only listed the coconut oil, sugar, and vanilla bean, I tasted it. YES I DID. And it was good.)
ANYway.  I used this scrub on my footsies and it did make them so soft and smooth. No residual stickiness.  I would recommend it!

Now, a year or so ago my Facebook timeline was filled with people touting the Joys of Oil Pulling.
Google that if you don't know what it is...but basically you put a lump of coconut oil in your mouth and swish it around like Listerine, only for like 10 or 20 minutes.
YES THAT IS A VERY VERY VERY LONG TIME.
But I have friends who swear by it, claiming it is good for their gums and enamel and makes their teeth even cleaner when they brush.
I  have no idea if those claims are actually true, but the Skinny & Co Oil Pulling is infused with some peppermint and did not gross me out.  In fact after using it and then brushing, my mouth did feel clean and BONUS, my lips were nice and soft and smooth.
Downside: This product is pretty spendy.

The moisturizer/makeup remover was pretty okay -- it took considerable rubbing to get my lashes clean but on the other hand, my skin felt soft afterward without a leftover greasy feeling. That was one of my main worries going in. Plus it's infused with chamomile and some other oils and it smells really nice.

And last but not least, the moisturizer/metabolism booster that actually IS supposed to be consumed. Now as an external moisturizer, I had high hopes since my hands and arms get so dry...but (maybe it's just me) it didn't really absorb to my satisfaction.
The website says you can add this to a smoothie (which I don't ever make) or oatmeal (which I rarely eat) or even off the spoon (which...YUCK NO).  So a friend said "Try it in your coffee!" and I'm all "Okay!" and I did. It wasn't bad, and my coffee had a light coconut scent which was not at all unpleasant.

***LET ME JUST DISCLAIMER FOR A SECOND HERE: I do NOT like fresh coconut meat very much. I do NOT like candy like Mounds or whatever that is all made of coconut. I DO like the teeny bit of toasted coconut on top of girl scout Samoas cookies)

So the coconut oil in my coffee wasn't terrible, just had to give it a stir before each sip.  I did not notice my metabolism boosted, though.  I also rubbed it on a whole chicken in lieu of my normal olive oil before oven roasting, and it was tasty and make a delicious crispy skin which of course I pulled off and stuffed in my mouth like a hyena before it was even cool.

Overall, if you're a fan of coconut oil in general for cooking or beauty or both, I would recommend these products.
For me, they're a little too far on the pricey side - if you're on a tighter budget, you'd be better off just getting that big jar of coconut oil at the Big Box Store for $8.99 - although it won't smell or taste nearly as nice.

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**stuff I have to let you know:  YES, these samples were given to me for free by Skinny & Co in hopes that I would review them, which I have. NO, I was not told what kind of review to post or threatened with waterboarding if I had anything bad to say, my opinions are aaaalllll my own because I DO WHAT I WANT.

The unboxing of the Skinny & Co coconut goodies

Got my freebie on today, with Skinny & Co coconut beauty products! Check it out:



 


#CoconutOil #RawCoconutOil #SkinnyCoconut #CoconutPulling #CoconutScrub

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**Disclaimer: these products were given to me free of charge to sample, and any review I provide will be my own truthful opinion because I DO NOT PLAY.  You aren't the boss of me!

#WINNING and a boudoir photo

SEXY, right? 

The month of June may have been a 3-ring shit circus, utterly disappointing and frustrating in any number of ways, but there was one supernova-bright spot: I WON ALL OF THE BOOKS.

Two I won from random drawings on goodreads.com (and THANK YOU, GOODREADS!), one from a random drawing by the author, and one just because I asked for an ARC and the new-to-me author was kind enough to send me one for review.

I guess I can't say "if it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all" anymore.

Let me just re-express to you how much I LOVE GETTING ADVANCE COPIES.

Firstly, it means I am full of cool.

Secondly, it means *I* get to read these awesome books waaaaaaay before YOU, which makes me happy because I am petty like that and also it makes me feel special.

Coincidentally, all four of these books have strong female lead characters, which was like a double bonus for me because I love kick-ass female leads.

Two of these have just been released in the last few days, and you can read the reviews I've already written for Vicki Pettersson's Swerve and Taylor Stevens's The Mask.

