Saturday, January 22, 2005

Life in the Express Lane

~~15 Items Or Less~~

HEY YOU~ Yeah, you there, with the 25 or so items in your shopping cart. I'm talkin' to you.
You were in front of me last night at the grocery store...and boy o boy, was I pissed.

Were you the child left behind? Did they neglect to teach you in grade school that 30 does NOT equal 15? Or did you just think that perhaps no-one would notice? Perhaps you never learned to read. Is that it? Were you suddenly stricken by a case of inflammatory illiteracy? Those two big signs hanging over the EXPRESS LANE meant nothing to you? Or were you just focused on the fact that it was only short line and you were in a hurry?
Guess what...I was in a hurry too.

Did you ever stop to think WHY Express Lanes were invented? I'll tell you. It was so that some poor schlub (aka-me) who just needed to grab a half-gallon of milk and a pack of gum on the way home from work could get in and out quickly, without waiting behind a person who had $210 worth of potato chips and beer.

Did you ever bother to think about me and my 2 little items, behind you and your 30-ish items? Or the little old lady behind me with 11 items, the one that I raced to the Express Checkout Lane and pushed down when she started gaining on me? HMMMMM??!!?? Didja ever think about US?
Hey, she recovered from her 'fall'...and we struck up a friendship in fact whilst we had to wait for YOU and all your ILLEGAL items to go through the lane.
We glared at you in concert, and made our overloud remarks about how we guess some people just never learned to count. Or that perhaps you were counting in a foreign language, and FIFTEEN meant something entirely different for you.

THEN, just to make things more interesting, you decided to use about 65 coupons (ooo, and it was DOUBLE coupon day, too!), pay half with a blank check (as you hadn't got your new, imprinted ones from the bank yet) and half with cash...all in one dollar bills.

Fun fun.

Now, I don't have a problem with how you pay, normally, but you turned the Express Lane (15 Items or LESS!) into a little slice of hell. So, thanks for that.
And I believe I speak for the other 20 people who managed to line up behind my new friend, Little Old Lady That I Pushed Down. And we all waited...and waited...and waited...and wai.......

My milk had passed the expiration date and curdled by the time I made it to the checker.


**Side Note: Watching TV this morning, I heard this~
"DARCY'S WILD LIFE, from the producers of Lizzie McGuire..."

After watching for a few minutes, I wondered why they didn't just call it "Another Snotty, Overprivileged WASP-y Bleached Blonde Girl Turning Misadventure Into Juvenile Hijinks On Another Banal TV Show"

But I guess that would be too much to ask said juveniles to read & comprehend, wouldn't it?

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