Monday, August 03, 2009

A B.O.B. named PHIL

So a week ago Friday I was at the BlogHer cocktail party (HAHA! COCK..TAIL. HOW APPROPRIATE! As you'll read in a minute...) when who to my wondering eyes should appear but Drew from one of my new favorite online (adult toy) stores, Eden Fantasys.
Many of you who listen to my weekly show have heard me sing the praises of the Eden Fantasys Adult Toy store, OVER and OVER and OVER again.
Do yourself a BIG FAVOR and go there.
Go now. I'll wait.

...........................................................................

NICE, right? I TOLD YOU.

I was thrilled to meet Drew face to face -- I didn't even know he'd be there! But there he was, constantly surrounded by adoring women (and even some men). Apparently at an earlier party he was actually mobbed by women because he was giving out some sort of baby Bunnies in the gift bags.

Drew is every woman's BFF. He's The Supplier.
It's like we're skankhoor crackheads and he's got our dime rocks. He is my hero and every single (and by single I mean uninvolved/unattached/lonely/desperate/horny) woman in the world should get to know him -- married/involved women too, of course, BUT EVERY SINGLE WOMAN EVERYWHERE FOR SURE.
Maybe you remember months & months ago when I sadly informed you that B.O.B.'s motor had burned out. Poor B.O.B. It was very sad--I actually cried for 3 days after the funeral. Luckily B.O.B.'s twin brother was living here too, which was good for me; he certainly helped me get back on track.
Silver-bullet B.O.B. I and II were my only experiences.
AND THEN.
My new BFF Drew sent me one of these bad boys to try.

OH.EM.GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I named it Phil. (Fill, get it? No? Shut up, you're dumb)

Phil is The Shiz. Phil knows just what I like and when I like it.
Phil knows all the right moves -- he's firm yet a little squooshy.
Phil is not messy and never makes me sleep in a wet spot.
I do not have to make conversation with Phil afterward, nor feel guilty about going right to sleep.

I love Phil the B.O.B.
He's the best B.O.Boyfriend I ever had.

Phil is something of a screamer though.. okay, not screamer, exactly, but more of a buzzer. He gets a little loud -- but HEY SO DO I.
Phil has different combinations of speeds for rotation AND vibration.

If Phil could wash dishes and scrub the toilet and kill spiders, well, I guess he'd be just about perfect.
Come to think of it, he probably COULD kill the spiders.
Is all I'm saying.
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