♫♪ Talkin' about my generation ♫♪

The last few days I've had to sit back and laugh as I watch all the "Generation Wars" ramping up, much like the "MommyBlogger Wars" a few years ago.

I can't even keep track of what generation I'm supposed to be, GenX I guess because really that one sounds the coolest so it probably is mine.
Also WTF even is Generation Jones? Because apparently I'm at the tail end of that as well, being born in 1968.

I'm going with JoneX. That's my generation.
If you're cool enough I'll let you use that for yourself but don't hold your breath.

My generation is punk and goth and indie music. It's huge hair and cutout sweatshirt necks. It's layered tank tops and leg warmers and shiny metallic jazzercise tights. It's British Knights and Kaepa tennies with the upside down laces. It's bulky thigh length sweaters over turtlenecks with sweater skirts over long john pants. It's clove cigarettes and Strawberry Hill wine. Culottes and (American style) knickers, prairie blouses, Jams shorts and Jellies shoes. It's fingerless lace gloves and layered tutus over torn fishnets with combat boots. It's poodle perms and big round frames for our glasses, sparkly blue eyeshadow and green mascara, banana clips and feathering combs and those stretchy round plastic comb-like headbands.

We were weird and unique and we liked it that way. I still do.

I mean seriously WE are the only ones who ever learned how to actually program a VCR to videotape multiple soap operas on multiple channels during the day while we were in high school/college classes and then program them to tape movies off HBO, Showtime and Skinemax so we could watch all the movies when we were stuck at home and not out carousing and cruising The Strip with our friends.
WE ALONE could squeeze that fourth movie on that VHS tape by carefully running back the credits to the end of the movie, and starting the next at that SPLIT SECOND after the HBO logo ended at the beginning of the next movie, all using three remote controls for TV, VCR, and cable box.

TOP THAT, YOU ROKU FIRESTICK DVRers with your fancy voice controls!

Also we had the bestworst music. You either love it or you lovehate it, and even the country music was so much better.

I know we all think our own was probably the best (and although I don't really like kids of any age, I find the current group of youngsters/young adults are bright and tolerant and learning to fight for their right to paaaaaartay what's right)... but I mean really, in the grand scheme of Things That Actually Affect Your Really For Real Life...does it matter?

It appears that ALL the generations have some things in common, like the willingness to argue over EVERY. DAMN. STUPID. THING. EVER and also take themselves far too seriously in the broadest generalizations.
Have we just run out of better things about which to argue?
Is this like why Hollywood keeps making the same exact movies over and over, like we truly need YET ANOTHER WHOLE VERSION/GENERATION OF A CHARLIE'S ANGELS MOVIE OMG NO THANK YOU PLEASE!

Some of y'all need to just

SNL Simma Down Now GIF from Snl GIFs

Dear Everyone:

I am SICK UNTO DEATH of Social Media and its denizens telling me what to do, how to feel, and who to be like.

If I don't speak out - loudly - on social media about THIS outrage or THAT situation, well clearly I am just "passively accepting" of the situation. Never mind what I say or do about those things in my real life.

If I express outrage or disdain about THIS candidate or THAT candidate - on Social Media - well then clearly I am a hater or stupid or a libtard or fooled by the media or just too naive to be allowed to live. Never mind that I back up my outraged or disdainful opinion with ACTUAL FACTS, usually video and audio with the actual words coming out of the actual person's actual mouth.
But that's just spin and propaganda, of course! Never mind that they actually said it out loud on video in front of thousands of people.

If I complain about these things - on Social Media - well I'm just WRONG! Don't like it, don't read it! Unfollow! Block! Ignore!
Never mind that some of the people attacking me are friends, and their friends, and their friends, and so on and so on and so on just like that shampoo commercial. Friends I've known since college. Since high school. Since ... Social Media.

