Lazy AF Cooking Chapter 3 with bonus Lazy AF salad/appetizer

Lazy Robert Downey Jr GIF from Lazy GIFs

Want something light and refreshing?
You can serve it as a side dish, and appetizer, or even a whole meal especially when it's just too hot out to eat much.

BONUS: Lazy AF EASY CAPRESE salad

1 package mozzarella pearls
1 small container of CHERUB tomatoes (I mean I *guess* you could use any kind of grape tomatoes you want but unless they're coming out of your garden, go with the CHERUBS)
1 or 2 tablespoons (to your taste) of basil pesto. Mine comes from a jar but some of you overachiever showoffs like to make your own, so whatever.
Drizzle with balsamic vinegar (to taste - I usually count to 3)
Drizzle some olive oil all over it
A little fresh ground SHOOP (haha by which I mean Salt N Pepa by which I mean salt and pepper if you're too old or too young or too uncool to get the reference)

**you can cut the cherubs in half if you want, I usually only cut the larger ones because I like that delicious pop & burst of flavor when they're whole.

Mix it all up together and put in the fridge. I just mix mine in storage bowl with a lid because Ima eat that shit right out of the bowl anyways.

OKAY you can make a reduction/glaze out of the balsamic vinegar if you want to be all fancy but then it would go one step beyond Lazy AF and we don't do that here and also it tastes just as good with the balsamic straight out the bottle, so.

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Today's offerings are basically the same as chapter two only with NO CHICKEN if you can belee dat.
I KNOW. But I eat a lot of chicken because
A. It's way less expensive and I have a tight budget you know
2. I feel it's heart-healthier
III. My body is old and does not digest red meat as well as it should anymore and makes me logy.
BONUS: CRISPY DELICIOUS CHICKEN SKIN OMG YESSSSSSS.

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BONUS INFO: Any of the Chapter 2 meals AND these - you can substitute sweet potatoes for the regular potatoes for a change up.

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Okay so if you read Chapter 2 then you're already probably a pro at this particular "recipe."

Scrub your taters or sweet taters clean and cut in half - put them in the crock pot skin side down.
Throw some scrubbed carrots on top of them.
A little salt n pepper.

NOW THE MEAT.

Okay, so we have an extra step I don't mind adding when using red meat (or pork) -
SEAR IT.
Some people will lightly dust the chuck roast/pork roast/pork steaks/pork chops with seasoned flour and give it a good hard sear in a bit of olive oil on all sides before putting in the crock pot.
Some people will just season the meat and sear in olive oil without flouring it first.

I do both, depending on how lazy I feel that day.
But if you use flour, you have a more delicious bit of pan drippings to pour over top of everything, so whatever floats your boat.

Put the seared meat on top of your carrots and potatoes, pour your drippings over, and cook on low for about 8 hours.

SEASONING:  Seriously you can't go wrong experimenting here.
Sometimes I glug some red wine vinegar over the red meat or white wine vinegar over the pork.
Or vice versa. It doesn't matter BECAUSE THE MEAT DOES NOT CARE.

OR I'll use a couple bullio...boullio...those beef flavored cube things that you melt in boiling water & pour over the roast and then maybe a quarter cup of sliced pepperoncinis & juice over that. You'll have some nice jus that will also have soaked into your taters.

OR some people like to throw a stick of butter and a packet of hidden valley ranch dressing or dip powder in there. This is also tasty.

OR a little woozy sauce and a half stick of buttah is also very good.

Spice it up with a little sliced tamed jalapeno!

Add some corn on the cob on top for the last 3-4 hours of cooking if you want or if you are a weirdo and don't like carrots.

KETO FRIENDLY: Leave out the potato and carrot. Just put the meat and some beef broth/cube things in the crock pot. Cut a head of cabbage into wedges or thick "steaks" and cram those down on top of the meat for the last 3 hours of cooking.  The cabbage will soak up the deliciousness of the broth and whatever spices/seasonings you put on.
No cabbage? Throw in some brussels sprouts or asparagus or some sliced bell peppers and onion. OR ALL OF THEM WHY LIMIT YOURSELF?

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While we're on the whole "searing the meat" train, one more deliciously simple but lazy AF recipe for today.

I never really cared much for pork (well, I mean besides bacon and ham because...BACON and HAM), but the chops and steaks and roasts were always sort of dry or gritty or bland or all of the above so I never cook them. Also I really do NOT like sausage at all so I don't ever buy it (except those beef smoked sausage things which are totally different because I love them except they give me terrible reflux).

ANYWAY.

