Sunday, December 30, 2007

*ring ring* 2008 Calling...

but first...
Word Picture Sunday v. 2008 will return next week!
and
in case you missed the show on Friday, I put it here for you.


New Year's resolutions? Resolution is such a strong word...we'll just leave that out.


New Year's Suggestions:

1. Don't be such a bitch
2. ...

Yeah, that's it, that's all I've got.
And let's be honest here, I doubt I'll keep that one either.


I wasn't going to do it, but I changed my other mind.

BEST OF 2007


("Best" being relative, you know)

January '07: Putting the 'fun' back in funeral - Remembrance and MY FINAL WISHES.

March '07: Mmm, Craig Ferguson - Friday Thoughts.

April '07: Mother talk - Fearless Friday and I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell.

May '07: Dredging the bottom of the barrel - Say It Ain't So!

August '07: Always On Monday

September '07: Typical Monty - All The Little Pieces

October '07: Mondays seem to be my best days - Monday Discoveries and Odd Things

November '07: Java issues - What? What Did I Do?

December '07: ICE STORM 2007! - INTERNETS! Oh INTERNETS, How I've Missed You!

You'll notice that some months are not listed...it's because they were filled with even more crap than usual.


If you're going out to celebrate tomorrow, remember that it's Amateur Night--BE VIGILANT! BE SAFE!
Don't drink and drive, cabs are workin' for free. I MEAN IT. Don't make me come over there.


Happy New Year.
That is all.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Thank heavens THAT'S over

Not that I don't love the gift giving--that's actually my favorite part of Christmas. No, it's the SHOPPING and the CROWDS and the UNIDENTIFIABLE STRESS that I don't care for so much.

AND.

I simply love how, when people get a present, they do nothing but complain about it. Way to go. NICE.
Maybe you should just be thankful that someone thought enough about you to give you one, whether or not it's something you wanted, whether or not it's something you wouldn't have chosen for yourself, whether or not you even like the gift.

THOSE people are the true Grinches who steal Christmas.

Is all I'm saying.

**I should note that there ARE a couple of exceptions, like if your spouse gives you appliances for which you had not expressed any desire, or if someone gives your kid a pet without checking with you first.


Some of those Grinches are members of my family, unfortunately. However, me being who I am, I couldn't remain silent.
THEIR shame, not mine.


and now for something completely different...

TUNE IN TONIGHT! Friday Night Live with Monty!
9pm CST, 10pm EST, 7pm PST

You can listen HERE or even HERE
CHAT ROOM will be open for your pleasure.



OH and PS I'm getting a LITTLE TIRED of the ads that appear on my haloscan comment board: LOSE 15 LBS with HOODIA! and MIRACLE DIET from ANCIENT CHINA or whatever.

I KNOW ALREADY! FAT FAT FAT! SHUT UP!


That is all.
Have a day.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Just to cover all the bases...

A VERY HAPPY HOLIDAY, NO MATTER HOW YOU CHOOSE TO CELEBRATE. Or not celebrate.
I love love love you all; your threads are very important in the tapestry of my life.

I choose to celebrate Christmas, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESUS.

No matter how you spend this day, I pray that for each of you it is filled with love, laughter, peace, and joy...and, of course, chocolate.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX from me to you.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Word Picture Sunday

Join in the fun...don't forget to put your link in the Mr. Linky box so that everyone may come and admire your handiwork! (Smiler has kindly agreed to work on a special Word Picture button--hopefully it will be available soon!)


Now unroll your blogroll and grab a thesaurus--it's time for
WORD PICTURE SUNDAY!

The rules are quite simple:
1. Pick a name from your blogroll
2. Think of a single word that you feel describes that person
3. Open an IMAGE SEARCH engine, type in the word, and find the picture that fits.
4. Post the blog, word, and picture.


See how easy? Many of our blogrolls have lots of the same names, so I'll be very interested to see what words YOU come up with for those people.


This week I picked a newer face 'round this part of the blogosphere, a friend who(m?) I met on Twitter. He's deliciously sweet, totally cute, and makes me laugh every single day. If you don't know him already, then I strongly suggest you go introduce yourself to Mike Doe. You'll like him. If you don't, then possibly that means there's something wrong with you. ;)
ANYWAY.
The word I picked for Mike is

FUNTASTIC




Who'd you pick?

