WOO!
So if you did NOT get a chance to send me your sex story (or even if you DID), you'll want a second chance to WIN WIN WIN something niiiiiiiiiiiiice from Eden Fantasys.
SEND Karl your CRAZIEST, FUNNIEST SEX STORIES.
I can't wait to read 'em.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Sharing the (self)Love...
My sweet, sexy pal Karl (you may remember him from my recent CONTEST with Eden Fantasys) is a big copycat having a contest of his own!!
WOO!
So if you did NOT get a chance to send me your sex story (or even if you DID), you'll want a second chance to WIN WIN WIN something niiiiiiiiiiiiice from Eden Fantasys.
SEND Karl your CRAZIEST, FUNNIEST SEX STORIES.
I can't wait to read 'em.
WOO!
So if you did NOT get a chance to send me your sex story (or even if you DID), you'll want a second chance to WIN WIN WIN something niiiiiiiiiiiiice from Eden Fantasys.
SEND Karl your CRAZIEST, FUNNIEST SEX STORIES.
I can't wait to read 'em.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
I only wish I'd have been able to write so well.
Why I Think Social Media Is Full of Douchebags.
These guys just said it WAY BETTER.
Oh Shankman, I love you for this: "If we want to continue to be taken seriously as an industry, we need to remember that we’re not rock stars. We’re not playing sold out stadiums, and we’re most certainly not curing diseases, or helping mal-nourished kids get food or get healthy by writing a fucking treastise on how you can market your brand better by using FourSquare.
And from Thomas Myerman, something with which I OFTEN take issue: "...the whole laughable routine where you pull that "You don't know who I am?" face and mug for your sycophantic entourage."
Well done, gentlemen.
Let's hope that the Film/Music part of SxSW is full of better-behaved people.
These guys just said it WAY BETTER.
Oh Shankman, I love you for this: "If we want to continue to be taken seriously as an industry, we need to remember that we’re not rock stars. We’re not playing sold out stadiums, and we’re most certainly not curing diseases, or helping mal-nourished kids get food or get healthy by writing a fucking treastise on how you can market your brand better by using FourSquare.
And from Thomas Myerman, something with which I OFTEN take issue: "...the whole laughable routine where you pull that "You don't know who I am?" face and mug for your sycophantic entourage."
Well done, gentlemen.
Let's hope that the Film/Music part of SxSW is full of better-behaved people.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
SxSW: A Top 10 List
Last year my friend Lisa (you may recognize her from Twitter as @pprlisa) made me laugh (EVEN THOUGH SHE IS NOT THE FUNNY ONE, LET ME MAKE THAT CLEAR) when she came up with this Top Ten Reasons I Didn't Go To SxSW --that's "South by Southwest" for you unwashed uninitiated undesirables. #GoogleIt
Someday I wouldn't mind going, but not for the tech stuff because frankly I find that a total yawnfest but HEY THAT'S JUST ME.
I would LOVE to go for the Film and/or Music (in case any large or midsize company would like to sponsor me for the 2011 conference)(COME ON)(YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO).
ANYWAY.
(I was going to say "But I Digress" right there but those of you who've been reading this blog for a long time know that I hate that particular phrase because it is MORE OVERUSED THAN "MONETIZE")
(also possibly more overused than parentheses in this post)
SO.
I didn't think it possible, but PPRLisa has come up with something even better, funnier, and, as usual, on the cutting edge...
The 2nd Annual "Top 10 Reasons I Didn't Go To SxSW" List
10. Someone has to do all of the chores on 20,000+ Farmville Farms
9. Embarrassed that Guru status was revoked for excessive fake hashtaggery
8. Speaking submission titled “Does my prezo topic really matter when everyone’s in the hall hungover” was rejected
7. Rent-A-Wreck was the only car company to sponsor my drive to the show
6. Taking advantage of the mass exodus from Boston to become Mayor of EVERYTHING #FourSquare
5. Saving up my excuses for "going-to-a-conference-but-attending-nothing-but-parties" for BlogHer
4. Already met up with all of the social media elite that I wanted to see on Chatroulette earlier today
3. If @marketingprofs doesn't go, I don't go #suckup #pander
2. Lost my GPS and ended up going to NxSE
and the number one reason @pprlisa did not go to SxSW this year....
1. Can't show my face in social media circles after putting on a trench coat & trying to get in on the Vanity Fair cover
I'm only hoping the inevitable TechKaraoke videos have someone singing "Pants On The Ground" this year.
Someday I wouldn't mind going, but not for the tech stuff because frankly I find that a total yawnfest but HEY THAT'S JUST ME.
I would LOVE to go for the Film and/or Music (in case any large or midsize company would like to sponsor me for the 2011 conference)(COME ON)(YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO).
ANYWAY.
(I was going to say "But I Digress" right there but those of you who've been reading this blog for a long time know that I hate that particular phrase because it is MORE OVERUSED THAN "MONETIZE")
(also possibly more overused than parentheses in this post)
SO.
I didn't think it possible, but PPRLisa has come up with something even better, funnier, and, as usual, on the cutting edge...
10. Someone has to do all of the chores on 20,000+ Farmville Farms
9. Embarrassed that Guru status was revoked for excessive fake hashtaggery
8. Speaking submission titled “Does my prezo topic really matter when everyone’s in the hall hungover” was rejected
7. Rent-A-Wreck was the only car company to sponsor my drive to the show
6. Taking advantage of the mass exodus from Boston to become Mayor of EVERYTHING #FourSquare
5. Saving up my excuses for "going-to-a-conference-but-attending-nothing-but-parties" for BlogHer
4. Already met up with all of the social media elite that I wanted to see on Chatroulette earlier today
3. If @marketingprofs doesn't go, I don't go #suckup #pander
2. Lost my GPS and ended up going to NxSE
and the number one reason @pprlisa did not go to SxSW this year....
1. Can't show my face in social media circles after putting on a trench coat & trying to get in on the Vanity Fair cover
I'm only hoping the inevitable TechKaraoke videos have someone singing "Pants On The Ground" this year.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
And The KISSA* Goes To...
*Check out KISSA! Just one of the many exciting and fun things you could get with your gift card from Eden Fantasys!
TIME TO ANNOUNCE OUR WINNER!
It was a close race, I must say... and I want to give a HUGE thank you to all of you who humiliated yourselves by sharing your most embarrassing and/or disastrous sex stories.
It will totally be worth it though, when you get over to the Eden Fantasys website and see all the supadupa sexy things you can put that gift certificate toward (like kegelcisers! or lingerie!).
I wish *I* had won.
Or entered.
But I guess that wouldn't be all "ethical" or "right" or "unbiased" or "fair" since I was running the contest.
WHAT. EVER.
You people and your "rules" about things.
ANYway.
After much careful consideration, collaboration, conversation, and possibly someconstipation collusion, our esteemed judges Secondhand Karl (what does he do FIRSTHAND, I wonder??) and The Beauteous Finn have announced their choices.
All the stories were entertaining (and somewhat frightening, in some cases), but the judges were unanimous:
THE RUNNER UP, taking home the fake silver medal and a $15 iTunes Gift Card is....
