Why is it...

...that even though I don't have enough time to visit all my blogroll as often as I'd like (which, in a perfect world, would be daily), I continue to add to it?

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...that the vintage clothes I list at work all smell like old-lady-butt-powder?

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In the interest of fairness, since Little Lad got his pic up yestidday,
Here's the Little Lass on the first day of school


**Notice how neither of my children looks one bit like me. Stupid daddy genes. :) Luckily he's handsome, even though he's an a-hole.

Toldja so.

Jim Carrey as Lloyd Christmas...

br>


...and Bubba as young Lloyd Christmas...




So, you think m'boy has a chance at getting the part in "Dumb & Dumber, The Early Years"?

Poor kid. I vow to never cut your hair again.

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Now, a question...(yes, I stole this topic straight from MommaK, but she loves me anyhow) :)

Anonymous commenters.
What do you think of them?
I think that in many, many cases they're too embarrassed by their own words to attach their name to it. Why is that, do you suppose? Afraid of all the 'bad-karma-comin'-round-to-bite-you-on-the-ass'? Are they afraid of the backlash they might receive from ill-chosen words or their 'shitty for the sake of being shitty' comments? Or are they just shy and misunderstood?

What's your opinion? Ever left someone an anonymous comment? Why did you? If you have not ever left an anonymous comment, would you consider it?

(Oh, and don't think you'll all be cute now by posting anonymous comments to this~~I know your IPs. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

I now present to you...

...a story in two parts.

"How FTS and I met and fell in love"
Or alternately titled
"There are no lengths to which I will not go for my blog-friends"

HAHAHAHAHA! Gotcha.

(If one of you happens to be standing near FTS right now, please gently pick his jaw up off the floor, checking to see that it is not broken. You may also need a crash cart to re-start his heart, as I'm sure it stopped from shock)

;)
Well, we did get a chance to meet as he rolled through Okieland, that part is true.
I had a great time! He is an excellent conversationalist...and ladies, I have to tell you, FTS is very handsome!
Unfortunately he did not get me at my best since yesterday my boss actually made me leave work because I was so sick.
So poor FTS got a privileged (and rare) look at Monty Under The Weather. Puffy face, swollen eyes, stopped up head, and a charmingly nasal voice. And lots of sniffling and coughing. Ah well. I was not my normal scintillating self.
(Brian, back me up on this, willya huh? I'm usually fun, right?)(If you answer correctly I will pay for the movie next time)
Part II
I missed Big Brother tonight. Well worth it, though. I had a nice time with FTS and I'm glad we got to meet up, even briefly.
(but will someone please email me & let me know what happened on the show tonight??? I'm dyin' ovah heah!)

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One of the lovely things about our extended blog-families is that no matter where you travel, you're very likely to find a friendly face.
If I should ever take a vacation, I trust that you all will not have suddenly moved or something... ;)

So then I go..

Remember my goal? For Sunday? To get through my whole blogroll? Do you think I got it done? Wanna know why? Don't you hate talking to people who make every sentence sound like a question?

My Sunday kept getting interrupted. You know how reclusive I am..but yet the phone kept on a-ringin' and the visitors kept on a-comin'.

Wha'????
No-one ever calls. No one ever visits.
Except for this Sunday. I think I spoke to and/or saw nearly every person that I ever met.

I'd rather have been blog-reading.

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A & Q Time!
I know how excited you are.

Okay, remember: I give you the answer...
YOU give me the question.
Ready?

THE ANSWER: "Yes, but only when I drink it warm."


Now, please head to the comments to leave me your Question.
And for those of you who are awaiting an answer to emails~I PROMISE to answer tonight or tomorrow! I'm working, you know. :)

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My definition of egotistical: Taking it personally when someone makes a disparaging remark on something that may be based loosely on something you said or implied.

Of course, by that definition, Monty can be very egotistical.

Stuff & Nonsense

Quote(s) of the Day:

"If common sense is so 'common', why don't more people have it? Isn't that the implication? I think we should begin calling it increasingly rare sense."

