Liars liars liars yeah, they're gonna getchoo

Well FIRST of all, did I ever tell you that story of how I HATE BEING TOLD NO??

Because Netgalley (may they burn in hell) DENIED ME when I requested an advance copy of  Liars' Legacy, Jack & Jill #2 by Taylor Stevens - ME, can you believe it? There should be a law against that if you ask me.
Also I hate and fear rejection, so there's that.

Never let it be said that I'm a quitter though.
I DO NOT PLAY. I GOT ME AN ARC TO READ.

This *could* be read as a standalone, but if I'm being honest the action starts RIGHT FROM THE OPEN and it's complex with several players, and I feel like you would be more comfortable sliding right into the story if you read Liars' Paradox FIRST.
Otherwise the first 1/3 of the book might be a bit confusing as you try to figure out the main players, as it picks up just past where the last book finished, which I LOOOVE.
(go get Liars' Paradox on your Kindle - only $2.99 right now! I'll wait.)

The only thing I can reasonably compare this to is the fun of a John Wick assassin free-for-all, and as we all know, I have a soft spot for the assassins.

This way you'll be all caught up by the time Liars' Legacy is published on December 31st, and it'll be like binge-watching your favorite show that only has two season dropped on Hulu so far but with books.

ALSO I just want to acknowledge and thank Taylor Stevens for letting me be her secret muse, because I KNEW as soon as I read these two lines: "mostly because she wasn't the type that people wanted to have as a friend," and "analog agent working in a digital world," that CLEARLY I was the inspiration here. IT ME.
(okay so maybe I wasn't even a thought near her mind but YOU DON'T KNOW IT COULD BE ME SO SHUTTIE)

In the first book, I found the main characters more intriguing, interesting, layered, and engaging rather than actually likable, which is totally okay for me - I don't have to like you to pay attention to you.  They've grown on me though, for sure, and they're even more fascinating in this new book.
They matter to me even more - I got invested in their lives.

The peeling away of layers of deception and disguise and the quick-change artistry.
The advance thinking chess-like 'game' that is their lifestyle, out of habit AND necessity.
They're pretty freaking brilliant, but with all too real weaknesses and flaws.

With a few more players added, with their own quirks and habits and weirdness and love of violence, well it just brings some more depth, some more layers, to the story.

There is so much conflict, both internal and external, that you really do want to just speed through and keep reading to get to the end as fast as possible because YOU HAVE TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.  Remember when you got that OG Super Mario World on Super Nintendo and you didn't sleep for like four days because you had to go JUST ONE MORE level, beat one more boss? Like that.

As you know, I'm not fixin' to give you any more plotline or story than that, because YOU WILL READ IT FOR YOURSELF and I would hate to accidentally spoil it for you. *evil laugh*

Save enough on the Gift Card that is sure to be in your stocking and pre-order, because the publishing date is December 31 and if you're old AF like me, you will want to spend your New Year's Eve snuggled up in a blankie with a hot toddy (or Bailey's Vanilla Cinnamon on the rocks, YUM), with a new good book and the Rockin' NY Eve countdown muted on the TeeVee, ringin' the new year in RIGHT.

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Also don't forget all those people you know with birthdays in January and February - the perfect gift would be both Liars' books!
Is all I'm saying.

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**disclaimery things: I used my ninja-like stealth skills to hack someone's account and read THEIR netgalley approved request of this book SO TAKE THAT NETGALLEY HA!
***Okay that is a total bold-faced lie but it sounds cool anyway. A friend did let me read an ARC from NG because I can totally be the world's biggest pest and eventually you'll do what I want just to escape the waterboard-like torture I can inflict upon a person without even breaking a sweat. It's a talent.

♫ He's The Wild One, ooh yeah he's a real wild child.

I KNOW - you thought I was never going to get this review up!

I was going to be all "I savored this book like a fine wine" so I could sound fancy but seriously who am I kidding, everyone knows I like $5 screw top sweet wine.

I could drink like a whole bottle of that right now. 

OR MAYBE I ALREADY DID, YOU DON'T KNOW.

I *was* however reading with my Picky Eyes because doy, ARC, uncorrected!
Those take me a little longer because I have to force myself to slow down and not zoom through unbarriered and gobble it all up at once.

**Transparency disclaimer: I have to admit this is a leeeetle bit of a Gimme because I knew going in that I was going to looooove this as much as I do the other #PeterAsh books, unless of course somehow author NickPetrie sustained some sort of subdural hematoma or other brain injury or split personality disorder (OMG IT IS SO A THING SHUT UP YOU DO NOT KNOW BECAUSE ARE YOU A DOCTOR? NO YOU ARE NOT) and completely changed the character and his writing style. Luckily for me us fans- and Nick himself of course- that does not appear to have happened.

You know I read a LO O O O OT of different series, they're my favorites. You've seen my book lists and recommendations and I have argued belligerently had discussions with nimrods people who DO NOT RE-READ THEIR BOOKS AND HOW IS THAT EVEN ALLOWED?
Seriously, when you're in a certain mood and want to have certain feels, you reach for the comforting words of THIS author and THAT particular book in the series because it is full of what you need to cure what ails you, at least for a moment when you are lost in the story.

Okay wait, this is not at all where I was going.
Series (serieses? series'?), right.

Out of the tens of...I don't even know how many...series I've read, there are less than a handful that I've ever thought, "No, THIS is the best one!" after every. single. book.
And then came Peter Ash.
And once again, the newest book is my newest favorite of the series.