So let me just say this one time - *I* am not trying to change YOUR mind or YOUR opinions when I state my own. HOWEVER, my (fact based) opinions are just as valid as yours. I'm not asking you to agree with me, but if you open a discussion and I take part by voicing my opinion, then you need to recognize your own shitty behavior when you go on the attack and try to make me change *mine*. You need to recognize that it only hurts your cause, it doesn't help it or make your opinion any more palatable to me.

And if you disagree, that's okay too. Maybe you can't help being an asshole. So I'll just leave this here for you:

Here's what I think about that.

Dear So You Think You Can Dance:

You make me sad.
For the first time since Season 1, I am not watching on TV. I catch up when I'm in the mood, using Hulu, and truth be told I skip through a lot of it. I do not eagerly await each show as I've done in the past years. I think I might be over you, and it hurts to think so.
You know, I was very leery of the whole Stage vs. Street thing, and even though we're closing in on the end of this season, I am still a little uncertain although I've come to mostly accept this format.
But there is an entire herd of elephants in the room, so let me address the biggest one first:
PAULA ABDUL.
Seriously, Nigel Lithgoe? Have you lost your memory as well as your mind? Don't you remember the trainwreck that was Paula Abdul on your other show (which should've been put down at least 5 seasons ago), American Idol? Watching her spit out her nonsensical word salad critiques is just painful.
WE DO NOT WANT HER.  And speaking of AI, you do remember what happened when you started switching up judges and formats over there, right? An avalanche of lost ratings and free fall into becoming a joke rather than a talent-finding show.
And then there's Jason Derulo. He doesn't seem particularly knowledgeable about what the show is trying to accomplish AND his personality is fairly lame in this context. I don't particularly care for his music (just a personal opinion) and his "dancing" skills aren't anything to write home about.
WE DO NOT WANT HIM.

We want Mary back. We want Adam Shankman and Christina Applegate and Anna Kendrick and Debbie Allen back as guest judges - most of them actually contribute something to both the show and the dancers, plus they're funny, clever, witty, and entertaining...all the things that Paula and Jason are not.

What is really burning my ass is that show a couple weeks ago where all three of you judges criticized the DANCERS for the terrible (and lame) choreography and the costumes. SRSLY? It's not the dancers' fault, and if you have a problem with the choreography and/or costumes then you all three need to grow a pair and point a finger at who's responsible, and it ain't those dancers who're up there on stage working their asses off.
It can't be any coincidence that there have been an unusually high number of injuries this season as well - either it's bad choreography or the dancers are injuring themselves so that you don't criticize them for things over which they have no control - trying to draw your attention to their moves instead of what they're wearing.
Nigel, Paula, Jason (especially Nigel): GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER BEFORE NEXT SEASON. I have a bad feeling that things are going to spiral downhill from here.

Hoping you pull your heads out of your asses soon,
Me

P.S. I do love seeing Travis and Twitch
P.P.S. #TeamGabby #TeamJaja #TeamNeptune

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Dear ALL COURT CLERKS who quit because you suddenly got religion and same-sex licenses violate your beliefs:

I would like to know why it did not ALSO violate your "religious beliefs" to file divorce papers - especially ones listing the cause as adultery. Adultery is one of The Big 10 No-Nos. Or did you forget that in your eagerness to grab your 15 minutes of fame?
I'm glad you're out of a job now. I hope no one else will hire you. Ever.

With concern for your weird "value system",
Me

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Dear Idiots Posting signs in your restaurants and stores and other public venues about how you will not be serving The Gay Type People:

You do realize that every gay person is not wearing a nametag or t-shirt that says "HI! I'm BIG GAY DAN!", right? You do realize that you will be turning away straight people who you "think" might be gay simply because of your own skewed perception of what a gay person might look/sound/act like, right?
YOU DO REALIZE HOW INSANE THAT IS, RIGHT?
And that you've served hundreds of gay people already without ever even knowing?
So how does it make sense to put up a sign like that? If I were gay, I would walk right in and you would serve me and never know, until I turned at the door to announce it REALLY LOUD. I hope people do that to you, whether they are straight or gay. Good luck (not really).