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Sue Grafton is the author of what's known as The Alphabet Series - A is for Alibi, B is for Burglar, and so on and so on. The main character is Kinsey Millhone, private investigator.  These books have been around for a loooong time, but I just started reading them a couple years ago and I fell in love. I have a lot in common with Kinsey...namely, we both like to spend time alone, prolonged contact and sociability makes anxious, and we both like to curl up on the couch and read on our days off work. We both have a strong sense of justice and right and wrong, even though we don't always make good choices or do the smart thing.

Sue's latest book, "X" (which you losers regular people will have to wait until the AUG 25th release date to read)(hahahahahaha!) is my favorite of the series so far. It's a little more complex than some of the others, and a little more villainous. 

I sort of want to be Kinsey sometimes, living in Santa Teresa, investigating stuff...then I remember I'm old and lazy and have kids.  I do like the fact that Sue has stayed true to her timeline; the series started in the 80s and there it remains. It's a little weird sometimes because nowadays we all take our laptops and cellphones and even PCs for granted, and those things don't exist yet in Kinsey's world. There are still payphones and landlines and actual FACE TO FACE CONTACT, if you can believe it. 

If you're looking for a good series to read, make sure you check out this one. The nice thing is you don't even have to start at the beginning (although I recommend ALWAYS begin at the beginning and carry through 'til the end), but all of the novels can be read as standalones and you won't have missed the most basic information. 

It makes me sad that we've only 'Y' and 'Z' left...and I hope maybe Sue Grafton will come up with a brilliant plan to carry on with Kinsey. And Henry. And Deitz. And Rosie. And especially Ed the cat.

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I've been a hyooooge fan of Jonathan Kellerman's Dr. Alex Delaware series since I was a teen and first read When The Bough Breaks. Dr. Delaware is a child psychologist, his best friend is a gay detective, and he lives with a lady who hand-crafts musical instruments. There are murders and kidnappings and mystery -- just what I like to read.

Kellerman has written some collaborative books with his author wife (Faye Kellerman, for whom I also have much love! Check out her Decker/Lazarus series), some non-fiction books on child psychology, and a few standalone novels - like this latest book, The Murderer's Daughter.  I can say with all certainty that this moved to the top of the Favorite Jonathan Kellerman novel list, even though it only briefly mentions Dr. Delaware as a peripheral figure. The tone is somewhat darker throughout than is usual, and it went a couple of places that I wasn't expecting to go. I'm not going to tell you what it's about, I'm going to tell you to go place your pre-order now because it won't be available to you less-cool-than-me people until AUG 18th.

And the very end? Totes spooked me into agita.

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Remember that Eddie Murphy bit he used to do in concert about "I got some iiiice cream, I got some iiiice cream, and you AIN'T GOT NONE, and YOU AIN'T GOT NONE..." ?? I totally just did that only with my new books. 

But I'm not gloating. Not at all. 

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Oh and PS: I forgot to say the stuff: the two books reviewed here were provided for free (by random drawing!) by First Reads. They were not given to be reviewed, but since I DID provide a review, I have to tell you that they were freebies. So, consider yourselves told. Also I say what I want, so my opinions are 100% my own but ALSO they are correct so you should always take my recommendations, is all I'm saying.

SCANDALOUS!

I've been binge-watching SCANDAL.

I know a lot of people are so crazy about this show, and I have to admit I found some of it fairly enjoyable myself.
However, there are some things I'm having trouble getting past.

1. At first I thought I was watching a re-run of West Wing, only with Meredith Grey's mommy AND daddy added to the cast. By season two, it was like a mashup of West Wing, Grey's Anatomy, and Gilmore Girls. Are there no other actors out there? (actually I'm not complaining, because I do love Josh Malina and Scott Foley and OMG GEORGE NEWBERN with whom I fell deeply in love when I first saw Adventures In Babysitting SHUT UP I KNOW I AM OLD)

2. Dear Kerry Washington fans: I'm sorry, but...seriously? EPISODE ONE. She has her game face on. She's taking no shit and no prisoners and makes a point of saying that her "gut is never wrong"...and then the next howevermany episodes consistently prove that her gut is ALWAYS WRONG. And the other characters make a Thing about "there is no crying here," and yet Kerry is teary-eyed in about half the episodes. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, SHONDA.

