WOO!
So if you did NOT get a chance to send me your sex story (or even if you DID), you'll want a second chance to WIN WIN WIN something niiiiiiiiiiiiice from Eden Fantasys.
SEND Karl your CRAZIEST, FUNNIEST SEX STORIES.
I can't wait to read 'em.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Sharing the (self)Love...
My sweet, sexy pal Karl (you may remember him from my recent CONTEST with Eden Fantasys) is a big copycat having a contest of his own!!
WOO!
So if you did NOT get a chance to send me your sex story (or even if you DID), you'll want a second chance to WIN WIN WIN something niiiiiiiiiiiiice from Eden Fantasys.
SEND Karl your CRAZIEST, FUNNIEST SEX STORIES.
I can't wait to read 'em.
WOO!
So if you did NOT get a chance to send me your sex story (or even if you DID), you'll want a second chance to WIN WIN WIN something niiiiiiiiiiiiice from Eden Fantasys.
SEND Karl your CRAZIEST, FUNNIEST SEX STORIES.
I can't wait to read 'em.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
I only wish I'd have been able to write so well.
Why I Think Social Media Is Full of Douchebags.
These guys just said it WAY BETTER.
Oh Shankman, I love you for this: "If we want to continue to be taken seriously as an industry, we need to remember that we’re not rock stars. We’re not playing sold out stadiums, and we’re most certainly not curing diseases, or helping mal-nourished kids get food or get healthy by writing a fucking treastise on how you can market your brand better by using FourSquare.
And from Thomas Myerman, something with which I OFTEN take issue: "...the whole laughable routine where you pull that "You don't know who I am?" face and mug for your sycophantic entourage."
Well done, gentlemen.
Let's hope that the Film/Music part of SxSW is full of better-behaved people.
These guys just said it WAY BETTER.
Oh Shankman, I love you for this: "If we want to continue to be taken seriously as an industry, we need to remember that we’re not rock stars. We’re not playing sold out stadiums, and we’re most certainly not curing diseases, or helping mal-nourished kids get food or get healthy by writing a fucking treastise on how you can market your brand better by using FourSquare.
And from Thomas Myerman, something with which I OFTEN take issue: "...the whole laughable routine where you pull that "You don't know who I am?" face and mug for your sycophantic entourage."
Well done, gentlemen.
Let's hope that the Film/Music part of SxSW is full of better-behaved people.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
SxSW: A Top 10 List
Last year my friend Lisa (you may recognize her from Twitter as @pprlisa) made me laugh (EVEN THOUGH SHE IS NOT THE FUNNY ONE, LET ME MAKE THAT CLEAR) when she came up with this Top Ten Reasons I Didn't Go To SxSW --that's "South by Southwest" for you unwashed uninitiated undesirables. #GoogleIt
Someday I wouldn't mind going, but not for the tech stuff because frankly I find that a total yawnfest but HEY THAT'S JUST ME.
I would LOVE to go for the Film and/or Music (in case any large or midsize company would like to sponsor me for the 2011 conference)(COME ON)(YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO).
ANYWAY.
(I was going to say "But I Digress" right there but those of you who've been reading this blog for a long time know that I hate that particular phrase because it is MORE OVERUSED THAN "MONETIZE")
(also possibly more overused than parentheses in this post)
SO.
I didn't think it possible, but PPRLisa has come up with something even better, funnier, and, as usual, on the cutting edge...
The 2nd Annual "Top 10 Reasons I Didn't Go To SxSW" List
10. Someone has to do all of the chores on 20,000+ Farmville Farms
9. Embarrassed that Guru status was revoked for excessive fake hashtaggery
8. Speaking submission titled “Does my prezo topic really matter when everyone’s in the hall hungover” was rejected
7. Rent-A-Wreck was the only car company to sponsor my drive to the show
6. Taking advantage of the mass exodus from Boston to become Mayor of EVERYTHING #FourSquare
5. Saving up my excuses for "going-to-a-conference-but-attending-nothing-but-parties" for BlogHer
4. Already met up with all of the social media elite that I wanted to see on Chatroulette earlier today
3. If @marketingprofs doesn't go, I don't go #suckup #pander
2. Lost my GPS and ended up going to NxSE
and the number one reason @pprlisa did not go to SxSW this year....