This one doesn't even have much of a buildup to the action - chapter two and BAM! it was right in my face and I was anxious and curious and wondering and worrying.
I worry about Peter, you know. I get anxious for him. I FRET over him and the things he goes through and feels and thinks.
There are hints of dark humor in fight scenes that made me laugh out loud.
One of my favorite lines in the book tickled me because of the context and also gave me a deeper appreciation for my beloved thick hardback first editions, "You can't do that with a paperback."
At one point I was racing along, caught up in the story that I knew was leading right to the climax which made me a little sad because that's nearly the end and then I looked and THERE WAS WAAAYYY TOO MUCH BOOK LEFT AND WHAT ELSE COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN HERE AND PASS ME THE ZOLOFT.
And that is how I know that the author is an excellent writer and the book is an excellent book.

Yeah, that's pretty much all the actual book information you're getting because it is so much more fun to uncover it for yourself WHILE YOU READ IT, right?
All you need to do is trust me (which you should already be doing) and start reading.

I pretty much dig these loners that aren't superheroes, they're not perfect, they're full of hard edges and rough layers and sometimes they fuck shit up either accidentally or on purpose, they can be emotionally crippled or unavailable and I am getting so turned on right now.
#PeterAsh - If lovin' is you is wrong, I DON'T WANNA BE RIGHT.

Wait. Where was I going with that? I keep getting off track.

What I meant was regardless of all that, they try to do the right thing  and do it the best way they know how, and that is why I love them.
Plus I am so much of all that myself so I feel like we have a lot in common only I am not nearly as skilled in combat or self-preservation BUT I COULD BE SOME DAY so you better just watch yourself, missy.

ALSO I learn stuff from these books so technically Nick Petrie IS MAKING ME SMARTER.
These books are educational you know!
Plus it was pretty groovy that this book was featuring Iceland and last year I did a book review that referenced Iceland and some of its practices which only proves that WE ARE RIDING THE SAME WAVELENGTH BRO which makes me even cooler, so.

I'm not going to tell you to GO PREORDER THIS BOOK RIGHT NOW! because if you're a fan and you're smart then you've already done that in anticipation.
I AM going to tell you that if you haven't read this series yet, START RIGHT HERE right now.

Lookit I'm giving you plenty of advance notice so that you can start reading at the beginning and get caught up by the time this new one is on the market January 14th and you'll have those Christmas gift cards burning a hole in your pocket and now I've given you the precious gift of how to spend them and saved you all the dithering.
YOU ARE WELCOME.
Now go do what I say and don't make me come looking for you because neither of us wants that.
For different reasons. #Lazy

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**secondary disclaimer: I was given a free ARC of this book because I pestered the author for several months and I am receiving no other compensation except the glory of getting to read it before most everyone else. I did possibly swear a blood oath (willingly and without being asked, in fact, there might have been some kind of protestation against it but I didn't pay any mind to that) to give an honest review for that privilege. Now I might lie to you about some things in life (well OF COURSE those pants don't make your butt look more like a whole junkYARD in the trunk)(and sure, love ya too, mmhmm whatever) but I would never ever commit the egregious sin of lying to you about a book.
I'M NOT A MONSTER YOU KNOW.

Let's all pretend to be Iceland this year. #BestIdeaEVER

I mean really, just scroll down the last few posts and they're mostly all book reviews - books I got for FREE!
Those of you who've been to my house and have seen the 9 crammed-full overflowing bookshelves realize how exciting this is for me. Don't even ask how many books (read and unread) are on my kindle. And iBooks. And audible audio books. SHUT UP.
The books, they make me happy.

AND LOOK HOW MUCH I AM HELPING WITH YOUR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING RIGHT NOW!

In fact, here's a new review for a BRAND NEW SERIES (wooooohoooo!) by one of my beloved favorite authors, Taylor Stevens.
You'll probably recognize her name because I've reviewed several of her books in the Vanessa Michael Munroe series - so natch I was very excited to *UNEXPECTEDLY* receive an ARC of this new Jack & Jill series.

This is not a 5th grade book report, so don't expect all the delicious details of the book here.
For that you must GO BUY THE BOOK AND READ IT.  (You really should pre-order yours right this minute. Order a couple for your friends. I'll wait.)

So let me say this: If you go into this expecting something like Vanessa Michael Munroe, you're going to be disappointed, so you need to lay that aside right now. Pretend this is a debut novel (which it kind of is, series-wise) and go from there.

The book is all action from the jump - it's like opening your front door and stepping into a tornado.

I like that. I like it A LOT.

Also? To be honest I did not find most of the main characters to be likeable in the most generic sense of the word. (Likable? Why do I never know how to spell that word? IT LOOKS WEIRD)
Fortunately that's not a deal-breaker for me, as long as the characters are interesting and intriguing and engaging, which these certainly were, with bright flashes of snark and humor here and there.
Like that TV show Scandal - by season 4 the only people I cared about were the assassins and I was all on their side. This was sort of like that.

This family...kind of like Spy Kids. Grown-up Spy Kids on crack in Bizarroworld. I mean that in the best possible way. Sibling rivalry, paranoia, and frayed but unbreakable family ties are taken to a whoooole other level.
Plus single mom with boy/girl twins? THIS IS MY ACTUAL FOR REALS LIFE. #TrueStory
Now I feel like I've failed my kids in some way by not teaching them spycraft. Or learning it for myself, which would be awesome. Seriously I can always tell when I've been watching & reading too many thrillers because I find myself constantly checking for a 'tail' whenever I leave the house because YOU KNOW I AM SO IMPORTANT PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW WHAT I AM UP  TO. #NotActuallyTrueAboutBeingImportant

The characters, their lives, their history  - all fleshed out in little nibbles throughout each chapter.
If you're one of those people who just feels like they MUST figure out all the twists and WHODUNIT and the end game long before you get to the end...JUST. STOP IT.
Seriously. Put it away and read on.
There are hints and teases and bite-size clues...just let the story carry you along.