3. After the first two episodes, Olivia (Kerry W) seems to only have two expressions: scared/sad (which look exactly the same) or, whenever she's within sniffing distance of The Prez, she gets the lovestruck cow eyes. Totes unbelievable besides. OMG STOP IT. Most times when they're in the same room, it's like a live-action scene from a poorly written Silhouette or Harlequin romance book (perhaps they hired E.L. James of 50 Shades of Crap fame to write those scenes?).  Luckily there are a handful of (all too) brief moments in which Olivia shows some spunk and fire in a few other episodes. Dear Director: Please make her wipe those ridiculous gape-mouthed looks off her face in future seasons because it really makes me want to punch her and I surely canNOT be the only one.

4. Olivia sometimes does these weird twitchy mouth movements with her upper lip. It is not attractive, it looks unnatural and it distracts me. I have to use that 10 second rewind thingy a LOT to see what I missed while she was snarling her mouth around.

5. This is the only show I've ever seen that largely features the POTUS in which he is RARELY WORKING. Dude has lots of "just sitting around feeling sorry for myself" time and drinking time and "pouting because my mistress won't do me in the Oval Office" time and "My wife is such a bitch" time and "I hate everyone" time and there are never five people walking in one door of the Oval Office while three more walk out the door on the other side of the room. He hardly even meets with any Congress(wo)men or Senators and clearly he has plenty of time to make out with women other than his wife. Is all I'm saying.
#Trivia: The president is the bad guy who had Patrick Swayze killed in Ghost. (Whoops! Spoiler alert too late, if you're one of the five people who haven't seen that movie)

6.  #Trivia: FLOTUS was a shady-ass shark of an attorney on CSI Miami. As conniving and viciously ambitious as she is in the White House, if I were in her First Lady stilettos I would have totally punched Olivia and the President in the neck about 73 times by now for continually rubbing their affair in her face. I'm on her side on that issue. She took one for the team more than once.

7. By the end of season 2 I was totally bored of watching Olivia guzzle a huge glass (or three) of wine at the beginning and/or end of at least 1/3 of all the scenes. #SoCliche

8. Olivia's co-workers on the show AND the fans of the show talk about how strong and tough and whatever she is...but really? I think she's kind of weak. She makes increasingly poor choices and not only THAT, she makes the SAME poor choices again and again!  She and the President both are like petulant, tantrummy, self-pitying assholes half the time.

9. I tried playing a drinking game - I drank every time Olivia said "I'M DONE!" to one of the men in her life or clients or co-workers...but I almost died of alcohol poisoning.

10. The background music, especially the stuff they play during closing scenes, is mostly very excellent.

After 4 seasons, I have concluded:
I really only like the First Lady, especially when she went a little cray cray.
Oh, and the assassins. I really really like the assassins.
The music = awesome.

I will never be a big fan of this show and have no plans to watch the next season. I only finished out the series on Netflix because I kept hoping for something more. I feel it's a Shonda Rhimes Fail, at least for me.
Give me House of Cards ANY day.

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P.S. I still love you, George.

Gonna wash that [gray] right out of my hair...

**Stuff I have to say: I received these products complimentary from Influenster for testing purposes. MY REVIEWS ARE MY OWN.

I'm not one to get too fussed about hair and coloring and cutting - except that time this girl was so completely NOT PAYING ATTENTION to anything except how angry she was at the previous customer (side note: NEVER ALLOW AN ANGRY HAIRDRESSER TO CUT YOUR HAIR NEVER EVER EVER) that I ended up with haircut that caused my dad to introduce me as his son Randy.
Although in fairness it did look pretty cute once it had grown out about an inch or so.

My natural hair color is blondish -- the shades have varied over the years depending on how much time I've spent outside in the sun. I did use lemon juice to streak it when I was young, I admit.

I colored my hair red once, but the shade blended so well with my regular color that it didn't look a whole lot different. Except of course when my hair was wet, then it was Ronald McDonald hair.
When I hit 40 though, practically overnight my hair went dark blond with lots of red and mousy brown...yes, just in time for the gray sprinkled throughout to really show up.
Since then it has gotten steadily darker over the years, so when Influenster offered me an opportunity to color my hair, I thought why not? 