1. Can't show my face in social media circles after putting on a trench coat & trying to get in on the Vanity Fair cover
I'm only hoping the inevitable TechKaraoke videos have someone singing "Pants On The Ground" this year.
Someday I wouldn't mind going, but not for the tech stuff because frankly I find that a total yawnfest but HEY THAT'S JUST ME.
I would LOVE to go for the Film and/or Music (in case any large or midsize company would like to sponsor me for the 2011 conference)(COME ON)(YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO).
ANYWAY.
(I was going to say "But I Digress" right there but those of you who've been reading this blog for a long time know that I hate that particular phrase because it is MORE OVERUSED THAN "MONETIZE")
(also possibly more overused than parentheses in this post)
SO.
I didn't think it possible, but PPRLisa has come up with something even better, funnier, and, as usual, on the cutting edge...
10. Someone has to do all of the chores on 20,000+ Farmville Farms
9. Embarrassed that Guru status was revoked for excessive fake hashtaggery
8. Speaking submission titled “Does my prezo topic really matter when everyone’s in the hall hungover” was rejected
7. Rent-A-Wreck was the only car company to sponsor my drive to the show
6. Taking advantage of the mass exodus from Boston to become Mayor of EVERYTHING #FourSquare
5. Saving up my excuses for "going-to-a-conference-but-attending-nothing-but-parties" for BlogHer
4. Already met up with all of the social media elite that I wanted to see on Chatroulette earlier today
3. If @marketingprofs doesn't go, I don't go #suckup #pander
2. Lost my GPS and ended up going to NxSE
and the number one reason @pprlisa did not go to SxSW this year....
1. Can't show my face in social media circles after putting on a trench coat & trying to get in on the Vanity Fair cover
I'm only hoping the inevitable TechKaraoke videos have someone singing "Pants On The Ground" this year.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
And The KISSA* Goes To...
*Check out KISSA! Just one of the many exciting and fun things you could get with your gift card from Eden Fantasys!
TIME TO ANNOUNCE OUR WINNER!
It was a close race, I must say... and I want to give a HUGE thank you to all of you who humiliated yourselves by sharing your most embarrassing and/or disastrous sex stories.
It will totally be worth it though, when you get over to the Eden Fantasys website and see all the supadupa sexy things you can put that gift certificate toward (like kegelcisers! or lingerie!).
I wish *I* had won.
Or entered.
But I guess that wouldn't be all "ethical" or "right" or "unbiased" or "fair" since I was running the contest.
WHAT. EVER.
You people and your "rules" about things.
ANYway.
After much careful consideration, collaboration, conversation, and possibly someconstipation collusion, our esteemed judges Secondhand Karl (what does he do FIRSTHAND, I wonder??) and The Beauteous Finn have announced their choices.
All the stories were entertaining (and somewhat frightening, in some cases), but the judges were unanimous:
THE RUNNER UP, taking home the fake silver medal and a $15 iTunes Gift Card is....
CONTESTANT #5! TRACY Y!
Karl sez: "That's the sexiest entrance into a bedroom I've ever heard of."
Finn sez:: "I choose it because that is something that would happen to me the one and only time I'd ever get to have sex with Colin Farrell."
Her story:
My boyfriend at the time had, unbeknownst to me, put new sheets on his bed as in brand new, never seen before sheets. He invited me over for a PJs and movie night and I wore these look-ordinary-at-first-glimpse fetching red PJs in a lovely satin with only one button of the top actually fastened. I can't even remember the movie we were watching because we spent most of the time making out and heavy petting but I refused to let him get the top off me, it was my game for the night...not until the movie was over and we were in the bedroom.
Well, he had made up the bed with the sexy new sheets he had bought and turned down the covers beforehand. The movie ends and I jump up and run to his bedroom and jump into the bed and promptly slide all the way across the bed, off the other side, airborne for a moment before I slam into the wall. The new sheets? Silk. Silk+satin=one heck of a slide.
I slid to a heap, a bit dazed and confused. There was much application of ice to the side of my face that impacted with the wall. Needless to say, my MASSIVE headache put a huge damper on the mood for the night. Though for the next week, people would ask me how I ended up with all the bruises on my face and give me the strangest looks when I said "I ran into a wall."
Let's give her a round of applause for her GRACE and COORDINATION.
Congratulations!
THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER, taking home the fake gold medal and supasexy $25 Gift Certificate from Eden Fantasys (THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING!) is...
CONTESTANT #2, JOHN C!
Finn sez: "There are just so many things wrong with that story that the hair on fire is kind of anticlimactic."
Karl sez: "A true romance story with scares, fires, and hot wax! There are places that charge good money to do those things to you."
HIS story:
So I had a friend who invited me down to Ft. Lauderdale a few years back, offering food and good, good times. After day three of my visit he held a little get together with a bunch of his friends and I hooked up with a lovely woman. Things got heavy and we wanted some "alone time". Seeing as how there was a condo full of people, we were desperately looking for a place to let it all out. We were rather a bit under the influence. I had an idea. There was the laundry room, a room that might have resembled a real life L shaped Tetris piece, a small area to the side that would be perfect. As we're in the process of exploring each others bodies I hear my phone give off an "Urgent" message. I check it to see my friend telling me this woman has a boyfriend and he's in the condo looking for her, hearing that that had been where she was. I HAD NO IDEA!!!!! Being in my then current situation and taking my friends advice, I stayed in the laundry room. I felt the damage was done and if I get in trouble for something, I might as well do it, dammit. And I wasn't going to fight some guy over a girl I had no idea was involved with anyone else. I'm a hopeless romantic, even on one night stands apparently! I had a few candles lit, two in the top corners of what would be the top of the stem on the "L" and a few above on a multi metal rod shelf, you know the ones mostly used in laundry rooms. After being in a few dominant positions I wanted a break and switched to the bottom.
A couple days before I had just started knotting my hair up before starting the dreading process.
The only bad part of that situation is that when I flipped to be on the bottom I had situated myself much further towards the candles. In only a few moments of enjoying a great ride, the dark, candle lit room started to become a bit brighter.
My hair was on fire.
My dry, knotted hair had caught flames from the very same candles I placed in an area of the room no bigger than 6x3. Karma, some would say. If that's not bad enough, startled, we both jumped up and her head hit the shelf holding the other candles and they fell onto the top and panties she was wearing before. Though with neither of us feeling like stopping we laughed it off and had a great night. I had to shave my head because of the fire damage. I'm sure she had a hard time trying to explain why different colored wax was all over her panties and shirt. It's a memory i'll never forget.
LET'S HEAR IT FOR ALMOST-DREADLOCKED JOHN! Let's hope he uses his Eden Fantasys giftcard for something fireproof.
Thanks once again to ALL PARTICIPANTS and especially OUR SPONSOR, Eden Fantasys - the place where you can fulfill all your fantasies (or at least get the tools to make that happen) from the naked comfort of your own home.
TIME TO ANNOUNCE OUR WINNER!
It was a close race, I must say... and I want to give a HUGE thank you to all of you who humiliated yourselves by sharing your most embarrassing and/or disastrous sex stories.
It will totally be worth it though, when you get over to the Eden Fantasys website and see all the supadupa sexy things you can put that gift certificate toward (like kegelcisers! or lingerie!).
I wish *I* had won.
Or entered.
But I guess that wouldn't be all "ethical" or "right" or "unbiased" or "fair" since I was running the contest.
WHAT. EVER.
You people and your "rules" about things.
ANYway.
After much careful consideration, collaboration, conversation, and possibly some
All the stories were entertaining (and somewhat frightening, in some cases), but the judges were unanimous:
THE RUNNER UP, taking home the fake silver medal and a $15 iTunes Gift Card is....
CONTESTANT #5! TRACY Y!
Karl sez: "That's the sexiest entrance into a bedroom I've ever heard of."
Finn sez:: "I choose it because that is something that would happen to me the one and only time I'd ever get to have sex with Colin Farrell."
Her story:
My boyfriend at the time had, unbeknownst to me, put new sheets on his bed as in brand new, never seen before sheets. He invited me over for a PJs and movie night and I wore these look-ordinary-at-first-glimpse fetching red PJs in a lovely satin with only one button of the top actually fastened. I can't even remember the movie we were watching because we spent most of the time making out and heavy petting but I refused to let him get the top off me, it was my game for the night...not until the movie was over and we were in the bedroom.
