Guest Post #1!

but first, a word from our sponsor (that would be yrs. truly)
I would like to thank everyone once again for their sympathies and support in my time of mourning, and most especially thank those who have shared bits of their own stories and experiences. They are most welcome, and served their intended purpose, which was to show understanding and love. So, thank you. :)
And thank you for those who are diving in to guest post~I know some of you keep things to yourselves in the interests of not offending your readers, and I'm glad to offer my own frequently offensive forum in which you can vent to your little hearts' content.
Bring 'em on!

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Now without further ado, please join me in welcoming our first guest blogger, the most fabulous author of Now You Listen Here. This lady is a favorite of mine, and she still talks to me even though I insist that we were separated at birth.
If you don't already read her, you should.

On with the show!

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The Daily Bitches (Yes, that’s plural)

When Monty put out a call for guest bloggers, I jumped at the chance. From time-to-time there are things that you would like to write on your own blog but, even if you are writing somewhat anonymously, there is still that chance that someone who shouldn’t will run across your blog and be horrified, or worse yet - hurt, at what you have written. So, with great thanks to Monty for letting me get a few things off my chest, and in no particular order, here are my daily bitches:

To my brother-in-law: you are a jackass. You are not unconventional, you are not eccentric, you are just a jackass. Wearing bib-overalls to a wedding isn’t cute and kitschy, it just makes you look like a jackass, which you are. If the dentist tells you that you need to have teeth pulled, have them pulled. Waiting for them to fall out on their own does not make you thrifty; it makes you look even more like a jackass, which you are.

To annoying guy at work: Shut up! For the love of god please-oh-please shut up. No, I do not care how much the new tree in your yard grew last year. It’s just not that interesting. (I’m not being sarcastic, that was a real topic for him – one which he discussed in great detail.) Do you ever wonder why the phone rings no matter what office you are visiting? That’s because all of the rest of us have a system worked out to save each other from your endless chatter. Does the fact that your own wife doesn’t want to carpool with you, even though your offices are right next to each other, tell you anything?

To my nephew: when you “borrowed” your grandfather’s truck without asking, that wasn’t cool. When you wrecked the truck, that wasn’t cool either. But failing to apologize, ever, that was inexcusable. I understand that being the son of the jackass puts you at a biological disadvantage, but please … you gotta think from time to time.

To my mother-in-law: please stop trying to guilt my husband. When you called at Thanksgiving and you were crying because my husband wasn’t there to carve the turkey, even though he has never, ever, not even one time carved the turkey, we don’t feel guilty; we just feel like you’re trying to manipulate us. This will not make us want to move back to where you live. Also:
1. No, I did not talk your son out of having children;
2. Yes, you can get rid of his baby clothes … his 40 year old baby clothes. Even if we have a baby, I don’t want to dress the child in 40 year old baby clothes;
3. No, I did not talk your son into moving away;
4. Yes, your son really is happy here;
5. No, we did not invite you to our wedding; that’s what eloping means;
6. Yes, you should get over the fact that we eloped since it’s been over five years;
7. No, you do not have to play dumb around anyone with a Y chromosome. I’m sure at some point you were told that to make men feel like men you had to play stupid, but it’s just not the case. It doesn’t make the men look smarter; it just makes you look stupid; and
8. Yes, you should … stop trying to guilt my husband.

Ahhh … I feel so much better. Thanks Monty!

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You're so welcome! And thanks for participating. I think many people would like to tell family members a thing or two...I know I would.
And it's lovely to know that we're not the only dysfunctional ones. :P

The rest of you...make sure you visit this terrific and funny lady.

Now...who wants to be next?

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THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT!

Release your inner bitch

Some of you are through-and-through sweet. And kind. And never (or rarely) say anything mean.

I do love that about you.

But don't you ever feel the need to just cut loose and say "HEY! WTF?!"

So I offer you a chance to do just that, without sullying your own space.
So you don't have to shit where you eat, so to speak.

GUEST BLOGGING...letting it all hang out.

If you would like to take this opportunity, even anonymously, please e-mail me at
redneckmama1ATyahooDOTcom.
Or leave a comment.
I'm seriously anxious to see what you've got to say.