They offered me about 4 selections - to be honest, I *almost* chose the black because I have always wondered how I'd look with black hair and eyebrows, especially since I've got the coloring of my Irish and German forbears.
SO TEMPTING!
But in the end I chickened out and picked another color, medium brown Age Defy from Clairol.

So easy to use, I didn't need help even though this was only my second time coloring my hair in 46 years.
Okay, let me be completely truthy - I sort of made a little mess around my ears and the back of my neck - HOWEVER, I was half-blind because I had my glasses off.

Here's the BEFORE - my natural, untouched color blend of blonde, gold, brown, red, and gray sparkly silver:

In addition to getting darker, it's gotten curlier, frizzier, and coarser. The Clairol Age Defy color is supposed to help with the frizzy and the coarse, because it's got Pantene in it (and I do like Pantene, it makes my hair feel so nice!).

And now.... TA DAAAAH!!

The new me. Look, no gray!

It's so soft and so much smoother! There aren't a zillion little frizzies on the top of my head!
WOW, it is dark, I've never had dark hair like this before. It looks kind of weird because my eyebrows are mostly blonde and pretty sparse - my friend Amanda said I have Matt Smith eyebrows (Whovians will know what that means).
She is correct.
So I guess I should learn how to use an eyebrow pencil because I have no idea whatsoever.

What do you think?
Which do you prefer?
The light side or The Dark Side?

Au naturel?

Or THIS, softer, smoother, with no gray?

Is that a Magic Stick in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Can I stuff your stocking with my Magic Stick?

Why don't you bring that Magic Stick over here and...charge me up?

Wait wait wait, this is starting off in a whole other place than I wanted to be.
Sorry.
Ahem.

Okay, so I got this Magicstick to review from Powerocks USA. It's a portable charger, and...

I FREAKING LOVE IT so far.

The fine folks at Powerocks were kind enough to send me one of these portable chargers to try out (they sent me a silver one but it also comes in a variety of pretty colors! I wish I'd got a green one but HEY FREE so I am not complaining). It's lightweight and compact - perfect for your pocket or purse. (and it even has a little velvet bag in which to store it)

One of the upsides is that it's so easy that a monkey could use it. You press a button on the end to check the charge with an LED light: blue is full, green is 70%-30% charge, and red means PLUG ME IN NOW. 

Actually it kind of reminds me of the thingy I had in the hospital when I was hooked up to morphine - just hold it and use your thumb to press the button every 8 minutes for deliciously dreamy pain relief which is probably another reason why I like this.

It's got two portals on the bottom - one for a standard USB and one for a tiny plug. Fortuitously, the charger cord for the Magicstick actually fits my kindle touch and my slide-open-keyboard T-Mobile phone (I don't have any kind of smart phone. I barely have the next step up from a flip phone - which is actually what I used up until a few months ago - but this charger worked on my sister's iPhone when I tested it) - so that's two less cords I have to worry about right there. Bonus! 

Also I use a USB adapter for a wall outlet, and the Magicstick can be used with that or charged from your laptop. 

I got the 'Stick fully loaded...then I charged my kindle (which was only at 1/4 power) AND then I charged the iPod nano (which was dead), and the Magicstick was still in the green when that was finished.

This little gadget is so cool! I remember when I took a train to Chicago from TX, and when I got to the train station I had to wait and then fight for an outlet to charge my phone enough so that I could call my friend to come pick me up. NEVER. AGAIN!
The 'Stick is supposed to deliver up to 2 full charges before needing to be recharged itself...I'd say that seems likely, judging by the use I gave it today.

I can't say how well this will work in the long term, since I just got it, but to all my friends who have long commutes or travel a lot and are always forgetting to bring at least one of the chargers they need for this or that - YOU NEED A MAGICSTICK. 

So stuff those stockings, charge yourselves up, and keep that Magic Stick in your pocket, mister!

(PS: Yes, I was given one free magicstick to review and either keep for myself OR host a giveaway - yeah, I'm keeping it. Get your own. No really, get your own. You'll thank me later.)
(PPS: Also I have received NO OTHER COMPENSATION except for the magicstick, and I wasn't told what kind of a review to give - if you've been a reader of this blog for any amount of time then you don't need to be told again that I only review products I'm interested in trying, and I will only write honest reviews -  if a product sucks I'll tell you why I thought it sucked. I won't do reviews for any company who puts conditions or restrictions on my reviews. Shit, you made me tell you again anyway.)

