Mea Culpa

For the record: No, I did not unfriend or FaceBLOCK you.

I just wanted to quietly take some time away from The FB because my work productivity was suffering - I AM WEAK. I admit it. I tried to just log out and leave it alone, but sometimes I accidentally clicked the FB icon instead of the eBay icon and then it would automatically log me in and then YOU PEOPLE WOULD SUCK ME IN WITH YOUR STUFF AND THINGS.

I didn't want to make a big Thing out of it with one of those dramatic "Goodbye cruel Facebook world, I must away to sweeter climes and find myself!" posts that people do (and annoy the EVERLASTING SHIT out of me with their pretentiousness, by the way)...so I just did a temporary deactivation is all.

I am sorry to all my friends texted or emailed to ask what they'd done to piss me off/offend me/make me block them -- I truly had no idea that the "temporary deactivation" button would make it seem like you were blocked.

Anyway, I've (re)located my motivation and I'm getting my work groove on. Please only do and say really irritating and uninteresting and stupid things until I get back. Save the good stuff for me.

Seriously?

Punishing your kid for fucking up is NEWS now?

Well, I guess it has been for awhile with the whole social media deal - parents shaming their kids making them stand by the road wearing a sandwich board, that kind of thing, while posting and re-tweeting and sharing it.

And every time I see one one of those stories and see all the "Go mom!" "We need more parents like you!" "Best parenting ever!" comments...I just shake my head and say "WHAT THE HELL, PEOPLE."

Do you not punish your own kids? What is so special and newsworthy about making your kid do chores for the neighbors to pay for totaling your car and lying about where he was going? And really, is that the best you can come up with for punishment for that big of A Thing?

I DON'T GET IT.

Who HASN'T been punished by having to do chores? Plus being grounded and no TV and blahblahblah.
The occasional spanking...which can ALSO get you on the news but you sure won't be hearing any "Go mom!" comments for THAT (except maybe from me).

Maybe if more of you "Go mom!"ers would spend some time disciplining your own kids, it wouldn't seem like such a big deal.

Because I totally can not figure out how it becomes News.

WHAT THE HELL, PEOPLE.

Crybaby cry, poke you in the eye...

You know how you hope a thing will happen one way, you want a thing to happen that way just for a bit of happiness or contentment's sake, but you expect it will happen the other way and then it pretty much does and you're really not at all surprised and then you're a little weepy all day?

That.

That is today.

That is today for me.

#PityParty
#TableForOne

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Updated: 
To add insult to injury, I burnt my breakfast, which I am just now getting around to making at 12:04pm. Normally I make perfectly tasty over-medium eggs, just the way I like them, but apparently I do not know how to cook them in coconut oil. They both stuck, got burnt on the edges, and the yolks broke when I attempted to flip them. It was a scramble-fried hot mess.

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Update #2:
AAANNNNDDDD I just realized my shirt has been on inside-out.

I need a vacation from you, Internet.

Compacted.

Most days I don't think much about my responsibilities...I mean, they're THERE, they exist, they get dealt with in order of importance (and insane-making ability).
Just life, deal with it, move along.

But some days are like this:

Today is one of those days.
That is all.

Brand THIS: A BigAss Change

After...what, 8 years?...I am going to change the name of this blog. YES YOU HEARD ME CORRECTLY. I don't give two shits about all the fancy "You are a brand. Be your brand. Represent your brand" talk. I am not a brand, I am a person. I am a blogger. I am a mother. I am a friend and a daughter and a sister and an aunt. I am not a brand. Although if I WAS a brand, it would totes be designer quality. Is all I'm saying. See, when I started this particular blog in 2005, it was sort of a riff on our local newspaper, The Daily Oklahoman. Back in the beginning, I kind of had it set up with sections and labels mirroring the newspaper. Somehow that whole thing got left by the wayside some years ago. ALSO (and more importantly) THERE ARE TOO MANY OTHER BLOGS USING THE SAME NAME. Even facebook pages! I DO NOT LIKE THAT. So I'm going to be going with one of my tag lines as the new Name. So if you still have blogrolls or whatever people are using nowadays AND if I'm still on that whatever, We (the royal We, you know, because I am the Queen of My Blog) will hereafter be known as Brain Soup For The Dysfunctional Soul. Or "Brain Soup" for short or if you're just too damn lazy to type out the whole thing. So go. Update. DO IT OR I WILL CUT YOU LIKE A CHEAP STEAK.

Stream Of Consciousness - A brief & uncensored peek into my brain.

I dare you to try it. Close your eyes like you're preparing to meditate and just type whatever floats across your mind. No peeking! Ready? Okay. Now what? I can't think of anything because I'm tryig to think of something. I think this is why I stopped blogging. No, actually I think I stopped because I started making more friends and then my family started reading and I started caring what people thought. I mean I've always sort of cared what people think about what I write, but I don't get all weird about it because I typically try to offset my bitchiness with a litle humor and oh shit I think I just made a typo. OMG what if my fingers were on the wrong keys all along and this is a bunch of gibberish? Did I spell gibberish correctly? I wnat to peek but I won't cheat. OH cheating. I could write something about that. This will probably be the longest paragraph ever, sort of like one of Danielle Steele's paragraphs only without eleventy three commas per sentence. But she makes millions so I guess maybe I should try doing things her way. I wonder if anyone else ever picks up a Danielle Steele book and thinks well, I wonder who is giong to die or get maimed first? Because that seems to be a recurring theme, not to mention all the broken hearts that happen. Where was I going with that? Diphenhydramine. I don't even know what that is or why I just htought of it. I wonder if I spelled it correctly? WTF am I even thinking about? I am clearly a lunatic.

Your turn - I triple-dog dare you.

WHAT. EVER.

Dear ONG,

WE ARE NOT FALLING FOR YOUR PROPAGANDA! Oh sure, you've got Mother Nature all "ooooh switch to gas and get this GINORMOUS REBATE check! ooooh!" but what you don't say is "OOH YOU BETTER SAVE THAT REBATE CHECK FOR WHEN WE HIKE THE RATES AND RAM IT UP YOUR ASS THIS WINTER WITH NO LUBE TO THE TUNE OF $200-$300 EACH MONTH FROM DECEMBER TO MARCH!"
Yeah. Now THAT would be full disclosure.
Have a nice day. And also SUCK IT ONG.

Sincerely,
A much abused customer who only uses your services because she has no other options