With concern for your complete lack of any logic,
Me

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Dear Duggar Family and your supporters:

I can't even.
#Hypocrites #FakeChristians #Enablers #Liars #Cheaters #Pedophiles #Molesters #Adulterers #KeepingTheWomenBarefootAndPregnant #VictimBlamers #CoveringUpTheCrimes #Karma

I loathe you with every fiber of my being,
Me

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And now, a picture of my boyfriend right before he left this morning:

I have seen the face of Satan and his name is...

...BRIDEZILLA.
Satan has many names and faces, and they were all on that show called Bridezilla.

Okay, so I accidentally just watched one or two...seasons...of this show on Netflix.
WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK.

I have never seen more testicle-less men nor more rude, classless, nasty, trashy, horrible females in my life.
It was like watching a train-wreck happening in slow motion right in front of my eyes - I was horrified but compelled to watch, impossible to turn my eyes away.

All I could think was HOW AM I STILL SINGLE when these ginormous assholes are having weddings and making everyone around them miserable? They are not even humans. They were like sociopathic beings with sawdust feelings, crocodile tears, and permanent PMS. Or whatever that thing is that's like PMS on steroids...PMDD or something like that.

And none of them thought they were doing anything wrong.
I feel like I need to call a priest or someone to cleanse my house after watching that show.
#WhyIHatePeople

Now I have to watch a nice romantic comedy to get rid of the bitter aftertaste...like My Bloody Valentine.

Sweatin' it out.

Let's take a moment to talk about sweat.
I know, ew.

I've used Secret deodorant for many, many years - and recently I've discovered that it may be "Strong enough for a man", but it can't hold a candle to the stank that is menopause sweat.

OMG.

If there's one thing that mightily offends my scentsors, it's the stink of  BO.
I mean, I like the smell of skin sometimes, especially a lover's special scent. But nasty pit-smell? NO THANK  YOU.

At first I thought maybe Secret had changed their formula and it was no longer Strong Enough For A Man but Made For A Woman, then I realized it was NOT made for a woman with menopause.
When I hit 45 last year, my body started betraying me overnight.
I've had chronic back troubles for years - I keep re-injuring the same places when I lift Josh in & out of the wheelchair or bathtub.
But all of a sudden my back is aching in new ways, I have a neuropathy thing that makes my feet and toes cramp and feel tingly and weird, and recently woke up one morning with what is apparently tendonitis in my wrist.

AND THE SWEAT.
I've been having hot flashes and night sweats for three or four years now - my hormones are totes out of whack.
But the last year or so, I can get out of the shower, put on my Secret...and within 5 minutes I DO NOT SMELL GOOD anymore.
WTF.
Unacceptable.

I finally googled to see if stanky menopause sweat was actually A Thing... AND IT IS.
Fortunately for some of you, it doesn't happen to everyone.
Unfortunately for me, it does happen to some.
*sigh*

This is not an advertisement or review for deodorant, I'm just passing on a little advice: If you're stricken with this problem, Degree Clinical Strength actually works.
Which is good so that I don't have to save up to have my sweat glands removed.

Are any of you going through this? My misery would love the company.
Also? MENOPAUSE SUCKS.

That is all.
Have a day.

Let it GO, let it GO!

I read a lot of blog posts, facebook statii, and tweets that advise us to "just let it go."
"Let go of the hurt."
"Let go of your past."
"Put down the baggage and walk away."
"Let go of his neck because you're going to get charged with murder." 

What I want to know is...
HOW DO YOU DO THAT?
Well, I mean except for that last thing, you just have to loosen your grip a little. Before the cops get there.

But seriously, how do you know if you've actually let it go?
It's still in your mind, right? You still remember it, yeah? It's not like you can take a Magic Eraser (although WOULDN'T THAT BE COOL??) and rub out the bits that you don't like.