Well, he had made up the bed with the sexy new sheets he had bought and turned down the covers beforehand. The movie ends and I jump up and run to his bedroom and jump into the bed and promptly slide all the way across the bed, off the other side, airborne for a moment before I slam into the wall. The new sheets? Silk. Silk+satin=one heck of a slide.
I slid to a heap, a bit dazed and confused. There was much application of ice to the side of my face that impacted with the wall. Needless to say, my MASSIVE headache put a huge damper on the mood for the night. Though for the next week, people would ask me how I ended up with all the bruises on my face and give me the strangest looks when I said "I ran into a wall."
Let's give her a round of applause for her GRACE and COORDINATION.
Congratulations!
THE GRAND PRIZE WINNER, taking home the fake gold medal and supasexy $25 Gift Certificate from Eden Fantasys (THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING!) is...
CONTESTANT #2, JOHN C!
Finn sez: "There are just so many things wrong with that story that the hair on fire is kind of anticlimactic."
Karl sez: "A true romance story with scares, fires, and hot wax! There are places that charge good money to do those things to you."
HIS story:
So I had a friend who invited me down to Ft. Lauderdale a few years back, offering food and good, good times. After day three of my visit he held a little get together with a bunch of his friends and I hooked up with a lovely woman. Things got heavy and we wanted some "alone time". Seeing as how there was a condo full of people, we were desperately looking for a place to let it all out. We were rather a bit under the influence. I had an idea. There was the laundry room, a room that might have resembled a real life L shaped Tetris piece, a small area to the side that would be perfect. As we're in the process of exploring each others bodies I hear my phone give off an "Urgent" message. I check it to see my friend telling me this woman has a boyfriend and he's in the condo looking for her, hearing that that had been where she was. I HAD NO IDEA!!!!! Being in my then current situation and taking my friends advice, I stayed in the laundry room. I felt the damage was done and if I get in trouble for something, I might as well do it, dammit. And I wasn't going to fight some guy over a girl I had no idea was involved with anyone else. I'm a hopeless romantic, even on one night stands apparently! I had a few candles lit, two in the top corners of what would be the top of the stem on the "L" and a few above on a multi metal rod shelf, you know the ones mostly used in laundry rooms. After being in a few dominant positions I wanted a break and switched to the bottom.
A couple days before I had just started knotting my hair up before starting the dreading process.
The only bad part of that situation is that when I flipped to be on the bottom I had situated myself much further towards the candles. In only a few moments of enjoying a great ride, the dark, candle lit room started to become a bit brighter.
My hair was on fire.
My dry, knotted hair had caught flames from the very same candles I placed in an area of the room no bigger than 6x3. Karma, some would say. If that's not bad enough, startled, we both jumped up and her head hit the shelf holding the other candles and they fell onto the top and panties she was wearing before. Though with neither of us feeling like stopping we laughed it off and had a great night. I had to shave my head because of the fire damage. I'm sure she had a hard time trying to explain why different colored wax was all over her panties and shirt. It's a memory i'll never forget.
LET'S HEAR IT FOR ALMOST-DREADLOCKED JOHN! Let's hope he uses his Eden Fantasys giftcard for something fireproof.
Thanks once again to ALL PARTICIPANTS and especially OUR SPONSOR, Eden Fantasys - the place where you can fulfill all your fantasies (or at least get the tools to make that happen) from the naked comfort of your own home.
Monday, March 08, 2010
Also I'd rather watch Drew on The Price Is Right
Dear THE VIEW:
See, wouldn't you have rather had ME on The View Moms panel instead of some of those namby-pamby mommybloggers? Because you can't get those "Oh, Joy's hair looked so cute today" and "HAHA Whoopi is so funny!" tweets just ANYWHERE, you know.
OH WAIT. Yes you can.
WHO'S SORRY NOW, HUH??
HUH??
Too late for you. I've moved on to sex toys which are way more funner anyway.
Yes I said FUNNER. On PURPOSE.
Love,
Me
See, wouldn't you have rather had ME on The View Moms panel instead of some of those namby-pamby mommybloggers? Because you can't get those "Oh, Joy's hair looked so cute today" and "HAHA Whoopi is so funny!" tweets just ANYWHERE, you know.
OH WAIT. Yes you can.
WHO'S SORRY NOW, HUH??
HUH??
Too late for you. I've moved on to sex toys which are way more funner anyway.
Yes I said FUNNER. On PURPOSE.