You will need some nice fatty pork chops or pork steaks. Bone IN.
At least 1 LARGE JAR of sauerkraut or 2-3 cans. You might need 2 large jars depending on
how many people and how much you like sauerkraut.

This recipe does not leave the pork dry or flavorless so even if you're not a fan of The Other White Meat, you should try this.

Lightly dust the pork chops or pork steaks - use the ones with the most fat on - with flour you've seasoned with garlic, Lawry's salt, pepper.

Nice hard sear in some olive oil and get that fat all crispety crunchety and melting in your pan.

While those are searing, put a layer of sauerkraut in the bottom of the crock pot.
Put 1 or 2 seared chops on that. Pour the pan drippings over alla that.

Another layer of sauerkraut, another layer chops, another layer of delicious drippings.
Be generous with the sauerkraut.

Repeat as necessary. Make sure top layer is sauerkraut & pan drippings.

Cover and cook on low for about 7 hours or until meat is falling off the bone and super tender.

**THIS CAN ALSO BE DONE ON THE STOVE TOP or IN A DUTCH OVEN, just cook it low & slow for about 3-4 hours or until meat is fork tender & falling off the bone. If you put it in the oven, I'd cook around 300 -325.
And to be honest, I really like the flavor better when it cooks all day on the stove top - but that's better to do in winter because who wants their kitchen to get hot from that? Plus you have to watch it a little bit to make sure the bottom doesn't burn. TOTES WORTH IT THOUGH.

**Some people like to cut very thin slices of granny smith apple and add a few slices on each layer, and some people even add a sprinkle of brown sugar over the apples.
I'm not a fan of this, especially the sugar. The apple though IS acceptable ONCE IN A WHILE. Just for a little different taste.
"That's swell!"
(raise your hand if you even get this)

Pork Chops Apple Sauce GIF from Porkchops GIFs

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YOU. ARE. WELCOME.

Lazy AF Cooking Chapter 2

*Disclaimer: none of these are intended to be presented as "original," just stuff I throw in a pot that takes minimal time, effort, and ingredients and yet is still tasty. Also I promise they will keep you from ever being nominated for Worst Cooks In America by your family and friends.

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Also? Any of the dollar stores has about a million spices for a buck or less. My staples are garlic powder, Italian seasoning, rosemary, thyme, oregano, and my big splurge is an enormous container of Lawry's Seasoned Salt because I use that on almost everything.
I also have olive oil, woozy sauce (worcestershire), balsamic vinegar.
If you feel fancy, grab some red & white wine vinegar. You do you.

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This will get you through like a whole week of different things with the same basic ingreeeeds.

Scrub 2 or 3 largish potatoes and cut them in half.
Scrub some carrots.
Don't worry about peeling them because all the good nutrients are in the skin anyway.
Plus, ain't nobody got time for that.

Put the taters skin side down in the crock pot and then your carrots on top of them.
A little salt & pepper.

NOW YOU ARE READY FOR ANYTHING!
Got a whole chicken? Plop that sucker right on top of the veg and low slow cook 8 hours.
Got a cut up chicken? Same.
Rub a little olive oil or butter on the skin and season with whatever floats your boat. Garlic & Lawry's for me, sometimes a little rosemary and/or thyme.
Got a fresh onion of any color? You can slice that up and toss right on top of your chimken.

Boneless skinless breasts/thighs? SAME. Reduce cooking time to about 6 hours.
Want barbecue? Coat the chicken in bbq sauce & then do it again after about 5 hours.

Want something a little zesty? Marinate the chicken in zesty italian dressing, then dump that chicken and the marinade right on your taters & carrots.

Got some asparagus or mushrooms about to turn? Throw those over top of your chicken for the last couple of hours.

Basically the sky is the limit. The taters will soak up all the yummy juices and whatever seasonings you decide to use.

YOU ARE WELCOME.

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BONUS LEFTOVER DISH:

 Always keep a bag of zoodles/zucchini noodles/veggie spirals in the freezer.
You can steam them in the bag in the microwave but I like to lightly saute them in some olive oil on the stove.
However you heat them, put 'em in a bowl. Drizzle with olive oil and any leftover chicken and/or veggies from last night. Add a couple tablespoons (well, to your own taste) of basil pesto that comes in a jar. This all takes like 10 minutes tops and is delicious AND nutritious.
ENJOY.

Lazy AF Cooking with Bonus Lazy AF leftover recipes

I know, I know, since the whole quarantine thing many of you are actually using your time wisely (whatEVER) and actually expanding and practicing and improving your cooking skills because seriously what else do you have to do?

