Monday, August 21, 2006

Age is only a number.

Older women
are beautiful lovers
Older women
they understand
I've been around some
and I have discovered
that older women know just how to please a man
~~Ronnie McDowell

Someone emailed this to me, but I can't remember who.
I'm getting old.


An older woman can wear any hat she chooses and nobody will laugh. A younger woman wearing the same hat will always look like a lampshade in a brothel.

An older woman will never wake you up in the middle of the night to ask you, 'What are you thinking?' An older woman doesn't care what you think. (No, seriously, we don't)

An older woman always carries a purse full of emergency supplies. Young women go hungry and bleed to death every time there's a natural disaster. (PLUS we've got Twinkies)

An older woman always carries a condom in her purse. A younger woman is still hoping the guy might have one on him. (silly, silly little girls...)

An older woman is a cheaper date. A younger woman will cost you 12 beers, but an older woman will sleep with you after a cup of a herbal tea.
(BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, yeah, totally true though)

An older woman can wear bright red lipstick during the day without looking like she just had an adventure inside a jam jar. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Older women can run faster because they're always wearing sensible shoes.

Older women are more honest. An older woman will tell you that you are a dickhead if you're acting like one. A young woman will say nothing, just in case it means you might break up with her.

Older women have jobs with dental plans. Younger women can't help you when your teeth get knocked out playing hockey.

An older woman will never accuse you of 'using her.' She's using you. (got THAT right, baby!)

Older women take charge of the situation. An older woman will call you up and ask you for a date. A younger woman will wait forever, by the phone, for you to call...

Older woman know how to cook. Young women know how to dial for pizza.

An older woman will introduce you to all of her girlfriends. A younger woman will avoid her girlfriends when she's with you, in case you get any ideas...

Older women are psychic. You never have to confess to having an affair, because somehow they always know. (ancient Chinese secret)

Older woman often own an interesting collection of lingerie that they have acquired from admirers over the years. Young women often don't wear underpants at all, thus practically eliminating all possibility of a strip-tease.

An older woman will agree to go to McDonald's with you for a meal. Younger women are too nervous to eat anything in front of somebody that they might possibly burp later. (hell with that, I'm ordering extra garlic or onions)

Older women are dignified. They are beyond having a screaming match with you in the middle of the night in a public park. (we are NOT beyond having sex with you in the middle of the night in a public park, however)
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