Friday, June 29, 2007

Flotsam & Jetsam

Don't forget to tune in tonight at 9pm Central (7pm Pacific, 10pm EST)

The chat room will be open!
C'mon, you know you've got nothing better to do.

I have calluses between my big toes and the second toes due to excessive flip-floppery.

Speaking of flip-flops, they are really not the ideal footwear when it's been raining for more than two weeks straight and the wooden steps are slicker than snot.
Is all I'm saying.

I wonder how I'd look with dreds?
Because I'm considering it.

I don't like anyone today, because they're breathing my valuable oxygen.

Well, except I like you, I mean.

That is all.
Come listen to the show.
Have a day.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Well, SOMEONE appreciates me.

I got an email today that said
"The reason I really enjoy your blog is that you write in such a conversational style, without every word having to be oh-so-thoughtful and filled with pretty flowing phrases that are no doubt 'borrowed' from something read somewhere else."

Dear New Friend,
Thank you for the utterly lovely compliment. And it's true, I am neither thoughtful nor do I know very many pretty phrases.
Do come visit anytime, and you don't even need to call first.

Yes, I'm totally easy and can be had for a compliment. You don't even have to buy me dinner first.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

SBC SURVIVOR. And other junk.

Dear Diary,

So the next Survivor task is due Tuesday...I think I'm ready.
The task is:
Describe your stay on Survivor Island so far, using ONLY PICTURES. No captions, no narrative.

*teehee* I'm cleverer than they think...I found a way around the 'no captions' rule...a person would just have to put their tiny little hand over the pictures for a few seconds...and 'thought bubbles' don't count, do they? I don't think so.

Anyways, cheating is a time-honored SBC tradition.
Or if it isn't, it should be.

Wish me luck (again!)

in other news...

No show tonight for me--I promised the kids a drive-in movie.

I'll be back on Wednesday at 11pm EST with an hour of classical, jazzy, & easy listening RIGHT HERE!

That is all.
Have a Sunday.

Friday, June 22, 2007

It's that time again!

Time for Friday Night Live with Monty, only on MPYR Radio!
Tonight, 9pm Central (10pm EST)
Here's what you'll miss if you don't show up:
The best mix of music on the 'net
Reality TV update
Your horoscope (from the Angry Astrologer!)
SBC Survivor update
Possible pillow fights here in the chat room

Plus, you know, me. And stuff.

Come on, join the Empire.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

SBC SURVIVOR Journal: Who survived the first cut

Dear Diary,

Well, there we all were, crowded around Utopia's little homemade radio so that we could listen to Shitty Blog Radio to see who was going to be the first voted off our little island.

I was only half-hoping it was me, because...well, you know I don't really like to be around people. Plus I'm thirsty as hell. But I managed to dodge the bullet on this first go-round, much to the dismay of some of the others.

So here's the new Survivor lineup:
Me, natch.

Evidently the outside judges that Jeckles brought in hated most of our slogan submissions for task one. I don't care that they hated mine, as long as they hated someone else's more.


We must tell the story of our time thus far on Shitty Blog Island...with pictures--no words. I'm looking forward to the task, except that we've been expressly forbidden to caption the pictures. If anyone gets confused by the pictures, they'll just have to read my Survivor Journal entries and follow along.

Man, I'm tired--it's been a long day avoiding falling coconuts and trying to start a fire with the lenses of my glasses. Plus it looks like a storm's a-brewin'.
I'll get back with you later, my one friend, my diary.


Wednesday, June 20, 2007


Come and mellow out with me tonight at 11pm EST, 10pm Central...

I'll tuck you in with an hour of classical, jazz, and easy listening.

It's all right here, on MPYR Radio.

Come on in and chat, too.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Got that right, dudes.

Quote(s) O' The Day:

"To do injustice is more disgraceful than to suffer it." ~~Plato, Gorgias

"Never interrupt your enemy while he is making a mistake." ~~Napoleon

My horoscope for today...

"There's a real heat growing between you and someone who may not be truly available"

Fuckin' figures.