I'm a lazy AF cook on my best day - I mean I don't mind cooking, and sometimes I would actually like it, but when your kitchen is the size of a postage stamp and the only counter space you actually have is about 2 square feet on each side of the sing and head-blocked by the overhanging cabinets - it's difficult and you have to learn how to improvise and use shortcuts.

So if you're more like me, here are a couple of easy-peasy things that don't require much thought or extra ingredients or time.

IT ME.

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Put a package of boneless, skinless chicken breasts in your crockpot/slow cooker/instantpot.
(or thighs if you want. I don't care)
Put a block of cream cheese on top.
Cover it all with a jar of Pace Picante sauce. (I use medium, but you can use hot or mild if you're a weirdo)
Put the lid on and slow cook on low for around 6 hours.
Shred with forks.
Plop some on a warm tortilla and eat.
If you feelin' fancy, add a dollop of sour cream or guac, or lettuce & tomato.
You do you, Boo.

DAY 2 LEFTOVERS:
Roll up leftover chicken mess into leftover tortillas. (flour or corn, whatever, tho' I use flour for this)
Put roll-ups seam side down in a casserole dish.
Open a jar of alfredo sauce and mix in a can of Ro-Tel and maybe a little can of green chiles.
Pour over roll-ups and then you can sprinkle some mozzarella over top of that (if you want. Or not)
Cover with foil and put in the oven at 375 for about 20 minutes. Remove foil and put back in oven for about 10 more minutes or until cheese is bubbly.
VOILA - CHICKEN ENCHILADAS.

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Get a whole chicken. Massage it aaaaalllll over with some olive oil, a little minced garlic (or fresh. or powder. Whatever you already got in your cabinet), salt & pepper. Got rosemary or thyme? Groovy, add that on if you want. IDC.
If you have a lemon or an onion you can shove that up the chicken bum.

I like to roast mine for 15 minutes at 425 and then turn the oven down to 350 for about 20 minutes per pound. Make sure you stab it with your meat thermometer in the middle of the breast & the thigh & check if it's 165°.
Make some kind of veg to go on the side, I generally will put some asparagus, broccoli, & cauliflower covered in olive oil/salt/pepper on a baking sheet on the top rack over the chicken, for the last 30 minutes.
EAT THE DELICIOUS CRISPY SKIN FIRST and ENJOY.

DAY 2 LEFTOVERS, V. 1
Pick leftover chicken off bone. Heat in microwave.
Throw it in a saucepan and pour a jar of alfredo sauce on it, heat slowly while stirring.
If you have any asparagus left over, toss that in the sauce too.
Boil whatever noodles/veggie spirals/spaghetti squash.
Pour sauce over noodle-y stuff. EAT and ENJOY.

DAY 2 LEFTOVERS V. 2
Pick leftover chicken off the bone.
Cook some rice (I use boil in a bag or the instant pot).
Mix rice, chicken, leftover vegetables, a can of cream of mushroom/cream of chicken/cheddar cheese soup - any or all).
Call it casserole and eat.

DAY 2 LEFTOVERS V. 3
Pick leftover chicken off the bone.
Open a bag of frozen mixed peppers and onions (or cut your own julienne slices fresh, Fancypants)
Saute the peppers & onions in a little olive oil and whatever seasoning you want - maybe a little soy sauce or worcestershire (I don't know how to spell that so shut it I DON'T CARE AND YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT SO), maybe a little cooking wine, seasoned salt, whatever you like.
Add the chicken in once the peppers start getting tender.
When chicken is hot and veggies are how crunchy/tender you like them, grab your tortillas and VOILA, FAJITAS.
Once again, sour cream/guac/salsa/cheese if you like.

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Tune in next week for more Lazy AF Cooking, unless I'm too lazy to post it.

Chicken Finger THUNDERDOME: 2 Fingers Enter - Only One Survives

Well, technically none survived.

So yesterday was a tough day on my little family - Joshua had an appointment with the orthopedic dr for his broken arm.
Okay, I know it's JUST a broken arm but for a multiple-disabled, non-communicative kid who is like a 6-9 month old, nothing is ever "just" anything.
Of course it was a little strain on Becca and me (he weighs about 85 lbs) moving him around all day but the worst part was knowing I was hurting him.
Joshua doesn't cry. He fusses, he whines, he hollers, he makes this moaning sound that I DETEST and he knows it, but he hasn't actually cried in about 10-15 years.  Yesterday though, getting him in and out of bed, wheelchairs, and the van...I hurt him a lot moving him.
When I put him in bed last night, he had tears in the corners of his eyes and I wanted to just die.

ANYWAY THAT IS NOT WHERE I WAS GOING WITH THIS WHOLE THING.

