I got to read it before you so HAHA IN YOUR FACE.

Or a title that's something somewhat politer. (IT MIGHT BE A WORD, YOU DON'T KNOW FOR SURE)
If I don't start actively blogging again, this is going to become strictly a review blog!
Not that there's anything wrong with that, especially when it means FREE BOOKS FOR ME and also ADVANCE COPIES which make me special. Shut it.

**Disclaimery thing: YES I was given *my precious* ARC for no charge. NO I was not given any suggestions or instructions on what to write or even to give a review at all. I VOLUNTEERED AS TRIBUTE. #TrueStory.
Also if you're new to Me then you need to know this: I WRITE WHAT I WANT and I SAY WHAT I SAY.

A reminder: I review what I thought of the book as a whole. This ain't a book report - if you want the deets then may I suggest YOU GO BUY IT AND READ IT YOURSELF.
No, really. I mean it. You can thank me later - - and you will.

I like my good guys a little dirty, my bad guys a little redeemable, and homespun justice served up one way or another to the Really Evil.

This novel does not disappoint.

Tear It Down is the 4th in a series of  Peter Ash novels - and I must say it's my FAVORITE TO DATE.
Two strong story arcs converge with Peter at the crux, keeping things exciting and action packed.
I think Peter has to be one of my top favorite characters because he's interesting, bedeviled, troubled, quirky... he has issues, he's a little mean and a lot clever, and he's a total badass and will MESS YOU UP.
In other words, I can relate.  Except I'm a lot mean and a little clever but that's a whole other blog post.

Typically I don't like character comparisons - I read blurbs on books from unknown (to me) authors like, "THE NEXT MITCH RAPP!" or "WANT MORE KAY SCARPETTA? You'll love SusieSchmoosie!"
JUST NO. (Unless of course *I* am the one making the comparison because I KNOW WHAT I KNOW)

Invariably I am disappointed because I decide to give one of those a try and then I'm halfway through and getting pissed and yelling at my kindle OMG IT IS NOTHING LIKE JACK RYAN/EVE DALLAS/LUCAS DAVENPORT! SHUT UP! YOU'RE STUPID! and then I'm disappointed and also mad that I spent $1.99 on Amazon because the book wasn't at my online library.
But even Lee Child himself has compared Peter Ash to his own (and my beloved) Jack Reacher.
And I would agree - a little. In the timeless words of Mr. Miyagi:

They're both pretty freaking awesome, I'll say that. Jack and Peter, I mean.
Also the authors Lee and Nick. Pretty freaking awesome.

The supporting characters here are strong and also relatable - I love the recurring ones because I want to be BFFs with them too. There is no lack of personality in any of the characters, and one of my favorite things about author Nick Petrie's writing is his ability to describe the people- and more importantly, the action - so well that I can see a scene playing out in my mind effortlessly.  He's able to do it simply, without becoming overly-adjectived and wordy, which is good because that sort of thing ends up being a distraction for me rather than encouraging a smooth flow.
There's a long car chase that was as real in my head as if I were watching it happen on The TeeVee but I don't want to say too much. #NoSpoilers

I like that Nick adds the barest flavor of romance without hearts and flowers but still conveys the feelings and commitment.
I like that the writing and plotlines are engaging and make me want to read JUST. ONE. MORE. CHAPTER and I don't care that it's 3am and I have to get up in two hours.
I especially like that Nick Petrie is accessible to his fans - that always wins so many bonus points with me.

One of my favorite quotes from this book: "The sun never shone so brightly as when somebody was trying to kill you."
I would agree with that. Theoretically.

IN SUMMARY: I highly recommend that you go PRE-ORDER your copy of TEAR IT DOWN now. It will be released January 15th, which gives you plenty of time to read the other three in the series, starting with The Drifter.
Get one for yourself and one for a friend. Don't be so selfish.