That is all.
Have a day.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Shitty Blog Survivor Journal, Task 1 (for real this time)

Dear Diary,

This sucks.

Man, it's hot as hell on this island and people are starting to get a little wiggy. As I mentioned in my letter to Jeckles...Tammy has taken to living in the tree-tops and dropping coconuts upon the heads of the unwary who walk beneath her trees, Nat shoots me the bird and says "NYAH NYAH NYAH" every time I get near her, and I haven't seen Chad or Mike in days--Mango is looking well-satisfied and rather...plumpish, so I'm afraid he might have eaten them. Plus I think Rose spit in my cookie, even though she says she didn't. But it tastes funny.

Yummy was talking about swimming to a neighboring island but she wasn't sure if the fins in the water were dolphins or sharks. I'm certain they're sharks, but I think I've just about got her convinced that they're cute, friendly dolphins. MUAHAHAHAH!

Sparky is smoking some weird grass he pulled up near the beach, and if I sit too close to him whilst he's smoking I get all giggly and stuff and then I want to eat raw fish. Utopia and Mango are doing some "Evil Genius" plotting thing...I see them sneering at the rest of us from time to time. Also they're drinking coconut liqueur as they sit in the turtle-powered hot tub, which might make it worth sucking up to them.

Anyway. So far I'm attempting to be relatively nice to these freaks people, because you never know when one of them may be useful. Since most of you know how much I dislike people in general, you can understand how difficult that is for me.

Still so thirsty...

In my dehydration-induced delirium, I thought last week was the deadline for task one...and I was wrong. I further thought that I'd come up with my final answer for the task...and once again I was wrong.

I know, right? Wrong twice in one day? I can only claim to have been influenced by the pills I took from Mango's man-purse.

I think this time I've got it, though.

Shitty Blogs Club: "Stinking up online communities since 2003"

Shitty Blogs Club: "It's not that we don't give a crap....well, is."

And that's my final final answer. Fo' reals yo.

Now all that remains is to listen to Shitty Blog Radio on Thursday at 10pm EST for the results.


Sunday, June 17, 2007

Let's Celebrate

but first...
Tune in to my show tonight on MPYR Radio for an hour of classical, jazz, and easy listening. I'm feeling me foin Irish roots tonight, so we'll have some Celtic music as well.
Be there. 11pm EST.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY to all my favorite daddies out there.
I am lucky enough to have TWO dads.

Dear Bio-dad,

Thanks for your part in creating me. Even though you & mom got divorced when I was 18 months old and I didn't see you more than 7 or 8 times between then and my 18th year...I don't hold that against you. I know you've been married a BUNCH of times--I probably don't even know about all of them, since you do not talk about your past. At all. Ever. That's okay.
I know that you're still afflicted with itchy feet that make it impossible for you to settle in one place, as evidenced by the fact that in the last five years you've moved no less than ELEVEN times.
But we have a good relationship now...and you & stepmom have been married for 19 years. We see each other frequently, we're pretty darn close considering, and I'm very glad that we have each other.
So, thanks for everything. I love you.


Dear Dad-who-adopted-me-when-you-and-mom-got-married,

Thanks for being my Daddy. You know what I remember about your wedding to my mom? Your cousin Joe. I loved him so much, with all of my five-year-old heart. I remember running up to give him a hug and a kiss first thing. Your family STILL teases me about that...and I remember that for years and years Joe was the man to which other boys had to measure up. Maybe because he's a lot like you.
You spanked me. You grounded me. You yelled at me.
You coached me for 8 years in basketball and softball.
You came to school plays, you traveled with my ball teams, you paid for all the stuff that went along with that. You were at my dance recitals that one year I took ballet and tap.
You drove me where I needed to taught me to drive. You weren't my creator, but you were, and are, my Daddy.
In case I forgot to tell you...thanks for everything. I love you.


Friday, June 15, 2007

Mother Talk Blog Bonanza Friday!

