Saturday, March 05, 2005

If I'd've had a sharp stick, I'd've put out my own eyes.


But first...
A big ol' sloppy wet THANK YOU smooch to Bob, Tommy, & Monkeyballs who think the blonde in the picture is cute. As that blonde happens to be me, my ego has now been stroked quite satisfactorily and monty is feeling happy.

From the Daily Bitch Sports Page...
Okay, so I went to Ft. Worth yesterday with my sister, to catch some CHL action.
Got our asses handed to us on a platter. (Ach, Blazers, what were you thinking?!
A perfectly lackluster performance, until the last five minutes of the game. With 2 goals scored in quick succession, the Blazers finally tied the score at 4 to 4.
Thus began the overtime...with no goals scored by either side.
Then...the bane of their existence...the SHOOT OUT.
The Blazers are not known for their capabilities in this particular area. *sigh*
Boyd Ballard (btw, thanks for the tickets, Boyd, even though I'm going to diss you a little bit) evidently does not see the puck well, since they continued to zip by him.
So when the final Brahma shot the puck...Boyd just watched it right into the goal.
Way to go, Boyd.

But as much as I love (most of) the Great State of Texas (and many of the people who reside there), there were some seriously disturbing events.
Apparently, it is customary for some of the Brahma fans to celebrate a goal in a rather unusual manner~~they take their shirts off and swing them around their heads.

I offer a few tips, or guidelines, to make this event more pleasurable (if that is even a possibility) for the rest of us:

1. If you're over, say, NOT take your shirt off.
2. If your waist size is more than, again I'll say 40 (inches) NOT take your shirt off.
3. If you are a candidate for the "man-bra" NOT take your shirt off.
4. If you've got more hair than a grizzly NOT take your shirt off.
5. If your back is as hairy than your front, if it looks like you're wearing a sweater even when you're NOT take your shirt off.
6. Ladies, if you have boobies that are hovering somewhere near your knees, even with a support NOT take your shirt off.
7. Ladies, if you've forgotten to shave your NOT take your shirt off.

Folks, this is a family show. I feel permanently scarred, and in need of serious therapy. The images are burned into my brain~~I had nightmares. *shudder*

Doctors, I hope you can fit me in for an emergency session today.
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