I'll even drag out my own personal Tide soapbox for you to stand on.
Plus you can even use the really bad cursewords. ;)

An outpouring

Today's post is sort of a cleansing effort for me, so perhaps you should skip it.
I expect to be back to my regular snarkastic self soon.

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FIRST of all, however, I wish to extend my thanks and my love to each and every one of you. The comments and emails that you have sent in support, sympathy, and caring truly means the world to me. Thank you for being there for me. I won't forget that. :)

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SECOND of all, I wish to thank you for following my command as Queen of the Universe joining me in wishing Rory a happy birthday. I think (hope) she enjoyed hearing from you. It pleases me to send some sunshine, and it pleases me that you helped accomplish that.

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Here's the part you might want to skip...

I feel a little bit bad for skipping church yesterday. Guilty, I guess, is what I'm feeling. After all, my people in the church are Grams' people too. These same folks have known & loved us (and we them) for more than 20 years.
You'd think I'd want the comfort of those people around me. Perhaps offer a little comfort in return.

Unfortunately, I'm not wired that way.

I want, I need, to be alone.

My misery does not love company. In fact, my misery eschews company completely.

I've never been one to share my grief through intimate contact with others.
I can't and couldn't do the hand-holding, hugging and kissing and crying thing.

Don't get me wrong~if it is your misery, your grief, I would readily and willingly step to the fore. I would hold your hand, kiss your lips, hug your neck, and whole-heartedly offer a shoulder upon which to lean or cry. I would share your tears.
I would do it without even one second thought.

But when it comes to my own...
*sigh*
I can't seem to manage that.

I know we all deal with things in our own ways.

Mine? Solitude.
I did seek solace with my dogs, silly as that may sound. Sitting quietly on the porch, allowing them to lick the tears from my face.

Then I did what comes naturally for me in times of great grief~~I reached for a favored book or two.
I closed my bedroom door (after making sure my kids had all their needs met), curled up in bed, and started reading.

As an escape? Maybe. But not really. Mostly because it...centers me, I guess. Grounds me.
Does it sound cold? Unfeeling? Emotionless?
It isn't.
I don't mind letting my kids see my tears when I explain what happened. I think that's healthy and natural.

But at odd moments, a thought, a memory will crowd aside all else and I will have periodic bouts of weeping. I don't want my kids to worry, which my daughter (Queen Worrier Extraordinaire) would do.

And the type of book I choose for these moments is, strangely enough, horror.
Usually I choose Dean Koontz.
I figure it's because in his books, good always triumphs over evil, Heaven wins over Hell, and there's a little romance thrown in for good measure.

Today we (my parents, anyway) are having family over for a cookout, as previously planned.
*sigh*

I've got a little more hibernating I need to do until then.

It's a good news/bad news sort of day...

I have no coffee in the house. This does not bode well. For anyone.

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Actually, a task for you I have! *she says in her best Yoda voice*
Today is the 24th (I THINK it's #24) Birthday of my most excellent and wonderful co-worker, RORY.

What I request is that you all go over to her place, hide behind the nearest sofa, then when she comes in jump out & yell "SURPRISE! Happy Birthday!".
Hopefully this will have the dual entertainment factor of not only making her feel warm & fuzzy, but also scaring the shit out of her. *giggle*

Seriously, she's sweet, bright, nice, and a bunch of other terrific adjectives.
She also has the incredible good taste to share many of my own proclivities toward music, movies, actors, tv, and general thought processes.

I guess you could say she's like a little me...only cuter. And thinner. And smarter. :)

So please, if you want to spread a little sunshine (and I know that you do!), pop on over to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Rory.
You can blame it on me, even.