"I cannot be anything other than what I am."

See? Not just a pretty face. I think about junk sometimes.

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Ever get the feeling that you're really catatonic in some mental institution and that the life you're living is just some elaborate creation in your mind?

Oh...yeah, me neither. I was just askin'.

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A half-dozen things about me...not even very interesting things.

1. I am terribly shy.
2. I work hard to overcome that.
3. I don't care much for people in general...except for you, of course.
4. I am frequently weepy and emotional, even when I don't have PMS.
5. I am naive and cynical at the same time.
6. I am pessimistically optimistic~I hope for the best, expect the worst, and am always surprised at the outcome.

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Search Terms of the Week...

Monty's Steak House (C'mon everyone, steaks on me!)

suck me bitch .com

10 signs she's a bitch (Oh, I can think of WAY more than 10)

bitch sex (I wish I was having ANY kind of sex)

littlest pussy bitch

There appears to be a lot of bitchiness going on lately...

I must try to be humble...

...and say that it is a true honor just to be nominated.
Thank you and hugs and sloppy tongue kisses (okay, not so sloppy, I don't like that) to whomever showed the incredible intelligence and good taste saw fit to nominate me.

I love you. :)

Now I'm off to go do some voting. I can't vote for myself...not that I would. For real. I mean it.

My goal for tomorrow is to get through my ENTIRE blogroll...since I won't have time today with the birthday/roller skating party this afternoon that will bleed into evening and make me miss my Saturday viewing of Big Brother.
Try saying that without taking a breath.

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And speaking of being humble...
My daughter keeps me that way, because she's so good.

I'd left the kids alone (yes, yes I did~but my mom was home next door so shut up) so that I could go to the bank.
I called home on my cell to check in...

ME: Everything okay, baby doll?
SHE: Yeah, everything's fine...where are you?
ME: I'm at McDonalds waiting for them to bring out the food, it's taking forever. *gasp* OH NO! I FORGOT TO ORDER YOU SOMETHING! (yes, it was a joke. I did not forget)
SHE: *pause* That's okay, mom.

Damn I love that kid.

Celebrate good times...COME ON!

I have just heard through the blog-vine that today is the birthday of one of my Top Five All-Time Favorite People.

Someone I hold personally responsible for my unbreakable addiction to weekly Meeting & Greeting.

I also hold her personally responsible for the fact that whenever I am introduced to someone new, I wave and shout, "HELLO! Michele sent me!"

Yes, yes, she has a lot to answer for. :)

So please join me in wishing a Happy-Sixth-Anniversary-of-her-35th-Birthday to the ever-fabulous, ever-thoughtful, and ever-delightful
MICHELE!

Happy Birthday, Michele. We *heart* you.

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I am now revealing my super-top-secret identity for those who played Lu's Loaded Questions....I am the blogger formerly known as Smug.

Struck speechless

Winner of the "Dumbest thing I've heard this week" Award...

is Jennifer from Big Brother 6!
To paraphrase..
"I didn't lie, because I wasn't thinking 'Oh, I'm going to break this promise as soon as I step out of the Pressure Cooker'. So it wasn't a lie...I broke my word, that's all."

For crap's sake.

Well, she is a dancer for an Arena Football league.

**If that last bit sounded a little jealous, perhaps because she's young, beautiful, and stacked...probably it was.

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I also find it amusing that April has been seen frequently praying to God for help in getting through the nastiness of name-calling and insult-hurling...but I've yet to see her pray for forgiveness for all her lying and backstabbing.

I'm just sayin'.

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To Do List:
Clean living room.
Scrub bathroom.
Do laundry.
Go to bank.
Go to grocery store.
Get gift card for friend's son for birthday (tomorrow)
Go to Sonic for a bacon, egg & cheese toaster sandwich and a big ass coke.

Now, shall we take bets on how many of these things I actually get accomplished today??

**Hint: I'm leaving for Sonic in about 10 minutes.

*imagine a loud, annoying beeeeeeep*

This is a test of the Emergency Blogcast System...In the event of an actual emergency you would be directed to...put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye...Lucky for you, this is only a test...