By the time I got to the end, I was dazed in the best kind of way, AND I'd found a character I really liked in the good way. The ending is something that so many *series* authors have trouble writing to my personal satisfaction; often it's either too much of a cliffhanger or you don't know where they can take the storyline into the next book or there are too many loose ends left dangling.
HOWEVER, Taylor has mastered this art by leaving the ending open enough to give a glimpse into where the next book might go while also managing to tie up the majority of loose ends and leaving just enough cliffhanger to be mysteriously exciting but not frustrating as though the book were missing the final 2 chapters or something.

So, long story short (TOO LATE!) - pre-order the book. It will be released on DECEMBER 18 so get your order in NOW. Kindle, paper, audio - one for you and one for a friend because HELLO CHRISTMAS!
Spread the book love. Let's be Iceland together.

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**stuff I have to disclose: YES I was given a free ARC copy (that was totes unexpected, THANK YOU SO MUCH KENSINGTON BOOKS!! YOU ARE MY FAVORITE!). NO I was not told I had to actually write a review NOR was I told what any such review needed to say.
MY OPINIONS ARE MY OWN and I SAY WHAT I SAY and THAT IS THAT.

I got to read it before you so HAHA IN YOUR FACE.

Or a title that's something somewhat politer. (IT MIGHT BE A WORD, YOU DON'T KNOW FOR SURE)
If I don't start actively blogging again, this is going to become strictly a review blog!
Not that there's anything wrong with that, especially when it means FREE BOOKS FOR ME and also ADVANCE COPIES which make me special. Shut it.

**Disclaimery thing: YES I was given *my precious* ARC for no charge. NO I was not given any suggestions or instructions on what to write or even to give a review at all. I VOLUNTEERED AS TRIBUTE. #TrueStory.
Also if you're new to Me then you need to know this: I WRITE WHAT I WANT and I SAY WHAT I SAY.

A reminder: I review what I thought of the book as a whole. This ain't a book report - if you want the deets then may I suggest YOU GO BUY IT AND READ IT YOURSELF.
No, really. I mean it. You can thank me later - - and you will.

I like my good guys a little dirty, my bad guys a little redeemable, and homespun justice served up one way or another to the Really Evil.

This novel does not disappoint.

Tear It Down is the 4th in a series of  Peter Ash novels - and I must say it's my FAVORITE TO DATE.
Two strong story arcs converge with Peter at the crux, keeping things exciting and action packed.
I think Peter has to be one of my top favorite characters because he's interesting, bedeviled, troubled, quirky... he has issues, he's a little mean and a lot clever, and he's a total badass and will MESS YOU UP.
In other words, I can relate.  Except I'm a lot mean and a little clever but that's a whole other blog post.

Typically I don't like character comparisons - I read blurbs on books from unknown (to me) authors like, "THE NEXT MITCH RAPP!" or "WANT MORE KAY SCARPETTA? You'll love SusieSchmoosie!"
JUST NO. (Unless of course *I* am the one making the comparison because I KNOW WHAT I KNOW)

Invariably I am disappointed because I decide to give one of those a try and then I'm halfway through and getting pissed and yelling at my kindle OMG IT IS NOTHING LIKE JACK RYAN/EVE DALLAS/LUCAS DAVENPORT! SHUT UP! YOU'RE STUPID! and then I'm disappointed and also mad that I spent $1.99 on Amazon because the book wasn't at my online library.
But even Lee Child himself has compared Peter Ash to his own (and my beloved) Jack Reacher.
And I would agree - a little. In the timeless words of Mr. Miyagi:

They're both pretty freaking awesome, I'll say that. Jack and Peter, I mean.
Also the authors Lee and Nick. Pretty freaking awesome.

The supporting characters here are strong and also relatable - I love the recurring ones because I want to be BFFs with them too. There is no lack of personality in any of the characters, and one of my favorite things about author Nick Petrie's writing is his ability to describe the people- and more importantly, the action - so well that I can see a scene playing out in my mind effortlessly.  He's able to do it simply, without becoming overly-adjectived and wordy, which is good because that sort of thing ends up being a distraction for me rather than encouraging a smooth flow.
There's a long car chase that was as real in my head as if I were watching it happen on The TeeVee but I don't want to say too much. #NoSpoilers

I like that Nick adds the barest flavor of romance without hearts and flowers but still conveys the feelings and commitment.
I like that the writing and plotlines are engaging and make me want to read JUST. ONE. MORE. CHAPTER and I don't care that it's 3am and I have to get up in two hours.
I especially like that Nick Petrie is accessible to his fans - that always wins so many bonus points with me.

One of my favorite quotes from this book: "The sun never shone so brightly as when somebody was trying to kill you."
I would agree with that. Theoretically.

IN SUMMARY: I highly recommend that you go PRE-ORDER your copy of TEAR IT DOWN now. It will be released January 15th, which gives you plenty of time to read the other three in the series, starting with The Drifter.
Get one for yourself and one for a friend. Don't be so selfish.

(OH and PS: Do yourself a favor and look up ankylosaurus before you start reading, otherwise you will be holding your finger down on the word trying to bring up the definition because you forgot you're reading an actual book instead of kindle and it doesn't work that way. Plus also when you get to *ankylosaurus* you'll be all I'M SO SMART I KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
YOU ARE WELCOME.)

WOO! BOOK REVIEW!

Y'all know how much I love getting ARCs (that's Advance Review Copy for those not in the know) because it makes me feel all special and superior to those of you who just don't have what it takes.
Okay, that last part may be a bit of an exaggeration...but I do loves me some book galleys.

THE DREAM DAUGHTER.

This author, Diane Chamberlain, was new to me so I had no expectations going in.
(OH I FORGOT: This book was given to me free by SheSpeaks to review - and if you know me even a little bit I don't have to remind you that MY WORDS ARE MY OWN and I SAY WHAT I WANT)

 

This isn't a book report and I don't want to accidentally post any spoilers, but I want to say this:

1. I recommend this book so so so much. It'll be out in October but I would encourage you to pre-order a copy.

2. A lot of you know my kids' story, born at 24 weeks and the issues and health problems and hospital stays and near death days and nights...this book wasn't exactly that but I will say that a LOT of my emotional triggers were touched and I actually read through tears several times and I was completely emotionally invested in the characters.

