If I ever get another animal I'm naming it Peeve, so I can say, "Yeah this is my pet, Peeve."
I feel like I'm going to have a lot of animals with the same name.
Speaking of Peeves, I've already put in a request to be a poltergeist after I die, and I will be like Harry Potter's Peeves and follow people around making sarcastic remarks and spitting paper wads at them.
So just like in my real life.
In my facebook memories:
"If I ever open a tattoo parlor, it's going to be called Tattooine."
You will not get it if you're not cool.
ALSO STILL A VIABLE PLAN SO DON'T STEAL IT. GAH.
Also in facebook memories:
"If you don't get my jokes, you probably don't deserve to be my friend."
#TrueStory
I'm opting for National Need Books & Booze Month, or NaNeeBooBooMo.
Which reminds me I tried NaNoWriMo one time and did like two days before it completely fled my mind, which is why you will never ever have to worry about competing against me on the NY Times Bestseller List.
YOU ARE WELCOME.
Also it's MOVEMBER so the air will soon carry the scent of Jovan Musk and Boogie Nights.
Becca took The Littles (my nieces) trick or treating last night so she got paid in candy and I'm figuring out my fee but mathing is hard.
So, like 4 twizzlers, 12 bite snickers, 7 Reese's peanut butter cups, and 8 fun size three musketeers makes like, what, one regular size candy bar, right? #Frankenbar
Don't worry, I left Becca all the mounds, milky ways, and generic gross stuff.
Don't forget, this Sunday the other half of your clocks will be correct.
Showing posts with label social media. Show all posts
Showing posts with label social media. Show all posts
Friday, November 01, 2019
Wednesday, August 07, 2013
Typical Pitch
After years of bloggers complaining about this very thing, I do not understand why companies still employ people who send this type of pitch:
"Hey
"Hey
We just released the fourth issue of *|REDACTED! HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?|* and I thought that you and the readers of *|BLOG|* might find the content interesting."
HEY?! How professional of you! How respectful! How...to show you have no idea who I am!
And WTF exactly is *|BLOG|*? You didn't even make an effort to find out the name or URL of my blog. I can't believe that this practice is STILL HAPPENING. Oh yeah, the people who hire these "marketers" and the "marketers" themselves don't bother to even look at our *|Blog|*s, so they probably haven't read all the complaints. I don't care if you wanted me to share or review something I can't live without...I wouldn't do it for this company. I am, however, looking forward to telling them that I wrote about them today.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
SxSW: A Top 10 List
Last year my friend Lisa (you may recognize her from Twitter as @pprlisa) made me laugh (EVEN THOUGH SHE IS NOT THE FUNNY ONE, LET ME MAKE THAT CLEAR) when she came up with this Top Ten Reasons I Didn't Go To SxSW --that's "South by Southwest" for you unwashed uninitiated undesirables. #GoogleIt
Someday I wouldn't mind going, but not for the tech stuff because frankly I find that a total yawnfest but HEY THAT'S JUST ME.
I would LOVE to go for the Film and/or Music (in case any large or midsize company would like to sponsor me for the 2011 conference)(COME ON)(YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO).
ANYWAY.
(I was going to say "But I Digress" right there but those of you who've been reading this blog for a long time know that I hate that particular phrase because it is MORE OVERUSED THAN "MONETIZE")
(also possibly more overused than parentheses in this post)
SO.
I didn't think it possible, but PPRLisa has come up with something even better, funnier, and, as usual, on the cutting edge...
The 2nd Annual "Top 10 Reasons I Didn't Go To SxSW" List
10. Someone has to do all of the chores on 20,000+ Farmville Farms
9. Embarrassed that Guru status was revoked for excessive fake hashtaggery
8. Speaking submission titled “Does my prezo topic really matter when everyone’s in the hall hungover” was rejected
7. Rent-A-Wreck was the only car company to sponsor my drive to the show
6. Taking advantage of the mass exodus from Boston to become Mayor of EVERYTHING #FourSquare
5. Saving up my excuses for "going-to-a-conference-but-attending-nothing-but-parties" for BlogHer
4. Already met up with all of the social media elite that I wanted to see on Chatroulette earlier today
3. If @marketingprofs doesn't go, I don't go #suckup #pander
2. Lost my GPS and ended up going to NxSE
and the number one reason @pprlisa did not go to SxSW this year....
1. Can't show my face in social media circles after putting on a trench coat & trying to get in on the Vanity Fair cover
I'm only hoping the inevitable TechKaraoke videos have someone singing "Pants On The Ground" this year.
Someday I wouldn't mind going, but not for the tech stuff because frankly I find that a total yawnfest but HEY THAT'S JUST ME.