CONTESTANT #5! TRACY Y!
Karl sez: "That's the sexiest entrance into a bedroom I've ever heard of."
Finn sez:: "I choose it because that is something that would happen to me the one and only time I'd ever get to have sex with Colin Farrell."
Her story:
My boyfriend at the time had, unbeknownst to me, put new sheets on his bed as in brand new, never seen before sheets. He invited me over for a PJs and movie night and I wore these look-ordinary-at-first-glimpse fetching red PJs in a lovely satin with only one button of the top actually fastened. I can't even remember the movie we were watching because we spent most of the time making out and heavy petting but I refused to let him get the top off me, it was my game for the night...not until the movie was over and we were in the bedroom.
Well, he had made up the bed with the sexy new sheets he had bought and turned down the covers beforehand. The movie ends and I jump up and run to his bedroom and jump into the bed and promptly slide all the way across the bed, off the other side, airborne for a moment before I slam into the wall. The new sheets? Silk. Silk+satin=one heck of a slide.
I slid to a heap, a bit dazed and confused. There was much application of ice to the side of my face that impacted with the wall. Needless to say, my MASSIVE headache put a huge damper on the mood for the night. Though for the next week, people would ask me how I ended up with all the bruises on my face and give me the strangest looks when I said "I ran into a wall."
Let's give her a round of applause for her GRACE and COORDINATION.
Congratulations!
THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER, taking home the fake gold medal and supasexy $25 Gift Certificate from Eden Fantasys (THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING!) is...
CONTESTANT #2, JOHN C!
Finn sez: "There are just so many things wrong with that story that the hair on fire is kind of anticlimactic."
Karl sez: "A true romance story with scares, fires, and hot wax! There are places that charge good money to do those things to you."
HIS story:
So I had a friend who invited me down to Ft. Lauderdale a few years back, offering food and good, good times. After day three of my visit he held a little get together with a bunch of his friends and I hooked up with a lovely woman. Things got heavy and we wanted some "alone time". Seeing as how there was a condo full of people, we were desperately looking for a place to let it all out. We were rather a bit under the influence. I had an idea. There was the laundry room, a room that might have resembled a real life L shaped Tetris piece, a small area to the side that would be perfect. As we're in the process of exploring each others bodies I hear my phone give off an "Urgent" message. I check it to see my friend telling me this woman has a boyfriend and he's in the condo looking for her, hearing that that had been where she was. I HAD NO IDEA!!!!! Being in my then current situation and taking my friends advice, I stayed in the laundry room. I felt the damage was done and if I get in trouble for something, I might as well do it, dammit. And I wasn't going to fight some guy over a girl I had no idea was involved with anyone else. I'm a hopeless romantic, even on one night stands apparently! I had a few candles lit, two in the top corners of what would be the top of the stem on the "L" and a few above on a multi metal rod shelf, you know the ones mostly used in laundry rooms. After being in a few dominant positions I wanted a break and switched to the bottom.
A couple days before I had just started knotting my hair up before starting the dreading process.
The only bad part of that situation is that when I flipped to be on the bottom I had situated myself much further towards the candles. In only a few moments of enjoying a great ride, the dark, candle lit room started to become a bit brighter.
My hair was on fire.
My dry, knotted hair had caught flames from the very same candles I placed in an area of the room no bigger than 6x3. Karma, some would say. If that's not bad enough, startled, we both jumped up and her head hit the shelf holding the other candles and they fell onto the top and panties she was wearing before. Though with neither of us feeling like stopping we laughed it off and had a great night. I had to shave my head because of the fire damage. I'm sure she had a hard time trying to explain why different colored wax was all over her panties and shirt. It's a memory i'll never forget.
LET'S HEAR IT FOR ALMOST-DREADLOCKED JOHN! Let's hope he uses his Eden Fantasys giftcard for something fireproof.
Thanks once again to ALL PARTICIPANTS and especially OUR SPONSOR, Eden Fantasys - the place where you can fulfill all your fantasies (or at least get the tools to make that happen) from the naked comfort of your own home.
TIME TO ANNOUNCE OUR WINNER!
It was a close race, I must say... and I want to give a HUGE thank you to all of you who humiliated yourselves by sharing your most embarrassing and/or disastrous sex stories.
It will totally be worth it though, when you get over to the Eden Fantasys website and see all the supadupa sexy things you can put that gift certificate toward (like kegelcisers! or lingerie!).
I wish *I* had won.
Or entered.
But I guess that wouldn't be all "ethical" or "right" or "unbiased" or "fair" since I was running the contest.
WHAT. EVER.
You people and your "rules" about things.
ANYway.
After much careful consideration, collaboration, conversation, and possibly some
All the stories were entertaining (and somewhat frightening, in some cases), but the judges were unanimous:
THE RUNNER UP, taking home the fake silver medal and a $15 iTunes Gift Card is....
CONTESTANT #5! TRACY Y!
Karl sez: "That's the sexiest entrance into a bedroom I've ever heard of."
Finn sez:: "I choose it because that is something that would happen to me the one and only time I'd ever get to have sex with Colin Farrell."
Her story:
My boyfriend at the time had, unbeknownst to me, put new sheets on his bed as in brand new, never seen before sheets. He invited me over for a PJs and movie night and I wore these look-ordinary-at-first-glimpse fetching red PJs in a lovely satin with only one button of the top actually fastened. I can't even remember the movie we were watching because we spent most of the time making out and heavy petting but I refused to let him get the top off me, it was my game for the night...not until the movie was over and we were in the bedroom.
Well, he had made up the bed with the sexy new sheets he had bought and turned down the covers beforehand. The movie ends and I jump up and run to his bedroom and jump into the bed and promptly slide all the way across the bed, off the other side, airborne for a moment before I slam into the wall. The new sheets? Silk. Silk+satin=one heck of a slide.
I slid to a heap, a bit dazed and confused. There was much application of ice to the side of my face that impacted with the wall. Needless to say, my MASSIVE headache put a huge damper on the mood for the night. Though for the next week, people would ask me how I ended up with all the bruises on my face and give me the strangest looks when I said "I ran into a wall."
Let's give her a round of applause for her GRACE and COORDINATION.
Congratulations!
THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER, taking home the fake gold medal and supasexy $25 Gift Certificate from Eden Fantasys (THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING!) is...
CONTESTANT #2, JOHN C!
Finn sez: "There are just so many things wrong with that story that the hair on fire is kind of anticlimactic."
Karl sez: "A true romance story with scares, fires, and hot wax! There are places that charge good money to do those things to you."