Love,
Me
Sunday, March 07, 2010
WAS MY FACE RED! Or something.
And away we go!
We've got some excellent entries so far... to keep things fair JUST in case any of thesexual deviants entrants are close personal friends with either of our esteemed judges, Secondhand Karl or Ms Finn, they will be referred to only by contestant number.
If you're just tuning in (and even better, if you'd like to play along and WIN WIN WIN a $25 Gift Certificate from Edenfantasys.com), check out THE WHAT RIGHT HERE.
HURRY! There's still time for you to enter!
Have a sample...
CONTESTANT #1:
Thankfully, the zoloft has not had any ill effects on my sex drive – of which I had none before. The zoloft, actually, has helped in that I don’t necessarily DISLIKE hubby all the time. So it was last night that I was feeling rather amorous and attacked suggested a little alone time. Just him, me and a new …ahem… adult “marital aid” that I’d bought ummm 5 months ago LOL Still in the package, even.
So, while he was taking a bath, I busted that baby out, set it on the bed and waited for hubby (who had agreed we could check out the new purchase).
And we did – and it was all fine and good… until...no, the batteries didn’t die.
.
no, the baby didn’t wake up.
.
no, the house didn’t catch on fire...
CONTESTANT #2:
So I had a friend who invited me down to Ft. Lauderdale a few years back, offering food and good, good times. After day three of my visit he held a little get together with a bunch of his friends and I hooked up with a lovely woman. Things got heavy and we wanted some "alone time". Seeing as how there was a condo full of people, we were desperately looking for a place to let it all out. We were rather a bit under the influence. I had an idea. There was the laundry room, a room that might have resembled a real life L shaped Tetris piece, a small area to the side that would be perfect. As we're in the process of exploring each others bodies ...
CONTESTANT #3:
Fortunately, I haven't had many disasters when it comes to sex. I've had the occasional "minute man" which is really more a disappointment than a disaster. However, my biggest sexual disaster was also some of the greatest sex ever.
During this aforementioned GREAT SEX, my guy decided to get a little rough. He started aggressively putting arms and legs exactly where he wanted them. This was fine with me. I'm a kinky kinda girl so there really are very few things off limits for me...
CONTESTANT #4:
This happened way back, around 1973 -- you know, right at the tail-end (heh) of the free-love '60s. I had gotten involved with a guy I met in my freshman year of college, who happened to be married. They had was what they called an "open marriage", in which each of them could have sex with other people, and it was cool. Well, it was certainly OK for the wifey to bang all the members of the band on the night I met her husband -- we slept on the couch at the party where he and I met, while she was out having fun all night...
CONTESTANT #5:
My boyfriend at the time had, unbeknownst to me, put new sheets on his bed as in brand new, never seen before sheets. He invited me over for a PJs and movie night and I wore these look-ordinary-at-first-glimpse fetching red PJs in a lovely satin with only one button of the top actually fastened. I can't even remember the movie we were watching because we spent most of the time making out and heavy petting...
We've got some excellent entries so far... to keep things fair JUST in case any of the
If you're just tuning in (and even better, if you'd like to play along and WIN WIN WIN a $25 Gift Certificate from Edenfantasys.com), check out THE WHAT RIGHT HERE.
HURRY! There's still time for you to enter!
Have a sample...
CONTESTANT #1:
Thankfully, the zoloft has not had any ill effects on my sex drive – of which I had none before. The zoloft, actually, has helped in that I don’t necessarily DISLIKE hubby all the time. So it was last night that I was feeling rather amorous and attacked suggested a little alone time. Just him, me and a new …ahem… adult “marital aid” that I’d bought ummm 5 months ago LOL Still in the package, even.
So, while he was taking a bath, I busted that baby out, set it on the bed and waited for hubby (who had agreed we could check out the new purchase).
And we did – and it was all fine and good… until...no, the batteries didn’t die.
.
no, the baby didn’t wake up.
.
no, the house didn’t catch on fire...
CONTESTANT #2:
So I had a friend who invited me down to Ft. Lauderdale a few years back, offering food and good, good times. After day three of my visit he held a little get together with a bunch of his friends and I hooked up with a lovely woman. Things got heavy and we wanted some "alone time". Seeing as how there was a condo full of people, we were desperately looking for a place to let it all out. We were rather a bit under the influence. I had an idea. There was the laundry room, a room that might have resembled a real life L shaped Tetris piece, a small area to the side that would be perfect. As we're in the process of exploring each others bodies ...
