Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Guest Postin'

Tonight the part of Monty will be played by Wai
(yes, I pressured him into it by showing my boobs using my feminine wiles)

***Let me briefly introduce you to my friend Johnny Wai Cheeeze-It Yellow Cracker before I leave the stage.
Yeah, I know, I don't understand it either. Weird. Nonetheless, I think he's fantastic. He's very sweet, plus he's always got my back and he gives me compliments. He called me Goddess Monty, which naturally earns him top place in my heart. (and thanks to my buddy CAM EDWARDS for 'introducing' us)
He's smart, funny, and knows how to be controversial.
C'mon y'all, give it up for WAI!
*round of applause*

Okay. I guess I should tell a little bit about myself.

My name is Wai (pronounced “way”). I’m a 37 years old bachelor and I live by myself, somewhere in Noo Yawk New York. Try looking that up in a New York phone book and you’ll see there’s more “Chins” than a Chinese phone book...*blink blink*

My best friend is a U.S. Marine who calls me a “Little Yellow Cracker.” So I nicknamed myself “Cheeez-It” (the extra “e” is to get around the trademark infringement mumbo-jumbo). He also calls me a “Little Yellow Redneck.” No offense to all you crackers and rednecks out there, because if I were white, I’d probably be one myself. Haha. His wife calls me “Poo-Chink” (I think you can guess what the “poo” means) and I call her “Poo-Joo” (J-O-O spells “Jew” according to Eric Cartman). No offense to the Chinks Chinese and Joos Jews out there.

Anyhoo, I’m a Conservative who used to be a Liberal, but I've seen the light and went to the Right. Yes, I’m still kicking myself in the pants for ever having been a Liberal. I was young and stupid back then. That’s what happens when you grow up in Noo Yawk Shitty. I live in the ‘burbs now.

I work too much, but I’m not a workaholic by any means. It’s just my job demands a lot of my time – usually about 9 or 10 hours a day and sometimes on the weekend. I practice Architecture and I design group homes for the mentally and/or physically disabled. And it disgusts me to no end when people have the attitude of “Not In My Back Yard” when it comes to putting one of these homes in their neighborhood. I can honestly tell you that most of them are the sweetest people you will ever meet. I have yet to meet one that has a malicious bone in his body.

I also play hard. I play second base on my softball team, and I’m good at it too. The team still sucks, but at least we’re good at sucking playing badly. We’re improving though, and hopefully, by the end of the season, we will have won another game. Too bad the park doesn’t allow alcoholic beverages...grrr. That’s Noo Yawk for ya.

I like my beers cold and my steaks rare. And yes, I like rice...sheesh. I love to cook. As my nephew says, “You’re a good cooker.” I cook for my landlady, who has liver cancer and is on chemo (please pray for her). Her husband doesn’t cook, except on the grill, so I cook for her the healthy stuff. I also cook on demand. If I’m asked to make a particular dish, I’ll usually do it. And yes, I know how to make Chinese food. I love my wok. ;)

When I have time, I take my landlord’s brats kids to the rifle range and teach them safe gun handling and shooting. I’m a lifetime member of the NRA and proud of it. I’d rather they be safe around a gun than ignorant and be hurt or killed. I fish and hunt. My landlord’s kids ask me why I own so many fishing rods and rifles and I say, “because ONE is the loneliest number...” Well, I don’t really. Out loud anyway. I say, “because I can.” :)

That’s about it for now. Sorry, but no pictures this time. It’s real nice meeting you all.

**Ed. Note: I have pictures, ladies. And may I just say HUBBA HUBBA.

Feel free to leave your comments and Wai, feel free to answer them in the comment section. You have the floor. ♥
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