Showing posts with label games people play. Show all posts
Showing posts with label games people play. Show all posts
Friday, October 17, 2014
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Weathering Nostalgic.
We're getting a little weather tonight, so it is with a heavy heart that I am pouring a little out for my Weatherman, Gary England.
Oh he's not dead, just retired.
But he always comforted me - I think he was a weatherman nearly as long as I've been alive and I trusted him to warn me, take care of me, shield me from The Bad Weather.
He never annoyed me, I would watch him for HOURS at a time every season as we had tornadoes and severe storms marching through our state.
I knew he would make sure I took my tornado precautions in plenty of time.
I knew he would remind me what those precautions were. He would remind me to put helmets on the kids and how to best protect us all.
Okay, yeah, so I already knew all of that, but he cared enough to tell me again. And again. And again.
I miss you, Gary England.
I hope you're enjoying your retirement.
But now I have to find a new game to play on Severe Weather Nights...
so in honor of My Special Weatherman, let's have one final round of:
THE GARY ENGLAND DRINKING GAME!
*Pregame
*1. Everyone selects a storm chaser other than Val Castor.
(Monty sez: I choose Hank when I just want a little buzz. He doesn't get as much action)
(Val lives in Stillwater and Gary talks to him CONSTANTLY.)
Every time Gary talks to your storm chaser, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your storm chaser.
Take four drinks if your storm chaser says “tornado on the ground.”
2. Everyone selects a county other than Pottawatomie County.
(Because we are always hearing about Pottawatomie County.)
Every time Gary mentions your county, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your county.
Take four drinks if a tornado touches down in your county.
*One drink
*1. Take one drink every time Gary says the following:
“Hook echo” | “Updraft” | “Metro” | “Doppler radar” | “Wall cloud” |”Ranger 9″ | “Underground” | “Mobile home”
2. When Gary gives a list of counties, take one drink for every county in the list.
(Oklahoma has 77 counties but somehow they all get mentioned at some point.)
3. Take one drink every time Gary interrupts a program.
Take one drink if Gary says “You’re not missing any of [program name].”(This is a major concern damnit!)
Take one drink when Gary says “We’ll keep you advised.” (Like we had any doubt that you wouldn’t.)
*Two drinks
*1. Take two drinks every time Gary says the following:
“Baseball-sized hail” | “Waterloo Road” | “Pottawatomie County” | “Deer Creek High School” (How many times has that high school been hit anyway?!?)
2. Take two drinks every time Gary mentions the following towns:
Altus | Burns Flat | Dill City | Gotebo | Hydro | Lookeba | Meeker | Mulhall | Oktaha | Olustee | Shattuck | Slaughterville | Tryon | Vici |Waukomis | Wayne (or Payne) | Weleetka | Wetumkah (The only one that is even slightly big is Altus.)
3. Take two drinks every time Gary talks to Val Castor. (Now we are gonna get really drunk!)
*Three drinks
*1. Take three drinks if we see footage from Val Castor.
2. Take three drinks if we see footage from Pottawatomie County.
3. Take three drinks if Gary mentions the following:
“Immediate tornado precautions” | “National Weather Service” | “Mesocyclone” | “Portable Radio” | “Take shelter” | “Tornado warning in effect until …”
*Four drinks
*1. Take four drinks if Ranger 9 must land to refuel. (Notice it doesn’t say when it lands to take cover, we don’t land our aircraft in a tornado around here, we fly AROUND them.)
2. Take four drinks if Gary issues his own tornado warning, not recognized by the NWS (He’s a renegade that way) or says the following:
“Will someone please answer that phone?” (He takes this stuff seriously damn it, answer the phone.) or “Do you see the power flashes?”
3. Take four drinks if a shirt-less tornado victim is interviewed.(Redneck land, yo. There is a reason I get dressed and put on shoes when a storm is in the vicinity.)
*Finish your drink
*1. Finish your drink if someone uses the word tornado as a verb or if Gary mentions the cross streets nearest to you.
2. If Gary says “We’ve lost Val,” pour a little out for your homies and finish your drink. (Poor Val…)
If THAT won't get you drunk, it can't be done.
Oh he's not dead, just retired.
But he always comforted me - I think he was a weatherman nearly as long as I've been alive and I trusted him to warn me, take care of me, shield me from The Bad Weather.
He never annoyed me, I would watch him for HOURS at a time every season as we had tornadoes and severe storms marching through our state.
I knew he would make sure I took my tornado precautions in plenty of time.
I knew he would remind me what those precautions were. He would remind me to put helmets on the kids and how to best protect us all.
Okay, yeah, so I already knew all of that, but he cared enough to tell me again. And again. And again.
I miss you, Gary England.
I hope you're enjoying your retirement.
But now I have to find a new game to play on Severe Weather Nights...
so in honor of My Special Weatherman, let's have one final round of:
THE GARY ENGLAND DRINKING GAME!
*Pregame
*1. Everyone selects a storm chaser other than Val Castor.
(Monty sez: I choose Hank when I just want a little buzz. He doesn't get as much action)
(Val lives in Stillwater and Gary talks to him CONSTANTLY.)
Every time Gary talks to your storm chaser, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your storm chaser.
Take four drinks if your storm chaser says “tornado on the ground.”
2. Everyone selects a county other than Pottawatomie County.
(Because we are always hearing about Pottawatomie County.)
Every time Gary mentions your county, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your county.
Take four drinks if a tornado touches down in your county.
*One drink
*1. Take one drink every time Gary says the following:
“Hook echo” | “Updraft” | “Metro” | “Doppler radar” | “Wall cloud” |”Ranger 9″ | “Underground” | “Mobile home”
2. When Gary gives a list of counties, take one drink for every county in the list.
(Oklahoma has 77 counties but somehow they all get mentioned at some point.)
3. Take one drink every time Gary interrupts a program.
Take one drink if Gary says “You’re not missing any of [program name].”(This is a major concern damnit!)
Take one drink when Gary says “We’ll keep you advised.” (Like we had any doubt that you wouldn’t.)
*Two drinks
*1. Take two drinks every time Gary says the following:
“Baseball-sized hail” | “Waterloo Road” | “Pottawatomie County” | “Deer Creek High School” (How many times has that high school been hit anyway?!?)
2. Take two drinks every time Gary mentions the following towns:
Altus | Burns Flat | Dill City | Gotebo | Hydro | Lookeba | Meeker | Mulhall | Oktaha | Olustee | Shattuck | Slaughterville | Tryon | Vici |Waukomis | Wayne (or Payne) | Weleetka | Wetumkah (The only one that is even slightly big is Altus.)
3. Take two drinks every time Gary talks to Val Castor. (Now we are gonna get really drunk!)
*Three drinks
*1. Take three drinks if we see footage from Val Castor.
2. Take three drinks if we see footage from Pottawatomie County.
3. Take three drinks if Gary mentions the following:
“Immediate tornado precautions” | “National Weather Service” | “Mesocyclone” | “Portable Radio” | “Take shelter” | “Tornado warning in effect until …”
*Four drinks
*1. Take four drinks if Ranger 9 must land to refuel. (Notice it doesn’t say when it lands to take cover, we don’t land our aircraft in a tornado around here, we fly AROUND them.)
2. Take four drinks if Gary issues his own tornado warning, not recognized by the NWS (He’s a renegade that way) or says the following:
“Will someone please answer that phone?” (He takes this stuff seriously damn it, answer the phone.) or “Do you see the power flashes?”
3. Take four drinks if a shirt-less tornado victim is interviewed.(Redneck land, yo. There is a reason I get dressed and put on shoes when a storm is in the vicinity.)
*Finish your drink
*1. Finish your drink if someone uses the word tornado as a verb or if Gary mentions the cross streets nearest to you.
2. If Gary says “We’ve lost Val,” pour a little out for your homies and finish your drink. (Poor Val…)
If THAT won't get you drunk, it can't be done.
Wednesday, September 04, 2013
Music is my boyfriend. No, really.
For a week or so I was feeling pretty bad. Mean(er), nasty(er), depressed(er) (I know depresseder isn't really a word BUT HEY IT IS LITERARY LICENSE), and anxious. I wasn't sure why. I also realized that during this time I'd been watching a way lot of online TV shows and hadn't even opened iTunes or Pandora at all.
So thought I'd try an experiment.
Observation: I don't listen to music when I watch too much TV. I am mean and anxious.
Hypothesis: My life without music is bad.
Experiment: No music for 3 days, only TV shows (did I mention I watch a lot of crime dramas?).
Then minimal TV for 3 days, but lots and lots of music and singing.
Results: At the end of the 3 No Music days, I was moody, cranky, feeling left out and lonely, a little paranoid, and self-pitying. At the end of the 3 LOTS OF MUSIC days, I was happier, livelier, funnier (at least to myself), and feelin' cooooooooool.
Conclusion: Music is necessary for a happy life. I need it. You probably do too.