HIS story:
So I had a friend who invited me down to Ft. Lauderdale a few years back, offering food and good, good times. After day three of my visit he held a little get together with a bunch of his friends and I hooked up with a lovely woman. Things got heavy and we wanted some "alone time". Seeing as how there was a condo full of people, we were desperately looking for a place to let it all out. We were rather a bit under the influence. I had an idea. There was the laundry room, a room that might have resembled a real life L shaped Tetris piece, a small area to the side that would be perfect. As we're in the process of exploring each others bodies I hear my phone give off an "Urgent" message. I check it to see my friend telling me this woman has a boyfriend and he's in the condo looking for her, hearing that that had been where she was. I HAD NO IDEA!!!!! Being in my then current situation and taking my friends advice, I stayed in the laundry room. I felt the damage was done and if I get in trouble for something, I might as well do it, dammit. And I wasn't going to fight some guy over a girl I had no idea was involved with anyone else. I'm a hopeless romantic, even on one night stands apparently! I had a few candles lit, two in the top corners of what would be the top of the stem on the "L" and a few above on a multi metal rod shelf, you know the ones mostly used in laundry rooms. After being in a few dominant positions I wanted a break and switched to the bottom.
A couple days before I had just started knotting my hair up before starting the dreading process.
The only bad part of that situation is that when I flipped to be on the bottom I had situated myself much further towards the candles. In only a few moments of enjoying a great ride, the dark, candle lit room started to become a bit brighter.
My hair was on fire.
My dry, knotted hair had caught flames from the very same candles I placed in an area of the room no bigger than 6x3. Karma, some would say. If that's not bad enough, startled, we both jumped up and her head hit the shelf holding the other candles and they fell onto the top and panties she was wearing before. Though with neither of us feeling like stopping we laughed it off and had a great night. I had to shave my head because of the fire damage. I'm sure she had a hard time trying to explain why different colored wax was all over her panties and shirt. It's a memory i'll never forget.
LET'S HEAR IT FOR ALMOST-DREADLOCKED JOHN! Let's hope he uses his Eden Fantasys giftcard for something fireproof.
Thanks once again to ALL PARTICIPANTS and especially OUR SPONSOR, Eden Fantasys - the place where you can fulfill all your fantasies (or at least get the tools to make that happen) from the naked comfort of your own home.
Monday, March 08, 2010
Also I'd rather watch Drew on The Price Is Right
Dear THE VIEW:
See, wouldn't you have rather had ME on The View Moms panel instead of some of those namby-pamby mommybloggers? Because you can't get those "Oh, Joy's hair looked so cute today" and "HAHA Whoopi is so funny!" tweets just ANYWHERE, you know.
OH WAIT. Yes you can.
WHO'S SORRY NOW, HUH??
HUH??
Too late for you. I've moved on to sex toys which are way more funner anyway.
Yes I said FUNNER. On PURPOSE.
Love,
Me
See, wouldn't you have rather had ME on The View Moms panel instead of some of those namby-pamby mommybloggers? Because you can't get those "Oh, Joy's hair looked so cute today" and "HAHA Whoopi is so funny!" tweets just ANYWHERE, you know.
OH WAIT. Yes you can.
WHO'S SORRY NOW, HUH??
HUH??
Too late for you. I've moved on to sex toys which are way more funner anyway.
Yes I said FUNNER. On PURPOSE.
Love,
Me
Sunday, March 07, 2010
WAS MY FACE RED! Or something.
And away we go!
We've got some excellent entries so far... to keep things fair JUST in case any of thesexual deviants entrants are close personal friends with either of our esteemed judges, Secondhand Karl or Ms Finn, they will be referred to only by contestant number.
If you're just tuning in (and even better, if you'd like to play along and WIN WIN WIN a $25 Gift Certificate from Edenfantasys.com), check out THE WHAT RIGHT HERE.
HURRY! There's still time for you to enter!
Have a sample...
CONTESTANT #1:
Thankfully, the zoloft has not had any ill effects on my sex drive – of which I had none before. The zoloft, actually, has helped in that I don’t necessarily DISLIKE hubby all the time. So it was last night that I was feeling rather amorous and attacked suggested a little alone time. Just him, me and a new …ahem… adult “marital aid” that I’d bought ummm 5 months ago LOL Still in the package, even.
So, while he was taking a bath, I busted that baby out, set it on the bed and waited for hubby (who had agreed we could check out the new purchase).
And we did – and it was all fine and good… until...no, the batteries didn’t die.
.
no, the baby didn’t wake up.
.
no, the house didn’t catch on fire...
CONTESTANT #2:
So I had a friend who invited me down to Ft. Lauderdale a few years back, offering food and good, good times. After day three of my visit he held a little get together with a bunch of his friends and I hooked up with a lovely woman. Things got heavy and we wanted some "alone time". Seeing as how there was a condo full of people, we were desperately looking for a place to let it all out. We were rather a bit under the influence. I had an idea. There was the laundry room, a room that might have resembled a real life L shaped Tetris piece, a small area to the side that would be perfect. As we're in the process of exploring each others bodies ...
CONTESTANT #3:
Fortunately, I haven't had many disasters when it comes to sex. I've had the occasional "minute man" which is really more a disappointment than a disaster. However, my biggest sexual disaster was also some of the greatest sex ever.
During this aforementioned GREAT SEX, my guy decided to get a little rough. He started aggressively putting arms and legs exactly where he wanted them. This was fine with me. I'm a kinky kinda girl so there really are very few things off limits for me...
CONTESTANT #4:
This happened way back, around 1973 -- you know, right at the tail-end (heh) of the free-love '60s. I had gotten involved with a guy I met in my freshman year of college, who happened to be married. They had was what they called an "open marriage", in which each of them could have sex with other people, and it was cool. Well, it was certainly OK for the wifey to bang all the members of the band on the night I met her husband -- we slept on the couch at the party where he and I met, while she was out having fun all night...
CONTESTANT #5:
My boyfriend at the time had, unbeknownst to me, put new sheets on his bed as in brand new, never seen before sheets. He invited me over for a PJs and movie night and I wore these look-ordinary-at-first-glimpse fetching red PJs in a lovely satin with only one button of the top actually fastened. I can't even remember the movie we were watching because we spent most of the time making out and heavy petting...
We've got some excellent entries so far... to keep things fair JUST in case any of the
If you're just tuning in (and even better, if you'd like to play along and WIN WIN WIN a $25 Gift Certificate from Edenfantasys.com), check out THE WHAT RIGHT HERE.
HURRY! There's still time for you to enter!
Have a sample...
CONTESTANT #1:
Thankfully, the zoloft has not had any ill effects on my sex drive – of which I had none before. The zoloft, actually, has helped in that I don’t necessarily DISLIKE hubby all the time. So it was last night that I was feeling rather amorous and attacked suggested a little alone time. Just him, me and a new …ahem… adult “marital aid” that I’d bought ummm 5 months ago LOL Still in the package, even.
So, while he was taking a bath, I busted that baby out, set it on the bed and waited for hubby (who had agreed we could check out the new purchase).
And we did – and it was all fine and good… until...no, the batteries didn’t die.
.
no, the baby didn’t wake up.
.
no, the house didn’t catch on fire...
CONTESTANT #2:
So I had a friend who invited me down to Ft. Lauderdale a few years back, offering food and good, good times. After day three of my visit he held a little get together with a bunch of his friends and I hooked up with a lovely woman. Things got heavy and we wanted some "alone time". Seeing as how there was a condo full of people, we were desperately looking for a place to let it all out. We were rather a bit under the influence. I had an idea. There was the laundry room, a room that might have resembled a real life L shaped Tetris piece, a small area to the side that would be perfect. As we're in the process of exploring each others bodies ...