So when people say they've "let it go", does that just mean they never speak of it again? Do they somehow box up the problem like "out of sight, out of mind"? That doesn't seem like letting go, it seems like burying it deeper in the dark so it can grow into giant fungus.

Because I don't understand how you can make the thoughts, and the feelings that accompany those thoughts, just disappear. I DO NOT GET IT.

I carry a lot of baggage -- I don't mean to. I don't DWELL on it. It's just there. The thoughts & feelings from the experience are there. I'm not holding grudges or still mad or upset about THIS or THAT or THE OTHER THING...I've forgiven people for hurting me - even if they don't know it.
So I think okay, I've let it go.
And then a situation arises that's similar and reminds me of THIS or THAT or THE OTHER THING -- so the memory returns and the feeling returns and although I wasn't *trying* to think of it, I wasn't *looking* for it...BOOM! Right back in the suitcase I'm carrying around.

So someone tell me...how do you really let something go? Or is that just another of those phrases that really means nothing when applied to Real Life?
#AskingForAFriend

Seriously?

Punishing your kid for fucking up is NEWS now?

Well, I guess it has been for awhile with the whole social media deal - parents shaming their kids making them stand by the road wearing a sandwich board, that kind of thing, while posting and re-tweeting and sharing it.

And every time I see one one of those stories and see all the "Go mom!" "We need more parents like you!" "Best parenting ever!" comments...I just shake my head and say "WHAT THE HELL, PEOPLE."

Do you not punish your own kids? What is so special and newsworthy about making your kid do chores for the neighbors to pay for totaling your car and lying about where he was going? And really, is that the best you can come up with for punishment for that big of A Thing?

I DON'T GET IT.

Who HASN'T been punished by having to do chores? Plus being grounded and no TV and blahblahblah.
The occasional spanking...which can ALSO get you on the news but you sure won't be hearing any "Go mom!" comments for THAT (except maybe from me).

Maybe if more of you "Go mom!"ers would spend some time disciplining your own kids, it wouldn't seem like such a big deal.

Because I totally can not figure out how it becomes News.

WHAT THE HELL, PEOPLE.

SHUT IT.

I've seen this button appear on  my facebook newsfeed...

...and it is BUGGING THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

Don't get me wrong, I understand the sentiment behind it: greedy retailers blahblahblah greedy consumerism blahblahblah.

And for the record, I hate that people become animals on Black Friday (and now Thanksgiving Thursday)...great sales and saving a considerable amount of $ is no reason for everyone to suddenly go feral. It's disgusting and horrible.

But what, only people in retail deserve a holiday, to spend time with their families?

What about that guy at 7-11, who makes sure you have coffee and gasoline to get to your big ol' family gathering?

What about the pilot and flight attendants who make sure your family gets there on their flight?
Or the people at the rent-a-car place when your family gets off the plane at 7am on Thanksgiving morning?

I was in the hotel business for many years, and guess what? Without us working on holidays, away from OUR families, YOUR family wouldn't have anyplace to stay when they come to gather 'round the turkey at your house. They wouldn't have wakeup calls or complimentary coffee in the lobby before they get to your house. Or anyplace to get a toothbrush because Aunt Gertrude forgot to pack hers.

I BELIEVE IN FAMILY TOO.
But sometimes circumstances are what they are and most people are aware - BEFORE they accept a job - whether or not holidays are required. Most places rotate their employees on holiday shifts every year so that they do get a chance to spend time with their family on holidays.

And lest we forget - some people don't celebrate Thanksgiving. Or Christmas.
Some people have no family or friends to celebrate with.
Some people have no family or friends they WANT to celebrate with.

Face it: for many, many types of business, NOT JUST RETAIL, working on holidays is a Thing. It has always been a Thing and will likely continue to be a Thing.
And whether you decide to shop on Thanksgiving or not, some stores will still choose to be open.

Be honest - have you NEVER gone to the movies on Thanksgiving or Christmas? For some families, it's a tradition to hit a movie together. What about THOSE employees, hmmmmm?