In related but different news, I'm going to start calling my daughter Dolores Umbridge because whenever I start singing, she does this weird little throat-clearing thing. I don't know what that's about but it irritates the shit out of me. Next time she does it, I'm going to start replying to her only in song lyrics.
She does NOT KNOW WHO SHE'S MESSING WITH.
So thought I'd try an experiment.
Observation: I don't listen to music when I watch too much TV. I am mean and anxious.
Hypothesis: My life without music is bad.
Experiment: No music for 3 days, only TV shows (did I mention I watch a lot of crime dramas?).
Then minimal TV for 3 days, but lots and lots of music and singing.
Results: At the end of the 3 No Music days, I was moody, cranky, feeling left out and lonely, a little paranoid, and self-pitying. At the end of the 3 LOTS OF MUSIC days, I was happier, livelier, funnier (at least to myself), and feelin' cooooooooool.
Conclusion: Music is necessary for a happy life. I need it. You probably do too.
In related but different news, I'm going to start calling my daughter Dolores Umbridge because whenever I start singing, she does this weird little throat-clearing thing. I don't know what that's about but it irritates the shit out of me. Next time she does it, I'm going to start replying to her only in song lyrics.
She does NOT KNOW WHO SHE'S MESSING WITH.
Monday, August 05, 2013
Stream Of Consciousness - A brief & uncensored peek into my brain.
I dare you to try it. Close your eyes like you're preparing to meditate and just type whatever floats across your mind. No peeking! Ready? Okay. Now what? I can't think of anything because I'm tryig to think of something. I think this is why I stopped blogging. No, actually I think I stopped because I started making more friends and then my family started reading and I started caring what people thought. I mean I've always sort of cared what people think about what I write, but I don't get all weird about it because I typically try to offset my bitchiness with a litle humor and oh shit I think I just made a typo. OMG what if my fingers were on the wrong keys all along and this is a bunch of gibberish? Did I spell gibberish correctly? I wnat to peek but I won't cheat. OH cheating. I could write something about that. This will probably be the longest paragraph ever, sort of like one of Danielle Steele's paragraphs only without eleventy three commas per sentence. But she makes millions so I guess maybe I should try doing things her way. I wonder if anyone else ever picks up a Danielle Steele book and thinks well, I wonder who is giong to die or get maimed first? Because that seems to be a recurring theme, not to mention all the broken hearts that happen. Where was I going with that? Diphenhydramine. I don't even know what that is or why I just htought of it. I wonder if I spelled it correctly? WTF am I even thinking about? I am clearly a lunatic.
Your turn - I triple-dog dare you.
Your turn - I triple-dog dare you.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Blogging Nostalgic
See, I have had a whole post in my head for weeks (only I'm mostly too lazy to actually, you know, TYPE it because I type type type type type for my job) about missing blogging.
Oh, I know people still do it, some are still successful with it, even I do it sometimes... but I mean five or six years ago before the world Moved On and blogging became more about Making Money and Social Media. Before conferences actually had WHOLE SESSIONS devoted to teaching you how to answer "What's Your Blog About?" in the time it takes for an elevator ride (no kidding. ACTUAL SESSIONS.).
**which, by the way, is a completely asinine question for olde-tyme bloggers like me. How do you answer that when you're a mom but not a mommyblogger and you tell stories in real-time from your life and try drunk-blogging experiments and share old stories and made-up or embellished stories and complain about getting buttsecksed by the power company every summer and post a bunch of random snippets of thought that sometimes strike you as funny and you post them and hope someone else thinks they're as funny as you do and you vent about the state of the country and you throw in some product and book reviews - some compensated with free goods and some just because you feel like it and you make up games for your readers to play along with you and so on and so forth.
So I guess what I mean is IF YOU SEE ME IN AN ELEVATOR, DO NOT ASK ME WHAT I BLOG ABOUT OR I MIGHT KICK YOU IN THE NUGGETS.
I miss the days when we (and by "we" I mean "me and most of my blogroll") were not a niche, but a community. I know that many of us just don't have the time we did before. We have to work more hours or our kids have more activities or we got burnt out or just simply ran out of things we wanted to write about.
But I miss US.
Before there were "niches" you had to fall into. Before it was too hard to find an actual post in the midst of all the advertisements. Before "experts" expected us to have a centralized theme in 90% of our posts.
Before memes were a lolcat picture with some snarky remark (hey, I'm not saying I don't like those, but I don't understand how they came to be called memes). I miss memes that look like this. And even when we hated them, we did them anyway BECAUSE OUR FRIENDS TOLD US TO. And secretly, we sort of loved the memes.
I miss silly made-up blog awards that we gave each other. I miss Thursday Thirteens and Wordless Wednesdays.
I miss how we worked on promoting and linking each other instead of only concentrating on an obscene amount of self-promotion. I miss those of us who loved the comments but didn't overly concern ourselves with becoming "popular" or "SuperBloggers".
For my own blog, I miss how I would think of a REALLY AWESOME TITLE...and the blog post would evolve around that. I miss how I always had something to say and wasn't worried about who might take exception to me saying it...because rarely did anyone do that.
Well what the hell, I guess I wasn't too lazy to type it all out after all.
Blame Golfwidow - she was the catalyst because she was kind enough to Bring Back The Meme/Award and tag me in it (TAG! You're it! I miss that too).
If you're still Olde Skool blogging and I haven't been there lately, I'm sorry. Be old-fashioned and leave a comment here instead of facebook or twitter...and I'll come visit. Promise.
NOW THEN.
the rules:
1. Favorite number: Okay, these are maybe not the most awesome meme questions in the land. My favorite right now is NUMBER ONE. Meaning ME.
2. Favorite non-alcoholic drink: Why would anyone ever drink such a thing?? I guess I'll have to say coffee, without which I would not be the person I am today.
3. Favorite animal: What is the biggest, meanest one that eats people? That one.
4. Facebook or Twitter?: Both. And neither. *sigh* There is no lesser of two evils in this question.
5. My passion: gone but not forgotten. Oh, wait...what are YOU talking about?
6. Favorite day of the week: Every one on which I wake up.
7. Favorite flower: that little skunk from Bambi. Or lilacs. I have lilac bushes around my house and they smell divooooon
Now, the inevitable and fearsome TAG and more importantly, the AWARD that goes with it (and be a sport and go all nostalgic with me and play along):
Incurable Insomniac
Mamacita
Redneck Diva
Under The Willow Tree
Simply Sassy
Megan, Grrl Author
Thumper
Webkittyn
And anyone else who'd like to play along. Granting yourself an award is totes allowed.
Oh, I know people still do it, some are still successful with it, even I do it sometimes... but I mean five or six years ago before the world Moved On and blogging became more about Making Money and Social Media. Before conferences actually had WHOLE SESSIONS devoted to teaching you how to answer "What's Your Blog About?" in the time it takes for an elevator ride (no kidding. ACTUAL SESSIONS.).
**which, by the way, is a completely asinine question for olde-tyme bloggers like me. How do you answer that when you're a mom but not a mommyblogger and you tell stories in real-time from your life and try drunk-blogging experiments and share old stories and made-up or embellished stories and complain about getting buttsecksed by the power company every summer and post a bunch of random snippets of thought that sometimes strike you as funny and you post them and hope someone else thinks they're as funny as you do and you vent about the state of the country and you throw in some product and book reviews - some compensated with free goods and some just because you feel like it and you make up games for your readers to play along with you and so on and so forth.
So I guess what I mean is IF YOU SEE ME IN AN ELEVATOR, DO NOT ASK ME WHAT I BLOG ABOUT OR I MIGHT KICK YOU IN THE NUGGETS.
I miss the days when we (and by "we" I mean "me and most of my blogroll") were not a niche, but a community. I know that many of us just don't have the time we did before. We have to work more hours or our kids have more activities or we got burnt out or just simply ran out of things we wanted to write about.
But I miss US.
Before there were "niches" you had to fall into. Before it was too hard to find an actual post in the midst of all the advertisements. Before "experts" expected us to have a centralized theme in 90% of our posts.
Before memes were a lolcat picture with some snarky remark (hey, I'm not saying I don't like those, but I don't understand how they came to be called memes). I miss memes that look like this. And even when we hated them, we did them anyway BECAUSE OUR FRIENDS TOLD US TO. And secretly, we sort of loved the memes.
I miss silly made-up blog awards that we gave each other. I miss Thursday Thirteens and Wordless Wednesdays.
I miss how we worked on promoting and linking each other instead of only concentrating on an obscene amount of self-promotion. I miss those of us who loved the comments but didn't overly concern ourselves with becoming "popular" or "SuperBloggers".
For my own blog, I miss how I would think of a REALLY AWESOME TITLE...and the blog post would evolve around that. I miss how I always had something to say and wasn't worried about who might take exception to me saying it...because rarely did anyone do that.
Well what the hell, I guess I wasn't too lazy to type it all out after all.
Blame Golfwidow - she was the catalyst because she was kind enough to Bring Back The Meme/Award and tag me in it (TAG! You're it! I miss that too).