CONTESTANT #3:
Fortunately, I haven't had many disasters when it comes to sex. I've had the occasional "minute man" which is really more a disappointment than a disaster. However, my biggest sexual disaster was also some of the greatest sex ever.
During this aforementioned GREAT SEX, my guy decided to get a little rough. He started aggressively putting arms and legs exactly where he wanted them. This was fine with me. I'm a kinky kinda girl so there really are very few things off limits for me...
CONTESTANT #4:
This happened way back, around 1973 -- you know, right at the tail-end (heh) of the free-love '60s. I had gotten involved with a guy I met in my freshman year of college, who happened to be married. They had was what they called an "open marriage", in which each of them could have sex with other people, and it was cool. Well, it was certainly OK for the wifey to bang all the members of the band on the night I met her husband -- we slept on the couch at the party where he and I met, while she was out having fun all night...
CONTESTANT #5:
My boyfriend at the time had, unbeknownst to me, put new sheets on his bed as in brand new, never seen before sheets. He invited me over for a PJs and movie night and I wore these look-ordinary-at-first-glimpse fetching red PJs in a lovely satin with only one button of the top actually fastened. I can't even remember the movie we were watching because we spent most of the time making out and heavy petting...
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
B.O.B. Helps Those Who Help Themselves... ifyouknowwhatImean
Sex is natural! Sex is FUN! ~George Michael (a little mood music?)
So, you know, I don't talk about sex & stuff all THAT often around here... I mean HEY I like sex as much as the next girl (unless the next girl is like, Linda Lovelace or Jenna Jameson, in which case I have to say that I do not love sex QUITE that much), but unless I gots a little some'm some'm going on in my life there's really not much to say.
But I have this friend.
NO REALLY.
A friend who is NOT ME.
Unfortunately I can't use her name because her lawyers served me with a Cease & Desist order when I simplytried browbeating and threatening her asked her to sign the release form.
For the purposes of this post, we'll call her Kate.
ANYWAY.
Kate and I and some other girls were chatting, and as all males of the species know OF COURSE when women get together we discuss sex, men, and kids only.
Well it comes about that our friend Kate has never had a date with B.O.B. (that's Battery Operated Boyfriend, for the two of you who didn't know that).
I KNOW, I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER.
Naturally I use any opportunity to plug (hahahaha! I said "plug"!)(not THAT kind of plug, pervy mcperverson)(because EW) my favorite place to shop for that sort of thing, EdenFantasys. (FYI: If you're shy about going into an "adult toy store", then DEFINITELY visit EdenFantasys.Com)
EVERY woman should have at least one B.O.B -- many of us have more than one because... well, sometimes you want to be treated like a princess and sometimes you want to be aho workin' girl.
Kate does not even have a basic "Silver (or in this case, PINK) Bullet", which is a must for amateurs.
I was just ASTONISHED to learn that there are more of youpathetic uptight repressed sad B.O.B-less people than I thought.
So I got together with my friends from EdenFantasys and we decided to help you out a little.
THE PRIZE: A $25 GIFT CERTIFICATE from EdenFantasys.Com, which you could use toward the purchase of a supasexy B.O.B. like Kissa**.
Body safe! Waterproof! Environmentally sound! (Going GREEN with PINK?)
**For the more advanced "dater", perhaps, NOT KATES.
HERE'S THE WHAT:
YOUR PART: Email me (redneckmama1ATgmailDOTcom) the stories of your BIGGEST SEX DISASTER by MIDNIGHT CENTRAL TIME on SUNDAY MARCH 7th.
Did you fart during sex? Did your vagina ever eat a condom (or was that just me?)? Fall off the bed and get severely injured? Get caught? Get SOMETHING caught in a zipper or button?
TELL US EVERYTHING.
MY PART: I will post your stories here each day, where they will be reviewed by an expert panel of judges: Finn from A Life Less Ordinary, Secondhand Karl, and possibly one other judge.
If anyone knows about sex, it's theseformer prostitutes people.
They will ultimately choose the winner and runner-up.
P.S.
DEAR KATE: Just in case, here are a couple of guides to help you find your perfect B.O.B.(s). Remember, B.O.B. is there for YOU. Also B.O.B. will never leave whiskers in the sink, skidmarks in his boxers, or expect you to cook dinner and/or breakfast.
Here's a BEGINNER'S GUIDE for you and when you're ready, you can check out The VROOM.
YOU. ARE. WELCOME.
Disclaimer #1: Contest is sponsored (transparently!) by EdenFantasys.Com Adult Sex Toy Store, although I would have written the post with or without them. MANY, MANY, MANY THANKS for sponsoring the contest and providing the prize, EdenFantasys.com!
Disclaimer #2: Mostly I wanted to have the contest for my own amusement because I like hearing your embarrassing stories and later I will make fun of you behind your back.
Disclaimer #3: We do not discriminate against sex. We hope you're FOR and not against, but whatever. OH YEAH also I mean boys can enter the contest too.
So, you know, I don't talk about sex & stuff all THAT often around here... I mean HEY I like sex as much as the next girl (unless the next girl is like, Linda Lovelace or Jenna Jameson, in which case I have to say that I do not love sex QUITE that much), but unless I gots a little some'm some'm going on in my life there's really not much to say.
But I have this friend.
NO REALLY.
A friend who is NOT ME.
Unfortunately I can't use her name because her lawyers served me with a Cease & Desist order when I simply
For the purposes of this post, we'll call her Kate.
ANYWAY.
Kate and I and some other girls were chatting, and as all males of the species know OF COURSE when women get together we discuss sex, men, and kids only.
Well it comes about that our friend Kate has never had a date with B.O.B. (that's Battery Operated Boyfriend, for the two of you who didn't know that).
I KNOW, I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER.
Naturally I use any opportunity to plug (hahahaha! I said "plug"!)(not THAT kind of plug, pervy mcperverson)(because EW) my favorite place to shop for that sort of thing, EdenFantasys. (FYI: If you're shy about going into an "adult toy store", then DEFINITELY visit EdenFantasys.Com)
EVERY woman should have at least one B.O.B -- many of us have more than one because... well, sometimes you want to be treated like a princess and sometimes you want to be a
Kate does not even have a basic "Silver (or in this case, PINK) Bullet", which is a must for amateurs.
I was just ASTONISHED to learn that there are more of you
So I got together with my friends from EdenFantasys and we decided to help you out a little.
THE PRIZE: A $25 GIFT CERTIFICATE from EdenFantasys.Com, which you could use toward the purchase of a supasexy B.O.B. like Kissa**.
Body safe! Waterproof! Environmentally sound! (Going GREEN with PINK?)
**For the more advanced "dater", perhaps, NOT KATES.
HERE'S THE WHAT:
YOUR PART: Email me (redneckmama1ATgmailDOTcom) the stories of your BIGGEST SEX DISASTER by MIDNIGHT CENTRAL TIME on SUNDAY MARCH 7th.
Did you fart during sex? Did your vagina ever eat a condom (or was that just me?)? Fall off the bed and get severely injured? Get caught? Get SOMETHING caught in a zipper or button?