(OH and PS: Do yourself a favor and look up ankylosaurus before you start reading, otherwise you will be holding your finger down on the word trying to bring up the definition because you forgot you're reading an actual book instead of kindle and it doesn't work that way. Plus also when you get to *ankylosaurus* you'll be all I'M SO SMART I KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
YOU ARE WELCOME.)

#WINNING and a boudoir photo

SEXY, right? 

The month of June may have been a 3-ring shit circus, utterly disappointing and frustrating in any number of ways, but there was one supernova-bright spot: I WON ALL OF THE BOOKS.

Two I won from random drawings on goodreads.com (and THANK YOU, GOODREADS!), one from a random drawing by the author, and one just because I asked for an ARC and the new-to-me author was kind enough to send me one for review.

I guess I can't say "if it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all" anymore.

Let me just re-express to you how much I LOVE GETTING ADVANCE COPIES.

Firstly, it means I am full of cool.

Secondly, it means *I* get to read these awesome books waaaaaaay before YOU, which makes me happy because I am petty like that and also it makes me feel special.

Coincidentally, all four of these books have strong female lead characters, which was like a double bonus for me because I love kick-ass female leads.

Two of these have just been released in the last few days, and you can read the reviews I've already written for Vicki Pettersson's Swerve and Taylor Stevens's The Mask.

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Sue Grafton is the author of what's known as The Alphabet Series - A is for Alibi, B is for Burglar, and so on and so on. The main character is Kinsey Millhone, private investigator.  These books have been around for a loooong time, but I just started reading them a couple years ago and I fell in love. I have a lot in common with Kinsey...namely, we both like to spend time alone, prolonged contact and sociability makes anxious, and we both like to curl up on the couch and read on our days off work. We both have a strong sense of justice and right and wrong, even though we don't always make good choices or do the smart thing.

Sue's latest book, "X" (which you losers regular people will have to wait until the AUG 25th release date to read)(hahahahahaha!) is my favorite of the series so far. It's a little more complex than some of the others, and a little more villainous. 

I sort of want to be Kinsey sometimes, living in Santa Teresa, investigating stuff...then I remember I'm old and lazy and have kids.  I do like the fact that Sue has stayed true to her timeline; the series started in the 80s and there it remains. It's a little weird sometimes because nowadays we all take our laptops and cellphones and even PCs for granted, and those things don't exist yet in Kinsey's world. There are still payphones and landlines and actual FACE TO FACE CONTACT, if you can believe it. 

If you're looking for a good series to read, make sure you check out this one. The nice thing is you don't even have to start at the beginning (although I recommend ALWAYS begin at the beginning and carry through 'til the end), but all of the novels can be read as standalones and you won't have missed the most basic information. 

It makes me sad that we've only 'Y' and 'Z' left...and I hope maybe Sue Grafton will come up with a brilliant plan to carry on with Kinsey. And Henry. And Deitz. And Rosie. And especially Ed the cat.

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I've been a hyooooge fan of Jonathan Kellerman's Dr. Alex Delaware series since I was a teen and first read When The Bough Breaks. Dr. Delaware is a child psychologist, his best friend is a gay detective, and he lives with a lady who hand-crafts musical instruments. There are murders and kidnappings and mystery -- just what I like to read.

Kellerman has written some collaborative books with his author wife (Faye Kellerman, for whom I also have much love! Check out her Decker/Lazarus series), some non-fiction books on child psychology, and a few standalone novels - like this latest book, The Murderer's Daughter.  I can say with all certainty that this moved to the top of the Favorite Jonathan Kellerman novel list, even though it only briefly mentions Dr. Delaware as a peripheral figure. The tone is somewhat darker throughout than is usual, and it went a couple of places that I wasn't expecting to go. I'm not going to tell you what it's about, I'm going to tell you to go place your pre-order now because it won't be available to you less-cool-than-me people until AUG 18th.

And the very end? Totes spooked me into agita.