If you're still Olde Skool blogging and I haven't been there lately, I'm sorry. Be old-fashioned and leave a comment here instead of facebook or twitter...and I'll come visit. Promise.
NOW THEN.
the rules:
- Link the award to the person who gave it to me..
- Answer questions about myself.
- Nominate up to 10 bloggers for this award, and link my nominees to the post and comment on their blog, letting them know about the award. (and thank you again for the Award!)
1. Favorite number: Okay, these are maybe not the most awesome meme questions in the land. My favorite right now is NUMBER ONE. Meaning ME.
2. Favorite non-alcoholic drink: Why would anyone ever drink such a thing?? I guess I'll have to say coffee, without which I would not be the person I am today.
3. Favorite animal: What is the biggest, meanest one that eats people? That one.
4. Facebook or Twitter?: Both. And neither. *sigh* There is no lesser of two evils in this question.
5. My passion: gone but not forgotten. Oh, wait...what are YOU talking about?
6. Favorite day of the week: Every one on which I wake up.
7. Favorite flower: that little skunk from Bambi. Or lilacs. I have lilac bushes around my house and they smell divooooon
Now, the inevitable and fearsome TAG and more importantly, the AWARD that goes with it (and be a sport and go all nostalgic with me and play along):
Incurable Insomniac
Mamacita
Redneck Diva
Under The Willow Tree
Simply Sassy
Megan, Grrl Author
Thumper
Webkittyn
And anyone else who'd like to play along. Granting yourself an award is totes allowed.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Liquor Store Run!
I'm going to have to brave the hail & run to the liquor store...
BECAUSE IT IS TIME TO BUST OUT THE GARY ENGLAND DRINKING GAME for the first time this season!
**In other news, President Obama will be flying in to Tinker AFB (right by my house) tonight...coincidence or warning?
I LOVE this season.
I also have a healthy fear of the wrath of Mother Nature, but still.
I LOVE looking into the black clouds of the distance that are made luminous by the sunshine that I'm standing in, sunshine that is a rich antique gold color.
I LOVE the contrast between the darkness in my rearview mirror and the sunny skies ahead when I'm driving away from a storm.
I can sit for HOURS mesmerized by the changing screens of the Doppler radar, hypnotized by the weatherman's voice, listening and watching and watching and listening.
There's something about the weathermen that make me feel safe and soothed...because they know JUST what is going to happen, JUST when and JUST where.
I love them with a deep and abiding passion.
I suddenly have a strong need to go hug a weather dude.
So, I stole this from Sleeping Mommy (several years ago), and if you have ever lived in Oklahoma this game will make perfect sense to you.
Hell, if you've ever visited Oklahoma it will make perfect sense to you.
Have fun!
GARY ENGLAND DRINKING GAME
(I left SleepingMommy's comments in parentheses because they made me giggle)(and I strongly suggest that you stock the liquor cabinet or invest in a keg before starting the game)
*Pregame
*1. Everyone selects a storm chaser other than Val Castor.
(Monty sez: I choose Hank when I just want a little buzz. He doesn't get as much action)
(Val lives in Stillwater and Gary talks to him CONSTANTLY.)
Every time Gary talks to your storm chaser, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your storm chaser.
Take four drinks if your storm chaser says “tornado on the ground.”
2. Everyone selects a county other than Pottawatomie County.
(Because we are always hearing about Pottawatomie County.)
Every time Gary mentions your county, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your county.
Take four drinks if a tornado touches down in your county.
*One drink
*1. Take one drink every time Gary says the following:
“Hook echo” | “Updraft” | “Metro” | “Doppler radar” | “Wall cloud” |”Ranger 9″ | “Underground” | “Mobile home”
2. When Gary gives a list of counties, take one drink for every county in the list.
(Oklahoma has 77 counties but somehow they all get mentioned at some point.)
3. Take one drink every time Gary interrupts a program.
Take one drink if Gary says “You’re not missing any of [program name].”(This is a major concern damnit!)
Take one drink when Gary says “We’ll keep you advised.” (Like we had any doubt that you wouldn’t.)
*Two drinks
*1. Take two drinks every time Gary says the following:
“Baseball-sized hail” | “Waterloo Road” | “Pottawatomie County” | “Deer Creek High School” (How many times has that high school been hit anyway?!?)
2. Take two drinks every time Gary mentions the following towns:
Altus | Burns Flat | Dill City | Gotebo | Hydro | Lookeba | Meeker | Mulhall | Oktaha | Olustee | Shattuck | Slaughterville | Tryon | Vici |Waukomis | Wayne (or Payne) | Weleetka | Wetumkah (The only one that is even slightly big is Altus.)
3. Take two drinks every time Gary talks to Val Castor. (Now we are gonna get really drunk!)
*Three drinks
*1. Take three drinks if we see footage from Val Castor.
2. Take three drinks if we see footage from Pottawatomie County.
3. Take three drinks if Gary mentions the following:
“Immediate tornado precautions” | “National Weather Service” | “Mesocyclone” | “Portable Radio” | “Take shelter” | “Tornado warning in effect until …”
*Four drinks
*1. Take four drinks if Ranger 9 must land to refuel. (Notice it doesn’t say when it lands to take cover, we don’t land our aircraft in a tornado around here, we fly AROUND them.)
2. Take four drinks if Gary issues his own tornado warning, not recognized by the NWS (He’s a renegade that way) or says the following:
“Will someone please answer that phone?” (He takes this stuff seriously damn it, answer the phone.) or “Do you see the power flashes?”
3. Take four drinks if a shirt-less tornado victim is interviewed.(Redneck land, yo. There is a reason I get dressed and put on shoes when a storm is in the vicinity.)
*Finish your drink
*1. Finish your drink if someone uses the word tornado as a verb or if Gary mentions the cross streets nearest to you.
2. If Gary says “We’ve lost Val,” pour a little out for your homies and finish your drink. (Poor Val…)
If THAT won't get you drunk, it can't be done.
That is all.
Have a day.
BECAUSE IT IS TIME TO BUST OUT THE GARY ENGLAND DRINKING GAME for the first time this season!
**In other news, President Obama will be flying in to Tinker AFB (right by my house) tonight...coincidence or warning?
I LOVE this season.
I also have a healthy fear of the wrath of Mother Nature, but still.
I LOVE looking into the black clouds of the distance that are made luminous by the sunshine that I'm standing in, sunshine that is a rich antique gold color.
I LOVE the contrast between the darkness in my rearview mirror and the sunny skies ahead when I'm driving away from a storm.
I can sit for HOURS mesmerized by the changing screens of the Doppler radar, hypnotized by the weatherman's voice, listening and watching and watching and listening.
There's something about the weathermen that make me feel safe and soothed...because they know JUST what is going to happen, JUST when and JUST where.
I love them with a deep and abiding passion.
I suddenly have a strong need to go hug a weather dude.
So, I stole this from Sleeping Mommy (several years ago), and if you have ever lived in Oklahoma this game will make perfect sense to you.
Hell, if you've ever visited Oklahoma it will make perfect sense to you.
Have fun!
GARY ENGLAND DRINKING GAME
(I left SleepingMommy's comments in parentheses because they made me giggle)(and I strongly suggest that you stock the liquor cabinet or invest in a keg before starting the game)
*Pregame
*1. Everyone selects a storm chaser other than Val Castor.
(Monty sez: I choose Hank when I just want a little buzz. He doesn't get as much action)
(Val lives in Stillwater and Gary talks to him CONSTANTLY.)
Every time Gary talks to your storm chaser, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your storm chaser.
Take four drinks if your storm chaser says “tornado on the ground.”
2. Everyone selects a county other than Pottawatomie County.
(Because we are always hearing about Pottawatomie County.)
Every time Gary mentions your county, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your county.
Take four drinks if a tornado touches down in your county.
*One drink
*1. Take one drink every time Gary says the following:
“Hook echo” | “Updraft” | “Metro” | “Doppler radar” | “Wall cloud” |”Ranger 9″ | “Underground” | “Mobile home”
2. When Gary gives a list of counties, take one drink for every county in the list.
(Oklahoma has 77 counties but somehow they all get mentioned at some point.)
3. Take one drink every time Gary interrupts a program.
Take one drink if Gary says “You’re not missing any of [program name].”(This is a major concern damnit!)
Take one drink when Gary says “We’ll keep you advised.” (Like we had any doubt that you wouldn’t.)
*Two drinks
*1. Take two drinks every time Gary says the following:
“Baseball-sized hail” | “Waterloo Road” | “Pottawatomie County” | “Deer Creek High School” (How many times has that high school been hit anyway?!?)
2. Take two drinks every time Gary mentions the following towns:
Altus | Burns Flat | Dill City | Gotebo | Hydro | Lookeba | Meeker | Mulhall | Oktaha | Olustee | Shattuck | Slaughterville | Tryon | Vici |Waukomis | Wayne (or Payne) | Weleetka | Wetumkah (The only one that is even slightly big is Altus.)
