Dear Everyone:

I am SICK UNTO DEATH of Social Media and its denizens telling me what to do, how to feel, and who to be like.

If I don't speak out - loudly - on social media about THIS outrage or THAT situation, well clearly I am just "passively accepting" of the situation. Never mind what I say or do about those things in my real life.

If I express outrage or disdain about THIS candidate or THAT candidate - on Social Media - well then clearly I am a hater or stupid or a libtard or fooled by the media or just too naive to be allowed to live. Never mind that I back up my outraged or disdainful opinion with ACTUAL FACTS, usually video and audio with the actual words coming out of the actual person's actual mouth.
But that's just spin and propaganda, of course! Never mind that they actually said it out loud on video in front of thousands of people.

If I complain about these things - on Social Media - well I'm just WRONG! Don't like it, don't read it! Unfollow! Block! Ignore!
Never mind that some of the people attacking me are friends, and their friends, and their friends, and so on and so on and so on just like that shampoo commercial. Friends I've known since college. Since high school. Since ... Social Media.

So let me just say this one time - *I* am not trying to change YOUR mind or YOUR opinions when I state my own. HOWEVER, my (fact based) opinions are just as valid as yours. I'm not asking you to agree with me, but if you open a discussion and I take part by voicing my opinion, then you need to recognize your own shitty behavior when you go on the attack and try to make me change *mine*. You need to recognize that it only hurts your cause, it doesn't help it or make your opinion any more palatable to me.

And if you disagree, that's okay too. Maybe you can't help being an asshole. So I'll just leave this here for you:

The One In Which I Get All Yelly And Mean And Offend People

(well, maybe it's not the FIRST one in which I've gotten ranty and mean)

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Okay, so the other day I was on Twitter and someone in my stream was involved in a conversation with people that I do not follow. I was interested enough to click through a few people (whom I ALSO do not follow) and came across some dude who was getting all judgy and shouting "HEY PEOPLE QUIT BITCHING ABOUT MISSING OUT ON SOCIAL EVENTS BECAUSE YOU HAVE KIDS! FAMILY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING! I WOULD GIVE UP ALL SOCIAL EVENTS IF I HAD MY KIDS FULL TIME!"
Or words to that effect.
And I agree - family IS the important thing.


But here's the what: You DON'T have your kid(s) full time. You have ZERO FUCKING IDEA what it's like to have your kids with you 24 hours a day. ZERO. NONE. NADA.
You're FREE to flit about at a moment's notice. You're free to drop what you're doing when your friends call and say HEY MEET ME AT THE BAR/RESTAURANT/BEACH/WHATEVER.
You don't have to have 3 weeks advance notice so that you can arrange a babysitter.

Also? If you have "regular" or "normal" kids that you can leave alone, you STILL have no idea what MY life is like.

I realize that we ALL have things we take for granted, even when we don't mean to. But I resent people who think like THAT guy trying to make people like me (oh, not ME personally, I don't even know the dude) feel bad for occasionally wishing for a short escape from family.

My twins just turned 15... and I have been a single parent for about 13 of those years.
My son is severely disabled, as most of you know -- he's like an infant. He doesn't do anything for himself, he can't hold a cup, he has to be fed and lifted and carried and diapered.

You can image the number of babysitters, including family, who are just CLAMORING to sit for me. Uh huh.

(If you guessed "NONE", you would be correct)(that is NOT A COMPLAINT, it is a simple FACT)

Besides the fact that I can't AFFORD a nanny or babysitting service, not many people want to be responsible for watching a kid who is heavy but has to be lifted, who has to be cared for as though he is a 3 month old, who has a seizure disorder.
They say "it's scary". And so it is.

I AM NOT COMPLAINING. I AM SUPREMELY HAPPY AND THANKFUL FOR EVERY DAY THAT MY CHILDREN DRAW BREATH. I am not blaming anyone for the way things are, for my situation. I deal with it, I try not to bitch about it very often - it's my job as a parent.

But I am mostly tied to my house. My son is too heavy to carry and he has a special wheelchair, not a regular one that can just fold in half, so it takes about 20-30 minutes just to take it apart to load it in the car.

I go practically NOWHERE except to work while the kids are in school. Or to the grocery store. And for the last 2 years I have been so lucky to get away for a weekend to go to Blogher, and it took at least 2 months of arranging to get THAT figured out, even though it was their FATHER who was to have them at that time.

AND since we're on the subject: working at a daycare, being a camp counselor or a teenage babysitter is a whole different animal than being a parent. The feelings you have are different, the LEVEL of the feelings you have are different, your thought processes are different.