I would LOVE to go for the Film and/or Music (in case any large or midsize company would like to sponsor me for the 2011 conference)(COME ON)(YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO).
ANYWAY.
(I was going to say "But I Digress" right there but those of you who've been reading this blog for a long time know that I hate that particular phrase because it is MORE OVERUSED THAN "MONETIZE")
(also possibly more overused than parentheses in this post)
SO.
I didn't think it possible, but PPRLisa has come up with something even better, funnier, and, as usual, on the cutting edge...
10. Someone has to do all of the chores on 20,000+ Farmville Farms
9. Embarrassed that Guru status was revoked for excessive fake hashtaggery
8. Speaking submission titled “Does my prezo topic really matter when everyone’s in the hall hungover” was rejected
7. Rent-A-Wreck was the only car company to sponsor my drive to the show
6. Taking advantage of the mass exodus from Boston to become Mayor of EVERYTHING #FourSquare
5. Saving up my excuses for "going-to-a-conference-but-attending-nothing-but-parties" for BlogHer
4. Already met up with all of the social media elite that I wanted to see on Chatroulette earlier today
3. If @marketingprofs doesn't go, I don't go #suckup #pander
2. Lost my GPS and ended up going to NxSE
and the number one reason @pprlisa did not go to SxSW this year....
1. Can't show my face in social media circles after putting on a trench coat & trying to get in on the Vanity Fair cover
I'm only hoping the inevitable TechKaraoke videos have someone singing "Pants On The Ground" this year.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Social Media Diseases - SMTDs
Because Social Media folk have made themselves such easy targets.
I just can't help myself.
They have only themselves to blame.
Clammydia - Transferred by contact.
Symptoms: sweaty palms due to too much glad-handing and patting oneself on the back.
Twitterrhea - Contracted when assuming that giant numbers of followers make one an "expert", "guru", "maven", or "specialist".
Symptoms: Increasing douchebaggery, self-importance; eventual career suicide and abject failure as the rest of us laugh derisively.
Tooles - Much like herpes, there is no cure and the treatment is only about 50% effective. Some people, unfortunately, are just born with the Tool-es gene.
Symptoms: People start avoiding you. Eventually you will attempt to avoid even yourself.
Simpilis - Occurs when one does nothing but simper, suck up, asskiss, and fawn.
Symptoms: Start writing nothing but overblown, flowery cliches, most of which have already been said - and better - by someone else. This disease is EXTREMELY infectious, causing others to repeat the phrases as if they actually had some sort of great meaning. DANGER WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO APPLY THEM TO REAL LIFE. You will go mad because they Just.Don't.Work.
PLEASE, for the love of all that is holy, PROTECT YOURSELVES.
Some of these conditions may be life-threatening if they are allowed to remain untreated.
Or at least cause one to be universally disliked apart from one's own kind.
I just can't help myself.
They have only themselves to blame.
Clammydia - Transferred by contact.
Symptoms: sweaty palms due to too much glad-handing and patting oneself on the back.
Twitterrhea - Contracted when assuming that giant numbers of followers make one an "expert", "guru", "maven", or "specialist".
Symptoms: Increasing douchebaggery, self-importance; eventual career suicide and abject failure as the rest of us laugh derisively.
Tooles - Much like herpes, there is no cure and the treatment is only about 50% effective. Some people, unfortunately, are just born with the Tool-es gene.
Symptoms: People start avoiding you. Eventually you will attempt to avoid even yourself.
Simpilis - Occurs when one does nothing but simper, suck up, asskiss, and fawn.
Symptoms: Start writing nothing but overblown, flowery cliches, most of which have already been said - and better - by someone else. This disease is EXTREMELY infectious, causing others to repeat the phrases as if they actually had some sort of great meaning. DANGER WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO APPLY THEM TO REAL LIFE. You will go mad because they Just.Don't.Work.
PLEASE, for the love of all that is holy, PROTECT YOURSELVES.
Some of these conditions may be life-threatening if they are allowed to remain untreated.
Or at least cause one to be universally disliked apart from one's own kind.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
In which I explain why Twitter is becoming full of suck.
Poor, poor Twitter.
Say, remember when Twitter had fewer users and people weren't posting nothing but links to this and that and the other thing? And hardly ANYONE re-tweeted or used hashtags?
Aaaaaah, the good old days.
Now it's all about Social Media and the Experts and Gurus and Mavens.
What's funny is that all the social media people spend their time sucking up to the other cliquey social media people...