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Dear Santa

My daughter always has...interesting...Christmas lists.
Like three years ago, when the list consisted of:

Bait
Fishing rod
Sailboat


Topping the list almost every year is batteries, because she knows that she'll get a stockingful of assorted sizes and FINALLY be able to use her flashlight and boombox again.

This year? Since she'll be a true teenager in a couple of months, I was expecting maybe nail polish, perfume, makeup (to which I would've said not only NO, but HELL no--at least to the make-up, not at twelve-almost-thirteen. Call me a Puritan if you want, I don't care, I won't have a tartlet), stuff like that. Instead?

Slides and slide covers for the microscope
Set of encyclopedias
New journal
Pokemon Diamond
Books


I have successfully managed to raise a nerd. At least she's not a hoochie.


P.S. I love nerds. And geeks are hot.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Dear Everyone...

Dear Everyone Including Businesses And People To Whom I Don't Really Speak:

I'm stupid, and I accidentally sent an Stumble-Upon invitation to everyone I've ever G-mailed.
Please disregard, and go on about your life.

Thank you.

Yours in total mortification,
aka_monty

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

It's tough to find good child care...


...but I was sent to a place called Care.com, and guess what? They do the work for you!

Through the wonderful women of Mom Central Consulting, I was given the opportunity to check out what is, to me, an invaluable resource.
As a parent, many of you are aware of how difficult it is to find someone to mind your children--apart from daycare, I mean. If you're a SINGLE parent, it's even more difficult, because there's no co-parent to fall back on if you need to go holiday shopping, or if you just need a break for a few hours.
Remember when we were teenagers and babysat the neighborhood kids? Yeah, kids don't much do that anymore. Not even for friends of the family. Of course, a lot of teenagers nowadays think working at any job is beneath them, but that's a-whole-nother rant for a-whole-nother day.

ANYWAY. (Mamacita, see what I left off JUST FOR YOU? heehee)

Being a single parent with a non-disabled AND a severely disabled child...well, you can imagine what it's like to find a sitter. Or maybe you can't--let me just say it's entirely restrictive. I'm not complaining; my job is to be a mother and be here to take care of my kids, and I'm okay with that. But.
I don't go anywhere. I don't date. I can't just pop over to Friend's house for a couple of hours and a glass of wine. I can't go to the bookstore and indulge myself for a few hours. If I do get invited to a party, or on a date, my acceptance ALWAYS hinges on whether or not I can beg and/or bribe some family member to watch my kids so that I can get away for a while.
Most often I get the answer, "Sorry, I have things to do."
It's okay, really, but sometimes entirely frustrating.

Then the Mother Talk ladies hooked me up with the Mom Central Consulting ladies, and they said, "Hey, why don't you check out a place called Care.Com and tell us what you think?"

So I did.
Care.com is awesome! At least from what I see so far. It's a service that allows you to search for child care, pet care, senior care, and even tutors in your area!
I was surfing around the site and noticed that under the child care postings, each person wrote a little paragraph about themselves, and then clearly noted what they might be specialized in, what age groups they're willing to take, how many children they could watch, what other duties they were willing to perform (ie light housekeeping, preparing meals, carpooling, swimming supervision and MORE!), and whether or not they had experience with special needs care and CPR (which are of utmost importance to me). You can see if the care-giver has their own transportation and how far they're willing to travel for a job, as well as a range of hourly rates.

This information I was able to get using the Basic (free!) membership--of course, you could upgrade and get more reference information, view background checks (!), and contact the person directly by email. There's a video you can watch that takes you through each step--the site is VERY user friendly.

Unfortunately there's no-one at present in my area who meets all my criteria (a couple were close, but my kids just happened to be outside their age requirements)...but I'm going to keep checking. Maybe one day soon they'll have the perfect care-giver for me.


Check it out, Care.com. You'll be glad you did.
**BONUS!!! I almost forgot! Sign up HERE to get THREE FREE MONTHS of Premium Service!

Monday, December 17, 2007

INTERNETS! OH INTERNETS, how I've missed you!


I'm tongue-kissing the cable guy right now. I might blow him later, but that'll be for my own entertainment, since I HAVE MY SWEET INTERNETS BACK!

I thought I was going to die. I felt so out of the loop and cut off from civilization...it was terrible. It was like I was living in the middle ages or something. Having no internet was WAY WORSE than having no electricity, I'm not even joking.