TELL US EVERYTHING.
MY PART: I will post your stories here each day, where they will be reviewed by an expert panel of judges: Finn from A Life Less Ordinary, Secondhand Karl, and possibly one other judge.
If anyone knows about sex, it's these
They will ultimately choose the winner and runner-up.
P.S.
DEAR KATE: Just in case, here are a couple of guides to help you find your perfect B.O.B.(s). Remember, B.O.B. is there for YOU. Also B.O.B. will never leave whiskers in the sink, skidmarks in his boxers, or expect you to cook dinner and/or breakfast.
Here's a BEGINNER'S GUIDE for you and when you're ready, you can check out The VROOM.
YOU. ARE. WELCOME.
Disclaimer #1: Contest is sponsored (transparently!) by EdenFantasys.Com Adult Sex Toy Store, although I would have written the post with or without them. MANY, MANY, MANY THANKS for sponsoring the contest and providing the prize, EdenFantasys.com!
Disclaimer #2: Mostly I wanted to have the contest for my own amusement because I like hearing your embarrassing stories and later I will make fun of you behind your back.
Disclaimer #3: We do not discriminate against sex. We hope you're FOR and not against, but whatever. OH YEAH also I mean boys can enter the contest too.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Bits and pieces.
Say, do you ever talk to yourself out loud at work? I mean like you're being interviewed for a documentary or something?
No? Really.
Oh yeah no, me neither.
I was just asking.
*blush*
"My Recent Tweets That Other People Thought Were Funny"
or
"Yes I Am Just As Needy As You, AttentionWhore"
There are few things more disturbing than watching Food Network with your MOTHER and hearing her say MISO HORNY every time someone uses miso.
So I go "Look, we've been dating two years. Either tell me your last name or it's over."
I was watching Iron Chef America and Alton said "Frenching the rabbit" and I giggled and pictured some X-Rated Bugs Bunny action.
If a douchebag tweets something fauxspirational in the forest, does it get re-tweeted? (from the number of re-tweets, I can only assume that you people think I am the douchebag in question. Also? Eff Off)
More (OH SHUT UP, THIS IS MY CRY FOR ATTENTION since I was passed over for a made-up blog award and my SOUL IS SOBBING) HERE and HERE.
That is all.
Have a day.
No? Really.
Oh yeah no, me neither.
I was just asking.
*blush*
"My Recent Tweets That Other People Thought Were Funny"
or
"Yes I Am Just As Needy As You, AttentionWhore"
There are few things more disturbing than watching Food Network with your MOTHER and hearing her say MISO HORNY every time someone uses miso.
So I go "Look, we've been dating two years. Either tell me your last name or it's over."
I was watching Iron Chef America and Alton said "Frenching the rabbit" and I giggled and pictured some X-Rated Bugs Bunny action.
If a douchebag tweets something fauxspirational in the forest, does it get re-tweeted? (from the number of re-tweets, I can only assume that you people think I am the douchebag in question. Also? Eff Off)
More (OH SHUT UP, THIS IS MY CRY FOR ATTENTION since I was passed over for a made-up blog award and my SOUL IS SOBBING) HERE and HERE.
That is all.
Have a day.
Monday, February 22, 2010
It only sounds like sour grapes 'cause it IS
LET THE HUE AND CRY BE HEARD!
Okay, maybe "hue and cry" doesn't EXACTLY apply... but IT IS CRIMINAL, DON'T YOU AGREE, THAT I DIDN'T WIN?
The Okie Blogger Awards have been announced and for THE VERY FIRST TIME SINCE THE EVENT'S INCEPTION I DID NOT WIN A SINGLE AWARD.
I KNOW, right?
How can this be possible?
OH SURE, congratulations to all the other blahblahblahwhatever.
Good job. Yeah.
My podcast did NOT win, so I can only assume that those people who voted did not listen to it. I mean REALLY. Just look at my sidebar, for crap's sake! LOOK!
AAAAND once again (the much over-rated, in my opinion) Pioneer Woman's blog won many awards... although to my knowledge, in the past she has never even acknowledged the awards.
SUCH GRATITUDE.
Which just goes to show that sycophants rule the voting, hoping for her to drip some attention atop their silly little Okie heads.
I WAS ROBBED.
Is all I'm saying.
I totally feel like Beyonce right now.
And where the fuck is my Kanye?
**this post isalmost entirely tongue-in-cheek so do not get your little red-dirt panties all up in your crack about it. Serious congrats to all the very deserving winners! Well done.
Okay, maybe "hue and cry" doesn't EXACTLY apply... but IT IS CRIMINAL, DON'T YOU AGREE, THAT I DIDN'T WIN?
The Okie Blogger Awards have been announced and for THE VERY FIRST TIME SINCE THE EVENT'S INCEPTION I DID NOT WIN A SINGLE AWARD.
I KNOW, right?
How can this be possible?
OH SURE, congratulations to all the other blahblahblahwhatever.
Good job. Yeah.
My podcast did NOT win, so I can only assume that those people who voted did not listen to it. I mean REALLY. Just look at my sidebar, for crap's sake! LOOK!
AAAAND once again (the much over-rated, in my opinion) Pioneer Woman's blog won many awards... although to my knowledge, in the past she has never even acknowledged the awards.
SUCH GRATITUDE.
Which just goes to show that sycophants rule the voting, hoping for her to drip some attention atop their silly little Okie heads.
I WAS ROBBED.
Is all I'm saying.
I totally feel like Beyonce right now.
And where the fuck is my Kanye?
**this post is
Sunday, February 21, 2010
3 Things That No Male Should Ever Say, Write, or Text
...and no female over the age of, like, 12.
1. RAWK (it just looks stupid)
2. ROFFLES (It sounds like something you'd name one of those tiny, annoying, yappy little dogs)
3. AWESOMESAUCE (It sounds vaguely dirty and sexual. Which normally I go for, but still...)
YOU ARE WELCOME.
1. RAWK (it just looks stupid)
2. ROFFLES (It sounds like something you'd name one of those tiny, annoying, yappy little dogs)
3. AWESOMESAUCE (It sounds vaguely dirty and sexual. Which normally I go for, but still...)
YOU ARE WELCOME.
Friday, February 19, 2010
The One In Which I Get All Yelly And Mean And Offend People
(well, maybe it's not the FIRST one in which I've gotten ranty and mean)
Okay, so the other day I was on Twitter and someone in my stream was involved in a conversation with people that I do not follow. I was interested enough to click through a few people (whom I ALSO do not follow) and came across some dude who was getting all judgy and shouting "HEY PEOPLE QUIT BITCHING ABOUT MISSING OUT ON SOCIAL EVENTS BECAUSE YOU HAVE KIDS! FAMILY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING! I WOULD GIVE UP ALL SOCIAL EVENTS IF I HAD MY KIDS FULL TIME!"
Or words to that effect.
And I agree - family IS the important thing.
But here's the what: You DON'T have your kid(s) full time. You have ZERO FUCKING IDEA what it's like to have your kids with you 24 hours a day. ZERO. NONE. NADA.