It is time once again for a Mother Talk Blog Bonanza!
Our topic this week is brought to us courtesy of Elizabeth Pantley's book, The No-Cry Discipline Solution. Before I start, two things:
1. This is not a book review; I have not read it other than a few excerpts.
2. You may disagree with my parenting methods--and that's fine. Whatever works for you is what you should do...but take note of whether or not your method is actually working. Is all I'm saying.

Aaah, child discipline...a touchy subject in most circles. In my day, my great-grandma told me to go pick a switch and it didn't even raise any eyebrows. She laid the stick across my backside a few times--it taught me the value of not picking the whippiest, thinnest, lightest one.
My dad was a spanker. Don't get me wrong--I wasn't beaten, I didn't get spanked for every infraction, nothing like that. I can't even put the blame on him for my punishment, because I knew the rules.
I knew that if he said, "If you torment your brother one more time, I'm gonna bust your butt,", then I knew that it wasn't an idle threat; if I got caught didn't stop tormenting my brother, I was going to get it.
Always the same formula: "GO BEND OVER THE BED."
And I had to wait.
And wait.
And wait.
Like the song says, the waiting is the hardest part. I didn't realize until I was much older that this was Dad's cool-down time. How he took the time to get his temper under control.
And after the spanking...the 'talk'. The "this hurt me more than it hurt you" talk. Yeah. I know that some of you get what I'm talking about.
And my grandpa? Hm. Tough old guy. Smack-talk him and you got his big, hard, working-man's hand upside the back of your head. Nosirree, you didn't sass grandpa. Not more than once or twice, anyway.
When I was a teen, some of my friends thought my parents were too strict because if I was five minutes late on my curfew, I was grounded.
Five minutes. Unless, you know, I called first and if I did then I'd better have a damn good excuse that wasn't a lie, because they'd know.
I never really thought it was too strict, because my mom & dad put it to me like this: If you're responsible and adult enough to go out with your friends/date/whatever, then you're responsible and adult enough to get home on time.
I can only think of maybe one occasion that I was late with no excuse.
Because I came home on time, my parents gave me their trust. That's still very important to me.

And you know what else? I didn't turn out so bad. I don't do drugs, I never snuck out of my room in the middle of the night, I didn't get drunk at parties.
My parents taught me not only to respect them, but self-respect as well.
Oh hell, I wasn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination--I was (and am) bullheaded and stubborn, especially when I know think I'm in the right. I've argued with my parents, I talked back occasionally. But I didn't cut class & ditch school (except Senior ditch day, and we all went to the lake together), I didn't rebel. I just tried to be a decent kid and stay out of trouble. Getting in trouble was, and is, embarrassing for me.

So I figure what worked on me would most probably work for me as well.
I'm a spanker. Yep, there, I said it. So what?
If I think what my child has done deserves a spanking, and if I've given her a warning that if she continues that behavior then a spanking is forthcoming, AND further if she DOES CHOOSE to continue the behavior..
"Bend over the bed."
And she waits.
And waits.
And waits.
Until I get my cool-down time. And then afterward she gets 'the talk'.

And you know what else? I'd put my kid up against any other kid on the planet.
She's polite, she's a better hostess than I ever could be (and where she learned that I've got NO idea), she's smart, she's caring about others, she's innately kind and always generous. She always offers me (and anyone else who might be near) the last...the last M&M, the last bite of a PB&J, the last drink of juice. She's even got a social conscience, worried about kids who don't have homes or don't have enough to eat. She takes care of pets and strays.
I can't take all the credit for that--I've just been lucky enough to be blessed with fabulous children.

I've been criticized for being too strict...but as a single parent I have to be the good cop AND the bad cop. And I realized early on that without a backup parent, things could easily spiral out of control and I decided that I'd be damned if I let that happen.