A Series of Unfortunate Observations

but first...
BACK-TO-SCHOOL DAY!!

I am the proud owner of the two cutest 10 year olds EVER.
I took pictures to prove it. :)

Soon's I get my software RE-loaded, I'll upload some pictures. Just in case you're interested.

It did create quite a feeling of community to walk into the school and speak with some other parents that I know, and to hear a chorus of "Hi, Rebecca's Mom!" and "Hello Mrs. Rebecca!" when I took my daughter to class.
And I love my son's teachers~and luckily, one of them has agreed to peform the usual buzz-cut on my son's head this week.

And now my Friday's off are MINE MINE MINE!

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Observation #1
My lawn is looking lush and green. Dammit.

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Observation #2
When you're running late for work, you will get behind every slow-ass person driving 45 mph on the highway.

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Observation #3
Riding someone's ass, when they're already going at least 70mph in a 60mph zone is not the best way to get them to speed up. Especially if they're in the far right lane.
Go around next time.

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Observation #4
When we become so concerned with protecting our children's 'delicate' psyches and 'fragile' egos...we ain't a-doin' 'em any favors.

Of course we've all heard the sides of the brouhaha regarding the abolition of honor rolls & such...so the stupid lazy kids don't get their little feelings hurt. What about the egos and psyches of those who worked hard to earn those little distinctions? They don't matter, I guess.

I think you can guess upon which side of the issue I stand.

See, I've tried to raise my kids to have healthy egos. By 'healthy' I don't mean large...I mean well-rounded.
I am confident that if I say, "You're such a geek" or "That wasn't too smart, was it?" to my daughter, she will be neither hurt nor offended.
In fact, I'm even more confident that she will, in fact, laugh.

Sure, I'm all for the supportive, positive-reinforcement, encouraging thingie, but for crap's sake, kids were meant to be made fun of.
Some parents make sure they don't laugh at their kids (to their faces)...and never say the words 'stupid' or 'dumb' or anything negative in relation to their child. Which I'm not saying is a bad thing~I don't say "You're stupid" or anything like that...but I have been known to say "That was a dumb thing to do".

I've tried to teach my daughter not to take herself too seriously all the time...and to laugh at herself. I find this an important part of life, personally.

I, for one, do a lot of stupid things. I don't wait for someone else to point these things out~I jump right in and hold it up for ridicule.
I figure that if I'm going to make fun of everyone else (which I do, frequently), then I'd better be prepared to take the same heat.

I'm just sayin'.

But I could be wrong, and be raising a psychopathic serial killer. Maybe that's why I have no strays right now...

Hell's bells

Due to the thunderstorms we've had rolling through here the last couple of days...

1. Now I'm going to have to mow. Shit. I liked the pretty yellow grass.

2. My phone has made a loud humming sound every time I use it, and I can't keep an internet connection.

3. The electricity blinks out periodically...again preventing my internet connection.
I didn't get to catch up on my reading this weekend.
Dammit.

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So Saturday night I cut my son's hair. This is a task of enormous magnitude, as he won't sit still, and he fusses, and he rubs his face and the hair makes him itch & makes his nose run, so at the end of the event he's got hair stuck in snot all over his face. Pretty.

ANYWAY. I should never, ever be allowed near scissors.
Ever.

My son looks like...well, my first thought was Moe. From the Three Stooges.

I took him to my mom's & she started laughing uncontrollably...she thought he looked like Jim Carrey in the movie Dumb & Dumber.

Then my brother comes in and takes a look at my son, and he says, "Hey, what's up, Lloyd?"
Which is apparently the name of Jim Carrey's character in Dumb & Dumber.

My poor kid. I can only imagine the psychological damage that I've done.

Thank goodness one of his teachers at school always gives him a buzz cut at the beginning of the year. That'll cover up the big chunk I cut out of the back.

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I finally broke down and bought a battery charger for the digital camera...so maybe I'll show you a picture tomorrow of poor little Lloyd Bubba.