So, what've you been up to the last week? All the deets, if you please.
And BIG THANKS to all of you who sent concerned emails & left comments--I always liked you guys the best anyways. The rest of you can suck it. :)
And giant thanks to The F-Man for stepping into the breach for me. XOXOXO

ANYWAY.
I'm cranky, crabby, crampy, rude, and nasty (oh sure, like you didn't already know that!)...but luckily I was able to vent most of it out on Cox Cable, as I made my FIFTH and FINAL call today, chewing my way through three layers until I got to a boss-guy of some sort. I guess I scared them, so GO ME.

I think I've got the Internet DTs.

So, this ice storm we had? It was like ICE FROM HELL, even though that doesn't make any sense, since one would assume that ice from hell would, in fact, be water or maybe even just steam.
It was awful and a little scary--all through the first two nights I would be awakened every few minutes with gunshot-cracks of falling branches. I've never seen the like.
I have about a dozen trees in my front yard, and most all of them are broken. My backyard is littered with debris, and did you SEE that picture up there? That's my house in the background, and my new view out the the kitchen window.

Wanna see some more?


No idea what kind of bush this is, but it's right next to my front porch & blooms out cheery red berries every year. They always look so bright and I want to eat them...but I'm pretty sure they're probably poisonous. Maybe I'll eat them anyways.




Doesn't that one twig look like it has a face on the end? Creepy. Click it for the biggie-size, and you can really see the face.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Evidently the branches were trying for a little tramp(oline) action.

We have a circle driveway that runs around behind my house, and here's what it looks like now. Complete with low-hangin' power lines, so that the circle is now halved.



Want to see the rest of the destruction around my house? Check it out. Click 'em to biggen 'em.

I did figure out one thing when I was trying to skim through bloglines after a week of cold-turkey: I don't really like some of the people I used to like. They've become all weird & excessively vain and uppity and frankly, I just don't have time for that nonsense any more. It only makes me have anxiety.
No, I do not mean a single one of you who showed your concern--thank you very much for caring and for being true friends.

In turning over my 2008 leaf, I'll be pulling out the weeds as well.
Thanks you guys, for all the lovin'. Back atcha, times three.
xoxoxox

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

She's alive....she's ALIVE!

Hi! Mr. Fabulous here!

Monty would like everyone to know that she will be returning soon. There has been some icky weather in Oklahoma, and she is without power. She's got a ton of trees down and a couple of power lines on her car, but her and the kids are fine.

Well...with no power, they are probably a little stinky.

And cranky.

On the plus side, she has an electric car now. Way to care about the environment, Monty! You inspire us all!

She promises some kick ass pictures when she returns.

Until then...you're stuck with me. I'm not as pretty, but I put out.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Word Picture Sunday

Yes yes, I know I did not do a Word Picture Sunday last week.
I don't really remember why, but I'm QUITE sure that I have a really, really good excuse reason.
Let's move on, shall we?


Join in the fun...don't forget to put your link in the Mr. Linky box so that everyone may come and admire your handiwork!


Now unroll your blogroll and grab a thesaurus--it's time for
WORD PICTURE SUNDAY!

The rules are quite simple:
1. Pick a name from your blogroll
2. Think of a single word that you feel describes that person
3. Open an IMAGE SEARCH engine, type in the word, and find the picture that fits.
4. Post the blog, word, and picture.


See how easy? Many of our blogrolls have lots of the same names, so I'll be very interested to see what words YOU come up with for those people.


There's this girl I know who just happens to live in the same great state. She's a mom, up until recently she was in school getting a degree, she's whimsical, funny with a subtle sarcasm. She's just great--great person, great writer, great mom. Of course I'm talking about Melessa from But I Digress.... If you don't read her blog, you damn well should.
Since she's ALL those things rolled up in one small package, I had me a time comin' up with something for her. Finally I decided that the only word that came close was:

SPLENDIFEROUS




Who's your pick today?

Friday, December 07, 2007

Listen, you.

No really, listen. Tonight at 9pm CST (10pm EST, 7pm PST) you can listen to
FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE with MONTY!


You can tune in HERE or even HERE.

Chat room will be open!

Come on. You know you want to. Plus? You like me that way.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Bits and Pieces of General Nothingness

Music WAS my boyfriend, but he couldn't satisfy me.
Probably because I didn't have one of these.