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Remember that Eddie Murphy bit he used to do in concert about "I got some iiiice cream, I got some iiiice cream, and you AIN'T GOT NONE, and YOU AIN'T GOT NONE..." ?? I totally just did that only with my new books. 

But I'm not gloating. Not at all. 

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Oh and PS: I forgot to say the stuff: the two books reviewed here were provided for free (by random drawing!) by First Reads. They were not given to be reviewed, but since I DID provide a review, I have to tell you that they were freebies. So, consider yourselves told. Also I say what I want, so my opinions are 100% my own but ALSO they are correct so you should always take my recommendations, is all I'm saying.

And The KISSA* Goes To...

*Check out KISSA! Just one of the many exciting and fun things you could get with your gift card from Eden Fantasys!

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TIME TO ANNOUNCE OUR WINNER!

It was a close race, I must say... and I want to give a HUGE thank you to all of you who humiliated yourselves by sharing your most embarrassing and/or disastrous sex stories.

It will totally be worth it though, when you get over to the Eden Fantasys website and see all the supadupa sexy things you can put that gift certificate toward (like kegelcisers! or lingerie!).
I wish *I* had won.
Or entered.
But I guess that wouldn't be all "ethical" or "right" or "unbiased" or "fair" since I was running the contest.
WHAT. EVER.
You people and your "rules" about things.

ANYway.

After much careful consideration, collaboration, conversation, and possibly some constipation collusion, our esteemed judges Secondhand Karl (what does he do FIRSTHAND, I wonder??) and The Beauteous Finn have announced their choices.

All the stories were entertaining (and somewhat frightening, in some cases), but the judges were unanimous:

THE RUNNER UP, taking home the fake silver medal and a $15 iTunes Gift Card is....

CONTESTANT #5! TRACY Y!

Karl sez: "That's the sexiest entrance into a bedroom I've ever heard of."

Finn sez:: "I choose it because that is something that would happen to me the one and only time I'd ever get to have sex with Colin Farrell."

Her story:
My boyfriend at the time had, unbeknownst to me, put new sheets on his bed as in brand new, never seen before sheets. He invited me over for a PJs and movie night and I wore these look-ordinary-at-first-glimpse fetching red PJs in a lovely satin with only one button of the top actually fastened. I can't even remember the movie we were watching because we spent most of the time making out and heavy petting but I refused to let him get the top off me, it was my game for the night...not until the movie was over and we were in the bedroom.

Well, he had made up the bed with the sexy new sheets he had bought and turned down the covers beforehand. The movie ends and I jump up and run to his bedroom and jump into the bed and promptly slide all the way across the bed, off the other side, airborne for a moment before I slam into the wall. The new sheets? Silk. Silk+satin=one heck of a slide.

I slid to a heap, a bit dazed and confused. There was much application of ice to the side of my face that impacted with the wall. Needless to say, my MASSIVE headache put a huge damper on the mood for the night. Though for the next week, people would ask me how I ended up with all the bruises on my face and give me the strangest looks when I said "I ran into a wall."

Let's give her a round of applause for her GRACE and COORDINATION.
Congratulations!

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THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER, taking home the fake gold medal and supasexy $25 Gift Certificate from Eden Fantasys (THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING!) is...

CONTESTANT #2, JOHN C!

Finn sez: "There are just so many things wrong with that story that the hair on fire is kind of anticlimactic."

Karl sez: "A true romance story with scares, fires, and hot wax! There are places that charge good money to do those things to you."

