Friday, January 13, 2006

Voices, I hear voices..

**Just because my tenants move out every week does not mean I'm a bad slumlord landlady.
Please go visit my newest tenant (and a long time favorite), that Queen of the 80's, that Leader of the Housewife Mafia....ANGIE from FICKEN CHINGERS!
Do it.
You know you want to.

An overheard conversation in my head:

ME: I need a cigarette.

SELF: No, you really don't.

ME: I DO. Just one.

SELF: No, you really don't. Why throw away all your hard work?

ME: Bitch. I said JUST ONE.

SELF: First one, then two...then you're back to a pack a day.

ME: HA! Liar. I never smoked a pack a day. Maybe...three quarters of a pack.

SELF: *sigh* Close enough. Think of how many people, especially your daughter, who would be so disappointed.

ME: I can have just one. I'll mooch one from C at work.

SELF: So mom just wasted that money getting you the patch that YOU requested for Christmas.

ME: Bite my ass. Bitch. I can do whatever I damn well want. It's my money.

SELF: No, actually its my money. I earned it.

ME: How do you figure?

SELF: Umm, gee, because MY section of the brain knows how to read and type...

ME: (fuck you...)

SELF: ...while YOUR section of the brain just wants cigarettes and chocolate.

ME: (...and the horse you rode in on)

SELF: So NO cigarettes. And that's final.

ME: I hate you.

this is actually a daily conversation.
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