The Weight Of Silence

Aaaaah, book reviews, my favorite.
I know, you thought CLEANING products were my favorite...well, I do love them, but frankly we all know I'm a lazy cow and would much rather read than clean ANY day.

So I was happy to be on this book tour with Mother Talk -- I haven't been on tour with them in AGES. Anyway I was happy to take a test run of a new-to-me author, Heather Gudenkauf and her book The Weight Of Silence.

I opened it up and ran into my first little mental roadblock -- you get to read through the eyes of different characters, who are designated by their names on each 'chapter' page.
TYPICALLY I shy away from those and I'll tell you why: when I am engaged and involved in a story, I do not read the chapter titles.
Stephen King's chapter titles are wasted on me. I just keep turning the pages.

HOWEVER.
These were written in distinctive enough voices that once I'd read a couple of chapters with each character, I didn't need to look anymore.

I'm not going to tell you about the story, much, because you can get that from the Amazon site and a fafillion other review blogs.

I'll just tell you that it was suspenseful, engrossing, and had enough deliciously scary twists and turns to be A Very Good Read.
If you pay attention to the clues, you can figure the ending for yourself ahead of time -- I usually DON'T try to unravel the mysteries myself, I like to watch them unfold and appreciate the author's work in taking me there.
This one was a little easier to figure - if you're an avid fan of such stories and know what to look for.

I read so many detective stories and mysteries that I often check for a tail when I leave my house because I have become JUST THAT PARANOID.

You'll be sorry if it turns out I was right and I WAS being followed. YOU WILL.
Anyway.

The Weight of Silence by Heather Gudenkauf.
Two thumbs up from me.

Thank you Mother Talk for introducing us.

Now shoo.
Go read a book or something.

On BlogHer...

Once again I missed out on the "big ticket" swag: the mini vibrators, the crocs and the cameras and the flips and the free road trip in a new car and blahblahblah.
I also missed out on all the "By Invitation Only" parties because, well, I was not one of the inviteeeeeees. (And seriously those types of parties seem to be EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT BLOGHER IS ALL ABOUT and I'm not even saying that out of bitterness. Mostly. But it irks the everlovin' SHIT out of me to hear people whining that "their party was CRASHED". Um, crash THIS, snotface)

I don't care though. I got lots of greenworks laundry detergent and awesome Bounce dryer bars (HELLO, SINGLE MOM ON A BUDGET, THIS SHIT IS PRICELESS TO ME), I got fun stuff for my kids like a book light (FYI PBS my daughter says COOL, THANKS!), stickers and coloring books for my niece, I found some delicious new (IZZE!) bubbly tasty Clementine-flavored juice, I got flash drives (YESSSSS! SCORE!) and I even won a set of 30th Anniversary Ty Teeny Beanie Babies AND $50 Arch card from McDonalds.
And tons of other things. And all the stuff I took? I'll use. The coupons, the Mary Kay lip gloss and the Eucerin lotion. It won't go to waste. If it was swag that I knew I'd never have a use for, I skipped it. To do otherwise is...how can I put this... oh yeah, STUPID AND GREEDY AND SELFISH.

If you're one of the greedy fuckheads that knocked people down just to get some free shit that you'll have forgotten about in a week, then SHAME ON YOU. I trust karma will be paying you a niiiiiiice visit soon. *fingers crossed!*

Speaking of swag and other free stuff...when did people become so jaded and entitled that it's become de rigeur to COMPLAIN about it? Seriously? IT'S FUCKING FREE.
It's SOMETHING MORE than you had before.
If you don't like it or won't use it, here's a tip: DON'T TAKE IT.
People bitched and moaned about THIS sponsor's giveaways or THAT sponsor's goodies. They bitched when they got A FREE RIDE TO BLOGHER IN A BRAND NEW CAR. They bitched about the quality of the FREE LUNCH (which HEY, RAGU, YUM! I loved it! And our waiter was THE SHIZZZZ!).

Seems to be a recurring theme every year.
I will never understand that.

What people seem to be forgetting is that it takes a WHOLE LOT of people doing a WHOLE LOT of work during the entire year to put a huge conference like this together. I'm sure they have to make compromises for the Greater Good (the greater good being US, of course, because THAT IS WHY THEY DO ALL THE WORK IN THE FIRST PLACE). And for you to act like ignorant, greedy, whiny ASSCLAMS is one of the most disrespectful things I've ever seen.