HOO-AH!

I love Thursdays. Why? Because they're MY Fridays. Then I get two Saturdays. And a Sunday.

ENROLLMENT TIME! At last the day has come...school starts on Wednesday so today I must go prepare for the inevitable hoop-jumping, otherwise known as Enrollment.
*sigh*
Seriously, why do they make it so difficult? So lengthy? I realize that my kids have only been going to their respective schools for five years...
but every year the same old thing: a scramble for paperwork, leases, birth certificates, etc etc etc.
Schools have to provide my kids with an education. And if you knew my daughter's school, you'd understand that hers would be the last school I'd try to 'sneak' her into. If I were going to do that, I would 'sneak her into my son's school, which I dearly love.

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A word or two for a couple of specific people in my life:

I am well acquainted with my (many) shortcomings, thankyouverymuch. In fact, I might go so far as to say that we're on a first name basis.
So I don't especially need for you to point them out. Again.

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My daughter, bless her pointed little head, has developed her own particular brand of subtle manipulation.
For as long as I can remember, I have been known (unofficially) as The Feeder of the Strays.
I imagine that my house and yard have been scent-marked, and that the animal
underground tells great legendary tales about their own Lunch Lady (aka ME). I know they pass the word.

Got a kibble jones? Head to Monty's. Dehydrated, dying of thirst? Need a pat on the head and a belly rub? My house is the place to be.
But this past summer, for one of the few times in Monty History, I am stray-less. Usually I have at least a couple of outside kitties that hang around now & then...but not this year.
I think the fact that my doggies love to "play" with cats could be a contributing factor. I'm almost sure of it.

My last little kitty went the way of the Tomcat last year, roving and prowling...he's probably knocking up some innocent little pussy (cat) even as I write.
His name is/was Hissy. Thanks to my daughter. That could also be why he left.
Anyway, I've left my point behind. Back on track.

My daughter misses Hissy. My daughter wants her sweet & loving Mommy to get a new kitten. An inside kitten, even.

"No, no, a thousand times no!" shouts Mommy Dearest, reaching for the Bon Ami and wire hangers.

So what does my ever resourceful daughter do?
She draws a picture of a cute little whiskery kitty.
She cuts out the picture.
........
........
........

She ties a string around its neck...and drags it around behind her.
For crap's sake.

I am a bad bad bad bad...

...bad bad bad bad bad bad person.
Seriously.

So the King called last night.
Seems Littlest Princess and her boyfriend were in a terrible motorcycle accident.

The young man didn't live, and I'm sorry about that.
My sister was injured, but not too badly, and I'm thankful for that.
She should be home from the hospital by Thursday or perhaps Friday.

I am a bad person..because I don't feel very sympathetic.

Don't get me wrong, I love LP and I'm concerned about her, and I'm thanking God that she wasn't hurt worse or...killed.
I'm very, very thankful for that.

And while I don't feel like she got her comeuppance, or she had it coming...I feel bad that I don't feel worse.
Get it?
*sigh*

The King said he still harbored some anger against the young man, and I totally get that.
But then he said, "Yes, I've got some anger toward him for taking her like he did, through the window in the middle of the night."

That pisses me off.
Taking her?
He didn't take her, she went.
HUGE difference. Gigantic difference.

So, suddenly she's absolved of all responsibility? All is peachy-keen-swell-jim-dandy-fine?

I sincerely wish that I could forgive and forget so easily.
I'm not going to keep holding it against her...I hope she heals quickly and I'm sure she'll be moving home with the King and Queen...but then they're all going to be right back to where they were.

I'm terribly, terribly sorry the boy died.
I'm terribly, terribly sorry that my sister was hurt.

But I can't help feeling somewhat unsympathetic.

I'm a bad, bad person.

Oh for crap's sake.

I poached this from SudieGirl...

And I have just one thing to say about it.

Ick.

You are

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

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Now, I found this over at Brian's...