Grin and bare it.

Okay, so I loooove trying out new skin care products. I review them every chance I get -- I have some favorites, but often those are the most expensive ones so once my review sample is gone, I go back to my same ol' ways. But I keep trying every single product that is offered to me.
It's sort of like the Princess kissing all those frogs; eventually there will be some magic transformation.
I'm not really sure if I'm the Princess or the frog in this scenario. ANYWAY.

I really have trouble with some "skin care systems" because they require about 6 steps day AND night and that's about ... well, I didn't go to math school but that's way too many steps for me to commit to. Sort of like most of my relationships. ANYWAY.

My regular regime is: wash face when I am in the shower. Apply moisturizer if I remember. The end.

Also I don't like heavily perfumed face stuff. It's yuck and gets all in my nose and my sinuses swell up and I can't breathe and some day this will probably cause my death. In fact, if I'm found un-living on my bathroom floor with a pot of skin cream in my hand, please make sure my family knows to sue the shit out of whatever company that is.
And those thick, greasy "nighttime" moisturizers? 9 of 10 times I hate those -- they're supposedly "so rich and thick" that your skin will look amazingly dewy and glowy.
Right. The glow is the amount of oil sitting there in that thick mess on top of my skin.
Remember that night cream your grandma used? That "glowed" with so much oil that it looked like she'd stuck her face in a bowl of Wesson Oil.
Or maybe that's what she did. ANYWAY.

The point is, I love trying new products even if I end up not liking them in the long run.
PRINCESS. FROG. KISSING.
Thanks to Klout Perks  and Eclos, I'm taking the #EclosGoBare  DARE TO GO BARE challenge - they sent me a sample kit and challenged me to take a bare-face BEFORE picture and after using the product for two weeks, a bare-faced AFTER picture. Here's what I got:

Skin Prep Cleanser

Moisture Therapy Regenerative Cream

Daily HydraPrimer SPF 30

***OH YEAH - DISCLAIMER THINGY:  I was given a free sample of this product because I am a KLOUT influencer (damn right I am), but I'm under NO OBLIGATION and no one is torturing me with thumbscrews or bamboo spears or even a passive/aggressive tweet to make me talk about the product or use it or even open the box in the first place. Clear? Excellent.***

I'm not super-fond of having my picture taken. I don't do "selfies" (also could there be a more ridiculous word? Well, maybe "irregardless. That one's pretty ridiculous and also redundant. ANYWAY.), so no making fun of me. At least where I can hear it. Or read it.

I took an EXTREME CLOSE UP no makeup picture showing just my problem areas because you don't need to see a whole faceful of that - dull skin with freckles and a ruddy tone. Lots of crow's feet from lots of sarcastic laughter. Horribly, deeply lined forehead. Puffy eyes.
I realize this post means I will NEVER DATE AGAIN.
ANYWAY.
Before:

(OMG WHEN DID THAT BUMP ON MY NOSE GROW? I don't remember it being that enormous!)

The wash was nice, not super-foamy, but felt good and my face felt clean afterward. The scent was fresh, basically just a light whiff of lemon
The day/night moisturizer was very thick - which scared me for a minute - but not oily and it absorbed well into my skin without feeling heavy or greasy. Also very lightly scented with lemon, not at all offensive to my nose.
The third and final step - a skin toner/moisturizer/anti-aging primer...well, I'm reserving judgment on that. I've only used it once and I don't care for tinted face creams. I feel like the tint will Oompa Loompa me. Also it's a bit of a weird texture and I can FEEL it on my face - I mean, my face feels it sitting there. Although in fairness I should say that when I touch my face, it does feel nice and soft and smoother.

ECLOS products are made with apple stem cells and are reported to be "anti-aging". Well I'm no Ponce de Leon but we'll see how youthful I look after 2 weeks.
Wanna see more (and hopefully less pretty)(shut it, allow me my petty vanities) "Dare To Go Bare" Eclos challenges?
Follow: #EclosGoBare on twitter and instagram

Wish me luck! And pray that I don't turn out to be horribly allergic to some apple-y ingredient and get all swole up and rashy and itchy and hivey and such. And if I DO...then pray it's not permanent.
But so far, so good.