3. It's not what you think it's going to be when you pick it up to start reading.

4. It reminded me of the feeling I had so many times, that I would do absolutely ANYTHING to save my children, to make them better, to spare them what they had to endure.

5. The penultimate chapter was a bit abrupt for me, but the ending was definitely satisfactory (for those of you - I KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND I SEE YOU - who skip to the end first and PS I WILL CUT YOU FOR THAT SOMEDAY BECAUSE NO.).

Go order yours. Or head over to SheSpeaks and enter the giveaway contest! #WINNING!
When it comes to books, you know I'd never steer you wrong.

Chicken Finger THUNDERDOME: 2 Fingers Enter - Only One Survives

Well, technically none survived.

So yesterday was a tough day on my little family - Joshua had an appointment with the orthopedic dr for his broken arm.
Okay, I know it's JUST a broken arm but for a multiple-disabled, non-communicative kid who is like a 6-9 month old, nothing is ever "just" anything.
Of course it was a little strain on Becca and me (he weighs about 85 lbs) moving him around all day but the worst part was knowing I was hurting him.
Joshua doesn't cry. He fusses, he whines, he hollers, he makes this moaning sound that I DETEST and he knows it, but he hasn't actually cried in about 10-15 years.  Yesterday though, getting him in and out of bed, wheelchairs, and the van...I hurt him a lot moving him.
When I put him in bed last night, he had tears in the corners of his eyes and I wanted to just die.

ANYWAY THAT IS NOT WHERE I WAS GOING WITH THIS WHOLE THING.

After the doctor and the tag agency (time to get new tags! Also wtf, THEY charge ME $1.50 to look at my insurance form I had to bring in? WHAT IS THAT ABOUT??)...Becca and I were not ready to go home and begin the unloading process - we were hungry and wanted some comfort food and decided to splurge and eat out.

So there's a Raising Cane's not too far away and then a Zaxby's on the way home, so we thought we'd just do a little Chicken Finger comparison for fun and share our results.
We got the same meal from both places: 4 chicken fingers, texas toast, coleslaw, fries, & each place has their own "secret dipping sauce." OH, and it came with a drink.
Price difference: Zaxby's was 20 cents more on the menu.

As you can see, Zaxby's has the bigger drink but Cane's has a bigger box. (*teehee!*)  Raising Cane's had asked if we wanted ketchup and I said yes, so we got....ONE KETCHUP.  And one napkin. NO.

So here's what we got  - and man, is that a LOT OF FREAKING FOOD.
FIRST THINGS FIRST: The Zaxby's fries were bigger cut (and a bit more generous), but taste-wise the Raising Cane's were much better and cooked more to my liking.  Zaxby's were a little overdone.
SECOND: We both preferred Raising Cane's Texas Toast, athough I have to say that Zaxby's seemed extra buttery as compared to usual.
THIRD: Look at that enormous container of coleslaw from Zaxby's!
But it is an optical illusion, because it is a very shallow bowl and only LOOKS so  much bigger than the smaller-around but deeper container from Cane's.  Cane's was pretty good coleslaw - they claim it's made fresh every day and we saw no reason to doubt that...but flavor-wise the Zaxby's was tastier for both of us.  It reminded me of when KFC used to have that really good, finely chopped coleslaw a long time ago.

Look at that sauce. It almost looks the same and guess what? It almost tastes the same.  Zaxby's (right) seems to be a tiny bit spicier and tomato-ier (or tangier, Becca said).  Basically though, I could barely tell them apart. I call it a saucy draw.

And now the main event - The Chicken Fingers.
Awww, they look sort of like a little chicken yin/yang!
Maybe this is why Zaxby's was 20 cents more, because clearly their chickens have bigger fingers. Also crispier, flavorful crust.  I like the crust a little more well done and dark and crunchy like that.
The lighter crusted, less well-done Raising Cane's fingers were actually pretty flavorless when sans sauce.  They were just meh. Juicy enough but nothing special, basically bland.  Without the sauce, they're no more impressive than frozen chicken fingers you can pop in the microwave.

THE AFTERMATH.
Although the fries & bread were better at Raising Cane's, the overall taste & size was worth the extra 20 cents at Zaxby's.
OH, and the service was friendly and fine at both, although I feel sorry for the Cane's person having to say HEY HEY HEY IT'S A GREAT DAY to every customer all day long because EW.

As you can see, we wanted to be completely thorough so as to give YOU the best possible answers to help with any dining dilemma you might ever have.
YOU ARE WELCOME.

THUNDERDOME WINNER: ZAXBY'S

This has been a public service.

Now THAT'S What I'm Talkin' About

You all know how I like The Free Stuff.
Books, Clorox cleaning products, skin care regimens...I love getting them all, whether I review them or not.

So of course when one of my friends said, "HEY, sign up for Influenster because FREESTUFF," naturally I hopped right inside that bandwagon.

Remember a few months ago when I colored my hair? It was my first #VoxBox from Influenster, and I was very excited.
Until weeks and weeks and weeks went by and the only other thing I'd received was a tiny package of even tinier Carefree panty liners, which frankly were too embarrassing for me to be bothered to write about.
(Okay, so maybe I just procrastinated and forgot to write the review because REASONS)

But then.
DUN DUN DUUUN!!

I got a #SunshineVoxBox.
IT WAS LIKE IT HAD BEEN CUSTOM MADE FOR ONLY ME.

The box was filled with products by brands that I'm not only familiar with, but that I use regularly, so I was excited to try these particular products.