I don't want to be my daughter's best friend. As I've said before, that only works for Gilmore Girls. Ask Kathy Hilton and Dinah Lohan how it's working out for them and their daughters, mmkay?
In my opinion, that's where parents sometimes go wrong and then wonder "How did this happen?"
If you let your kids hit each other, yell at each other, call each other're teaching them that this is acceptable behavior.
If you don't hold the line, stand firm, and FOLLOW THROUGH with punishments/corrections/whatever you want to call them, you're teaching the children that you really don't mean what they say.
I've seen books from big-head-free-thinkers who encourage you to let children find their own way without any discipline, without teaching them that some things are wrong...thus depriving them of developing a conscience.
So we're raising a generation of sociopaths? Is that what we really want to do?
All these entitled kids who feel like the whole world owes them something, just because they grace the earth with their lives.
Kids who think mom & dad should buy them a car as soon as they're old enough to drive, because the parents OWE it to them.
Kids who think mom & dad should give them anything and everything they ask for...because that's how the parents have raised them to behave.

Oh sure, we all think our children are the centers of our own little universes, and I think it's INCREDIBLY important that we let kids know from the instant they're born how much we love them, how terrific they are, how beautiful/handsome/smart/special they are. I tell mine all the time--just about every single day, in fact.
But giving them everything they want without teaching them that some things must be earned? Giving in to their every whim? Letting them start and quit projects and classes and whatever?
You're teaching them that it's acceptable not to follow through. You're as much as telling them that "Mommy and Daddy will always rescue you from everything and you'll never have to deal with anything yourself. You don't have to finish what you start if it's too hard!! There there, poor baby!"
You're teaching them irresponsibility. You're robbing them of the sense of accomplishment that comes from finishing a task or completing a project or just following through.

Now I'm all for positive reinforcement...but there comes a time when a child has to understand what is NOT acceptable behavior. They have to learn that THEIR choices affect other people. My daughter knows that if she chooses to ignore the rules and chooses to behave badly, she alone is responsible for the fact that she is punished/corrected.

In the excerpts of this book, many suggestions are offered on how to avoid the conflict in the first place, thus avoiding having to discipline. I can't disagree with that! But sometimes conflict IS unavoidable, and we need to pull our parental heads out of the sand and realize that.

One particular piece of the book said that children do not whine and cry and throw temper tantrums to get back at you or manipulate you, they do it because they're being children.
To that I say that some studies suggest that children start developing the knowledge between right and wrong, the lines between acceptable & unacceptable behavior at around 3 years old.
After that? Yeah, I'd have to say manipulation IS definitely a factor. If your kid is 7 or 8 and still tantruming and you're STILL giving in just to shut them up--wake up Mom & Dad, they've got you pegged.

Around my house we ALWAYS say "I love you", even when we're angry with one another. I always thank my daughter and tell her how much I appreciate her help, and I truly mean it and she knows that. Her twin brother is severely disabled and she is a GREAT help to me. I try not to burden her with too much responsibility regarding her brother, but she takes it upon herself and what's more, seems to enjoy helping.
She's already got a good work ethic. She is aware of the value of trust. She's giving and affectionate.
She also argues if she thinks she's right, and can be stubborn about it. At least I know where THAT part comes from.

Kids need structure, they need boundaries, and they need for their parents to patrol those boundaries endlessly. They need you to follow through on the things you say, whether it's "We'll go to the park tomorrow" or "If you do that one more time I will (fill in the blank)".
Otherwise, you're not doing yourself OR your kid any favors.

Be a parent. Your kids have enough friends.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Bits and pieces

Sometimes I like to stare at the TV with the sound off. Especially when Oprah is on.
Sometimes I try to read their lips.
Sometimes I make up the conversations in my head.

I had a semi-sexual* dream about this guy last night.
Is all I'm saying.

*only semi because unfortunately I woke up at an inopportune moment. Dammit.

And plus? He's in two of my favorite Joss Whedon shows...Buffy and Firefly.

My current favorite song lyrics:
2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe...

Oh yeah, I almost forgot one more thing...

Come & mellow out with me tonight at 11pm EST right here:

Relax & unwind with an hour of classical, jazz, and easy listening.
Oh, just do it. For me? Please?

That is all.
Have a day.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007


Two favorite men.
One movie.