HIS story:

So I had a friend who invited me down to Ft. Lauderdale a few years back, offering food and good, good times. After day three of my visit he held a little get together with a bunch of his friends and I hooked up with a lovely woman. Things got heavy and we wanted some "alone time". Seeing as how there was a condo full of people, we were desperately looking for a place to let it all out. We were rather a bit under the influence. I had an idea. There was the laundry room, a room that might have resembled a real life L shaped Tetris piece, a small area to the side that would be perfect. As we're in the process of exploring each others bodies I hear my phone give off an "Urgent" message. I check it to see my friend telling me this woman has a boyfriend and he's in the condo looking for her, hearing that that had been where she was. I HAD NO IDEA!!!!! Being in my then current situation and taking my friends advice, I stayed in the laundry room. I felt the damage was done and if I get in trouble for something, I might as well do it, dammit. And I wasn't going to fight some guy over a girl I had no idea was involved with anyone else. I'm a hopeless romantic, even on one night stands apparently! I had a few candles lit, two in the top corners of what would be the top of the stem on the "L" and a few above on a multi metal rod shelf, you know the ones mostly used in laundry rooms. After being in a few dominant positions I wanted a break and switched to the bottom.
A couple days before I had just started knotting my hair up before starting the dreading process.
The only bad part of that situation is that when I flipped to be on the bottom I had situated myself much further towards the candles. In only a few moments of enjoying a great ride, the dark, candle lit room started to become a bit brighter.

My hair was on fire.

My dry, knotted hair had caught flames from the very same candles I placed in an area of the room no bigger than 6x3. Karma, some would say. If that's not bad enough, startled, we both jumped up and her head hit the shelf holding the other candles and they fell onto the top and panties she was wearing before. Though with neither of us feeling like stopping we laughed it off and had a great night. I had to shave my head because of the fire damage. I'm sure she had a hard time trying to explain why different colored wax was all over her panties and shirt. It's a memory i'll never forget.

LET'S HEAR IT FOR ALMOST-DREADLOCKED JOHN! Let's hope he uses his Eden Fantasys giftcard for something fireproof.

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Thanks once again to ALL PARTICIPANTS and especially OUR SPONSOR, Eden Fantasys - the place where you can fulfill all your fantasies (or at least get the tools to make that happen) from the naked comfort of your own home.

WAS MY FACE RED! Or something.

And away we go!
We've got some excellent entries so far... to keep things fair JUST in case any of the sexual deviants entrants are close personal friends with either of our esteemed judges, Secondhand Karl or Ms Finn, they will be referred to only by contestant number.

If you're just tuning in (and even better, if you'd like to play along and WIN WIN WIN a $25 Gift Certificate from Edenfantasys.com), check out THE WHAT RIGHT HERE.

HURRY! There's still time for you to enter!
Have a sample...

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CONTESTANT #1:
Thankfully, the zoloft has not had any ill effects on my sex drive – of which I had none before. The zoloft, actually, has helped in that I don’t necessarily DISLIKE hubby all the time. So it was last night that I was feeling rather amorous and attacked suggested a little alone time. Just him, me and a new …ahem… adult “marital aid” that I’d bought ummm 5 months ago LOL Still in the package, even.
So, while he was taking a bath, I busted that baby out, set it on the bed and waited for hubby (who had agreed we could check out the new purchase).
And we did – and it was all fine and good… until...no, the batteries didn’t die.
.
no, the baby didn’t wake up.
.
no, the house didn’t catch on fire...

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CONTESTANT #2:
So I had a friend who invited me down to Ft. Lauderdale a few years back, offering food and good, good times. After day three of my visit he held a little get together with a bunch of his friends and I hooked up with a lovely woman. Things got heavy and we wanted some "alone time". Seeing as how there was a condo full of people, we were desperately looking for a place to let it all out. We were rather a bit under the influence. I had an idea. There was the laundry room, a room that might have resembled a real life L shaped Tetris piece, a small area to the side that would be perfect. As we're in the process of exploring each others bodies ...

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CONTESTANT #3:
Fortunately, I haven't had many disasters when it comes to sex. I've had the occasional "minute man" which is really more a disappointment than a disaster. However, my biggest sexual disaster was also some of the greatest sex ever.
During this aforementioned GREAT SEX, my guy decided to get a little rough. He started aggressively putting arms and legs exactly where he wanted them. This was fine with me. I'm a kinky kinda girl so there really are very few things off limits for me...