1. Please note the empty wrapper for the Blue Diamond Sriracha Almonds, as I ripped those open and poured them into my face like a hyena with a fresh kill. The Sriracha flavor was good, but my heart and tastebuds are still pwned (do people still say pwned?) by the uberlicious Soy & Wasabi flavored Blue Diamond Almonds.
Verdict: RECOMMENDED

2. I've been using Vaseline lotion products for many years, so I was happy to give this new product a try. It's a SPRAY ON moisturizer. It's so nice and quick to be absorbed with a light, fresh aloe scent. Spray it on, smooth it in, DONE. Also very inexpensive, so I can afford it even on my practically nonexistent budget.
Verdict: RECOMMENDED

3. I've been fascinated by the thought of "witch hazel" since I first read about it in a book when I was very young - it was used in that book as an antiseptic. WITCH hazel. I thought it meant that it was some magical witchery made with a spell to help your cuts and bruises heal quickly. (I still like to think that)  As a teen I used a couple of versions of witch hazel as a toner but it made my skin dry.
Nowadays I generally use the dry cleansing cloths that foam up when you wet them (I won't say the name but it rhymes with shmoyl of schmolay)...but these Dickinson's Original Witch Hazel wet cleansing cloths are great! They make my face feel cool (especially when I'm having a perimenopausal hot flash) and fresh, with a barely-there scent, and best of all they do NOT make my skin feel tight, dry, or itchy.
Verdict: RECOMMENDED

4. I was very happy for the Sinful Colors nail polish - as you can see from the photo, this is my go-to brand. They even sent me a color (called Southern Belle, bless your heart!) that I'd've totally picked out for myself. As you can see, the new color looks fab on my thumbnail. The other one (called Sugar Sugar, which is weird as it's dark red and sparkly, but whatevs) is my regular summer toe color.

Verdict: RECOMMENDED

5. I've never used leave-in conditioner before (I have twins, I've barely had time to wash my hair some days, let alone condition it) so I was looking forward to trying the Infusium23 leave-in treatment. Except I have this weird thing about my hair and anything that makes it feel greasy or crunchy or heavy.  The Infusium was a little thicker than I thought it would be, but it smelled good and I tried it in both damp and dry hair and it helped smooth the fuzziness somewhat.  The directions say that you can reapply as needed throughout the day, but when I used it more than once a day my hair did not feel good to me. This may just be due to my personal hair issues. It is a very affordable product and I will probably purchase it, since it is helpful on days when I can't condition in the shower.
Verdict: RECOMMENDED (if you don't have a weird hair thing worse than I do)

6. There is a coupon in the #Voxbox for a free package of BarkThins snacks - involving a deliciously intriguing variety flavors of fair trade dark chocolate...the closest place I can find that carries this brand is Target and I just haven't had the time to get there lately, so I can't tell you if these are good or not -- but chocolate covered pretzels and dark chocolate almond with sea salt and choco-covered pumpkin seeds...I can only see myself giving these a big thumbs up. However, until that time:
Verdict: UNKNOWN

THANK YOU #Influenster for this most excellent treat!

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**crap I have to say: All the items were provided free of charge by Influenster via VoxBox. My opinions are definitely all my own because I SAY WHAT I WANT.

AS SEEN ON TV!

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Spicin' up your life

They can't stop us; we're on a mission from Smiley360.com.

Blues Brothers fan will totally get that.

A quick review:

The nice folks over at Smiley360.com sent me a sample of CHOLULA Chili-Lime Hot Sauce to try (and PS: my opinion of this product is my own - I *was* given a free sample, I *was NOT* given any direction as to what I should write).

I don't really buy a lot of hot sauce - when I do it's usually that kind that comes from Louisiana #IfYouKnowWhatIMean. Mostly it tastes pretty vinegary and burny to me.  I don't really know the difference between hot sauce and tabasco sauce...although my pal Jay in Montana is some strange aficionado - I'm fairly certain he owns every flavor known to man.

I wanted to give the Cholula Chili-Lime a fair chance, so I decided to try it on every meal in a day.
Breakfast - I put it on my scrambled eggs...DELICIOUS.
Lunch - I put it on my hamburger...OUTSTANDING.
Dinner - I put some on my pork chops AND a bite of mashed potato - YUMMY.

I like it because it's got such a tang, the lime and the chili flavors both come through so I don't get that vinegar taste, and it's just warm enough. The heat sort of comes up after the flavor and lingers a little, it's not OH HI LET ME SCORCH YOUR FACE OFF hot.

If you want to jazz up your next meal and add a bit of heat, I recommend the Cholula (they have other flavors too - next, I'm trying the garlic).

OOOH, and think how good this will taste in a Bloody Mary.
Get .75 off coupon too!
YOU ARE WELCOME.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO MEEEE and YOU! But mostly ME.

Most of you who stop by here know me pretty well - I mean, we HAVE been together for the last 5 or 6 years after all. And you know that I looooves me coffee. LOVE-with-a-capital-L LOVE.
As soon as my daughter was tall enough to reach the sink tap I taught her to make coffee so that should I ever break both my arms or become otherwise incapacitated, someone could make the coffee (and serve it to me, doy).
Now I am NOT like my uncle, who is one of those people who, if they don't finish the pot, don't mind REHEATING IT THE NEXT DAY OMG.
Barf.
But unfortunately I DO let a lot of coffee go to waste, because I'll make a full pot and drink 2 or 3 cups and then get busy and the coffee pot will automatically turn off after 2 hours. Then I'll forget about it for awhile and when I remember, what happens is that I just make a whole other fresh pot. and repeat.

Then one fine day I was approached by a representative from Tassimo who offered to let me give the BrewBot a try so of course I'm all OH HELL YEAH BABY! Or words to that effect.