You're FREE to flit about at a moment's notice. You're free to drop what you're doing when your friends call and say HEY MEET ME AT THE BAR/RESTAURANT/BEACH/WHATEVER.
You don't have to have 3 weeks advance notice so that you can arrange a babysitter.
Also? If you have "regular" or "normal" kids that you can leave alone, you STILL have no idea what MY life is like.
I realize that we ALL have things we take for granted, even when we don't mean to. But I resent people who think like THAT guy trying to make people like me (oh, not ME personally, I don't even know the dude) feel bad for occasionally wishing for a short escape from family.
My twins just turned 15... and I have been a single parent for about 13 of those years.
My son is severely disabled, as most of you know -- he's like an infant. He doesn't do anything for himself, he can't hold a cup, he has to be fed and lifted and carried and diapered.
You can image the number of babysitters, including family, who are just CLAMORING to sit for me. Uh huh.
(If you guessed "NONE", you would be correct)(that is NOT A COMPLAINT, it is a simple FACT)
Besides the fact that I can't AFFORD a nanny or babysitting service, not many people want to be responsible for watching a kid who is heavy but has to be lifted, who has to be cared for as though he is a 3 month old, who has a seizure disorder.
They say "it's scary". And so it is.
I AM NOT COMPLAINING. I AM SUPREMELY HAPPY AND THANKFUL FOR EVERY DAY THAT MY CHILDREN DRAW BREATH. I am not blaming anyone for the way things are, for my situation. I deal with it, I try not to bitch about it very often - it's my job as a parent.
But I am mostly tied to my house. My son is too heavy to carry and he has a special wheelchair, not a regular one that can just fold in half, so it takes about 20-30 minutes just to take it apart to load it in the car.
I go practically NOWHERE except to work while the kids are in school. Or to the grocery store. And for the last 2 years I have been so lucky to get away for a weekend to go to Blogher, and it took at least 2 months of arranging to get THAT figured out, even though it was their FATHER who was to have them at that time.
AND since we're on the subject: working at a daycare, being a camp counselor or a teenage babysitter is a whole different animal than being a parent. The feelings you have are different, the LEVEL of the feelings you have are different, your thought processes are different.
So if I say I'm sad to miss out on this event or that social gathering, don't tell me how I SHOULD act, how I SHOULD feel, how I SHOULD parent.
Don't you DARE imply that I am LESS THAN AN EXCELLENT PARENT simply because I might occasionally say "OH I WISH I COULD GO TO 'this event' OR 'that social gathering'".
You talk to me when you've walked a couple of miles in my shoes. Until then? SHUT YOUR LAMEHOLE.
And also, fuck you and the high horse you rode in on, pal.
Okay, so the other day I was on Twitter and someone in my stream was involved in a conversation with people that I do not follow. I was interested enough to click through a few people (whom I ALSO do not follow) and came across some dude who was getting all judgy and shouting "HEY PEOPLE QUIT BITCHING ABOUT MISSING OUT ON SOCIAL EVENTS BECAUSE YOU HAVE KIDS! FAMILY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING! I WOULD GIVE UP ALL SOCIAL EVENTS IF I HAD MY KIDS FULL TIME!"
Or words to that effect.
And I agree - family IS the important thing.
But here's the what: You DON'T have your kid(s) full time. You have ZERO FUCKING IDEA what it's like to have your kids with you 24 hours a day. ZERO. NONE. NADA.
You're FREE to flit about at a moment's notice. You're free to drop what you're doing when your friends call and say HEY MEET ME AT THE BAR/RESTAURANT/BEACH/WHATEVER.
You don't have to have 3 weeks advance notice so that you can arrange a babysitter.
Also? If you have "regular" or "normal" kids that you can leave alone, you STILL have no idea what MY life is like.
I realize that we ALL have things we take for granted, even when we don't mean to. But I resent people who think like THAT guy trying to make people like me (oh, not ME personally, I don't even know the dude) feel bad for occasionally wishing for a short escape from family.
My twins just turned 15... and I have been a single parent for about 13 of those years.
My son is severely disabled, as most of you know -- he's like an infant. He doesn't do anything for himself, he can't hold a cup, he has to be fed and lifted and carried and diapered.
You can image the number of babysitters, including family, who are just CLAMORING to sit for me. Uh huh.
(If you guessed "NONE", you would be correct)(that is NOT A COMPLAINT, it is a simple FACT)
Besides the fact that I can't AFFORD a nanny or babysitting service, not many people want to be responsible for watching a kid who is heavy but has to be lifted, who has to be cared for as though he is a 3 month old, who has a seizure disorder.
They say "it's scary". And so it is.
I AM NOT COMPLAINING. I AM SUPREMELY HAPPY AND THANKFUL FOR EVERY DAY THAT MY CHILDREN DRAW BREATH. I am not blaming anyone for the way things are, for my situation. I deal with it, I try not to bitch about it very often - it's my job as a parent.
But I am mostly tied to my house. My son is too heavy to carry and he has a special wheelchair, not a regular one that can just fold in half, so it takes about 20-30 minutes just to take it apart to load it in the car.
I go practically NOWHERE except to work while the kids are in school. Or to the grocery store. And for the last 2 years I have been so lucky to get away for a weekend to go to Blogher, and it took at least 2 months of arranging to get THAT figured out, even though it was their FATHER who was to have them at that time.
AND since we're on the subject: working at a daycare, being a camp counselor or a teenage babysitter is a whole different animal than being a parent. The feelings you have are different, the LEVEL of the feelings you have are different, your thought processes are different.
So if I say I'm sad to miss out on this event or that social gathering, don't tell me how I SHOULD act, how I SHOULD feel, how I SHOULD parent.
Don't you DARE imply that I am LESS THAN AN EXCELLENT PARENT simply because I might occasionally say "OH I WISH I COULD GO TO 'this event' OR 'that social gathering'".
You talk to me when you've walked a couple of miles in my shoes. Until then? SHUT YOUR LAMEHOLE.
And also, fuck you and the high horse you rode in on, pal.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY BABIES!
Dear God, I have to teach you how to drive this year.
Someone hold me. I'm frightened
The story. AGAIN. (yes, it is a re-re-re-repost. I'm not much of a composer of stories, I don't write in pretty phrases and flowery language...so just look at the pictures and I think you can follow right along.
THE DUE DATE: June 4. But oh no, my impatient children arrived February 13, 1995.
Born at 24 weeks after 24 hours of labor, which the doctors tried to stop.
My son came first, in the usual way. (in this picture he was actually one month and one day old)
As they were wheeling me to recovery, my daughter's heart rate dropped to zero, and she was removed by emergency C-section fifty-six minutes after her brother was delivered. (and she is one month and one day old here)
I was stapled from head to toe, practically. Or at least that's how I felt.
And I fell in love with morphine.
In recovery I heard my mom & stepmom talking about the children~I told everyone to shut up shut up shut up because I didn't want to hear that they had died.
But they hadn't. Thank you, God.
Barely over a single pound each. Barely 12 inches long.
They struggled for every single breath. They fought to live.
And so they did.
Thank you, God.
For this little miracle....(my girl at about 2 months)
and this little miracle...(my boy at about 3 or 4 months)
The doctors gave them less than a 50% chance of survival.
