Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Last But Certainly Not Least

but first...
THANKS EVERYONE! Keep those pledges rolling in~I'm nearly at $400! (In fact I have an anonymous donor who has an UNVERIFIED pledge that will put me over the edge, and Blogathon won't add it in until it has been verified. So whoever you are, kind & generous person, please VERIFY!) ($433!! I love you guys!)

I hope to have your next song ready tonight...I was using a new service last night and I worked & worked to get it right...clicked "SAVE"...and got a big fat error message because it wasn't compatible with AOHELL or something.
Tonight I'll try it with IE. We'll see.

Today I bring you the last of the Guest Posters. This wonderful woman has chosen to remain anonymous, because what she has to say is troubling her soul and she is a little apprehensive that people won't understand.

Of course, I know you will understand and be non-judgmental. You're so, so good at that, and I love how supportive and encouraging all of you are. :)
That's why I hang out with you.
Anyway, this lady needed to get this off her chest, and I hope you'll read with an open mind and open heart. She needs a shoulder, not a turned back.

Ms. Anonymous, I'm proud of you for having the courage to say what you have to say.

Well, when Shannon gave her readers the opportunity to guest post
anonymously, I thought confession might be good for the soul. You see,
I have a horrible secret that has been just eating away at me. It
pains me to even type this, but I have to face the reality myself, and
maybe by writing it, I can set it free.

I'm not in love with my husband anymore. We haven't been married long, and this is a second marriage for both of us. After our nasty (respective) divorces, we swore that getting married would mean until death do us part, because we couldn't bear to go through those horrible experiences again. First, let me say my husband is a good-hearted, hard-working man. He has been a wonderful father to my children (from my first marriage), and that is probably the only reason I haven't left. However, our relationship has always been rocky, we've dealt with infidelity, lies, unemployment, and other incredible stressors that most relationships would not survive. This was all BEFORE we married. We thought "If we can make it through this,
we make it through anything." I'm beginnning to think we were wrong. I just cannot get over all of the damage he's done with the lies, and cheating early on. His attitude has become more clingy, and tempermental, and therapy really hasn't helped. Then again, he only followed through with a couple of sessions.

He has no real friends, and if the way he acts around us is the way he
acts around others, I'm not surprised. He used to be charismatic,
charming, and fun to be around. Now he's miserable, complaining about
everything from his weight, to the kids, to our lack of a decent sex
life. It drives me insane to hear him bitch about his weight, then
pound down food like it's his last meal ever, and still start bugging
me to go get ice cream or eat a whole package of cookies. He loses his
temper so easily with our children, and he pouts over any little
disagreement. When these things are brought to his attention, he'll
change for a few days, but then it's back to the same old whining,
griping, and yelling.

We share almost no common interests, I try to get involved in things
he likes, for example I've been watching the World Cup with him. I
don't know squat about soccer, but I try to learn, so we can enjoy
watching it together. We have nothing to talk about most of the time,
and his mercurial attitude makes me prefer to avoid conversation
anyway. I'm incredibly miserable, yet I feel trapped. A housewife,
with 2 young children, no education, and no family support, I don't
think I can make it as a single mom again. My therapist asked me what
I'd be willing to go through to fix our marriage, and I honestly don't
know, I've done everything I possibly can, and can't imagine what else
I can do, let alone whether I could tolerate whatever that may be.

I'm not perfect, I know this. I can be difficult to live with,
demanding and hard-nosed, but more often than not that's the only way
to keep him from going overboard, be it with spending, eating, or any
other indulgence that he wants instant gratification from.

The most depressing part is I'm falling in love with my best male
friend, we've only known each other a few months, but it seems like
we've known each other our whole lives. There is nothing inappropriate
going on, I should make that clear. It's just that we have SO much in
common, and a connection that feels like it's from some past life. I'm
dying inside, because I don't want to hurt my husband, his family, and
my children, but I feel like I'm treading water, and losing the
battle. I known in my heart I have no choice but to maintain status
quo, but the whole situation makes me want to just run away, and never
look back. Ultimately, it's the best thing I can do for my children
right now, but I'm fairly sure this marriage won't last. I'm so

Thank you, Shannon, for letting me get that off my chest.

You're so welcome, and I'm glad I had a place to offer so that you could let it out. Sometimes just putting things out there is like lancing a boil, it relieves some of the pressure.
I have nothing but love and respect for you, and I hope and pray for the best for you and your family. I'm always here if you need anything. :)
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