It arrived today (OH AND PS: UPS, YOU AND I ARE GONNA HAVE WORDS, MISTER. YOU DELIVERED THIS TO MY NEIGHBOR) and when I walked up on the porch I grabbed the box and I... well, I hugged it. And possibly wept a tiny tear of joy. There may have been a booty-shaking little dance as well but I'd never tell you that.

I DID have a small disappointment though - when I opened the box and took out Brewster (that's his name, yo), I kept waiting for him to open up and start busting some moves like he does on the commercial.
FYI: if you wait for yours to start dancing around or pushing buttons for you, you are doomed to heartbreak.

ANYWAY.

This is the cutest coffeepot ever! It's small and space-saving (which is excellent because my kitchen is about the size of a postage stamp and I have about a square foot of counter space), and SO easy to use!
Also?
THE FUNNEST COFFEE POT IN THE WORLD. (yes I said funnest and I meant it even though I know I should say "most fun" but whatever and WHOSE BLOG IS THIS ANYWAY?)
You can make one cup at a time so that it is ALWAYS fresh - and maybe I want a cuppa black coffee right now but want some French vanilla next? Easy peasy lemon squeezy. I can have 5 different flavors one right after another if I want. I AM THE BOSS OF COFFEE.

I made STARBUCKS Primo Latte just now - it was easy and took like one minute and YUM. In the morning I'm going to try the Gevalia. I can't wait to try some Chai tea and I know Becca will want some hot chocolate.

So if you still need an excellent Christmas gift for your favorite coffee drinkers, GO GET THEM A BREWBOT. They will love you for it.
And you will thank me later.

*****TASSIMO WANTS TO SEND YOU A BREWBOT TOO! Leave a comment HERE and ONE will be randomly chosen on CHRISTMAS EVE!*****

P.S. Thanks can be expressed in the form of extravagant gifts like diamond jewelry and good ol' cash. FYI.
P.P.S. If you is fine and single, you can thank me in some...other way. Use your imagination.
P.P.P.S. Just kidding about that "thank me in some other way" thing. Sort of. Mostly.

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Stuff I feel obligated to tell you even though it makes me roll my eyes and sigh a lot, but you know how people get their panties in a bunch knickers in a twist over the silliest things.
1. Yes, the Tassimo Brewbot was given to me to review.
2. No, there were no conditions, instructions, or even suggestions as to when or what or how I should blog about it
3. If you've been reading here for any length of time, you know that I HAVE PRINCIPLES, DAMMIT.
4. I only tell you good stuff about a product if I believe it to be true.
5. Dude. Trust me.

HOLIDAY GIVEAWAYS! Gift ideas!

See, this is the time EVERY year when I start to panic.
I mean CHRISTMAS IS ALMOST HERE FOR CRAP'S SAKE AND I HAVE BOUGHT NOTHING.

Well, not NOTHING -- my kids are pretty easy at the moment... my 14 year old daughter is NUTSO CRAZY for Bon Jovi.
I KNOW, RIGHT?
I have raised her correctly, OBVIOUSLY. She loves the 80s, just like mom.
MY mom calls it "brainwashing" but whatever.

My son? Well, he likes videos. DONE.

But everyone else? NO. IDEA.
I'm so lame at the whole gift buying thingie. Zero imagination.

So THANK GOODNESS, once again, for Mom Central's Gift Guide!
Plus also -- GIVEAWAYS! FREE STUFF!
Who does NOT love free stuff, especially at this time of year? Only someone much dumber than me.

Head on over to Mom Central and check out the reviews and the sponsors for the giveaways -- if you can't get some excellent gift ideas from all of that, then you're beyond hope.
There is TONS of cool stuff.
Just log in and win!

Now excuse me, I must SHOP. Which I HATE. I would like to marry the creator of ONLINE SHOPPING because it is the only way to go.
Only I don't get to yell at people, but hey, that's a small sacrifice.

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OH YEAH HERE'S THAT ONE THING I HAVE TO ADD BECAUSE OF THE CHEATERS:
"I wrote this review while participating in a blog campaign by Mom Central. Mom Central entered my name in a random drawing to win a gift to thank me for taking the time to participate."

The Weight Of Silence

Aaaaah, book reviews, my favorite.
I know, you thought CLEANING products were my favorite...well, I do love them, but frankly we all know I'm a lazy cow and would much rather read than clean ANY day.

So I was happy to be on this book tour with Mother Talk -- I haven't been on tour with them in AGES. Anyway I was happy to take a test run of a new-to-me author, Heather Gudenkauf and her book The Weight Of Silence.

I opened it up and ran into my first little mental roadblock -- you get to read through the eyes of different characters, who are designated by their names on each 'chapter' page.
TYPICALLY I shy away from those and I'll tell you why: when I am engaged and involved in a story, I do not read the chapter titles.
Stephen King's chapter titles are wasted on me. I just keep turning the pages.

HOWEVER.
These were written in distinctive enough voices that once I'd read a couple of chapters with each character, I didn't need to look anymore.

I'm not going to tell you about the story, much, because you can get that from the Amazon site and a fafillion other review blogs.

I'll just tell you that it was suspenseful, engrossing, and had enough deliciously scary twists and turns to be A Very Good Read.
If you pay attention to the clues, you can figure the ending for yourself ahead of time -- I usually DON'T try to unravel the mysteries myself, I like to watch them unfold and appreciate the author's work in taking me there.
This one was a little easier to figure - if you're an avid fan of such stories and know what to look for.

I read so many detective stories and mysteries that I often check for a tail when I leave my house because I have become JUST THAT PARANOID.

You'll be sorry if it turns out I was right and I WAS being followed. YOU WILL.
Anyway.

The Weight of Silence by Heather Gudenkauf.
Two thumbs up from me.

Thank you Mother Talk for introducing us.

Now shoo.
Go read a book or something.