After the doctor and the tag agency (time to get new tags! Also wtf, THEY charge ME $1.50 to look at my insurance form I had to bring in? WHAT IS THAT ABOUT??)...Becca and I were not ready to go home and begin the unloading process - we were hungry and wanted some comfort food and decided to splurge and eat out.

So there's a Raising Cane's not too far away and then a Zaxby's on the way home, so we thought we'd just do a little Chicken Finger comparison for fun and share our results.
We got the same meal from both places: 4 chicken fingers, texas toast, coleslaw, fries, & each place has their own "secret dipping sauce." OH, and it came with a drink.
Price difference: Zaxby's was 20 cents more on the menu.

As you can see, Zaxby's has the bigger drink but Cane's has a bigger box. (*teehee!*)  Raising Cane's had asked if we wanted ketchup and I said yes, so we got....ONE KETCHUP.  And one napkin. NO.

So here's what we got  - and man, is that a LOT OF FREAKING FOOD.
FIRST THINGS FIRST: The Zaxby's fries were bigger cut (and a bit more generous), but taste-wise the Raising Cane's were much better and cooked more to my liking.  Zaxby's were a little overdone.
SECOND: We both preferred Raising Cane's Texas Toast, athough I have to say that Zaxby's seemed extra buttery as compared to usual.
THIRD: Look at that enormous container of coleslaw from Zaxby's!
But it is an optical illusion, because it is a very shallow bowl and only LOOKS so  much bigger than the smaller-around but deeper container from Cane's.  Cane's was pretty good coleslaw - they claim it's made fresh every day and we saw no reason to doubt that...but flavor-wise the Zaxby's was tastier for both of us.  It reminded me of when KFC used to have that really good, finely chopped coleslaw a long time ago.

Look at that sauce. It almost looks the same and guess what? It almost tastes the same.  Zaxby's (right) seems to be a tiny bit spicier and tomato-ier (or tangier, Becca said).  Basically though, I could barely tell them apart. I call it a saucy draw.

And now the main event - The Chicken Fingers.
Awww, they look sort of like a little chicken yin/yang!
Maybe this is why Zaxby's was 20 cents more, because clearly their chickens have bigger fingers. Also crispier, flavorful crust.  I like the crust a little more well done and dark and crunchy like that.
The lighter crusted, less well-done Raising Cane's fingers were actually pretty flavorless when sans sauce.  They were just meh. Juicy enough but nothing special, basically bland.  Without the sauce, they're no more impressive than frozen chicken fingers you can pop in the microwave.

THE AFTERMATH.
Although the fries & bread were better at Raising Cane's, the overall taste & size was worth the extra 20 cents at Zaxby's.
OH, and the service was friendly and fine at both, although I feel sorry for the Cane's person having to say HEY HEY HEY IT'S A GREAT DAY to every customer all day long because EW.

As you can see, we wanted to be completely thorough so as to give YOU the best possible answers to help with any dining dilemma you might ever have.
YOU ARE WELCOME.

THUNDERDOME WINNER: ZAXBY'S

This has been a public service.

Spicin' up your life

They can't stop us; we're on a mission from Smiley360.com.

Blues Brothers fan will totally get that.

A quick review:

The nice folks over at Smiley360.com sent me a sample of CHOLULA Chili-Lime Hot Sauce to try (and PS: my opinion of this product is my own - I *was* given a free sample, I *was NOT* given any direction as to what I should write).

I don't really buy a lot of hot sauce - when I do it's usually that kind that comes from Louisiana #IfYouKnowWhatIMean. Mostly it tastes pretty vinegary and burny to me.  I don't really know the difference between hot sauce and tabasco sauce...although my pal Jay in Montana is some strange aficionado - I'm fairly certain he owns every flavor known to man.

I wanted to give the Cholula Chili-Lime a fair chance, so I decided to try it on every meal in a day.
Breakfast - I put it on my scrambled eggs...DELICIOUS.
Lunch - I put it on my hamburger...OUTSTANDING.
Dinner - I put some on my pork chops AND a bite of mashed potato - YUMMY.

I like it because it's got such a tang, the lime and the chili flavors both come through so I don't get that vinegar taste, and it's just warm enough. The heat sort of comes up after the flavor and lingers a little, it's not OH HI LET ME SCORCH YOUR FACE OFF hot.

If you want to jazz up your next meal and add a bit of heat, I recommend the Cholula (they have other flavors too - next, I'm trying the garlic).

OOOH, and think how good this will taste in a Bloody Mary.
Get .75 off coupon too!
YOU ARE WELCOME.

I HAD to break my diet to do the REVIEW.

SO LONG DR. ATKINS! I was forced to eat pasta.