3. Take two drinks every time Gary talks to Val Castor. (Now we are gonna get really drunk!)
*Three drinks
*1. Take three drinks if we see footage from Val Castor.
2. Take three drinks if we see footage from Pottawatomie County.
3. Take three drinks if Gary mentions the following:
“Immediate tornado precautions” | “National Weather Service” | “Mesocyclone” | “Portable Radio” | “Take shelter” | “Tornado warning in effect until …”
*Four drinks
*1. Take four drinks if Ranger 9 must land to refuel. (Notice it doesn’t say when it lands to take cover, we don’t land our aircraft in a tornado around here, we fly AROUND them.)
2. Take four drinks if Gary issues his own tornado warning, not recognized by the NWS (He’s a renegade that way) or says the following:
“Will someone please answer that phone?” (He takes this stuff seriously damn it, answer the phone.) or “Do you see the power flashes?”
3. Take four drinks if a shirt-less tornado victim is interviewed.(Redneck land, yo. There is a reason I get dressed and put on shoes when a storm is in the vicinity.)
*Finish your drink
*1. Finish your drink if someone uses the word tornado as a verb or if Gary mentions the cross streets nearest to you.
2. If Gary says “We’ve lost Val,” pour a little out for your homies and finish your drink. (Poor Val…)
If THAT won't get you drunk, it can't be done.
That is all.
Have a day.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Make me laugh. I dare you.
I have an assload of work this week and I'm stressed and crabby.
So play a game in the comments and make me laugh.
Just write a sentence or two and together we will make a story...
"It was a dark and stormy night. I was alone in my kitchen, heating up some milk to go with my bottle of whisky, when all of a sudden..."
So play a game in the comments and make me laugh.
Just write a sentence or two and together we will make a story...
"It was a dark and stormy night. I was alone in my kitchen, heating up some milk to go with my bottle of whisky, when all of a sudden..."
Monday, July 26, 2010
Where's akaMonty?
Let's play a game!
As previously mentioned, I will be traveling to BlogHer '10 wearing this:
And I will be coming from Will Rogers Airport & landing at LaGuardia, via changeover at DFW.
You can find me here Thursday night:
And remember...
The game is... come and find me. You will receive the prize of one hug. Or handshake. Or smooch if you're someone I think will let me smooch them. I have breath mints.
WELL HELL I DIDN'T SAY IT WAS A GOOD GAME.
Also it has the crappiest prizes ever. But WTF THEY ARE FREE SO SHUT IT.
That is all.
Have a day.
As previously mentioned, I will be traveling to BlogHer '10 wearing this:
And I will be coming from Will Rogers Airport & landing at LaGuardia, via changeover at DFW.
You can find me here Thursday night:
 |
| FIND ME! |
And remember...
 |
| THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. |
The game is... come and find me. You will receive the prize of one hug. Or handshake. Or smooch if you're someone I think will let me smooch them. I have breath mints.
WELL HELL I DIDN'T SAY IT WAS A GOOD GAME.
Also it has the crappiest prizes ever. But WTF THEY ARE FREE SO SHUT IT.
That is all.
Have a day.
Monday, May 10, 2010
FINALLY!
You remember the movie TWISTER? And the town where Helen Hunt's aunt lived, Wakita?
Right around there is currently getting pounded with severe baseball and softball sized hail and tornado ON THE GROUND (at least as of 10 minutes ago).
There are HOOK ECHOES! There is CYCLONIC ACTIVITY! WALL CLOUDS! CIRCULATIONS!
What does this mean??
IT IS TIME AT LAST to break out the annual
GARY ENGLAND DRINKING GAME!
I stole this from Sleeping Mommy a couple-three years ago, and if you have ever lived in Oklahoma this game will make perfect sense to you.
Hell, if you've ever visited Oklahoma in the spring or summer, it will make perfect sense to you.
Have fun!
and GO HANK! You're my dude!
GARY ENGLAND DRINKING GAME
(I left SleepingMommy's comments in parentheses because they made me giggle)
*Pregame
*1. Everyone selects a storm chaser other than Val Castor.
(Monty sez: I choose Hank when I just want a little buzz. He doesn't get as much action)
(Val lives in Stillwater and Gary talks to him CONSTANTLY.)
Every time Gary talks to your storm chaser, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your storm chaser.
Take four drinks if your storm chaser says "tornado on the ground!"
2. Everyone selects a county other than Pottawatomie County.
(Because we are always hearing about Pottawatomie County.)
Every time Gary mentions your county, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your county.
Take four drinks if a tornado touches down in your county.
*One drink
*1. Take one drink every time Gary says the following:
Hook Echo | Updraft | Metro | Doppler radar | Wall cloud |Ranger 9 | Underground | Mobile home
2. When Gary gives a list of counties, take one drink for every county in the list.
(Oklahoma has 77 counties but somehow they all get mentioned at some point.)
3. Take one drink every time Gary interrupts a program.
Take one drink if Gary says "You’re not missing any of [program name]." (This is a major concern damnit!)
Take one drink when Gary says "We’ll keep you advised." (Like we had any doubt that you wouldn’t.)
*Two drinks
*1. Take two drinks every time Gary says the following:
Baseball-sized hail | Waterloo Road | Pottawatomie County | Deer Creek High School (How many times has that high school been hit anyway?!?)
2. Take two drinks every time Gary mentions the following towns:
Altus | Burns Flat | Dill City | Gotebo | Hydro | Lookeba | Meeker | Mulhall | Oktaha | Olustee | Shattuck | Slaughterville | Tryon | Vici |Waukomis | Wayne (or Payne) | Weleetka | Wetumkah (The only one that is even slightly big is Altus.)
3. Take two drinks every time Gary talks to Val Castor. (Now we are gonna get really drunk!)
*Three drinks
*1. Take three drinks if we see footage from Val Castor.
2. Take three drinks if we see footage from Pottawatomie County.
3. Take three drinks if Gary mentions the following:
Immediate tornado precautions | National Weather Service | Mesocyclone | Portable Radio | Take shelter | Tornado warning in effect until ...
*Four drinks
*1. Take four drinks if Ranger 9 must land to refuel. (Notice it doesn't say when it lands to take cover, we don't land our aircraft in a tornado around here, we fly AROUND them.)
2. Take four drinks if Gary issues his own tornado warning, not recognized by the NWS (He's a renegade that way) or says the following:
"Will someone please answer that phone?" (He takes this stuff seriously damn it, answer the phone.) or "Do you see the power flashes?"
3. Take four drinks if a shirt-less tornado victim is interviewed. (Redneck land, yo. There is a reason I get dressed and put on shoes when a storm is in the vicinity.)
*Finish your drink
*1. Finish your drink if someone uses the word tornado as a verb or if Gary mentions the cross streets nearest to you.
2. If Gary says "We’ve lost Val," pour a little out for your homies and finish your drink. (Poor Val…)
If THAT won't get you drunk, it can't be done.
Right around there is currently getting pounded with severe baseball and softball sized hail and tornado ON THE GROUND (at least as of 10 minutes ago).
There are HOOK ECHOES! There is CYCLONIC ACTIVITY! WALL CLOUDS! CIRCULATIONS!
What does this mean??
IT IS TIME AT LAST to break out the annual
GARY ENGLAND DRINKING GAME!
I stole this from Sleeping Mommy a couple-three years ago, and if you have ever lived in Oklahoma this game will make perfect sense to you.
Hell, if you've ever visited Oklahoma in the spring or summer, it will make perfect sense to you.
Have fun!
and GO HANK! You're my dude!
(I left SleepingMommy's comments in parentheses because they made me giggle)
*1. Everyone selects a storm chaser other than Val Castor.
(Monty sez: I choose Hank when I just want a little buzz. He doesn't get as much action)
(Val lives in Stillwater and Gary talks to him CONSTANTLY.)
Every time Gary talks to your storm chaser, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your storm chaser.
Take four drinks if your storm chaser says "tornado on the ground!"
2. Everyone selects a county other than Pottawatomie County.
(Because we are always hearing about Pottawatomie County.)
Every time Gary mentions your county, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your county.
Take four drinks if a tornado touches down in your county.
*1. Take one drink every time Gary says the following:
Hook Echo | Updraft | Metro | Doppler radar | Wall cloud |Ranger 9 | Underground | Mobile home
2. When Gary gives a list of counties, take one drink for every county in the list.
(Oklahoma has 77 counties but somehow they all get mentioned at some point.)
3. Take one drink every time Gary interrupts a program.
Take one drink if Gary says "You’re not missing any of [program name]." (This is a major concern damnit!)
Take one drink when Gary says "We’ll keep you advised." (Like we had any doubt that you wouldn’t.)
*1. Take two drinks every time Gary says the following:
Baseball-sized hail | Waterloo Road | Pottawatomie County | Deer Creek High School (How many times has that high school been hit anyway?!?)
2. Take two drinks every time Gary mentions the following towns:
Altus | Burns Flat | Dill City | Gotebo | Hydro | Lookeba | Meeker | Mulhall | Oktaha | Olustee | Shattuck | Slaughterville | Tryon | Vici |Waukomis | Wayne (or Payne) | Weleetka | Wetumkah (The only one that is even slightly big is Altus.)