*based on a short story of the same name in Everything's Eventual**

**One story contained therein caused me to say "EEEEEEEEEEeeeeEEEEE" for months, just for fun. Sometimes I still do.

So I'm behind this car on the highway yesterday, and this is the vanity plate:


Okay, the only thing I can come up with is Semen Special. And ew.
Well, I guess there is one other thing...Seamen Special. And I don't think that that's any better.
And if that's something they serve at a restaurant, I sure as hell don't want to eat there.

***update: Maybe it's SIMONS PICKLE?
No. Surely not.

Sometimes you just have to say...WTF??

Monday, June 11, 2007

Oh Paris. Just stop talking. It gets you in trouble.

It's like a trainwreck--I can't look away no matter how much I want to.
I'm sick.

Paris called Barbara Walters. Reportedly...
"During the collect call Hilton described her first days in jail as "a horrible experience," telling Walters, 'I was not eating or sleeping. I was severely depressed and felt as if I was in a cage.'"
Um, yeah, really? I think CAGE is the whole point.

"According to ABC News, Hilton told Walters that her attitude has changed. 'I used to act dumb,' she said. 'That act is no longer cute. Now, I would like to make a difference. God has given me this new chance.'"
It was an act? Gee, you should have let us know that it wasn't real.
And seriously, I don't think it was ever cute. And how nice that behind bars, you've found religion.

Someone stop me. Please. I need help.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Survivor Journal: Task 1 deadline approacheth

Dear Diary,

Guess what? I've got my first task! YES. But I only have until noon on Tuesday to complete it...ah well, I work better under pressure anyways. Got to think of a new slogan for the Shitty Blogs Club, probably just because that bastard Jeckles is too lazy to think up one himself.

So anyway, things are about what I expected here on the island so far. Nat is being a beyotch and won't roast the goat like I told her to, so we're making do with coconuts for the moment. And bonus: I found a weird man purse thing over in the bushes. It reeks to high heaven of vomit and alcohol; unfortunately all the little booze bottles appear to be smashed. But SCORE! There's an assload of pills in all sizes & shapes inside--I'm sure I can figure out some use for 'em.
Maybe I can use them to get Mike to do my bidding...hmm. I'll think on that.

We really need to lay in some supplies, but I'm surrounded by wusses who probably couldn't find their asses with both hands, a map, and a flashlight.
I wonder if I could trick Professor Utopia into finding some water that we can boil.

So thirsty....

Shitty Blogs Club: We're the shiznit
SBC: Crapped Out
SBC: Now with more cowbell

Dammit. This is hard.

WAIT! It's perfect: Shitty Blogs Club: We don't need no steenkin' slogan!

It conveys just the right amount of contempt and slackerism.
Damn, I'm good.

I'll just have to listen to Shitty Blog Radio on Thursday at 10pm EST to find out who gets voted off.

Now....I wonder how I'm s'posed to get this entry to Jeckles? I guess I should go look for a bottle, or maybe spell it out in wood on the beach in case he's in a 'copter or something...



but first...
If you missed Friday's show (and it was AWESOME), you can download it here.

New show, starting tonight!
Every Sunday & Wednesday at 11pm EASTERN...

Mellow out with me and an hour of classical, jazz, and easy listening.
Nina Simone & Harry Connick Jr, Miles Davis & Thelonius Monk, Mozart and Haydn, Streisand and Sade...

It's all right here:

Let me get you in the mood...

Friday, June 08, 2007

Reasons #4, 5, & 6...

...why today was a great day.

4. Cloudless blue sky
5. Hot sun/coooooool breeze combo
6. Firemen taking advantage of #s 4 & 5--washing the trucks and playing volleyball


In other news...

If you don't show up, I might start to think that you don't like me.

7pm in California. 9pm in Okieland. 10pm in New Jersey.

Come and chat, too!

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Survivor Journal, to be read in the event of my death

Dear Diary,

Jeckles has just informed us that our first task will be given to us on Saturday! I can't wait. As reigning Sole Survivor from last year, I've got to really be on my toes as I know those sneaky bastards other people will totally be out to get me. I can already hear them muttering behind my back as we wait to begin.
Here's the "competition" (hahaha, yeah, I know, right?):

I'll have to listen EVERY THURSDAY at 10pm EASTERN to Shitty Blog Radio (there are links for RealPlayer & QuickTime on the sidebar) for the updates, as well as visit the Shitty Blog Forums to psych out my opponents.