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Now, I want to say a few words about Grams, my great-grandmother.
A major influence on my life. When I was young, she was my caretaker most summers whilst my parents worked. She had a large hand in my growth and development.
She taught me to make pineapple upside down cake the old-fashioned way, in a cast iron skillet. We made one for a school carnival when I was in 3rd grade...and it caused a bidding war at the fund-raising auction. I do believe it went for the highest price.
She made me choose a switch of the bush in front of her house...so that she could smack my butt with it. I learned quickly that the thin ones are not the ones to choose. Luckily, this wasn't a necessary punishment more than once or twice.
She took me to church. In fact, the church where both she and I have a membership is the church I've been attending since I was about 13 years old. I still love it there.
She taught me responsibility...and woe to those who did not complete the jobs the right way. There was no half-assing chores at Grams' house.
She always gave me lots of love, and homemade frozen fruit cups. :)
The last few years she has suffered from Alzheimer's, which has gotten (as it does) progressively worse.

My grams passed away last night.
I don't know what to do.
My heart is a little bit broken.

Middle of the night phone calls always bring bad news.
I know she's better off now. I know it.
But the knowing doesn't make it any easier.

I smell something burning...

...and I think it's my ass.

---

but first...

The handcuff stories~~both the good and the bad, go with me to the grave.
Unless, of course, the price is right.
I can be bought.
But I ain't cheap. *wink*

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Our Top Story
A lesson in definitions...

ped·o·phile (pĕd'ə-fīl', pē'də-)
n.
An adult who is sexually attracted to a child or children.

child (chīld)
n., pl. chil·dren (chĭl'drən).
A person between birth and puberty.
An unborn infant; a fetus.
An infant; a baby.
One who is childish or immature.
A son or daughter; an offspring.

Whilst channel surfing the other day, I was "treated" to a clip from Mary Kay Letourneau's wedding.

Gak.

Literally speaking, by definition of the word puberty (when someone is capable of reproduction~~sexual maturity), I guess the child she had sex with was in fact not technically a child.
But for crap's sake, not only was he her student, but he was 13 years old.
What kind of maturity was he actually capable of at that age, other than sexually?

But he was bold and masterful, according to dear ol' Mary Kay. *shudder*

And of course, she was married with children.

So very wrong on so many levels.

Now the twain are wed...and in flagrant violation of the court order she was given to never see him again.

Seems to me that if it were a male teacher with a female student, the public outcry would have demanded his head on a platter...and most probably gotten it.
Perhaps he would've been killed in prison.

A pervert by any other name (or gender) is still a twisted degenerate.

Does it seem wrong to anyone else that this sick twisted female not only gets to completely ignore a court order without repercussion, but gets good press as well~~gets her wedding televised and gets interviewed while strolling hand in hand on the beach with her young "man"?

Sort of sick-making to me.

Now, do you think she should be punished for flouting a court order (which is contemptible~along with all her other actions)...or should she just be allowed to cruise along, living her 'fairy-tale' life?

You said it, Joe.

"I can't complain...
But sometimes I still do.
Life's been good to me so far..."

Yeah, that's me.

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Now, I was tagged by the ever delightful MommaK for this one...
Let me see if I can do it right. You know how terrible I am about following directions. I'm a rebel that way.

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The basic rules are that you list 10 things you've never done but with a twist. Here it is: You post the list of the person who tagged you and then write your own below it. Only change items that you HAVE done and leave the ones that you have NEVER done. Get it?? Then pass it on...


MOMMAK's List:
1. Jumped from a perfectly good plane that's still flying
2. Jumped from a perfectly good bridge with an oversized rubber band around my ankles
3. Had a honeymoon
4. Gotten a speeding ticket
5. Broken a bone
6. Watched an episode of ER
7. Won the Lottery
8. Been in handcuffs
9. Flown in a hot air balloon
10. Missed voting in a Presidential Election

MY LIST:
1. Jumped from a perfectly good plane that's still flying
2. Jumped from a perfectly good bridge with an oversized rubber band around my ankles
3. Been on safari
4. Intentionally hit someone with my car
5. Chewed tobacco
6. Been an OPRAH fan
7. Won the lottery *sigh* (wish I could've changed this one)
8. Driven a race car
9. Flown in a hot air balloon
10. Run for public office.

Who shall I pass it to?
As usual, I have to take the low road and pass it to anyone on my blogroll who wants to play. Or anyone who lurks here that I'm unaware of. Or any first time visitors. Or whoever.