3. Take two drinks every time Gary talks to Val Castor. (Now we are gonna get really drunk!)
*1. Take three drinks if we see footage from Val Castor.
2. Take three drinks if we see footage from Pottawatomie County.
3. Take three drinks if Gary mentions the following:
Immediate tornado precautions | National Weather Service | Mesocyclone | Portable Radio | Take shelter | Tornado warning in effect until ...
*1. Take four drinks if Ranger 9 must land to refuel. (Notice it doesn't say when it lands to take cover, we don't land our aircraft in a tornado around here, we fly AROUND them.)
2. Take four drinks if Gary issues his own tornado warning, not recognized by the NWS (He's a renegade that way) or says the following:
"Will someone please answer that phone?" (He takes this stuff seriously damn it, answer the phone.) or "Do you see the power flashes?"
3. Take four drinks if a shirt-less tornado victim is interviewed. (Redneck land, yo. There is a reason I get dressed and put on shoes when a storm is in the vicinity.)
*1. Finish your drink if someone uses the word tornado as a verb or if Gary mentions the cross streets nearest to you.
2. If Gary says "We’ve lost Val," pour a little out for your homies and finish your drink. (Poor Val…)
If THAT won't get you drunk, it can't be done.
Sunday, March 07, 2010
WAS MY FACE RED! Or something.
And away we go!
We've got some excellent entries so far... to keep things fair JUST in case any of thesexual deviants entrants are close personal friends with either of our esteemed judges, Secondhand Karl or Ms Finn, they will be referred to only by contestant number.
If you're just tuning in (and even better, if you'd like to play along and WIN WIN WIN a $25 Gift Certificate from Edenfantasys.com), check out THE WHAT RIGHT HERE.
HURRY! There's still time for you to enter!
Have a sample...
CONTESTANT #1:
Thankfully, the zoloft has not had any ill effects on my sex drive – of which I had none before. The zoloft, actually, has helped in that I don’t necessarily DISLIKE hubby all the time. So it was last night that I was feeling rather amorous and attacked suggested a little alone time. Just him, me and a new …ahem… adult “marital aid” that I’d bought ummm 5 months ago LOL Still in the package, even.
So, while he was taking a bath, I busted that baby out, set it on the bed and waited for hubby (who had agreed we could check out the new purchase).
And we did – and it was all fine and good… until...no, the batteries didn’t die.
.
no, the baby didn’t wake up.
.
no, the house didn’t catch on fire...
CONTESTANT #2:
So I had a friend who invited me down to Ft. Lauderdale a few years back, offering food and good, good times. After day three of my visit he held a little get together with a bunch of his friends and I hooked up with a lovely woman. Things got heavy and we wanted some "alone time". Seeing as how there was a condo full of people, we were desperately looking for a place to let it all out. We were rather a bit under the influence. I had an idea. There was the laundry room, a room that might have resembled a real life L shaped Tetris piece, a small area to the side that would be perfect. As we're in the process of exploring each others bodies ...
CONTESTANT #3:
Fortunately, I haven't had many disasters when it comes to sex. I've had the occasional "minute man" which is really more a disappointment than a disaster. However, my biggest sexual disaster was also some of the greatest sex ever.
During this aforementioned GREAT SEX, my guy decided to get a little rough. He started aggressively putting arms and legs exactly where he wanted them. This was fine with me. I'm a kinky kinda girl so there really are very few things off limits for me...
CONTESTANT #4:
This happened way back, around 1973 -- you know, right at the tail-end (heh) of the free-love '60s. I had gotten involved with a guy I met in my freshman year of college, who happened to be married. They had was what they called an "open marriage", in which each of them could have sex with other people, and it was cool. Well, it was certainly OK for the wifey to bang all the members of the band on the night I met her husband -- we slept on the couch at the party where he and I met, while she was out having fun all night...
CONTESTANT #5:
My boyfriend at the time had, unbeknownst to me, put new sheets on his bed as in brand new, never seen before sheets. He invited me over for a PJs and movie night and I wore these look-ordinary-at-first-glimpse fetching red PJs in a lovely satin with only one button of the top actually fastened. I can't even remember the movie we were watching because we spent most of the time making out and heavy petting...
We've got some excellent entries so far... to keep things fair JUST in case any of the
If you're just tuning in (and even better, if you'd like to play along and WIN WIN WIN a $25 Gift Certificate from Edenfantasys.com), check out THE WHAT RIGHT HERE.
HURRY! There's still time for you to enter!
Have a sample...
CONTESTANT #1:
Thankfully, the zoloft has not had any ill effects on my sex drive – of which I had none before. The zoloft, actually, has helped in that I don’t necessarily DISLIKE hubby all the time. So it was last night that I was feeling rather amorous and attacked suggested a little alone time. Just him, me and a new …ahem… adult “marital aid” that I’d bought ummm 5 months ago LOL Still in the package, even.
So, while he was taking a bath, I busted that baby out, set it on the bed and waited for hubby (who had agreed we could check out the new purchase).
And we did – and it was all fine and good… until...no, the batteries didn’t die.
.
no, the baby didn’t wake up.
.
no, the house didn’t catch on fire...
CONTESTANT #2:
So I had a friend who invited me down to Ft. Lauderdale a few years back, offering food and good, good times. After day three of my visit he held a little get together with a bunch of his friends and I hooked up with a lovely woman. Things got heavy and we wanted some "alone time". Seeing as how there was a condo full of people, we were desperately looking for a place to let it all out. We were rather a bit under the influence. I had an idea. There was the laundry room, a room that might have resembled a real life L shaped Tetris piece, a small area to the side that would be perfect. As we're in the process of exploring each others bodies ...
CONTESTANT #3:
Fortunately, I haven't had many disasters when it comes to sex. I've had the occasional "minute man" which is really more a disappointment than a disaster. However, my biggest sexual disaster was also some of the greatest sex ever.
During this aforementioned GREAT SEX, my guy decided to get a little rough. He started aggressively putting arms and legs exactly where he wanted them. This was fine with me. I'm a kinky kinda girl so there really are very few things off limits for me...
CONTESTANT #4:
This happened way back, around 1973 -- you know, right at the tail-end (heh) of the free-love '60s. I had gotten involved with a guy I met in my freshman year of college, who happened to be married. They had was what they called an "open marriage", in which each of them could have sex with other people, and it was cool. Well, it was certainly OK for the wifey to bang all the members of the band on the night I met her husband -- we slept on the couch at the party where he and I met, while she was out having fun all night...
CONTESTANT #5:
My boyfriend at the time had, unbeknownst to me, put new sheets on his bed as in brand new, never seen before sheets. He invited me over for a PJs and movie night and I wore these look-ordinary-at-first-glimpse fetching red PJs in a lovely satin with only one button of the top actually fastened. I can't even remember the movie we were watching because we spent most of the time making out and heavy petting...
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
B.O.B. Helps Those Who Help Themselves... ifyouknowwhatImean
Sex is natural! Sex is FUN! ~George Michael (a little mood music?)
So, you know, I don't talk about sex & stuff all THAT often around here... I mean HEY I like sex as much as the next girl (unless the next girl is like, Linda Lovelace or Jenna Jameson, in which case I have to say that I do not love sex QUITE that much), but unless I gots a little some'm some'm going on in my life there's really not much to say.
But I have this friend.
NO REALLY.
A friend who is NOT ME.
Unfortunately I can't use her name because her lawyers served me with a Cease & Desist order when I simplytried browbeating and threatening her asked her to sign the release form.
For the purposes of this post, we'll call her Kate.
ANYWAY.
Kate and I and some other girls were chatting, and as all males of the species know OF COURSE when women get together we discuss sex, men, and kids only.
Well it comes about that our friend Kate has never had a date with B.O.B. (that's Battery Operated Boyfriend, for the two of you who didn't know that).
I KNOW, I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER.
Naturally I use any opportunity to plug (hahahaha! I said "plug"!)(not THAT kind of plug, pervy mcperverson)(because EW) my favorite place to shop for that sort of thing, EdenFantasys. (FYI: If you're shy about going into an "adult toy store", then DEFINITELY visit EdenFantasys.Com)
EVERY woman should have at least one B.O.B -- many of us have more than one because... well, sometimes you want to be treated like a princess and sometimes you want to be aho workin' girl.
Kate does not even have a basic "Silver (or in this case, PINK) Bullet", which is a must for amateurs.
I was just ASTONISHED to learn that there are more of youpathetic uptight repressed sad B.O.B-less people than I thought.
So I got together with my friends from EdenFantasys and we decided to help you out a little.
THE PRIZE: A $25 GIFT CERTIFICATE from EdenFantasys.Com, which you could use toward the purchase of a supasexy B.O.B. like Kissa**.
Body safe! Waterproof! Environmentally sound! (Going GREEN with PINK?)