Fortunately they got my stubborn genes.
My girl here is about a year and a half old, this is one of my favorite pictures of her~she looks so pensive.
And here is my sister with two skinny little babies:
One morning I discovered that my daughter knew how to climb into her brother's crib..
And she always....
...always has loved him best.
(yes, her mouth is blue...she was putting eye shadow on. On her lips. Yep. You should have seen what she did to me earlier that day with lipstick...whilst I was catnapping on the couch.)
When she was about two, this is what "Go get ready for bed" meant:
Already trying to fill mommy's shoes, trailing that damned oxygen hose behind her (that I tripped on a thousand and one times):
Here's my little guy at about 6 or 7 months old, when he finally got to come home from the hospital...
He had the softest, wispiest hair so I let it grow and grow...
How could I not believe in a higher power? In miracles?
I love you, my babies. I'm thankful for every breath that you take, every blink of your eyes, every morning that you wake. I love you with everything inside me.
You make me laugh, you make me cry, you make me want to smack you upside your heads.
If all the world was a beach, I would love you more than all the grains of sand added together. Times ten million.
Happy, happy birthday.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Oklahomies are OOOOKAAAYYY
I bet you had NO idea there were so many great bloggers from Okieland (BESIDES ME I MEAN, DOY), did you?
Check 'em out -- and if YOU are a BLOGGER and are in OKLAHOMA, you can vote for your favorites in the Oklahoma Blog Awards!
Check 'em out -- and if YOU are a BLOGGER and are in OKLAHOMA, you can vote for your favorites in the Oklahoma Blog Awards!
Monday, February 08, 2010
*SLACKER*
Head over to my podcast page for more "new" (oKAY, newly POSTED) episodes!
Some are less crappy than others. You'll just have to listen for yourself.
Some are less crappy than others. You'll just have to listen for yourself.
NEW YORK! NEW YORK!
It seems like Blogher ’09 was just yesterday, but I can’t believe that we are all making plans for BlogHer 2010 already! Last year was the best – the sessions were informative, the networking was great, the parties were fun, but the best part was that my fiends (no, that is not a typo), @jamimiami, @fabgirl & @pprlisa, came along for the ride. Of course, they laid in bed, shopped, ate and drank while SOME of us were learning, but it was great to hang out with them at night at the parties.
We met and re-met so many great people and had so much fun at the parties – but no reminiscing of BlogHer 2009 can be complete without mention of Karl Erikson’s karaoke version of “You Can Leave Your Hat on” with back up from @jennyonthespot (Who we call Vanilla Ice for her later performance). For some of us *koff@pprlisakoff*, it was the highlight of the entire weekend.
Besides my quick recap of last year’s event, I kept meaning to do some reviews of the awesome products I got at the Expo, because it has to be THE best expo of any conference I have ever attended. But since I am busy (READ: lazy), I never got around to it. Which, really, is pretty much the story of my life.
So in the interest of MAKING THINGS PERFECTLY CLEAR...
Some upcoming posts will highlight my experience with the products I liked best from the BlogHer 2009 expo and NO ONE IS COMPENSATING ME IN ANY WAY FOR ANYTHING. It is simply a blatant (AND! TRANSPARENT! BECAUSE I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU ALL LOVE THAT WORD!) attempt to draw attention to myself so that maybe some company will be all HEY WEAR MY T-SHIRT AND I WILL BUY YOUR PLANE TICKET TO BLOGHER '10! and I will be all OKAY! DEAL! HOW ABOUT SOME FAKE TATS TO HAND OUT BECAUSE COOL! and then they can be all GREAT IDEA! I LOVE IT! YOU'RE THE BEST! I'LL PAY FOR YOUR HOTEL ROOM TOO!
Shut up, it could happen.
P.S. Parts of this post may or may not have been ghost written because I am JUST THAT BUSY AND IMPORTANT, y'all.
We met and re-met so many great people and had so much fun at the parties – but no reminiscing of BlogHer 2009 can be complete without mention of Karl Erikson’s karaoke version of “You Can Leave Your Hat on” with back up from @jennyonthespot (Who we call Vanilla Ice for her later performance). For some of us *koff@pprlisakoff*, it was the highlight of the entire weekend.
Besides my quick recap of last year’s event, I kept meaning to do some reviews of the awesome products I got at the Expo, because it has to be THE best expo of any conference I have ever attended. But since I am busy (READ: lazy), I never got around to it. Which, really, is pretty much the story of my life.
So in the interest of MAKING THINGS PERFECTLY CLEAR...
Some upcoming posts will highlight my experience with the products I liked best from the BlogHer 2009 expo and NO ONE IS COMPENSATING ME IN ANY WAY FOR ANYTHING. It is simply a blatant (AND! TRANSPARENT! BECAUSE I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU ALL LOVE THAT WORD!) attempt to draw attention to myself so that maybe some company will be all HEY WEAR MY T-SHIRT AND I WILL BUY YOUR PLANE TICKET TO BLOGHER '10! and I will be all OKAY! DEAL! HOW ABOUT SOME FAKE TATS TO HAND OUT BECAUSE COOL! and then they can be all GREAT IDEA! I LOVE IT! YOU'RE THE BEST! I'LL PAY FOR YOUR HOTEL ROOM TOO!
Shut up, it could happen.
P.S. Parts of this post may or may not have been ghost written because I am JUST THAT BUSY AND IMPORTANT, y'all.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Why I Hate People #87458
I will never understand why people get all smug, self-righteous, supercilious, smirky, and a bunch of other S words over online dating services.
"OH, I would NEVER use eHarmony/match.com/yahoo personals to find a date! It's just too ickytackygross for WORDS!"
"Really? Too bad. So, how did you meet your spouse?"
"We met on Facebook/Twitter/adult chat room/playing World of Warcraft."
Here's a clue, Sherlock: Online dating is online dating, no matter whether you use an "introduction" service like eharmony/match.com or not. You can try to pretty it up and rationalize all you want, but the end result is the same.
Srsly.
"OH, I would NEVER use eHarmony/match.com/yahoo personals to find a date! It's just too ickytackygross for WORDS!"
"Really? Too bad. So, how did you meet your spouse?"
"We met on Facebook/Twitter/adult chat room/playing World of Warcraft."
Here's a clue, Sherlock: Online dating is online dating, no matter whether you use an "introduction" service like eharmony/match.com or not. You can try to pretty it up and rationalize all you want, but the end result is the same.
Srsly.
Monday, February 01, 2010
The "L" Word(s) (#BlogHer5)
I attended my first ever BlogHer conference two years ago, and I was honored to speak on a panel there. I can only hope that someone who may have needed to hear what I had to say managed to find some comfort, some benefit.
It was one of the best weekends of my life, on so many levels.
Also? First time ever in San Francisco!
Then last year, due to the beautiful and fabulous women of Blogher who managed to find a task for me, AND the extremely generous hearts of some BFFs, I was lucky enough to be able to attend again last year.
ANOTHER best weekend of my whole life.
Also? First time ever in Chicago!
THIS summer I'm hoping to attend BlogHer '10.