A B.O.B. named PHIL

So a week ago Friday I was at the BlogHer cocktail party (HAHA! COCK..TAIL. HOW APPROPRIATE! As you'll read in a minute...) when who to my wondering eyes should appear but Drew from one of my new favorite online (adult toy) stores, Eden Fantasys.
Many of you who listen to my weekly show have heard me sing the praises of the Eden Fantasys Adult Toy store, OVER and OVER and OVER again.
Do yourself a BIG FAVOR and go there.
Go now. I'll wait.

...........................................................................

NICE, right? I TOLD YOU.

I was thrilled to meet Drew face to face -- I didn't even know he'd be there! But there he was, constantly surrounded by adoring women (and even some men). Apparently at an earlier party he was actually mobbed by women because he was giving out some sort of baby Bunnies in the gift bags.

Drew is every woman's BFF. He's The Supplier.
It's like we're skankhoor crackheads and he's got our dime rocks. He is my hero and every single (and by single I mean uninvolved/unattached/lonely/desperate/horny) woman in the world should get to know him -- married/involved women too, of course, BUT EVERY SINGLE WOMAN EVERYWHERE FOR SURE.
Maybe you remember months & months ago when I sadly informed you that B.O.B.'s motor had burned out. Poor B.O.B. It was very sad--I actually cried for 3 days after the funeral. Luckily B.O.B.'s twin brother was living here too, which was good for me; he certainly helped me get back on track.
Silver-bullet B.O.B. I and II were my only experiences.
AND THEN.
My new BFF Drew sent me one of these bad boys to try.

OH.EM.GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I named it Phil. (Fill, get it? No? Shut up, you're dumb)

Phil is The Shiz. Phil knows just what I like and when I like it.
Phil knows all the right moves -- he's firm yet a little squooshy.
Phil is not messy and never makes me sleep in a wet spot.
I do not have to make conversation with Phil afterward, nor feel guilty about going right to sleep.

I love Phil the B.O.B.
He's the best B.O.Boyfriend I ever had.

Phil is something of a screamer though.. okay, not screamer, exactly, but more of a buzzer. He gets a little loud -- but HEY SO DO I.
Phil has different combinations of speeds for rotation AND vibration.

If Phil could wash dishes and scrub the toilet and kill spiders, well, I guess he'd be just about perfect.
Come to think of it, he probably COULD kill the spiders.
Is all I'm saying.

Git-tar HERO

If you know me at all, you know I love my music. I love it so much that I rock it out every Friday night on my very own fake radio show.

It was the worst twist of fate that as much as I love music, as much as I live it and need it and feel it and immerse myself in it... I have ZERO MUSICAL TALENT.
I cannot read music.
I cannot play any instrument.
I cannot sing. Well, I can, but the results are not good.

But thanks to Mom Central and Guitar Hero and Nintendo DS... I CAN BE A ROCK STAR.

OH I know, I was already a RAWK STAR, thankyouverymuch. But this game is freaking AWESOME! I have a HUGE (eff off Paris, you utter twit, I can say HUGE if I want to) fan base and there's a cool Fan Request mode. You can FACE OFF against the game to win more fans. There are guitar duels in which you have to blow into the microphone to "cool" the fire, fix broken strings, & more challenges.

This particular game is the "MODERN HITS"... well, again, if you know me at all you know that I love my 70s & 80s music, my classic rock, my oldies... but surprisingly some of my favorites from Finger Eleven, Fall Out Boy & Modest Mouse were on the set list.
It comes with a "pick" stylus and an insert with the fret buttons.

If I have one complaint it is that insert does NOT always stay in securely when you have your hand through the "convenient" adjustable velcro strap -- several times I was TOTALLY rocking out and the game went BLANK and then gave me an error message because apparently the fret thingy had slipped out a little bit.
That was a large pain in my large ass.
BUT I eventually figured out that if I did NOT use the strap, the keys were less likely to come out.
Because seriously, you have to rock your whole body. And dance. And sing if you know the words.

I LOVE THIS GAME.
I've already decided to get my daughter one of the other Guitar Hero Tours so that *I* can play it when Christmas rolls around this year.

I LOVE THIS GAME.
Did I say that already?

I HAD to break my diet to do the REVIEW.

SO LONG DR. ATKINS! I was forced to eat pasta.

Well maybe not exactly FORCED. I do love me some spaghetti and I have SO missed it the last couple of months.
NOW I have to start ALL OVER AGAIN and I blame Ragu and Mom Central.
Okay, so maybe I didn't HAVE to eat pasta. But I'm pretty sure it was in the fine print so shut up and let me rationalize.

I am totally famous for my homemade spaghetti sauce which is NOT* Ragu.

(*Likely Possible untrue statement)

But when Mom Central invited me to try some new flavors of Ragu I was all, "OKAY FINE, I don't have TIME to make homemade ANYWAY."
Or something else that sounds plausible.

I got to try the Old World Style Sweet Tomato Basil and Old World Style Margherita flavors.
NOM.
NOM.
NOM.

Part of the Sweet Tomato Basil I cooked with some Italian sausage with green peppers & onions and it was SO FREAKING GOOD.
Also? EASY PEASY which is nice for lazy people like me. I was making the sausage & peppers anyway & just dumped some sauce in. SO yum.

The Margherita flavor has a sort of pizza-y taste & would be great for homemade pizza. If I was an adventurous cook (or really any sort of cook) I would've tried to make some little bagel pizzas or the ones you can do with biscuit dough.
But I found a recipe PERFECT for me, it only takes like five minutes and I didn't have to have any fancy ingredients.
Chicken, olive oil, sauce, and cheese.
Bake.
Done.
Enjoy.

Just one more reason to love Ragu; their recipes could have been put on the site JUST FOR ME. Five minute prep time. SCORE.

And OH YEAH, for those of you who are all about nutritional value blahblahblahblah, there is a FULL SERVING OF VEGGIES in every half-cup of sauce!
Don't tell the kids.

Got mold?