**For the more advanced "dater", perhaps, NOT KATES.
HERE'S THE WHAT:
YOUR PART: Email me (redneckmama1ATgmailDOTcom) the stories of your BIGGEST SEX DISASTER by MIDNIGHT CENTRAL TIME on SUNDAY MARCH 7th.
Did you fart during sex? Did your vagina ever eat a condom (or was that just me?)? Fall off the bed and get severely injured? Get caught? Get SOMETHING caught in a zipper or button?
TELL US EVERYTHING.
MY PART: I will post your stories here each day, where they will be reviewed by an expert panel of judges: Finn from A Life Less Ordinary, Secondhand Karl, and possibly one other judge.
If anyone knows about sex, it's theseformer prostitutes people.
They will ultimately choose the winner and runner-up.
P.S.
DEAR KATE: Just in case, here are a couple of guides to help you find your perfect B.O.B.(s). Remember, B.O.B. is there for YOU. Also B.O.B. will never leave whiskers in the sink, skidmarks in his boxers, or expect you to cook dinner and/or breakfast.
Here's a BEGINNER'S GUIDE for you and when you're ready, you can check out The VROOM.
YOU. ARE. WELCOME.
Disclaimer #1: Contest is sponsored (transparently!) by EdenFantasys.Com Adult Sex Toy Store, although I would have written the post with or without them. MANY, MANY, MANY THANKS for sponsoring the contest and providing the prize, EdenFantasys.com!
Disclaimer #2: Mostly I wanted to have the contest for my own amusement because I like hearing your embarrassing stories and later I will make fun of you behind your back.
Disclaimer #3: We do not discriminate against sex. We hope you're FOR and not against, but whatever. OH YEAH also I mean boys can enter the contest too.
So, you know, I don't talk about sex & stuff all THAT often around here... I mean HEY I like sex as much as the next girl (unless the next girl is like, Linda Lovelace or Jenna Jameson, in which case I have to say that I do not love sex QUITE that much), but unless I gots a little some'm some'm going on in my life there's really not much to say.
But I have this friend.
NO REALLY.
A friend who is NOT ME.
Unfortunately I can't use her name because her lawyers served me with a Cease & Desist order when I simply
For the purposes of this post, we'll call her Kate.
ANYWAY.
Kate and I and some other girls were chatting, and as all males of the species know OF COURSE when women get together we discuss sex, men, and kids only.
Well it comes about that our friend Kate has never had a date with B.O.B. (that's Battery Operated Boyfriend, for the two of you who didn't know that).
I KNOW, I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER.
Naturally I use any opportunity to plug (hahahaha! I said "plug"!)(not THAT kind of plug, pervy mcperverson)(because EW) my favorite place to shop for that sort of thing, EdenFantasys. (FYI: If you're shy about going into an "adult toy store", then DEFINITELY visit EdenFantasys.Com)
EVERY woman should have at least one B.O.B -- many of us have more than one because... well, sometimes you want to be treated like a princess and sometimes you want to be a
Kate does not even have a basic "Silver (or in this case, PINK) Bullet", which is a must for amateurs.
I was just ASTONISHED to learn that there are more of you
So I got together with my friends from EdenFantasys and we decided to help you out a little.
THE PRIZE: A $25 GIFT CERTIFICATE from EdenFantasys.Com, which you could use toward the purchase of a supasexy B.O.B. like Kissa**.
Body safe! Waterproof! Environmentally sound! (Going GREEN with PINK?)
**For the more advanced "dater", perhaps, NOT KATES.
HERE'S THE WHAT:
YOUR PART: Email me (redneckmama1ATgmailDOTcom) the stories of your BIGGEST SEX DISASTER by MIDNIGHT CENTRAL TIME on SUNDAY MARCH 7th.
Did you fart during sex? Did your vagina ever eat a condom (or was that just me?)? Fall off the bed and get severely injured? Get caught? Get SOMETHING caught in a zipper or button?
TELL US EVERYTHING.
MY PART: I will post your stories here each day, where they will be reviewed by an expert panel of judges: Finn from A Life Less Ordinary, Secondhand Karl, and possibly one other judge.
If anyone knows about sex, it's these
They will ultimately choose the winner and runner-up.
P.S.
DEAR KATE: Just in case, here are a couple of guides to help you find your perfect B.O.B.(s). Remember, B.O.B. is there for YOU. Also B.O.B. will never leave whiskers in the sink, skidmarks in his boxers, or expect you to cook dinner and/or breakfast.
Here's a BEGINNER'S GUIDE for you and when you're ready, you can check out The VROOM.
YOU. ARE. WELCOME.
Disclaimer #1: Contest is sponsored (transparently!) by EdenFantasys.Com Adult Sex Toy Store, although I would have written the post with or without them. MANY, MANY, MANY THANKS for sponsoring the contest and providing the prize, EdenFantasys.com!
Disclaimer #2: Mostly I wanted to have the contest for my own amusement because I like hearing your embarrassing stories and later I will make fun of you behind your back.
Disclaimer #3: We do not discriminate against sex. We hope you're FOR and not against, but whatever. OH YEAH also I mean boys can enter the contest too.
Saturday, August 08, 2009
On BlogHer...
Once again I missed out on the "big ticket" swag: the mini vibrators, the crocs and the cameras and the flips and the free road trip in a new car and blahblahblah.
I also missed out on all the "By Invitation Only" parties because, well, I was not one of the inviteeeeeees. (And seriously those types of parties seem to be EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT BLOGHER IS ALL ABOUT and I'm not even saying that out of bitterness. Mostly. But it irks the everlovin' SHIT out of me to hear people whining that "their party was CRASHED". Um, crash THIS, snotface)
I don't care though. I got lots of greenworks laundry detergent and awesome Bounce dryer bars (HELLO, SINGLE MOM ON A BUDGET, THIS SHIT IS PRICELESS TO ME), I got fun stuff for my kids like a book light (FYI PBS my daughter says COOL, THANKS!), stickers and coloring books for my niece, I found some delicious new (IZZE!) bubbly tasty Clementine-flavored juice, I got flash drives (YESSSSS! SCORE!) and I even won a set of 30th Anniversary Ty Teeny Beanie Babies AND $50 Arch card from McDonalds.
And tons of other things. And all the stuff I took? I'll use. The coupons, the Mary Kay lip gloss and the Eucerin lotion. It won't go to waste. If it was swag that I knew I'd never have a use for, I skipped it. To do otherwise is...how can I put this... oh yeah, STUPID AND GREEDY AND SELFISH.
If you're one of the greedy fuckheads that knocked people down just to get some free shit that you'll have forgotten about in a week, then SHAME ON YOU. I trust karma will be paying you a niiiiiiice visit soon. *fingers crossed!*
Speaking of swag and other free stuff...when did people become so jaded and entitled that it's become de rigeur to COMPLAIN about it? Seriously? IT'S FUCKING FREE.
It's SOMETHING MORE than you had before.
If you don't like it or won't use it, here's a tip: DON'T TAKE IT.
People bitched and moaned about THIS sponsor's giveaways or THAT sponsor's goodies. They bitched when they got A FREE RIDE TO BLOGHER IN A BRAND NEW CAR. They bitched about the quality of the FREE LUNCH (which HEY, RAGU, YUM! I loved it! And our waiter was THE SHIZZZZ!).
Seems to be a recurring theme every year.
I will never understand that.
What people seem to be forgetting is that it takes a WHOLE LOT of people doing a WHOLE LOT of work during the entire year to put a huge conference like this together. I'm sure they have to make compromises for the Greater Good (the greater good being US, of course, because THAT IS WHY THEY DO ALL THE WORK IN THE FIRST PLACE). And for you to act like ignorant, greedy, whiny ASSCLAMS is one of the most disrespectful things I've ever seen.
All that aside, I had THE! BEST! TIME! EVER! I stayed away from the aforementioned types. I tried to stay in the Drama-Free zone I created for myself. I went to the panels that I was really interested in - they were fantastic. I reconnected with my sweet Mamacita and Fausta, I got to kiss Karl and hug Neil, I re-met GeekMommy and SendChocolate and then I got acquainted face to face with Califmom, Twincident, EmmieJ, AnnieMal, Kelby, MissBritt, the notorious Avitable, and TasteLikeCrazy (and P.S. she DOES).
(DON'T get your feelings hurt if I didn't mention you -- I'm OLD and my memory has more holes than good swiss cheese and you KNOW I adore you and if you don't KNOW that then maybe it's only because I don't really like you at all. But I digress. And I hate that you made me say "I digress" which is second only to "monetize" in the category "Stuff I HATE TO SEE WRITTEN ON BLOGS BECAUSE IT IS SO OVERUSED")
One of the best parts though was having @pprlisa, @jamimiami, and @fabgirl there.
They signed up for LobbyCon to join in the fun. And I didn't even miss those "Invite Only" bashes because I was laughing too much with My Entourage.