CONTESTANT #3:
Fortunately, I haven't had many disasters when it comes to sex. I've had the occasional "minute man" which is really more a disappointment than a disaster. However, my biggest sexual disaster was also some of the greatest sex ever.
During this aforementioned GREAT SEX, my guy decided to get a little rough. He started aggressively putting arms and legs exactly where he wanted them. This was fine with me. I'm a kinky kinda girl so there really are very few things off limits for me...
CONTESTANT #4:
This happened way back, around 1973 -- you know, right at the tail-end (heh) of the free-love '60s. I had gotten involved with a guy I met in my freshman year of college, who happened to be married. They had was what they called an "open marriage", in which each of them could have sex with other people, and it was cool. Well, it was certainly OK for the wifey to bang all the members of the band on the night I met her husband -- we slept on the couch at the party where he and I met, while she was out having fun all night...
CONTESTANT #5:
My boyfriend at the time had, unbeknownst to me, put new sheets on his bed as in brand new, never seen before sheets. He invited me over for a PJs and movie night and I wore these look-ordinary-at-first-glimpse fetching red PJs in a lovely satin with only one button of the top actually fastened. I can't even remember the movie we were watching because we spent most of the time making out and heavy petting...
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
B.O.B. Helps Those Who Help Themselves... ifyouknowwhatImean
Sex is natural! Sex is FUN! ~George Michael (a little mood music?)
So, you know, I don't talk about sex & stuff all THAT often around here... I mean HEY I like sex as much as the next girl (unless the next girl is like, Linda Lovelace or Jenna Jameson, in which case I have to say that I do not love sex QUITE that much), but unless I gots a little some'm some'm going on in my life there's really not much to say.
But I have this friend.
NO REALLY.
A friend who is NOT ME.
Unfortunately I can't use her name because her lawyers served me with a Cease & Desist order when I simplytried browbeating and threatening her asked her to sign the release form.
For the purposes of this post, we'll call her Kate.
ANYWAY.
Kate and I and some other girls were chatting, and as all males of the species know OF COURSE when women get together we discuss sex, men, and kids only.
Well it comes about that our friend Kate has never had a date with B.O.B. (that's Battery Operated Boyfriend, for the two of you who didn't know that).
I KNOW, I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER.
Naturally I use any opportunity to plug (hahahaha! I said "plug"!)(not THAT kind of plug, pervy mcperverson)(because EW) my favorite place to shop for that sort of thing, EdenFantasys. (FYI: If you're shy about going into an "adult toy store", then DEFINITELY visit EdenFantasys.Com)
EVERY woman should have at least one B.O.B -- many of us have more than one because... well, sometimes you want to be treated like a princess and sometimes you want to be aho workin' girl.
Kate does not even have a basic "Silver (or in this case, PINK) Bullet", which is a must for amateurs.
I was just ASTONISHED to learn that there are more of youpathetic uptight repressed sad B.O.B-less people than I thought.
So I got together with my friends from EdenFantasys and we decided to help you out a little.
THE PRIZE: A $25 GIFT CERTIFICATE from EdenFantasys.Com, which you could use toward the purchase of a supasexy B.O.B. like Kissa**.
Body safe! Waterproof! Environmentally sound! (Going GREEN with PINK?)
**For the more advanced "dater", perhaps, NOT KATES.
HERE'S THE WHAT:
YOUR PART: Email me (redneckmama1ATgmailDOTcom) the stories of your BIGGEST SEX DISASTER by MIDNIGHT CENTRAL TIME on SUNDAY MARCH 7th.
Did you fart during sex? Did your vagina ever eat a condom (or was that just me?)? Fall off the bed and get severely injured? Get caught? Get SOMETHING caught in a zipper or button?
TELL US EVERYTHING.
MY PART: I will post your stories here each day, where they will be reviewed by an expert panel of judges: Finn from A Life Less Ordinary, Secondhand Karl, and possibly one other judge.
If anyone knows about sex, it's theseformer prostitutes people.
They will ultimately choose the winner and runner-up.
P.S.