Also? It'll be my first time ever in New York City!
So they're holding a 5th Anniversary BlogHer Contest for free passes to the conference... perhaps they'll draw my name. Or perhaps they'll assign me a task, because I am always willing to WORK FOR FOOD OR BLOGHER.
I'm choosing to "Define BlogHer In Five Words".
I'm also choosing only "L" words.
Laughter: I laughed until I cried (and nearly peed my pants) more times than I can count - sometimes in sessions, sometimes with just-met friends, sometimes with long-time friends. It was healing, it was beautiful, it was fantastic.
Learning: With so many brilliant and accomplished women surrounding me, how could I NOT learn something? I didn't even have to try, I only had to listen to their stories.
Longevity: BlogHer will be around much longer than I am - it has grown larger and more wonderful, more inclusive, every year. Also? Many of the deepest friendships I have were grown from BlogHer seeds.
Life Support: Finding women who really do understand where I've been, what I've lived... it's priceless. Being able to turn to these people and ask for help, ask for a shoulder, ask for a hug... I've been propped up in so many ways by what I've read and heard and experienced from these amazing BlogHer women (and BlogHims, too!)
Liquor
Lush
Lucid
OH YEAH...
Love: I got it, I gave it, I was enveloped in it.
Thanks, BlogHer.
It was one of the best weekends of my life, on so many levels.
Also? First time ever in San Francisco!
Then last year, due to the beautiful and fabulous women of Blogher who managed to find a task for me, AND the extremely generous hearts of some BFFs, I was lucky enough to be able to attend again last year.
ANOTHER best weekend of my whole life.
Also? First time ever in Chicago!
THIS summer I'm hoping to attend BlogHer '10.
Also? It'll be my first time ever in New York City!
So they're holding a 5th Anniversary BlogHer Contest for free passes to the conference... perhaps they'll draw my name. Or perhaps they'll assign me a task, because I am always willing to WORK FOR FOOD OR BLOGHER.
I'm choosing to "Define BlogHer In Five Words".
I'm also choosing only "L" words.
Laughter: I laughed until I cried (and nearly peed my pants) more times than I can count - sometimes in sessions, sometimes with just-met friends, sometimes with long-time friends. It was healing, it was beautiful, it was fantastic.
Learning: With so many brilliant and accomplished women surrounding me, how could I NOT learn something? I didn't even have to try, I only had to listen to their stories.
Longevity: BlogHer will be around much longer than I am - it has grown larger and more wonderful, more inclusive, every year. Also? Many of the deepest friendships I have were grown from BlogHer seeds.
Life Support: Finding women who really do understand where I've been, what I've lived... it's priceless. Being able to turn to these people and ask for help, ask for a shoulder, ask for a hug... I've been propped up in so many ways by what I've read and heard and experienced from these amazing BlogHer women (and BlogHims, too!)
OH YEAH...
Love: I got it, I gave it, I was enveloped in it.
Thanks, BlogHer.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Reading Between The Lines ...
A companion guide to Lost In Translation.
What I said: "It's great that you're so...passionate...about that."
What I meant: "Seriously you just rambled and raved like a drunken sailor coming off a 21 day binge."
What I said: "Nice!"
What I meant: "I have no idea what you said, I tuned you out 10 minutes ago because I was I was about to pass out from sheer boredom."
What I said: "That sucks for you!"
What I meant: "Sucks to be you. Heh."
What I said: "Sounds interesting!"
What I meant: "MUST.KEEP.EYES.FROM.ROLLING."
What I said: "No, of course I didn't mean YOU."
What I meant: "OF COURSE I MEANT YOU, DOUCHEBAG."
What I said: "I hate people."
What I meant: "I hate people."
What I said: "It's great that you're so...passionate...about that."
What I meant: "Seriously you just rambled and raved like a drunken sailor coming off a 21 day binge."
What I said: "Nice!"
What I meant: "I have no idea what you said, I tuned you out 10 minutes ago because I was I was about to pass out from sheer boredom."
What I said: "That sucks for you!"
What I meant: "Sucks to be you. Heh."
What I said: "Sounds interesting!"
What I meant: "MUST.KEEP.EYES.FROM.ROLLING."
What I said: "No, of course I didn't mean YOU."
What I meant: "OF COURSE I MEANT YOU, DOUCHEBAG."
What I said: "I hate people."
What I meant: "I hate people."
Monday, January 18, 2010
DAMMIT.
I haven't gotten on ANY Mom Central blog tours in a looooong time.
Remember when I used to have LOTS of stuff to review?
Good times.
I guess I have to blog so they will LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT MEEEEEEE!!!!
Dear ANY COMPANY WHO WANTS SOME ADVERTISEMENT:
Please sponsor me for BLOGHER this year... because I'm really really really really tired of all the same old "Popular" crowd getting all the goods (yeah MAYTAG I'm lookin' at YOU).
I need $$ to get me to BlogHer (NEW YORK CITY, BABY! I've never been there!)and in return I will add you to my business cards, wear your clothing, give out bumper stickers or luggage tags or lapel pins (or Mini-B.O.B.s! WOO) with both our names or logos or websites.
COME ON. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.
I haven't gotten on ANY Mom Central blog tours in a looooong time.
Remember when I used to have LOTS of stuff to review?
Good times.
I guess I have to blog so they will LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT MEEEEEEE!!!!
Dear ANY COMPANY WHO WANTS SOME ADVERTISEMENT:
Please sponsor me for BLOGHER this year... because I'm really really really really tired of all the same old "Popular" crowd getting all the goods (yeah MAYTAG I'm lookin' at YOU).
I need $$ to get me to BlogHer (NEW YORK CITY, BABY! I've never been there!)and in return I will add you to my business cards, wear your clothing, give out bumper stickers or luggage tags or lapel pins (or Mini-B.O.B.s! WOO) with both our names or logos or websites.
COME ON. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.
Thursday, January 07, 2010
A mournful day.
There's this guy I know... we met on Twitter.com.
He's the pioneer of the podiobook, he's an engaging author, he's incredibly generous with his time, his knowledge, and his very self.
I'm speaking of Tee Morris.
He was a guest on my radio show. He has made promos for so many podcasters. He's given so much to the podcasting community.
Unfortunately, sadly, I found out today that Tee suddenly lost his wife, Natalie. My heart goes out to him and his young daughter, who he calls Sonic Boom.
Please READ THIS POST by Tee's dear friend Philippa and do whatever you can to help.
We podcasters need to take care of our own.
Dear Tee, I'm so very sorry. I wish I could do more to help.
He's the pioneer of the podiobook, he's an engaging author, he's incredibly generous with his time, his knowledge, and his very self.
I'm speaking of Tee Morris.
He was a guest on my radio show. He has made promos for so many podcasters. He's given so much to the podcasting community.
Unfortunately, sadly, I found out today that Tee suddenly lost his wife, Natalie. My heart goes out to him and his young daughter, who he calls Sonic Boom.
Please READ THIS POST by Tee's dear friend Philippa and do whatever you can to help.
We podcasters need to take care of our own.
Dear Tee, I'm so very sorry. I wish I could do more to help.
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