That's right boys and girls, it's that time of year here in OkieLand when the weather goes a little psychotic and you get to witness our finest citizens on the telly...it's redneck heaven.
There's something almost...sexually exciting...about the charged atmosphere during this time of year here in OkieLand. The weather makes my heart pound and my spirits soar. The black clouds that boil up almost out of nowhere ... driving down the road during a thunderstorm that makes you feel as though you're trapped in an overturned bowl of lightning ... seeing the dark clouds before you and slowly dimming sunshine in the rearview mirror--the contrast amazes me every single time. That spectacular quality of the light when a stray shaft of sunlight beams down with all the black, menacing clouds filling the sky all the way to the horizon and beyond as the backdrop ... it's surreal.
Tornado Season has arrived with a (BIG) bang, and you know what that means: time to stock up the liquor cabinet and settle in to watch hours of stormchaser footage and weather reports.
So....TIME TO PLAY!
The Gary England Drinking Game
Originally posted April 27, 2006
I can sit for HOURS mesmerized by the changing screens of the Doppler radar and NORAD, hypnotized by the weatherman's voice, listening and watching and watching and listening.
There's something about the weathermen that make me feel safe and soothed...because they know JUST what is going to happen, JUST when and JUST where.
I love them with a deep and abiding passion.
I suddenly have a strong need to go hug a weather dude.
So, I stole this from Sleeping Mommy, and if you have ever lived in Oklahoma this game will make perfect sense to you.
Hell, if you've ever visited Oklahoma in the spring or summer, it will make perfect sense to you.
(I left SleepingMommy's comments in parentheses because they made me giggle)
*1. Everyone selects a storm chaser other than Val Castor.
(Monty sez: I choose Hank when I just want a little buzz. He doesn't get as much action)
(Val lives in Stillwater and Gary talks to him CONSTANTLY.)
Every time Gary talks to your storm chaser, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your storm chaser.
Take four drinks if your storm chaser says "tornado on the ground!"
2. Everyone selects a county other than Pottawatomie County.
(Because we are always hearing about Pottawatomie County.)
Every time Gary mentions your county, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your county.
Take four drinks if a tornado touches down in your county.
*1. Take one drink every time Gary says the following:
Hook Echo | Updraft | Metro | Doppler radar | Wall cloud |Ranger 9 | Underground | Mobile home
2. When Gary gives a list of counties, take one drink for every county in the list.
(Oklahoma has 77 counties but somehow they all get mentioned at some point.)
3. Take one drink every time Gary interrupts a program.
Take one drink if Gary says "You’re not missing any of [program name]." (This is a major concern damnit!)
Take one drink when Gary says "We’ll keep you advised." (Like we had any doubt that you wouldn’t.)
*1. Take two drinks every time Gary says the following:
Baseball-sized hail | Waterloo Road | Pottawatomie County | Deer Creek High School (How many times has that high school been hit anyway?!?)
2. Take two drinks every time Gary mentions the following towns:
Altus | Burns Flat | Dill City | Gotebo | Hydro | Lookeba | Meeker | Mulhall | Oktaha | Olustee | Shattuck | Slaughterville | Tryon | Vici |Waukomis | Wayne (or Payne) | Weleetka | Wetumkah (The only one that is even slightly big is Altus.)
3. Take two drinks every time Gary talks to Val Castor. (Now we are gonna get really drunk!)
*1. Take three drinks if we see footage from Val Castor.
2. Take three drinks if we see footage from Pottawatomie County.
3. Take three drinks if Gary mentions the following:
Immediate tornado precautions | National Weather Service | Mesocyclone | Portable Radio | Take shelter | Tornado warning in effect until ...
*1. Take four drinks if Ranger 9 must land to refuel. (Notice it doesn't say when it lands to take cover, we don't land our aircraft in a tornado around here, we fly AROUND them.)
2. Take four drinks if Gary issues his own tornado warning, not recognized by the NWS (He's a renegade that way) or says the following:
"Will someone please answer that phone?" (He takes this stuff seriously damn it, answer the phone.) or "Do you see the power flashes?"
3. Take four drinks if a shirt-less tornado victim is interviewed. (Redneck land, yo. There is a reason I get dressed and put on shoes when a storm is in the vicinity.)
*1. Finish your drink if someone uses the word tornado as a verb or if Gary mentions the cross streets nearest to you.
2. If Gary says "We’ve lost Val," pour a little out for your homies and finish your drink. (Poor Val…)
If THAT won't get you drunk, it can't be done.
Now I've got to go move all the crap that lives on top of my cellar door, which for some odd reason (although I'm grateful!) is set into the floor of my bedroom.