A quickie review

It has been far too long since I've been given a product to review! I've missed you, darling FreeStuffs.

**Oh yeah, this is the part where I have to be transparent or translucent or authentic or truthful or whatever the current buzzword is and let you know that 
1. YES I received a free sample of the product AND ALSO a coupon for $ off my next purchase
and
B. NO I was not told I had to write a review, nor did I receive any suggestions, orders, recommendations, or parameters on what/how I should write if indeed I decided to write a review of my own free will. 
Clear? Good.

So the fine people at BlogHer Visionaries and BIC sent me a pretty pink Soleil Savvy razor to check out.
In anticipation of this particular product, I didn't shave for many weeks days, so that I could really put this razor to the test.

I liked it! My underarms are smoooother than my friend Brad's head. No nicks, no cuts.
It's refillable, YET DISPOSABLE.
I know, right? Wrap your head around THAT, my friend.

The handle is disposable, and comes with 4 cartridges - and STILL costs less than just refill cartridges for some other brands *coughVENUScough*
The head pivots, the moisturizing strip was smooth (and NOT GOOEY, because EW), and the blades were sharp.
I shaved my legs & pits twice before I felt the blade was too dull for further use...then again, I don't shave weekly daily because HELLO, WINTER and NO BOYFRIEND.

And did I mention that it was still less expensive than just the blades for other refillable brands?

Although in all honesty it DID take me a minute or two to actually get the blade onto the handle - this may or may not have been because I am dumb and somewhat uncoordinated.

I've got you under my skin...

Okay, so I will be 44 next month. Still young, right? But the crow's feet "laugh lines" (really? mine are more like scowl lines) are only getting deeper and I can't even talk about the state of the skin right under my eyes - it looks like cross-hatching or like I smushed my face into a mesh screen or something.
So as you can imagine I was joyful when I got the opportunity to review some facial products (now if ONLY the bare escentuals people would give me some free stuff to try...).
I got a big package today from Simone France - have you heard of them? I hadn't until now but do yourself a favor (especially if you're in my age group) and check out the website.
I filled out a pretty detailed questionnaire and they tailored a skin-care regimen for me. I was a leeetle concerned at the first moment, because PLEASE you people know how lazy I am that I haven't any spare time for grooming or showering. Luckily for me the fine people at Simone France have some very nice people who are willing to answer questions and guide you through the proper use of the products.
I have been reassured that once I get the routine down, it shouldn't take more than a couple of minutes. I'm okay with a couple of minutes twice a day, especially if it helps me look young and beautiful like they promised.
Okay, they didn't really promise that but SHUTIT I CAN DREAM.
I haven't used bar soap on my face in about a million years, but one of the steps includes a bar soap and MAN it smells gooood! I read the ingredients and it's got like sunflower, palm, coconut, grapefruit seed & rosemary extract.
I also have an exfoliating scrub, toner, moisturizers, and disposable cloths.
AND it's even supposed to remove eye makeup, which is great because usually eye-makeup removers leave me feeling greasy and gross.
So I'll let you know how it goes, otherwise you might not recognize me next time I see you.

What the WHAT?

I keep forgetting how to blog.
I'm all OH THIS IS SO BLOGGABLE and then I forget by the time I sit in front of the computer.
Or else maybe I'm taking less showers than I used to, because everyone knows showering is the best way to percolate a post.
No? Just me?

TWO THINGS.

1. If you're local to OKC, (or just visting, whatever), I invite you to check out Mayhem At The Market on Sept. 30th. If you're into boxing, kick-boxing (KICK-BOXING, SPORT OF THE FUTURE! I LOVE YOU LLOYD DOBLER), or Mixed Martial Arts, you'll have a great time and get caught up in the excitement of live matches!
IT IS GOING TO BE FUN. OR ELSE.
I mean...please come!

B. Big thank you to KLOUT and FOX TV's Lone Star for the most awesome Party Pack they sent!
As soon as Jami & Lisa get theirs, we gon' have us a LONE STAR WATCH PARTY!
Plus I had to order some Lonely Guy cardboard cut outs so I could have some guests.

OH YEAH I get to preview Lone Star BEFORE the rest of you losers who have to wait until the September 20th premiere and they gave me the party pack but I am NOT OBLIGATED TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THEM AT ANY TIME.

