Okay, so it's a little early in the year but as of yesterday Tornado Season here in Okieland has officially begun.
We got POUNDED by a long string of storms, one right after another - it was sort of like that crappy movie,
Night Of The Twisters.
I was at the studio yesterday and I noticed that the lights in my office seemed awfully bright... went outside to take a peek and it felt so
heavy and the clouds were sort of ominous.
Now, where I work we don't have any TV reception or cable -- at&t and cox have NO service where we are; the only thing we could get would be a dish & it's just not cost-effective. If we want to watch something, we pop a dvd in for background noise.
ANYWAY.
I knew we had a big chance of severe thunderstorms & I wouldn't be able to watch the forecast on TV, so I decided to leave work about a half-hour early.
I was about halfway home when the first tornado warning came on the radio...and it was right over Northwest Expressway & Rockwell -- which is exactly where I work.
By the time I got home the funnel had already started forming & I watched all the news coverage, and then I heard that the Target was hit.
My building is about a block or so away from Target.
If I'd have left at my regular time I'd have been caught right up in it -- probably I would have been right there on the road.
Scary, yeah?
What all this means is that it is time to break out the annual
GARY ENGLAND DRINKING GAME!I stole this from
Sleeping Mommy a couple-three years ago, and if you have
ever lived in Oklahoma this game will make perfect sense to you.
Hell, if you've ever
visited Oklahoma in the spring or summer, it will make perfect sense to you.
Have fun!
GARY ENGLAND DRINKING GAME(I left
SleepingMommy's comments in parentheses because they made me giggle)
*Pregame*1. Everyone selects a storm chaser other than Val Castor.
(Monty sez: I choose Hank when I just want a little buzz. He doesn't get as much action)(Val lives in Stillwater and Gary talks to him CONSTANTLY.) Every time Gary talks to your storm chaser, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your storm chaser.
Take four drinks if your storm chaser says "tornado on the ground!"
2. Everyone selects a county other than Pottawatomie County.
(Because we are always hearing about Pottawatomie County.)Every time Gary mentions your county, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your county.
Take four drinks if a tornado touches down in your county.
*One drink*1. Take one drink every time Gary says the following:
Hook Echo | Updraft | Metro | Doppler radar | Wall cloud |Ranger 9 | Underground | Mobile home
2. When Gary gives a list of counties, take one drink for every county in the list.
(Oklahoma has 77 counties but somehow they all get mentioned at some point.)3. Take one drink every time Gary interrupts a program.
Take one drink if Gary says "You’re not missing any of [program name]."
(This is a major concern damnit!)Take one drink when Gary says "We’ll keep you advised."
(Like we had any doubt that you wouldn’t.)*Two drinks*1. Take two drinks every time Gary says the following:
Baseball-sized hail | Waterloo Road | Pottawatomie County | Deer Creek High School
(How many times has that high school been hit anyway?!?)2. Take two drinks every time Gary mentions the following towns:
Altus | Burns Flat | Dill City | Gotebo | Hydro | Lookeba | Meeker | Mulhall | Oktaha | Olustee | Shattuck | Slaughterville | Tryon | Vici |Waukomis | Wayne (or Payne) | Weleetka | Wetumkah
(The only one that is even slightly big is Altus.)3. Take two drinks every time Gary talks to Val Castor.
(Now we are gonna get really drunk!)*Three drinks*1. Take three drinks if we see footage from Val Castor.
2. Take three drinks if we see footage from Pottawatomie County.
3. Take three drinks if Gary mentions the following:
Immediate tornado precautions | National Weather Service | Mesocyclone | Portable Radio | Take shelter | Tornado warning in effect until ...
*Four drinks*1. Take four drinks if Ranger 9 must land to refuel.
(Notice it doesn't say when it lands to take cover, we don't land our aircraft in a tornado around here, we fly AROUND them.)2. Take four drinks if Gary issues his own tornado warning, not recognized by the NWS
(He's a renegade that way) or says the following:
"Will someone please answer that phone?"
(He takes this stuff seriously damn it, answer the phone.) or "Do you see the power flashes?"
3. Take four drinks if a shirt-less tornado victim is interviewed.
(Redneck land, yo. There is a reason I get dressed and put on shoes when a storm is in the vicinity.)*Finish your drink*1. Finish your drink if someone uses the word
tornado as a verb or if Gary mentions the cross streets nearest to you.
2. If Gary says "We’ve lost Val," pour a little out for your homies and finish your drink.
(Poor Val…)
If THAT won't get you drunk, it can't be done.
EASTER IS HERE! SPRING IS HERE! 
Thanks Mom Central for introducing me to Making Life Better, because SHORTCUTS and EASIER are my keywords in life.
