Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Masochistically yours, Aka_Monty

Remember when I said I was a Contest whore?

It seems that little proclivity has come home to roost...and bite me squarely on the ass.

One night long ago I submitted this site to Blog Thunderdome.
Perhaps I was feeling a little cocky..most probably I was just drunk and lonely.
And now I have received notice that I'm coming up for nastiness and torture review.
I believe I just soiled myself.

The bad news is...
If I lose, I am BANNED FROM BLOGGING for two whole months.
That may or may not make any difference to you. Some of you may actually rejoice.

The good news is...
I have bribes.
AND I am publicly offering to have wild monkey sex with any (or all)(or all at the same time) of the judges in exchange for a vote for me.

And most importantly, not only do I get to bash my opponent, I get to give myself the smackdown as well.

In addition to the wild monkey sex:

I've learned to build a perfect pint of Guinness for Dave.
I have two bottles of quadruple-filtered vodka in the freezer for Brad.
I may offer Carnonymous a look at my boobs.
For the beautiful and charming TJ...what's this? 25lbs of Jamaican Blue Mountain Coffee? Why yes, yes it is.
LingLing scares me a little, so I brought a cat-o-nine-tails and a super-size bottle of Tums.
I got mugged looking for some good drugs out on the street for Malfouka, so the best I can do is share my Zoloft & a carton of smokes.
I do have several bottles of margarita mix and some José Cuervo for Evil Minx. A BARREL of José.
Captain Platypus can have whatever he wants.

Now, I'd appreciate it if you will all run on over and indulge in some good old-fashioned ass-kissing for me.

And if you'd like to help me with my own demise, please email me with your own critique of this site. Don't hold back.

My consolation in all of this is that when if I lose, I will have that much more time to stalk you all, leave multiple inane comments on all your posts, until you break out the restraining orders. Norman is accustomed to this behavior from me...the rest of you may find it a little frightening at first.
You'll get used to it.
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