2005 Oklahoma Blogger Awards

Got a favorite blogger from OkieLand? Then go nominate them!
I have many, many favorite OkieLand bloggers, and have sent in my nominations.
I wish all of the ones I have nominated the very best of luck. I certainly hope to see your names on the ballot!

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I was reading a post today on someone's blog all about...dumb posts.
I nearly took offense, because part of the post said that the dumber your post is, the more comments it gets.

Apparently the better, more well-written your post is...the less comments it gets.

See, why does that just sound like sour grapes to me?
Is he implying that readers are too stupid to know the difference?
Or that if you aren't reading his blogs and a zillion others just like it, you're stupid?
Does he forget that MOST of us read for pleasure, enjoyment, and a connection with the author? Shared feelings, ideas, and situations?

Seems like someone is bemoaning the fact that his boring yawners newsie article posts get rare comments.

But to hear him tell it, it is simply because his posts are well written and intelligent.

Well, if intelligent and well-written equal boring and pedantic...then I would agree.

I'm just sayin'.

What is the world coming to??!

Quote of the Day:

"That chick had a face like a bag full of squashed asses."~~Shawn, my brother.

Seems like only semi-decent guys have been answering my personal ad lately.
No-one to make fun of.
Dammit.
Plus, all I've been getting are the free "Ice-Breakers".
What, am I not worth the price of enrollment anymore??

Although I am considering adding this to my profile:

If you think WWF is real, if you use the word "rasslin'" more than once per month, if you use pay-per-view to order 'RAW is WAR'...then please, I beg you, move along. No loitering.

**ED. NOTE:
Don't get me wrong, I do not mean to offend those of you who enjoy this..mmm..sport. I'm simply saying that it's not for me, in particular.
Don't forget I'm from Okieland, where some folks take their rasslin' really seriously.
I'm just sayin'.

And lest I forget, thanks to those of you who have pointed out my inaccuracies in the whole WWF/WWE thingie.

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WAIT!!!! Just now got one. The deities of the Personal Ads have smiled upon me...briefly.
*whew* For a minute there I thought I was losing my touch.
Although it isn't quite as amusing as I'd hoped.

My first thought upon reading was Punctuation, anyone?

"i dont believe in finding a frog and kissing it and it turns into anything i want someone to care for me for me and not want to change me or turn me into anything just take me for me and ill do likewise and if we got as far ass the kissing part we would have to have seen something more in each other than expectations as im not into games im upfront and a for real person no games if u like my profile you can e-mail me at *withheld for stupidity's sake*"

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MAYBE I'll have my new (old) computer up Sunday or Monday...though it will still be a dial-up connection, I live in the hope that I will not get regularly booted offline every hour or so...

Monty On...

Religion
I don't look at it as gossip at church...I look at it as creating a prayer list. ;)

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Going crazy

If you think cake is wonderful...you've never tasted insanity.

I'm insane...what's your excuse?

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Children

It always amuses me to hear my words come out of my daughter's mouth. Whenever I spill something on my shirt (which is a near-daily occurance), I say "Well darn, I guess I can't go to the ball."

The other day my daughter got dressed and I pointed out that she had a paint stain on the front of her shirt.
She said, "That's okay, I'm not going to the ball."

*sigh*

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Thought Process

Most days I am incapable of linear thinking. Or even relatively logical thinking.

Some days I think that it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.

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AOHELL

Due to the fact that AOL is comprised of a big ol' bunch of poopy heads, those of you who have my AOL email address will be receiving a message from me, with a slightly altered address. It seems that AOL does not value its loyal & true customers.
Did you know that they have a relatively new pricing plan that is almost HALF of what I've been paying for six long years?
And do you think that they will allow me to change to that?
AOHELL no.
What a crock of shit.
Apparently the low prices are reserved for new customers. Existing customers are not entitled to the lower rate.

That's the most asinine thing I've heard...this week.

So I cancelled my old account, and signed up for a brand spankin' new AOL account, at the lower rate.
It's a giant pain in my ass.
But I get two months free. :)

Some people have SOME nerve...