DEAR KATE: Just in case, here are a couple of guides to help you find your perfect B.O.B.(s). Remember, B.O.B. is there for YOU. Also B.O.B. will never leave whiskers in the sink, skidmarks in his boxers, or expect you to cook dinner and/or breakfast.
Here's a BEGINNER'S GUIDE for you and when you're ready, you can check out The VROOM.
YOU. ARE. WELCOME.
Disclaimer #1: Contest is sponsored (transparently!) by EdenFantasys.Com Adult Sex Toy Store, although I would have written the post with or without them. MANY, MANY, MANY THANKS for sponsoring the contest and providing the prize, EdenFantasys.com!
Disclaimer #2: Mostly I wanted to have the contest for my own amusement because I like hearing your embarrassing stories and later I will make fun of you behind your back.
Disclaimer #3: We do not discriminate against sex. We hope you're FOR and not against, but whatever. OH YEAH also I mean boys can enter the contest too.
So, you know, I don't talk about sex & stuff all THAT often around here... I mean HEY I like sex as much as the next girl (unless the next girl is like, Linda Lovelace or Jenna Jameson, in which case I have to say that I do not love sex QUITE that much), but unless I gots a little some'm some'm going on in my life there's really not much to say.
But I have this friend.
NO REALLY.
A friend who is NOT ME.
Unfortunately I can't use her name because her lawyers served me with a Cease & Desist order when I simply
For the purposes of this post, we'll call her Kate.
ANYWAY.
Kate and I and some other girls were chatting, and as all males of the species know OF COURSE when women get together we discuss sex, men, and kids only.
Well it comes about that our friend Kate has never had a date with B.O.B. (that's Battery Operated Boyfriend, for the two of you who didn't know that).
I KNOW, I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT EITHER.
Naturally I use any opportunity to plug (hahahaha! I said "plug"!)(not THAT kind of plug, pervy mcperverson)(because EW) my favorite place to shop for that sort of thing, EdenFantasys. (FYI: If you're shy about going into an "adult toy store", then DEFINITELY visit EdenFantasys.Com)
EVERY woman should have at least one B.O.B -- many of us have more than one because... well, sometimes you want to be treated like a princess and sometimes you want to be a
Kate does not even have a basic "Silver (or in this case, PINK) Bullet", which is a must for amateurs.
I was just ASTONISHED to learn that there are more of you
So I got together with my friends from EdenFantasys and we decided to help you out a little.
THE PRIZE: A $25 GIFT CERTIFICATE from EdenFantasys.Com, which you could use toward the purchase of a supasexy B.O.B. like Kissa**.
Body safe! Waterproof! Environmentally sound! (Going GREEN with PINK?)
**For the more advanced "dater", perhaps, NOT KATES.
HERE'S THE WHAT:
YOUR PART: Email me (redneckmama1ATgmailDOTcom) the stories of your BIGGEST SEX DISASTER by MIDNIGHT CENTRAL TIME on SUNDAY MARCH 7th.
Did you fart during sex? Did your vagina ever eat a condom (or was that just me?)? Fall off the bed and get severely injured? Get caught? Get SOMETHING caught in a zipper or button?
TELL US EVERYTHING.
MY PART: I will post your stories here each day, where they will be reviewed by an expert panel of judges: Finn from A Life Less Ordinary, Secondhand Karl, and possibly one other judge.
If anyone knows about sex, it's these
They will ultimately choose the winner and runner-up.
P.S.
DEAR KATE: Just in case, here are a couple of guides to help you find your perfect B.O.B.(s). Remember, B.O.B. is there for YOU. Also B.O.B. will never leave whiskers in the sink, skidmarks in his boxers, or expect you to cook dinner and/or breakfast.
Here's a BEGINNER'S GUIDE for you and when you're ready, you can check out The VROOM.
YOU. ARE. WELCOME.
Disclaimer #1: Contest is sponsored (transparently!) by EdenFantasys.Com Adult Sex Toy Store, although I would have written the post with or without them. MANY, MANY, MANY THANKS for sponsoring the contest and providing the prize, EdenFantasys.com!
Disclaimer #2: Mostly I wanted to have the contest for my own amusement because I like hearing your embarrassing stories and later I will make fun of you behind your back.
Disclaimer #3: We do not discriminate against sex. We hope you're FOR and not against, but whatever. OH YEAH also I mean boys can enter the contest too.
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