THANK YOU LADIES OF BLOGHER for allowing me to volunteer for the conference so that I was able to attend -- otherwise I wouldn't have been there. Thank you for the hard work. Thank you for rounding up the sponsors. Thank you for this great event.
The greedy whiny assclams? Can suck my dick.
That is all.
Have a day.
P.S. NO ONE PAID ME TO SAY ANY OF THAT STUFF OR GAVE ME ANY RECOMPENSE FOR ANY LINKS, IT IS SIMPLY A THANK YOU TO JUST A VERY FEW OF THE SPONSORS WHO HELPED MAKE BLOGHER 09 POSSIBLE - THEY DID A GREAT JOB AND MY MAMA RAISED ME TO BE POLITE AND APPRECIATE WHAT I'VE BEEN GIVEN AND ALWAYS THANK THE HOST/HOSTESS. IT'S JUST GOOD MANNERS.
I also missed out on all the "By Invitation Only" parties because, well, I was not one of the inviteeeeeees. (And seriously those types of parties seem to be EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT BLOGHER IS ALL ABOUT and I'm not even saying that out of bitterness. Mostly. But it irks the everlovin' SHIT out of me to hear people whining that "their party was CRASHED". Um, crash THIS, snotface)
I don't care though. I got lots of greenworks laundry detergent and awesome Bounce dryer bars (HELLO, SINGLE MOM ON A BUDGET, THIS SHIT IS PRICELESS TO ME), I got fun stuff for my kids like a book light (FYI PBS my daughter says COOL, THANKS!), stickers and coloring books for my niece, I found some delicious new (IZZE!) bubbly tasty Clementine-flavored juice, I got flash drives (YESSSSS! SCORE!) and I even won a set of 30th Anniversary Ty Teeny Beanie Babies AND $50 Arch card from McDonalds.
And tons of other things. And all the stuff I took? I'll use. The coupons, the Mary Kay lip gloss and the Eucerin lotion. It won't go to waste. If it was swag that I knew I'd never have a use for, I skipped it. To do otherwise is...how can I put this... oh yeah, STUPID AND GREEDY AND SELFISH.
If you're one of the greedy fuckheads that knocked people down just to get some free shit that you'll have forgotten about in a week, then SHAME ON YOU. I trust karma will be paying you a niiiiiiice visit soon. *fingers crossed!*
Speaking of swag and other free stuff...when did people become so jaded and entitled that it's become de rigeur to COMPLAIN about it? Seriously? IT'S FUCKING FREE.
It's SOMETHING MORE than you had before.
If you don't like it or won't use it, here's a tip: DON'T TAKE IT.
People bitched and moaned about THIS sponsor's giveaways or THAT sponsor's goodies. They bitched when they got A FREE RIDE TO BLOGHER IN A BRAND NEW CAR. They bitched about the quality of the FREE LUNCH (which HEY, RAGU, YUM! I loved it! And our waiter was THE SHIZZZZ!).
Seems to be a recurring theme every year.
I will never understand that.
What people seem to be forgetting is that it takes a WHOLE LOT of people doing a WHOLE LOT of work during the entire year to put a huge conference like this together. I'm sure they have to make compromises for the Greater Good (the greater good being US, of course, because THAT IS WHY THEY DO ALL THE WORK IN THE FIRST PLACE). And for you to act like ignorant, greedy, whiny ASSCLAMS is one of the most disrespectful things I've ever seen.
All that aside, I had THE! BEST! TIME! EVER! I stayed away from the aforementioned types. I tried to stay in the Drama-Free zone I created for myself. I went to the panels that I was really interested in - they were fantastic. I reconnected with my sweet Mamacita and Fausta, I got to kiss Karl and hug Neil, I re-met GeekMommy and SendChocolate and then I got acquainted face to face with Califmom, Twincident, EmmieJ, AnnieMal, Kelby, MissBritt, the notorious Avitable, and TasteLikeCrazy (and P.S. she DOES).
(DON'T get your feelings hurt if I didn't mention you -- I'm OLD and my memory has more holes than good swiss cheese and you KNOW I adore you and if you don't KNOW that then maybe it's only because I don't really like you at all. But I digress. And I hate that you made me say "I digress" which is second only to "monetize" in the category "Stuff I HATE TO SEE WRITTEN ON BLOGS BECAUSE IT IS SO OVERUSED")
One of the best parts though was having @pprlisa, @jamimiami, and @fabgirl there.
They signed up for LobbyCon to join in the fun. And I didn't even miss those "Invite Only" bashes because I was laughing too much with My Entourage.THANK YOU LADIES OF BLOGHER for allowing me to volunteer for the conference so that I was able to attend -- otherwise I wouldn't have been there. Thank you for the hard work. Thank you for rounding up the sponsors. Thank you for this great event.
The greedy whiny assclams? Can suck my dick.
That is all.
Have a day.
P.S. NO ONE PAID ME TO SAY ANY OF THAT STUFF OR GAVE ME ANY RECOMPENSE FOR ANY LINKS, IT IS SIMPLY A THANK YOU TO JUST A VERY FEW OF THE SPONSORS WHO HELPED MAKE BLOGHER 09 POSSIBLE - THEY DID A GREAT JOB AND MY MAMA RAISED ME TO BE POLITE AND APPRECIATE WHAT I'VE BEEN GIVEN AND ALWAYS THANK THE HOST/HOSTESS. IT'S JUST GOOD MANNERS.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Get Drunk With Gary! Woo!
Okay, so it's a little early in the year but as of yesterday Tornado Season here in Okieland has officially begun.
We got POUNDED by a long string of storms, one right after another - it was sort of like that crappy movie, Night Of The Twisters.
I was at the studio yesterday and I noticed that the lights in my office seemed awfully bright... went outside to take a peek and it felt so heavy and the clouds were sort of ominous.
Now, where I work we don't have any TV reception or cable -- at&t and cox have NO service where we are; the only thing we could get would be a dish & it's just not cost-effective. If we want to watch something, we pop a dvd in for background noise.
ANYWAY.
I knew we had a big chance of severe thunderstorms & I wouldn't be able to watch the forecast on TV, so I decided to leave work about a half-hour early.
I was about halfway home when the first tornado warning came on the radio...and it was right over Northwest Expressway & Rockwell -- which is exactly where I work.
By the time I got home the funnel had already started forming & I watched all the news coverage, and then I heard that the Target was hit.
My building is about a block or so away from Target.
If I'd have left at my regular time I'd have been caught right up in it -- probably I would have been right there on the road.
Scary, yeah?
What all this means is that it is time to break out the annual
GARY ENGLAND DRINKING GAME!
I stole this from Sleeping Mommy a couple-three years ago, and if you have ever lived in Oklahoma this game will make perfect sense to you.
Hell, if you've ever visited Oklahoma in the spring or summer, it will make perfect sense to you.
Have fun!
GARY ENGLAND DRINKING GAME
(I left SleepingMommy's comments in parentheses because they made me giggle)
*Pregame
*1. Everyone selects a storm chaser other than Val Castor.
(Monty sez: I choose Hank when I just want a little buzz. He doesn't get as much action)
(Val lives in Stillwater and Gary talks to him CONSTANTLY.)
Every time Gary talks to your storm chaser, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your storm chaser.
Take four drinks if your storm chaser says "tornado on the ground!"
2. Everyone selects a county other than Pottawatomie County.
(Because we are always hearing about Pottawatomie County.)
Every time Gary mentions your county, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your county.
Take four drinks if a tornado touches down in your county.
*One drink
*1. Take one drink every time Gary says the following:
Hook Echo | Updraft | Metro | Doppler radar | Wall cloud |Ranger 9 | Underground | Mobile home
2. When Gary gives a list of counties, take one drink for every county in the list.
(Oklahoma has 77 counties but somehow they all get mentioned at some point.)
3. Take one drink every time Gary interrupts a program.
Take one drink if Gary says "You’re not missing any of [program name]." (This is a major concern damnit!)
Take one drink when Gary says "We’ll keep you advised." (Like we had any doubt that you wouldn’t.)
*Two drinks
*1. Take two drinks every time Gary says the following:
Baseball-sized hail | Waterloo Road | Pottawatomie County | Deer Creek High School (How many times has that high school been hit anyway?!?)
2. Take two drinks every time Gary mentions the following towns:
Altus | Burns Flat | Dill City | Gotebo | Hydro | Lookeba | Meeker | Mulhall | Oktaha | Olustee | Shattuck | Slaughterville | Tryon | Vici |Waukomis | Wayne (or Payne) | Weleetka | Wetumkah (The only one that is even slightly big is Altus.)
3. Take two drinks every time Gary talks to Val Castor. (Now we are gonna get really drunk!)
*Three drinks
*1. Take three drinks if we see footage from Val Castor.
2. Take three drinks if we see footage from Pottawatomie County.
3. Take three drinks if Gary mentions the following:
Immediate tornado precautions | National Weather Service | Mesocyclone | Portable Radio | Take shelter | Tornado warning in effect until ...