Well maybe not exactly FORCED. I do love me some spaghetti and I have SO missed it the last couple of months.
NOW I have to start ALL OVER AGAIN and I blame Ragu and Mom Central.
Okay, so maybe I didn't HAVE to eat pasta. But I'm pretty sure it was in the fine print so shut up and let me rationalize.

I am totally famous for my homemade spaghetti sauce which is NOT* Ragu.

(*Likely Possible untrue statement)

But when Mom Central invited me to try some new flavors of Ragu I was all, "OKAY FINE, I don't have TIME to make homemade ANYWAY."
Or something else that sounds plausible.

I got to try the Old World Style Sweet Tomato Basil and Old World Style Margherita flavors.
NOM.
NOM.
NOM.

Part of the Sweet Tomato Basil I cooked with some Italian sausage with green peppers & onions and it was SO FREAKING GOOD.
Also? EASY PEASY which is nice for lazy people like me. I was making the sausage & peppers anyway & just dumped some sauce in. SO yum.

The Margherita flavor has a sort of pizza-y taste & would be great for homemade pizza. If I was an adventurous cook (or really any sort of cook) I would've tried to make some little bagel pizzas or the ones you can do with biscuit dough.
But I found a recipe PERFECT for me, it only takes like five minutes and I didn't have to have any fancy ingredients.
Chicken, olive oil, sauce, and cheese.
Bake.
Done.
Enjoy.

Just one more reason to love Ragu; their recipes could have been put on the site JUST FOR ME. Five minute prep time. SCORE.

And OH YEAH, for those of you who are all about nutritional value blahblahblahblah, there is a FULL SERVING OF VEGGIES in every half-cup of sauce!
Don't tell the kids.

Because who WOULDN'T want to make life a little easier?

EASTER IS HERE! SPRING IS HERE!
How about some free ham or turkey? AND recipes? AND beauty tips?
You can get 'em all from the same place, Making Life Better.

Need a life coach? Need some fresh ideas for dinner? Fix your frizzies, learn to go green, have healthier skin!

Even though I'm not much of a cook, there were recipes simple (and inexpensive) enough even for me. I KNOW.
And no, you cannot come over for dinner because I don't like company. Or people. But trust me when I say the antipasto salad wraps were GOOOD.

HEY, did you clip the Holiday Ham or Turkey rebate form from your April 5 paper? Check it out. Get free ham or turkey. WOO!

Thanks Mom Central for introducing me to Making Life Better, because SHORTCUTS and EASIER are my keywords in life.

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OH, and don't forget it is GOOD FRIDAY today -- which means a special theme on tonight's Friday Night Live!!

TUNE IN LIVE at 9pm Central/10 Eastern!

Thanks Easter Bunny! BOC BOC!

What I want to know are these two things:

1. What is the LONGEST period of time an Easter egg has gone unfound in your house?
and
B. Have you ever tried to make a S'more out of a chocolate bunny, a Peep, and a graham cracker?
Because I was thinking of trying that and pretending they were real animals.
I mean... what?

Ultimate Meatballs!! NOMNOMNOM

Okay, so a lot of you know I don't cook.
That is not to say that I CAN'T cook - actually I'm quite a decent cook when I put my hand to it... I just DON'T.
See, my mom lives right next door and she cooks 'most every night for my dad & brother, and there's always plenty so...only a moron would turn that down, right?
And my mama didn't raise no fools.

Also? NO CLEAN UP for me (well, not much anyway, because mom has a dishwasher and I don't), which is a total BONUS.

But then the ladies at Mom Central offered me the chance to try the Ultimate Party Meatballs!
I said YES because:
1. It looked REALLY REALLY EASY
2. MINIMAL dish-dirtying, which also means minimal clean-up.
3. NUMMY.

Last year my friend made some meatballs for the Superbowl party, and when she told me the sauce was made with chili sauce and grape jelly I was all EWWW.
But? They were pretty darn tasty.

The Ultimate Party Meatball recipe is very similar, and EVEN YUMMIER.
Instead of grape jelly, it calls for CRANBERRY SAUCE. Got some left from Thanksgiving because you forgot to open it & put it on the table (and REALLY, who EATS that stuff, anyway?)? Get some delicious chili sauce, mix it with the jellied cranberry goo, and soak your balls heat up the meatballs in the sauce.

YUM-O.
A little tart (heehee, I said tart), a little sweet, and a little heat.
Delicious.

PERFECT for holiday dinners, New Year's Eve parties, Superbowl parties, lunch on Wednesdays, whatever.

Easy peasy, takes very little time and effort (SCORE!), and tastes delicious.

TRY IT. You know you want to.