Okay, so my house is REALLY REALLY OLD.
Old houses mean leaky seals and drafts and extra work, which sucks because I'm really lazy. So of COURSE I was happy when Mom Central let me try some X-14 Mold & Mildew Stain Remover...because seriously? My bathroom? Ugh.

I like a clean bathroom. Much as I hate to clean, I hate the thought of setting foot in a dirty bathtub even more.
I am not going to admit to having any mold or mildew stains.
Okay.
The shower curtain around the bottom? EW. Truthfully I buy cheap shower curtains because I just throw them away when they start to get mildewy. I have friends who WASH them. NO FREAKIN' WAY.

So I tried the X-14 on the shower curtain and it was LIKE MAGIC!! I didn't have to throw it away! So I sprayed a little in the corner of the tub, where my daughter always puts her wet washcloths, and within a few minutes I actually saw the stains start to fade!

There IS a fairly strong bleach odor (which I sort of like, because the smell of bleach = clean to my brain), so if you're odor-sensitive you probably want to wear a mask or make sure all the windows are open.
But the X-14 does the trick.

Now if they would just make a little robot person to do the rest of the scrubbing...

Because who WOULDN'T want to make life a little easier?

EASTER IS HERE! SPRING IS HERE!
How about some free ham or turkey? AND recipes? AND beauty tips?
You can get 'em all from the same place, Making Life Better.

Need a life coach? Need some fresh ideas for dinner? Fix your frizzies, learn to go green, have healthier skin!

Even though I'm not much of a cook, there were recipes simple (and inexpensive) enough even for me. I KNOW.
And no, you cannot come over for dinner because I don't like company. Or people. But trust me when I say the antipasto salad wraps were GOOOD.

HEY, did you clip the Holiday Ham or Turkey rebate form from your April 5 paper? Check it out. Get free ham or turkey. WOO!

Thanks Mom Central for introducing me to Making Life Better, because SHORTCUTS and EASIER are my keywords in life.

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OH, and don't forget it is GOOD FRIDAY today -- which means a special theme on tonight's Friday Night Live!!

TUNE IN LIVE at 9pm Central/10 Eastern!

FEEL THE BURN, BABY!

Okay, so I was a leeetle leery when I volunteered my guinea pig services to Mom Central for this blog tour, because Listerine always scared me.

My grandma & grandpa ALWAYS used Listerine and when I spent the night at their house *I* had to use it too.
It was like drinking scalding bacon grease only much less tasty. (Sorry guys, but srsly, 30 years ago you KNOW that's how it was)

ANYWAY. I decided to push my luck & said OKAY, send me the Listerine Total Care to try. I figured at the very least I could use it to punish my daughter for sassing.

HEY, guess what? Still burns...but not as bad as I thought it would. In FACT I compared it to another brand of whitening-type rinse who shall remain nameless but rhymes with Krest and I have to say that the Listerine Total Care was more tolerable. AND does not leave a gooey film in my mouth, which is YUCK, so BIG BONUS POINTS for that.

PLUS!
Helps prevent cavities
Restores enamel
Strengthens teeth (which is cool because I use my teeth for things I shouldn't)(not THAT, perv)
Kills bad breath germs
FRESH BREATH FTW!
And fights plaque.

There you go. I like all that stuff because I never had any problems with my teeth until I got pregnant and my children LEECHED(leached?) the LIFE RIGHT OUT OF ME including my teeth.

Go getcha some Listerine Total Care.
No seriously.
You need some mouthwash.
Or at least a tictac.

My First Aid Kit

I LOVE when Mom Central lets me try new products from companies with whom I'm already familiar... and I LOVE me some Neosporin!

They have a cool new SPRAY ON antiseptic/pain reliever... I told my daughter to go run around outside until she fell down and scraped something so we could try it out.

KIDDING.

Mostly.

She's clumsy like her dad with his big ol' clown feet that she inherited.
HEY I'm just saying.

Luckily *I* managed to walk into the doorframe as usual and scratched my arm.

The pain-relief part of the Neosporin REALLY WORKS.
I've been using the neosporin ointment for years...FINALLY I tried the cream also and I am just as happy with that - moreso, when I need somewhere that might get on my clothes.

ANYWAY.
The cool little "ToGo" spray on Neosporin is VERY EXCELLENT. Prevent infection AND ease the pain all at the same time. No way to go wrong there.

If you don't use Neosporin, you should...especially if you're clumsy. Or maybe...not so coordinated in the kitchen. This stuff eases the burn sting as well when you get get spattered with hot bacon grease.
Or so I hear.

It's GREEN!

Our commitment to being more "green" around my house is coming along...slowly but surely.
One thing that makes it so much easier for lazy asses like me is when the wonderful ladies at Mom Central send me new greeeeen products to try!
As you know I'm fiercely brand loyal to Clorox, so I get excited every time I get to try a new green product from them. I love that they're offering so many new products to help save the environment!
I am really into checking labels for the word BIODEGRADABLE -- and I just got to try some really excellent GreenWorks Natural Cleaning Wipes from Clorox -- they are 99% natural and BIODEGRADABLE.

I'm a HUGE fan of cleaning wipes, especially in the kitchen. I've always used them on my counter tops (because I'm messy and spill shit all the time), so they're handy.
Let me just tell you that these GreenWorks Wipes smell SO LEMONY and delicious, they clean really well (even my disgusting refrigerator, and PS HOW DOES IT GET SO GRUBBY UNDERNEATH THE HANDLE??), and NO STICKY residue left behind.
I've used other wipes that have left a film on the countertops, but these don't.
PLUS BIODEGRADABLE so how can you NOT want to do that small thing for the environment? Unless you're just dumb, then okay.
Go get some Clorox GreenWorks products and just try them. OR you can do what I do and make your kids try it while you ... supervise. Isn't that what kids are for? What, no?