When I worked at Hertz Worldwide Reservations center, we got paid DOUBLE time and a half for holiday shifts, and I needed the money so desperately I was glad to volunteer to work it.

OH RIGHT, those aren't greedy retail jobs so those employees don't deserve the time off to be with their families.
My mistake.

Typical Pitch

After years of bloggers complaining about this very thing, I do not understand why companies still employ people who send this type of pitch:
"Hey 

We just released the fourth issue of *|REDACTED! HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?|* and I thought that you and the readers of *|BLOG|* might find the content interesting."

HEY?! How professional of you! How respectful! How...to show you have no idea who I am! And WTF exactly is *|BLOG|*? You didn't even make an effort to find out the name or URL of my blog. I can't believe that this practice is STILL HAPPENING. Oh yeah, the people who hire these "marketers" and the "marketers" themselves don't bother to even look at our *|Blog|*s, so they probably haven't read all the complaints. I don't care if you wanted me to share or review something I can't live without...I wouldn't do it for this company. I am, however, looking forward to telling them that I wrote about them today.

Stuff I don't get.

I have yet to read a reasonable explanation that makes ANY sort of logical sense from those parents who BAN HARRY POTTER books and movies because they're so chock-full of THE DEVIL STUFF: sorcery and witchcraft and evil...when those same parents welcome Disney with open arms.

Like...Sleeping Beauty - you know, with Maleficent and magic spinning wheels and those silly little fairies.
Or Cinderella - you know, with a fairy godmother wielding her magic wand and turning veggies and farm animals into other stuffs. Not to mention talking mice.
And Snow White, where murder is the main theme.
Or like Aladdin, with the magic carpets and wish-granting genies and evil Grand Vizier.
And take the Little Mermaid - sixteen WHOLE YEARS OLD giving up her voice to a spellcasting octopus, while her dad carries a giant magic fork.
We can't forget Peter Pan, with the sewing on of shadows, the magic dust (PCP? DRUGS THAT MAKE YOU THINK YOU CAN FLY!), nasty little vicious Tinkerbell, murdering mermaids...
And let us not forget Beauty and the Beast, where an enchantress turned everyone into mundane objects...except for that giant, hairy, bloodthirsty beastie.

And that's a fraction of the list.

GOOD SENSE. You should get some, it's nice.

What I'd like to say on Facebook.

1. Why, in the name of ALL that is holy, would you think that anyone gives two shits how many emails you
   a) have received
   b) deleted
   c) still have in your inbox
??????????

2. That food plate you posted makes me want to ask "DO we, or HAVE we?" (figure it out)
    Or to be more blunt - it looks disgusting and sort of haggis-y.
    Also? Please do NOT invite me over for dinner. Ever.

3. You're not as funny as you think you are. Seriously. Really. REALLY REALLY.
    Unless of course I'm mixing up "funny" and "annoyingly ridiculous". Because in that case, you ARE.

4. Don't be whining about how "hard" you have it or how "broke" you are when you are always gallivanting
    around going to cocktail parties and concerts and fancy vacations and spas and trips hither and yon.
 

5. No one cares what you're vague-booking about. They really don't. Especially me.

Seriously, stop douching up facebook. That's what twitter is for.

WHAT. EVER.

Dear ONG,

WE ARE NOT FALLING FOR YOUR PROPAGANDA! Oh sure, you've got Mother Nature all "ooooh switch to gas and get this GINORMOUS REBATE check! ooooh!" but what you don't say is "OOH YOU BETTER SAVE THAT REBATE CHECK FOR WHEN WE HIKE THE RATES AND RAM IT UP YOUR ASS THIS WINTER WITH NO LUBE TO THE TUNE OF $200-$300 EACH MONTH FROM DECEMBER TO MARCH!"
Yeah. Now THAT would be full disclosure.
Have a nice day. And also SUCK IT ONG.

Sincerely,
A much abused customer who only uses your services because she has no other options