...which is weird to me because one would THINK that, as a social media EXPERT/MAVEN/GURU, the focus would be on drawing in the regular folk. Aren't the non-SM people the ones to whom you need to sell, to relate?
Based on some informal polling of "Regular People ie NON SOCIAL MEDIA PEOPLE", I have discovered some facts:
Nobody likes nothing but retweets.
Nobody likes nothing but LINKS, especially the self-promotion.
The hashtags! OH DEAR LORD, THE HASHTAGS.
Also? THE NUMBERS ARE MEANINGLESS.
I read some "suggestions" from "power tweeters" and laughed my ASS off. According to them, the way to grow your audience/base is to follow everyone and tweet links and do a bunch of retweets that YOU, as an SM person, feel are relevant.
So you get 2 or 3 thousand (or 10 thousand) followers and suddenly you're a "power twitter user".
First of all, that's the most ridiculous term I ever heard.
Secondly... HOW many of those 2/3/10/50 thousand people ever actually read what you have to say? Percentage-wise.
Go check out some of your 2K (or 10K+) followers and see how many people they're following besides you.
How many of your "relevant" links and retweets are actually getting NOTICED by all those thousands of followers?
Exactly.
So unless they spend 24 out of every 24 hours on twitter, the chances that they will A. See most of the stuff you post
or
2. Visit everyone's profile pages to see what's been written
are exactly SLIM and NONE.
I follow just over 500 people and I miss TONS of stuff. If I'm being honest (damn I sounded just like Simon Cowell right then), there are a handful of people whom I summize daily. The rest? I catch when I can.
I'm not saying social media doesn't have a place; nor am I saying that it can't be lucrative.
What I'm saying is that the only people who find social media interesting are OTHER people in social media.
The rest of the world could give a flying hot shit.
Every "SM" person I've run across thinks they have all the answers.
If that were true... I wouldn't be writing this post right now because you have ANNOYED THE EVERLOVIN' CRAP RIGHT OUT OF ME with your retweets and self-promotion and OH I AM A GURU/MAVEN AND I KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS AND HOW TO MAKE IT WORK.
If it were that easy, we'd all be doing it and making a fortune.
Just like Amway. Right?
Say, remember when Twitter had fewer users and people weren't posting nothing but links to this and that and the other thing? And hardly ANYONE re-tweeted or used hashtags?
Aaaaaah, the good old days.
Now it's all about Social Media and the Experts and Gurus and Mavens.
What's funny is that all the social media people spend their time sucking up to the other cliquey social media people...
...which is weird to me because one would THINK that, as a social media EXPERT/MAVEN/GURU, the focus would be on drawing in the regular folk. Aren't the non-SM people the ones to whom you need to sell, to relate?
Based on some informal polling of "Regular People ie NON SOCIAL MEDIA PEOPLE", I have discovered some facts:
Nobody likes nothing but retweets.
Nobody likes nothing but LINKS, especially the self-promotion.
The hashtags! OH DEAR LORD, THE HASHTAGS.
Also? THE NUMBERS ARE MEANINGLESS.
I read some "suggestions" from "power tweeters" and laughed my ASS off. According to them, the way to grow your audience/base is to follow everyone and tweet links and do a bunch of retweets that YOU, as an SM person, feel are relevant.
So you get 2 or 3 thousand (or 10 thousand) followers and suddenly you're a "power twitter user".
First of all, that's the most ridiculous term I ever heard.
Secondly... HOW many of those 2/3/10/50 thousand people ever actually read what you have to say? Percentage-wise.
Go check out some of your 2K (or 10K+) followers and see how many people they're following besides you.
How many of your "relevant" links and retweets are actually getting NOTICED by all those thousands of followers?
Exactly.
So unless they spend 24 out of every 24 hours on twitter, the chances that they will A. See most of the stuff you post
or
2. Visit everyone's profile pages to see what's been written
are exactly SLIM and NONE.
I follow just over 500 people and I miss TONS of stuff. If I'm being honest (damn I sounded just like Simon Cowell right then), there are a handful of people whom I summize daily. The rest? I catch when I can.
I'm not saying social media doesn't have a place; nor am I saying that it can't be lucrative.
What I'm saying is that the only people who find social media interesting are OTHER people in social media.
The rest of the world could give a flying hot shit.
Every "SM" person I've run across thinks they have all the answers.
If that were true... I wouldn't be writing this post right now because you have ANNOYED THE EVERLOVIN' CRAP RIGHT OUT OF ME with your retweets and self-promotion and OH I AM A GURU/MAVEN AND I KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS AND HOW TO MAKE IT WORK.
If it were that easy, we'd all be doing it and making a fortune.
Just like Amway. Right?
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