So if I say I'm sad to miss out on this event or that social gathering, don't tell me how I SHOULD act, how I SHOULD feel, how I SHOULD parent.
Don't you DARE imply that I am LESS THAN AN EXCELLENT PARENT simply because I might occasionally say "OH I WISH I COULD GO TO 'this event' OR 'that social gathering'".
You talk to me when you've walked a couple of miles in my shoes. Until then? SHUT YOUR LAMEHOLE.

And also, fuck you and the high horse you rode in on, pal.

Social Media Diseases - SMTDs

Because Social Media folk have made themselves such easy targets.
I just can't help myself.
They have only themselves to blame.

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PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT PSA PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT PSA PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Clammydia - Transferred by contact.
Symptoms: sweaty palms due to too much glad-handing and patting oneself on the back.

Twitterrhea - Contracted when assuming that giant numbers of followers make one an "expert", "guru", "maven", or "specialist".
Symptoms: Increasing douchebaggery, self-importance; eventual career suicide and abject failure as the rest of us laugh derisively.

Tooles - Much like herpes, there is no cure and the treatment is only about 50% effective. Some people, unfortunately, are just born with the Tool-es gene.
Symptoms: People start avoiding you. Eventually you will attempt to avoid even yourself.

Simpilis - Occurs when one does nothing but simper, suck up, asskiss, and fawn.
Symptoms: Start writing nothing but overblown, flowery cliches, most of which have already been said - and better - by someone else. This disease is EXTREMELY infectious, causing others to repeat the phrases as if they actually had some sort of great meaning. DANGER WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO APPLY THEM TO REAL LIFE. You will go mad because they Just.Don't.Work.

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PLEASE, for the love of all that is holy, PROTECT YOURSELVES.
Some of these conditions may be life-threatening if they are allowed to remain untreated.
Or at least cause one to be universally disliked apart from one's own kind.

Thursday...on steroids.

I actually had to look at the calendar to make sure this wasn't a Manic Monday.

So the kids are on Fall Break and I was excited that I could sleep in a little.
Then I totally WAY overslept.

Got up, rushed around to get everything and everybody ready...and something weird happens with the coffee pot and coffee starts leaking all over the counter, dripping into the silverware drawer...
and I'm cleaning it up in the dark, because of course the kitchen light bulb burned out and naturally I happened to be out of light bulbs for the first time in forever.

And I was out of delicious amaretto coffee creamer.

I get the kids packed off to grandma's and head off to the studio.
So far, so good.
But my gas gauge sort of floats and I'm never quite sure EXACTLY how much gas I have in the car, and then I realized I haven't stopped to fill up all week.
Head to the Conoco - and I should mention I'm about a quarter of the way to the studio now - and realize I've left my cell phone at home.
You may not think that's a big deal and probably it isn't, but the first time I ever forgot my cell phone & decided not to go back for it was the day my car broke down on the side of the highway.
Yeah.
So I fill up the car and then head BACK home to get the phone. When I walk in the house (now I'm running about an hour later than usual), I say to myself, "Self, maybe we should just call it a wash and stay home".
Then the pseudo-angel on my shoulder said, "NO! We must be good and responsible and PLUS we can't afford to not work today. WE HAVE A BUDGET, you know!".

The shoulder-devil and I sighed and got back in the car & headed on in to work.
Did you know my daily commute is 35 minutes (or so) each way? Not really a big deal... except when you're late and have made part of the trip ONCE already.

Get to the studio.
Boot up my computer.
Get error message: Blahblahblah Cannot Open Windows because windows/config/blahblah/system File Is Missing Or Corrupt.

THE FUCK?

Reboot. Twice. Three times. Unplug. Re-plug. Try a variety of other stupid things that I know have nothing to do with the problem.

Still the same message.
Text the boss lady... she never calls/texts back. Then I find out she's heading for Dallas.

FABULOUS.

Can't get into my computer, there are no extra computers for me to use...
decide that these things are all definite signs that I should've stayed home and should NOT TRY TO WORK today.

On the way home I drive through McDonald's to get a big-ass iced tea.
I'm almost home before I manage to get the paper off the straw - because apparently even THIS is much too complicated for me today - and take a loooong suck of tea.

IT.IS.SWEET.

Sweet tea makes me gag, especially hypersweetened McDonald's tea.

That's a dollar I'll never get back.

So please don't take it personally when I say FUCK THIS, FUCK THAT, FUCK YOU.

ASSCLAMS.

I'm going to bed.
And it is only noon.

That is all.
Have a day.

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on a completely unrelated note...

This is post number ONE THOUSAND.
Yay. Go me.