**official disclaimer type thingy so you people don't get all up on your soapboxes or high horses or whatever:
I was given a free product or sample because I'm a Klout influencer. I was under no obligation to receive the sample or talk about this company. I get no additional benefits for talking about the product or company.


SO THERE.

This concludes our advertising and promotion for this week.

STOP LOOKING AT MY EYES, my boobs are DOWN HERE

And lookin' pretty spiffy, if you ask me.

Those of you who REALLY know me, know how much I hate shopping. The only time I get even the smallest enjoyment is around Christmas time, and even then I do it begrudgingly because THERE ARE LOTS AND LOTS OF CROWDS AND PEOPLE REALLY REALLY ANNOY THE CRAP OUT OF ME.
Ahem. But that's not what I want to talk about right now.

I especially hate shopping for myself -- which is why I am currently wearing my House Of Blues t-shirt that I got in New Orleans in 2000.
It has a lot some holes.
And okay, so MAYBE you could read a book through it.
BUT ONLY IF THE INK on the pages was really dark.

And so maybe I'm wearing Frankenbra because the wires keep breaking on my favorite bras and I end up with ONE good bra from two half-broken ones - and I am too lazy WAY TOO BUSY to go shop for a new bra.

ANYWAY.
When you get to be almost 42 (which I will be in only THIRTEEN SHORT DAYS), and your breasteses happen to be au naturel (as mine are - no silicone, saline, or even silly putty), then some women (me) start to worry about ... saggage.

THAT'S RIGHT I SAID SAGGAGE.

Luckily I was given the opportunity by a great company, N-Fini Shape to try out some shapewear.

My usual body shape is sort of...circular. So I was hoping this would squeeze in where I need to be squeezed and smooth where I needed some smoothin'.

I expected this to be uncomfortable -- I've tried "shapewear" before from other makers and it's been uncomfortable and girdle-like and the edges roll up whenever you sit down and UGH.

I can honestly say that N-Fini's Double V-Neck Bralet is VERY comfortable.
I fell asleep in it one night and had no sore spots in the morning from bands or straps cutting into my fat flesh overnight.
It's very smooth, very stretchy, and just firm enough to be supportive.
My favoritest favorite thing about it is that I do not spend all day hauling the freaking shoulder straps up.
SHOULDER STRAPS ARE THE BANE OF MY BRAEXISTENCE.

I got the bralet in nude and while it doesn't have the LIFT I want (clearly I likes me underwires and this particular one doesn't have them), it does keep all the moving parts from being jiggly. It also creates a nice smooth line under my closest fitting tank tops.

THEY ACTUALLY MAKE THIS WITH UNDERWIRE - and I am so pleased with the bralet I have that I am willing to pay actual good money for one with an underwire.

I KNOW. I'm almost as shocked as you are.
Also? PLUS SIZES.

They've also got tank tops, undies, shorts, capris -- all manner of things to help you look smoother and shaplier.

And at my age, it ain't gettin' any easier.

P.S. Also buying me presents will help ease the pain of aging. Is all I'm saying.

---

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**DISCLAIMER: To be CLEAR and TRANSPARENT and ALL THAT OTHER CRAP: I was given a sample product by N-Fini to review but I am receiving NO OTHER COMPENSATION whatsoever.
For really-o.

TEXT A THON!

YES I KNOW, I HATE VIDEOS ON BLOGS.
But I swear this time it's for a good cause. Would I lead you astray?
Don't answer that.
Shut up.

As you may (or may NOT) know, September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month.
My grandma died of ovarian cancer, so this is a cause that is near and dear to me, just like my grandma was.
My grandma was made of AWESOME. She always knew exactly how to cook my eggs. EXACTLY. EVERY SINGLE TIME.
She taught me how to sop up the egg yolk with toast...and she always made toast under the broiler and it was the BEST EVER. She gave me coffee and homemade hot chocolate --no powdered packets for her, she mixed the cocoa and sugar and milk and cooked it on the stove.

She knew how to do EVERYTHING, as far as I was concerned.
There was always dessert at her house too -- homemade peach fried pies, German chocolate cake, red velvet cake, cookies cookies cookies... and ice cream.
I miss my grandma.