Okay Diary, wish me luck!

Personal and Confidential

Dear Sylvester Stallone,

I saw your interview with EXTRA today, and I wanted to mention a couple of things:

1. The botox and eyebrow waxing? Not doing you any favors. You might want to rethink that.

2. The movie Rocky Balboa? Bad idea.
The new John Rambo movie you're filming? Worse idea.
Worse even than Oscar and STOP! Or My Mom Will Shoot.

Is all I'm saying.

A concerned fan-that-was, right up through Copland (which, by the way, was brilliant work on your part)

Tuesday, June 05, 2007


Hahaha, that's twice I've fooled you with that title just to grab your attention.
Hell, it grabbed MY attention when I was digging the archives, and I'm the one who wrote it.

and I ran across this in my archives too:

How do we know the sailors aren't really saying, "I eye, Captain!"??

Speaking of new favorite picture:

Oh yeah, one more thing:

You don't want to forget to download the Nekkid Broadcast!

Monday, June 04, 2007

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Totally creeped.

So get this:
I ran across my ex-husband on MySpace today-apparently that six degrees of separation thing really works.

You have absolutely no idea what kind of restraint I exercised when I denied myself the pleasure of posting a comment: "So, do you still get drunker'n Cooter Brown and beat up your wives?"

Because it was tough.
But he's fat and not handsome anymore, which was very cool.

I'm not bitter.

Friday, June 01, 2007

You're late! You're late! For a very important date...

Come on! What are you waiting for?

9pm Central time! RIGHT NOW!

Come on in and chat!

Meme for Youyou. Yeah, like you care.

The darling MommaK in a low-down and dirty move tagged me with the Eight Random Things meme...

* Each player starts with eight random facts/habits.
* People who are tagged need to write posts on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
* At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names I'm sorry, I'm unable to comply. I don't need the hate mail. If you choose to pick up the tag for yourself, please leave me a comment so that I may come and admire your work.

My first thought was, "Oh dear, how will I ever narrow it down to only eight?
Then I remembered that I've already told you most of my weird and/or quirky and/or random habits, so I'll have to think about it.

1. I love the smell of Bactine. I love it.

2. Whenever I re-read any of Stephen King's "The Dark Tower" series, I speak like Roland for awhile. Thankee-sai, say thankya, popkin (sandwich), astin (aspirin)...I can't help it.

3. Sometimes I am hopelessly naive about...well everything. Mostly people's motivations & characters.

4. The older I get, the less tolerance I have for people. I'm more likely to call them to the carpet now, whereas 10 or 15 years ago I would've let things slide.

5. I am not one of those people who blogs because of a need to write. I only blog to empty out my head so it can refill with more crap. I do, however, understand that need and admire it and envy it--I just don't have it.

6. If you've ever spoken to me in person or on the phone, then you're aware that I suffer from a disease called Interruptitis. I can't control it, and as of yet there is no medication available. Sometimes I'm stricken so severely that I interrupt myself.

7. MommaK knows this one: I cannot/will not eat any sort of lunch meat after it has been opened for two days. Because even if doesn't really smell smells funny. Gak.

8. I find it very difficult to be affectionate & demonstrative with the people to whom I am the closest.
For example, I've hugged Brian, Rose, Amanda, Chaz, Redneck Diva, Steph, and Nettl with uninhibited delight. However, I rarely hug my best friend Desarea, even though we're very close and I adore her. I rarely hug my mom, my dad, my brother, or my sister (all of whom I grew up with, you know)...but I always hug my bio-dad, stepmom, and their daughter (my youngest sister).
That's bizarre to me.

You know, when I finished this a few minutes ago, I realized that in the rules it does not say that you have to list 8 random facts/habits about yourself. This probably would have been so much more interesting if I'd've listed 8 random things about other people.