Saturday, April 16, 2005

True Confessions

or "Things You Now Know About Me That You Wish You Didn't"

1. I have been known to put the ice tray back in the freezer with one single ice cube in it.

2. When someone has called me to say, "Hey, we're about 10 minutes from your house, mind if we stop by?", I have occasionally played the Hide The Stuff game...including dirty dishes, dirty clothes, unfolded laundry, toys, books, and/or shoes.

3. I have watched porn...alone.

4. I have watched porn...with a partner.

5. I will not eat out of a package of lunchmeat after it has been open more than one day.

6. I like to eat bananas spread with miracle whip and cheddar cheese.

7. I have used my (considerable) feminine wiles to manipulate men.

8. I have caused a scene in public.

9. I have cried and/or flirted to get out of a traffic ticket.

and finally...
10. I once went more than 6 months without shaving my legs.

and now for something completely different...

Some favorite lines from some favorite movies.
Can you name any of them?
**any mistakes are solely the responsibility of this author's faulty memory

"She turned me into a newt!"
"I got better..."

"Alex & I made love the night before he was FANtastic."
"He went out with a bang, not a whimper."

"Killin' is my BIZness, ladies, and BIZness is GOOD!"

"Tit-head, go with my father."

"I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed."

"He's harmless. Part of the free speech movement at Berkeley in the 60s. I think he did a little too much LDS."

"Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love."

"I just hate you and I hate your ass face."

"If he gets up, we'll all get up! It'll be anarchy!"

"Look how she moves! That's just like Jell-O on springs."

on: Being Easily Distracted (I'm certain it is a medical condition)

So, I'm making some hamburgers, right?
There are two open containers on the counter where I am working...
One is Cain's Coffee Creme.
The other is Lowry's Seasoned Salt.

Guess which one ended up on my burger? *sigh*
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