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CONTESTANT #4:
This happened way back, around 1973 -- you know, right at the tail-end (heh) of the free-love '60s. I had gotten involved with a guy I met in my freshman year of college, who happened to be married. They had was what they called an "open marriage", in which each of them could have sex with other people, and it was cool. Well, it was certainly OK for the wifey to bang all the members of the band on the night I met her husband -- we slept on the couch at the party where he and I met, while she was out having fun all night...

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CONTESTANT #5:
My boyfriend at the time had, unbeknownst to me, put new sheets on his bed as in brand new, never seen before sheets. He invited me over for a PJs and movie night and I wore these look-ordinary-at-first-glimpse fetching red PJs in a lovely satin with only one button of the top actually fastened. I can't even remember the movie we were watching because we spent most of the time making out and heavy petting...

Oklahomies are OOOOKAAAYYY

I bet you had NO idea there were so many great bloggers from Okieland (BESIDES ME I MEAN, DOY), did you?

Check 'em out -- and if YOU are a BLOGGER and are in OKLAHOMA, you can vote for your favorites in the Oklahoma Blog Awards!

TEXT A THON!

YES I KNOW, I HATE VIDEOS ON BLOGS.
But I swear this time it's for a good cause. Would I lead you astray?
Don't answer that.
Shut up.

As you may (or may NOT) know, September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month.
My grandma died of ovarian cancer, so this is a cause that is near and dear to me, just like my grandma was.
My grandma was made of AWESOME. She always knew exactly how to cook my eggs. EXACTLY. EVERY SINGLE TIME.
She taught me how to sop up the egg yolk with toast...and she always made toast under the broiler and it was the BEST EVER. She gave me coffee and homemade hot chocolate --no powdered packets for her, she mixed the cocoa and sugar and milk and cooked it on the stove.

She knew how to do EVERYTHING, as far as I was concerned.
There was always dessert at her house too -- homemade peach fried pies, German chocolate cake, red velvet cake, cookies cookies cookies... and ice cream.
I miss my grandma.

I wish I'd have had a few more years with her, because she died when I was just getting old enough to appreciate her.

ANYWAY. The point here is this: cancer research has come a looooong way...but we've miles to go before we sleep.

Now, I have a series of tasks for you.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, will be:

1. ENTER TO WIN! A NEW! WASHER & DRYER from MOM! CENTRAL! and ELECTROLUX! (I have had! Too much! Coffee!)

2. TEXT “KELLY” to 85944 to donate $5 to support the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund!

and

C. Send a VIRTUAL T-SHIRT to me (and your other friends, of course, provided you have any)(haha)(just keeedeeen). For every virtual t-shirt you send, ELECTROLUX WILL DONATE A $1 TO OCRF.


Now watch the video. Text. Send T-shirts. Win stuff.

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I'm not transparent, I'm sheer.
"I wrote this review while participating in a blog tour campaign by Mom Central on behalf of Electrolux and received a gift certificate to thank me for taking the time to participate."

But you guys probably knew that already.

WTF is wrong with you people?

Apparently someone thinks I'm funny.
*I* think you just enjoy laughing AT me.

What the hell, as long as you're here, you might as well go VOTE FOR ME.
Not that I'll win. Also, is there a prize? I don't want to win if there's no prize.

Sort of like the BoB (NO, I'm talking about Best of Blogs awards, not Battery Operated Boyfriend awards, which, by the way, would totally be won by me and my BOB which I recently received from Eden Fantasy, is all I'm saying)... ANYWAY I won a BoB award a couple years ago AND NEVER EVER EVER EVER GOT THE ADVERTISED PRIZE.
NEVER.
STILL.
TO THIS DAY.
EVEN AFTER I BROUGHT IT TO THEIR ATTENTION ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION.

But I'm not bitter.