All that aside, I had THE! BEST! TIME! EVER! I stayed away from the aforementioned types. I tried to stay in the Drama-Free zone I created for myself. I went to the panels that I was really interested in - they were fantastic. I reconnected with my sweet Mamacita and Fausta, I got to kiss Karl and hug Neil, I re-met GeekMommy and SendChocolate and then I got acquainted face to face with Califmom, Twincident, EmmieJ, AnnieMal, Kelby, MissBritt, the notorious Avitable, and TasteLikeCrazy (and P.S. she DOES).
(DON'T get your feelings hurt if I didn't mention you -- I'm OLD and my memory has more holes than good swiss cheese and you KNOW I adore you and if you don't KNOW that then maybe it's only because I don't really like you at all. But I digress. And I hate that you made me say "I digress" which is second only to "monetize" in the category "Stuff I HATE TO SEE WRITTEN ON BLOGS BECAUSE IT IS SO OVERUSED")

One of the best parts though was having @pprlisa, @jamimiami, and @fabgirl there. They signed up for LobbyCon to join in the fun. And I didn't even miss those "Invite Only" bashes because I was laughing too much with My Entourage.

THANK YOU LADIES OF BLOGHER for allowing me to volunteer for the conference so that I was able to attend -- otherwise I wouldn't have been there. Thank you for the hard work. Thank you for rounding up the sponsors. Thank you for this great event.

The greedy whiny assclams? Can suck my dick.

That is all.
Have a day.

P.S. NO ONE PAID ME TO SAY ANY OF THAT STUFF OR GAVE ME ANY RECOMPENSE FOR ANY LINKS, IT IS SIMPLY A THANK YOU TO JUST A VERY FEW OF THE SPONSORS WHO HELPED MAKE BLOGHER 09 POSSIBLE - THEY DID A GREAT JOB AND MY MAMA RAISED ME TO BE POLITE AND APPRECIATE WHAT I'VE BEEN GIVEN AND ALWAYS THANK THE HOST/HOSTESS. IT'S JUST GOOD MANNERS.

A B.O.B. named PHIL

So a week ago Friday I was at the BlogHer cocktail party (HAHA! COCK..TAIL. HOW APPROPRIATE! As you'll read in a minute...) when who to my wondering eyes should appear but Drew from one of my new favorite online (adult toy) stores, Eden Fantasys.
Many of you who listen to my weekly show have heard me sing the praises of the Eden Fantasys Adult Toy store, OVER and OVER and OVER again.
Do yourself a BIG FAVOR and go there.
Go now. I'll wait.

...........................................................................

NICE, right? I TOLD YOU.

I was thrilled to meet Drew face to face -- I didn't even know he'd be there! But there he was, constantly surrounded by adoring women (and even some men). Apparently at an earlier party he was actually mobbed by women because he was giving out some sort of baby Bunnies in the gift bags.

Drew is every woman's BFF. He's The Supplier.
It's like we're skankhoor crackheads and he's got our dime rocks. He is my hero and every single (and by single I mean uninvolved/unattached/lonely/desperate/horny) woman in the world should get to know him -- married/involved women too, of course, BUT EVERY SINGLE WOMAN EVERYWHERE FOR SURE.
Maybe you remember months & months ago when I sadly informed you that B.O.B.'s motor had burned out. Poor B.O.B. It was very sad--I actually cried for 3 days after the funeral. Luckily B.O.B.'s twin brother was living here too, which was good for me; he certainly helped me get back on track.
Silver-bullet B.O.B. I and II were my only experiences.
AND THEN.
My new BFF Drew sent me one of these bad boys to try.

OH.EM.GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I named it Phil. (Fill, get it? No? Shut up, you're dumb)

Phil is The Shiz. Phil knows just what I like and when I like it.
Phil knows all the right moves -- he's firm yet a little squooshy.
Phil is not messy and never makes me sleep in a wet spot.
I do not have to make conversation with Phil afterward, nor feel guilty about going right to sleep.

I love Phil the B.O.B.
He's the best B.O.Boyfriend I ever had.

Phil is something of a screamer though.. okay, not screamer, exactly, but more of a buzzer. He gets a little loud -- but HEY SO DO I.
Phil has different combinations of speeds for rotation AND vibration.

If Phil could wash dishes and scrub the toilet and kill spiders, well, I guess he'd be just about perfect.
Come to think of it, he probably COULD kill the spiders.
Is all I'm saying.