The only spirit I'm filled with during the holiday season (besides, well, spirits, like booze) is the spirit of the Mean Green Furry One.

His name starts with "G".

You know.

Grouch, Oscar the.


I've been using all my best odd thoughts on twitter.com.
That hardly seems fair, does it?


Like:

I have too much emotional baggage to fit comfortably in the overhead compartment.


And:

My children are nearly thirteen years old and I still have no idea how to be a parent. It's a wonder they're not feral.


Does this body make me look fat?


Does my ass make these pants look fat?


Where's my trashcan?

S.
Grouch, Oscar the

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Two little things

LAST CALL! Better hurry up if you don't want to miss your chance to get in on this hellaciously good deal!


Missed the show Friday? No sweat, Chet.
It was DOUBLE SUPER SIZE fun--with special guest star Golfwidow followed by an unexpected guest star, Jeckles!

It was so much fun that we just kept going, for FOUR HOURS.

There was music.
There was sex talk.
There may have been an orgy.
There was fun and frolic-y goodness.

You can listen while you play around on the computer all day.

**This particular show is NOT NOT NOT for children or the easily offended. You've been warned.


That is all.
Have a day.

Monday, December 03, 2007

November Perfect Post Award Time!

The Original Perfect Post Awards


You know that to me, all your posts are Perfect, made so mostly by their imperfection--not necessarily any imperfections in the post, but by the author's imperfection.
Don't take offense. We're human and therefore flawed, and therefore MUCH more interesting. Perfect people with perfect lives are boring plastic and sawdust illusions.
I prefer the real people, who aren't afraid to show the bad stuff without coating it with a glossy veneer to hide the cracks. That's why I chose the post

Dear Mom, by the lovely, gritty, REAL Melody from Shoo Fly.


The post ripped me and made me weep; it showed me Melody's heart.
It also served as a huge reminder that we shouldn't take our families, our friends, for granted--not ever, not one single minute.

Thanks for that, Melody. And thanks for being courageous enough to show more than just your surface face.


so in case I didn't mention it yet...
I love you. Pass it on.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

MotherTalk Book Review - The Daring Book For Girls

I'm about to help you with your Christmas shopping--for the women AND the girls in your life.
YOU ARE WELCOME.


I was so excited to make it onto the MotherTalk Blog Tour for the Daring Book For Girls, by Andrea J. Buchanan and Miriam Peskowitz.

From the back of the book: "For every girl with an independent spirit and a nose for trouble, here is the no-boys-allowed guide to adventure."
I'd told my daughter that WE were going to review the book...when it finally came she snatched it away and I didn't see her for three days. When she finally surfaced, the floor of her bedroom looked like a paper airplane graveyard and every shoelace and piece of string in our house had been tied into a hundred different kinds of knots.

She said, "Hey mom! Do we have any lemon juice? Or onions? Because I can make invisible ink and we need to go out in the yard and look for some bird feathers--maybe some of the crow feathers because they're big and did you know we can make quill pens out of those and oh yeah do we have any lemons? Because did you know we can use them to make a battery powered clock and did you know that there were girl pirates?! How cool! And there was this cool section on yoga and by the way, for Christmas I'd really like my own toolbox so can we go to Home Depot and I'll show you what I need and am I allowed to use a knife? Like a swiss army knife? AND get this: there is a funny way to make up a person's bed so they can't straighten out their legs!"

At this point she paused to take a breath and I said, "Do you mean short-sheeting someone's bed?"

She said, "You know about that?"
I told her that was a prank we used to pull on people at camp. She looked at me in utter amazement and said, "WOW! That must be a really old trick!"

*sigh*

So finally I got my chance to read the book and was delighted. There are stories of real-life princesses and queens, female pirates, famous poems about weather, card games and rules for basketball.
I liked the section on palm-reading...until I discovered that I have no 'fate line'. I wonder, is that a good thing or a bad thing?

There was a section on bird-watching that my daughter has already dog-eared and highlighted--she and my mother love to birdwatch together. There was a big section of recommended reading, and I loved to see so many of my favorites on there, many of which my daughter has already read.

What a treasure this book is!

From skipping-rope rules and rhymes to changing a flat tire, from climbing trees to pressing flowers, The Daring Book For Girls will feed the soul of every adventurous spirit you know--including your own.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go practice being a spy.