*Four drinks
*1. Take four drinks if Ranger 9 must land to refuel. (Notice it doesn't say when it lands to take cover, we don't land our aircraft in a tornado around here, we fly AROUND them.)
2. Take four drinks if Gary issues his own tornado warning, not recognized by the NWS (He's a renegade that way) or says the following:
"Will someone please answer that phone?" (He takes this stuff seriously damn it, answer the phone.) or "Do you see the power flashes?"
3. Take four drinks if a shirt-less tornado victim is interviewed. (Redneck land, yo. There is a reason I get dressed and put on shoes when a storm is in the vicinity.)
*Finish your drink
*1. Finish your drink if someone uses the word tornado as a verb or if Gary mentions the cross streets nearest to you.
2. If Gary says "We’ve lost Val," pour a little out for your homies and finish your drink. (Poor Val…)
If THAT won't get you drunk, it can't be done.
We got POUNDED by a long string of storms, one right after another - it was sort of like that crappy movie, Night Of The Twisters.
I was at the studio yesterday and I noticed that the lights in my office seemed awfully bright... went outside to take a peek and it felt so heavy and the clouds were sort of ominous.
Now, where I work we don't have any TV reception or cable -- at&t and cox have NO service where we are; the only thing we could get would be a dish & it's just not cost-effective. If we want to watch something, we pop a dvd in for background noise.
ANYWAY.
I knew we had a big chance of severe thunderstorms & I wouldn't be able to watch the forecast on TV, so I decided to leave work about a half-hour early.
I was about halfway home when the first tornado warning came on the radio...and it was right over Northwest Expressway & Rockwell -- which is exactly where I work.
By the time I got home the funnel had already started forming & I watched all the news coverage, and then I heard that the Target was hit.
My building is about a block or so away from Target.
If I'd have left at my regular time I'd have been caught right up in it -- probably I would have been right there on the road.
Scary, yeah?
What all this means is that it is time to break out the annual
GARY ENGLAND DRINKING GAME!
I stole this from Sleeping Mommy a couple-three years ago, and if you have ever lived in Oklahoma this game will make perfect sense to you.
Hell, if you've ever visited Oklahoma in the spring or summer, it will make perfect sense to you.
Have fun!
(I left SleepingMommy's comments in parentheses because they made me giggle)
*1. Everyone selects a storm chaser other than Val Castor.
(Monty sez: I choose Hank when I just want a little buzz. He doesn't get as much action)
(Val lives in Stillwater and Gary talks to him CONSTANTLY.)
Every time Gary talks to your storm chaser, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your storm chaser.
Take four drinks if your storm chaser says "tornado on the ground!"
2. Everyone selects a county other than Pottawatomie County.
(Because we are always hearing about Pottawatomie County.)
Every time Gary mentions your county, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your county.
Take four drinks if a tornado touches down in your county.
*1. Take one drink every time Gary says the following:
Hook Echo | Updraft | Metro | Doppler radar | Wall cloud |Ranger 9 | Underground | Mobile home
2. When Gary gives a list of counties, take one drink for every county in the list.
(Oklahoma has 77 counties but somehow they all get mentioned at some point.)
3. Take one drink every time Gary interrupts a program.
Take one drink if Gary says "You’re not missing any of [program name]." (This is a major concern damnit!)
Take one drink when Gary says "We’ll keep you advised." (Like we had any doubt that you wouldn’t.)
*1. Take two drinks every time Gary says the following:
Baseball-sized hail | Waterloo Road | Pottawatomie County | Deer Creek High School (How many times has that high school been hit anyway?!?)
2. Take two drinks every time Gary mentions the following towns:
Altus | Burns Flat | Dill City | Gotebo | Hydro | Lookeba | Meeker | Mulhall | Oktaha | Olustee | Shattuck | Slaughterville | Tryon | Vici |Waukomis | Wayne (or Payne) | Weleetka | Wetumkah (The only one that is even slightly big is Altus.)
3. Take two drinks every time Gary talks to Val Castor. (Now we are gonna get really drunk!)
*1. Take three drinks if we see footage from Val Castor.
2. Take three drinks if we see footage from Pottawatomie County.
3. Take three drinks if Gary mentions the following:
Immediate tornado precautions | National Weather Service | Mesocyclone | Portable Radio | Take shelter | Tornado warning in effect until ...
*1. Take four drinks if Ranger 9 must land to refuel. (Notice it doesn't say when it lands to take cover, we don't land our aircraft in a tornado around here, we fly AROUND them.)
2. Take four drinks if Gary issues his own tornado warning, not recognized by the NWS (He's a renegade that way) or says the following:
"Will someone please answer that phone?" (He takes this stuff seriously damn it, answer the phone.) or "Do you see the power flashes?"
3. Take four drinks if a shirt-less tornado victim is interviewed. (Redneck land, yo. There is a reason I get dressed and put on shoes when a storm is in the vicinity.)
*1. Finish your drink if someone uses the word tornado as a verb or if Gary mentions the cross streets nearest to you.
2. If Gary says "We’ve lost Val," pour a little out for your homies and finish your drink. (Poor Val…)
If THAT won't get you drunk, it can't be done.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Holiday Gift Idea #2!
THE PERFECT GIFT FOR ALL YOUR LITTLE GAMERS!
oooh, you know how I loves me video games - I can often be found with my daughter's Nintendo DS playing Pokemon.
SHUT IT.
I don't ALWAYS trump up some offense so that I can ground her from playing with it so that *I* can use the game...
When offered the chance to test a new game, well, you know I jumped right on it.
The kids really loved the first Madagascar movie, and although we haven't had a chance to see the second one yet, I'm guessing they'll like that one too. But THE GAME! OH, it's fun. Luckily I grabbed the Madagascar 2 game first to try it out...the beginning is fairly easy, with short steps to get to the next level. It gets more complicated as you get further into the game - there was one part that took me FOREVER because I couldn't get the zebra to balance on the pole, but of course my daughter zipped right through that.
Also, she's gotten a lot further(farther?) than I've managed to do. I liked it because it has little mini-games in certain places in each level; again, they start really easy and a little boring but do get harder as you go.
Not only can you get the game for the DS, you can get it for Playstation 2 and even Wii!
It's fun, the graphics are good, the games get a little more challenging at each level and you can play using different characters with different moves...it's just what we like around my house.Get your kid one for Christmas, and you can thank me later.
BECAUSE YOU WILL.
ALSO!! I have FOUR sets of character DOG TAGS (each set contains four tags - one each for Marty, Melman, Gloria, and Alex) that I will give away to the first four people who COMMENT HERE & tell me you want one.
HURRY UP so I can get 'em out this week before Christmas!
Saturday, May 31, 2008
oooh, VACATION ISLAND!
Okay, most of you know I'm a geek. In OH SO MANY WAYS. I love to play video games - I still have a Super NES. Super Mario World is STILL one of my favorite games. And Resident Evil on the Playstation? Well, I can't play it late at night when I'm up by myself because it creeps me, but I love it.And online, I
I KNOW. STOP IT.
So for Christmas, my daughter got a Nintendo DS.
I.LOVE.THIS.GAME.SYSTEM.
Plus I love to play the Pokemon games. Shut up.
I'm glad
Overall? My daughter and I both liked it, it was fun. I like games where you have to unlock areas to explore, there are games to play & earn shells ($$), and adopt pets and dress 'em up.
You also start with a little "bungalow" that you can decorate with rugs and chairs and a fishbowl and curtains & other cute little things.
You can 'pet' your pets - and other people's pets too (and bathe them, and feed them)! You can communicate with other 'islanders' by Iku - which consists of little symbol cards with which you can make little haiku type messages.
What I DIDN'T like is that when you make "buddies" out of the villagers, you get INUNDATED with Iku messages. I mean like spam-in-your-email inundated. And if you try to answer all of them (just to be polite, for goodness sake!) some of your 'buddies' get mad and send you nasty Ikus. Like "NO MORE MESSAGE ! !"
Sort of rude. I didn't care for that part.
A couple things...
Maybe because I'm a grownup I struggled a little more with it than my daughter did, at first. I mean I had to actually READ all the instruction booklet to make sense of some things - to figure them out. And the Iku thing. And also? In the game area (OH, some of the games are REALLY FUN, like making food!!), one of the games has a big red "X" on it and we've yet to figure out if that even CAN be unlocked as a single player game.
BUT.
We haven't tried this feature yet, but you can do the multi-player thing if you've got wi-fi! Hook up and make new online friends, play with more pets, earn more shells, buy more stuff!
I likee.
Unfortunately, I don't have wi-fi so... we're hoping to try that out eventually. I'll let you know how it goes.
If your kid (or YOU) likes to play the pet games, like Dogz or Catz or Webkinz or one of those other Z things, I think you'd have fun with this game. It would be better if there was more stuff to do on the single-player game, though.
Still, I'd buy it.
Now, I have to go trump up some reason to ground my daughter from the DS so I can play.OH and PS:
If you missed last night's FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE, feel free (and encouraged!) to go get the podcast.
That is all.
Have a day.
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