Qualifications:
Prefer short and shadowy with glowing white eyes but will consider other types (EMEOC* Compliant)
Must be versatile: able to head-stab and fetch me a venti quad mocha, xtra-hot no-whip with equal panache
Must be on call 24/7 because YOU JUST NEVER KNOW WHEN I'LL NEED A MINION.
Uprisings (against enemies/frienemies only) encouraged
Must be a "Yes-Person" and able to do the Bobblehead NodAlong
Must work for free.
Please submit applications ASAP - position open for immediate start.
*Equal Minion Employment Opportunity Commission
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