Wednesday, March 03, 2010

B.O.B. Helps Those Who Help Themselves... ifyouknowwhatImean

Sex is natural! Sex is FUN! ~George Michael (a little mood music?)

So, you know, I don't talk about sex & stuff all THAT often around here... I mean HEY I like sex as much as the next girl (unless the next girl is like, Linda Lovelace or Jenna Jameson, in which case I have to say that I do not love sex QUITE that much), but unless I gots a little some'm some'm going on in my life there's really not much to say.

But I have this friend.
NO REALLY.

A friend who is NOT ME.
Unfortunately I can't use her name because her lawyers served me with a Cease & Desist order when I simply tried browbeating and threatening her asked her to sign the release form.

For the purposes of this post, we'll call her Kate.

ANYWAY.

Kate and I and some other girls were chatting, and as all males of the species know OF COURSE when women get together we discuss sex, men, and kids only.
Well it comes about that our friend Kate has never had a date with B.O.B. (that's Battery Operated Boyfriend, for the two of you who didn't know that).
I KNOW, I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER.

Naturally I use any opportunity to plug (hahahaha! I said "plug"!)(not THAT kind of plug, pervy mcperverson)(because EW) my favorite place to shop for that sort of thing, EdenFantasys. (FYI: If you're shy about going into an "adult toy store", then DEFINITELY visit EdenFantasys.Com)

EVERY woman should have at least one B.O.B -- many of us have more than one because... well, sometimes you want to be treated like a princess and sometimes you want to be a ho workin' girl.

Kate does not even have a basic "Silver (or in this case, PINK) Bullet", which is a must for amateurs.

I was just ASTONISHED to learn that there are more of you pathetic uptight repressed sad B.O.B-less people than I thought.

So I got together with my friends from EdenFantasys and we decided to help you out a little.

WE ARE HAVING A CONTEST! A CONTEST I SAY! WITH PRIZES!


THE PRIZE: A $25 GIFT CERTIFICATE from EdenFantasys.Com, which you could use toward the purchase of a supasexy B.O.B. like Kissa**.
Body safe! Waterproof! Environmentally sound! (Going GREEN with PINK?)
**For the more advanced "dater", perhaps, NOT KATES.



HERE'S THE WHAT:
YOUR PART: Email me (redneckmama1ATgmailDOTcom) the stories of your BIGGEST SEX DISASTER by MIDNIGHT CENTRAL TIME on SUNDAY MARCH 7th.

Did you fart during sex? Did your vagina ever eat a condom (or was that just me?)? Fall off the bed and get severely injured? Get caught? Get SOMETHING caught in a zipper or button?
TELL US EVERYTHING.

MY PART: I will post your stories here each day, where they will be reviewed by an expert panel of judges: Finn from A Life Less Ordinary, Secondhand Karl, and possibly one other judge.
If anyone knows about sex, it's these former prostitutes people.
They will ultimately choose the winner and runner-up.




P.S.
DEAR KATE: Just in case, here are a couple of guides to help you find your perfect B.O.B.(s). Remember, B.O.B. is there for YOU. Also B.O.B. will never leave whiskers in the sink, skidmarks in his boxers, or expect you to cook dinner and/or breakfast.
Here's a BEGINNER'S GUIDE for you and when you're ready, you can check out The VROOM.

YOU. ARE. WELCOME.



Disclaimer #1: Contest is sponsored (transparently!) by EdenFantasys.Com Adult Sex Toy Store, although I would have written the post with or without them. MANY, MANY, MANY THANKS for sponsoring the contest and providing the prize, EdenFantasys.com!

Disclaimer #2: Mostly I wanted to have the contest for my own amusement because I like hearing your embarrassing stories and later I will make fun of you behind your back.

Disclaimer #3: We do not discriminate against sex. We hope you're FOR and not against, but whatever. OH YEAH also I mean boys can enter the contest too.
Post a Comment