I wish I'd have had a few more years with her, because she died when I was just getting old enough to appreciate her.

ANYWAY. The point here is this: cancer research has come a looooong way...but we've miles to go before we sleep.

Now, I have a series of tasks for you.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, will be:

1. ENTER TO WIN! A NEW! WASHER & DRYER from MOM! CENTRAL! and ELECTROLUX! (I have had! Too much! Coffee!)

2. TEXT “KELLY” to 85944 to donate $5 to support the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund!

and

C. Send a VIRTUAL T-SHIRT to me (and your other friends, of course, provided you have any)(haha)(just keeedeeen). For every virtual t-shirt you send, ELECTROLUX WILL DONATE A $1 TO OCRF.


Now watch the video. Text. Send T-shirts. Win stuff.

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I'm not transparent, I'm sheer.
"I wrote this review while participating in a blog tour campaign by Mom Central on behalf of Electrolux and received a gift certificate to thank me for taking the time to participate."

But you guys probably knew that already.

And Now A Word From...I mean ABOUT...Our Sponsors

"It's like people only do these things because they can get paid. And that's just really sad." --Garth Algar, Wayne's World

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If I NEVER EVER EVER hear the words "monetize" and/or "transparency" again, it'll be way too fuckin' soon for me.

---

In order to be like Mr. Cellophane, here's MY stance on the whole Sponsored/Ethical Blogging thingy, if you can stand one more person posting about it.

Seriously, I barely can and I'm WRITING the damn thing.

I get pitched for about 5 or 6 things a week, which really isn't many compared to what some bloggers get.
Mostly mine are for books, household products, little stuff like that. I'm not one of the "In" crowd who gets the big shit - cars and refrigerators and deeeelux vacations to Disneyworld or whole new wardrobes.
I'm okay with that because it seems like those are always the people who do the most bitching about everything and frankly I've got WAY better things to bitch about.

ANYWAY.

I turn down probably 9 out of every 10 "offers".
Like... if they begin the e-mail with "Hi Blogger" or "Dear Shane" or "To Daily Bitch" or when they say "We love your blog" and it's quite clear they've never even read it.
Mostly I turn down the stuff that doesn't interest me.
If I have ZERO desire to try it, or don't think I will like a particular product or read a particular book, I simply turn it down.
EASY PEASY.

If I DO decide to give it a shot, then it's because I am excited to try it out, to have it for my own, to get that free bottle of dishwashing liquid because I think I will be happy with it and want to pass that info on to my friends -- ESPECIALLY the $$ saving and/or GREEN stuff.

I DO NOT ACCEPT $$ FOR REVIEWS other than this (or let me qualify that with AS OF YET, because I'm not ruling it out, is all I'm saying):
Occasional $20 gift card to Amazon, Target, or for gift to a charity--I figure it's small enough compensation for my time in writing the post, considering I'm a lazy asshole.
I also, naturally, like getting a free book or free product sample -- sometimes they even send a coupon.

That's it.
I didn't start a blog to make money.
I started a livejournal then moved to a blog to foster a community, to vent, to share my experiences or troubles and get feedback.
I never even THOUGHT about blogging for $$ or reviews or anything else.
I don't want to think about it NOW, because it has nothing to do with this blog or my way of thinking.

You can tell what posts are "reviews" and "sponsored" because they are clearly marked in the tags, with icons of the group for whom I'm reviewing as WELL AS the manufacturer, and lots of links. And if you actually READ the post, it will say in there several times who and where it came from.

All that aside, what YOU do is fine with me. Why should I care?
Make a million off your blog if that's what you want to do; frankly, it's no skin off my nose. Just don't say HEY I LOVE LEXUS! for no apparent reason when what REALLY happened was they gave you one to test drive for a year.
Maybe I don't read your blog because you "monetize", or I don't read it because I don't like what you have to say or how you say it or your opinions or your utter vapidness or whatever. There are a million reasons for me not to read it.
(okay, mostly the reason is due to time constraints but HEY WORK WITH ME HERE I'M TRYING TO MAKE A POINT)

Ever since I got my first troll here years ago, I've had the same philosophy:

Why go in a titty bar if you don't like to look at naked boobs?

See how that works? If you don't like what we serve here...feel free to take your ass on down the road.

That's what *I* do.