Thursday, August 16, 2007

Because I hate everything.

This has been a...challenging week.
Enrollment Week. Yeah, I know. Didn't I bitch about that last year? And the year before that? Pretty sure I did.
THIS year there were even MORE of the everfucking hoops through which I had to jump...and an apparent last-minute rule change that caused my daughter to miss the first day of school. Which caused a whole other round of difficulties.
I meant to tell you all about it, but it sounded like so much whining and complaining that I decided not to.
Plus then I decided I hate typing as well.
And blogging.
And getting up out of my chair. And a bunch of other stuff. Like simpering females and star-fuckers and people who align themselves with 'popular' people in hopes that it will rub off on them. Never mind, this list is endless.

Plus I have PMS. And wicked cramps. And I cried when I watched a damn COMMERCIAL last night. I don't even remember what it was a commercial FOR. I think it might've been M&Ms.

Then, to add insult to injury injury to insult, I got a big ass prickly sticker stuck deep in my finger and it hurt a WAY LOT to pull it out.

So I thought I'd cheer myself up by searching keywords to see which posts they'd pull up and stick one of 'em up here.

**originally posted September '05

I went through a brief period in Hormonal Jr. High School where I read nothing but romance novels~I couldn't get enough Harlequin, Sillhouette, and historical romances.

O! The things we thought those books taught us as young girls~how it was supposed to feel when we were truly in love, and how we would suffer at least one big misunderstanding that would tear us apart from our loved one, but True Love would always triumph in the end.

Then I got married. And divorced. And then I lived with a man. And we had children. And then split up.
And I learned that those books left out a significant number of details that we really should know and learn how to deal with.

Thus I present to you a short list of
10 Things The Romance Books Don't Tell You How To Handle

1. Skidmarks
2. Morning breath
3. The first time you fart during sex
4. Smelly feet
5. What happens when you fix beans & cornbread for dinner, and then sleep over
6. The first time you have to poo when he/she is at your house.
7. All sorts of body odors in all sorts of places
8. A little something hanging from your nose (or his) when you're on a date.
9. Hairy backs and shoulders on otherwise perfect-for-you men
10. First Date Food In Your Teeth

Just the tip of the iceburg, folks. And don't act like you've never felt the anxiety from at least one or two of the things on that list.
Got any to add?

Oh and PS: Quick tip. DO NOT, no matter how tempting it is, eat a frosted cinnamon Pop-Tart before bed, as it can cause bizarrely tumbled and twisted and scary nightmares.
Although I guess it could've been the Sour Cream & Onion chips, too.

OH and PPS: I just now glanced at my stats and there were FOUR SEARCHES for Chicka Latte Girls.
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