I do request that if you decide to play along, please leave me a comment telling me so that I may come admire your list.

Thanks for being on our show!

No more pencils, no more books...

No more Mommy's dirty looks... ;)
Monday was the last day of school for my kids. Yeeehaw.
On the upside...
I get to sleep a half hour later in the morning.
My head will not be exploding on a daily basis due to the incompatible combination of my daughter and division.
Let's hear it for summer!

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I didn't mean to do it.

It just happened.

I wasn't going to watch it...but it gleefully sucked me in.

Rob and Amber's Wedding.
What was I thinking?!

---

I giggle every time I see the commercial that says, "Get Cox at home!"
Then I tell the T.V. "Hey, I'm workin' on it."

---

Yeah, I thought "getting a hummer" meant something entirely different. *wink wink nudge nudge*

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And just because I watch the occasional NASCAR race does not necessarily make me a redneck.

Much.

---

I just now met the Dentist in the office next to mine...
And now I'm having a little fantasy.
*sigh*
I wonder if he's married?????

YUM.

CURSES! Foiled again!

Floating, lazily
thoughts swirling and circling softly
like the hum of background music

Too wispy to catch
they drift apart at a touch

Comfortable...

Balancing on the thin edge between
dozing and true sleep


And then...


A sudden, jolting surge of adrenaline
As eyes fly open and
heart pounds
at the cry of



MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Naptime is over.

---

I can never return to that place...until the next day. Drat.
*sigh*

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This just in...
I stole it from The Lovely Psychobabble...

Your English Skills:

Punctuation: 100%

Spelling: 100%

Vocabulary: 100%

Grammar: 80%

Does Your English Cut the Mustard?

the good news is...

...that most of my "SEASON FINALES" are over, and henceforth I can devote my evenings to blog-reading. :) I know that excites you no end.

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In Music News...

...I had to wipe away a proud tear when I heard my 10 year old daughter belting out the lyrics to "Heartbreaker" along with Pat Benatar...
Move over, Carrie Underwood. There's a new rising star in this heah town.

...I really, really liked the song "If I was a rich girl" (or whatever the actual title is) by Gwen Stefani when I first heard it on SNL a few weeks ago...and wondered why it sounded so very familiar to me.
Last night as I was watching "Fiddler On The Roof" on PBS, I remembered why.

I still think Tevye sang it better.
But that's just me.

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Now I really wish I had time to dally, but I have laundry awaiting. And then dinner at my friends' house. So tomorrow I will definitely be catching up on my blog reading.
For sure.
Absolutely.
Really.
I mean it this time.

because I miss you guys... :(

Like the man sang...

"I need a lover who won't drive me crazy..."
or perhaps
"I stiiiiiiiill haven't found what I'm looking fooooooooor..."

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Did I ever tell you about the time that a guy took me to dinner at Harry Bear's American Grill...

...and paid with a 'Two-For-One' coupon?

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My son came home this week from school with a first place BLUE RIBBON...

...for "Biggest Flirt".

I wonder where he gets that?

---

Has the end of school snuck up on anyone else?
Gah.
My kids' last day of school is MONDAY.

I'm not prepared.

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in case you were wondering...

Dear Hot New Guy,

Thank you so much for the lovely email, and the thought! I have enjoyed the time spent getting to know each other...
However.
As I pride myself on being honest, I feel compelled to tell you that all the talk of other women every time we spoke made me somewhat uncomfortable. I'm not the jealous type~~I just don't want to feel as though I have to compete for my share of attention. At present, I don't feel up to the challenge. I'm lazy that way.
I'm sure you won't be too disappointed, as there appear to be (according to you) many women who appreciate your charms!
Sadly, I'm just not one of them.

Helpful Hint For The Future: Most ladies~~at least of my acquaintance~~would rather be told how pretty they are instead of how gorgeous all the women who hit on you are.
I'm just sayin'.

Sincerely,
Me

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So there. pppppphhhhhhhhhhttt. :)

---

I have so much blog reading to catch up on! Something about being on the computer at work all day makes me shudder a little when I look at my computer at home.
But I want to see what's up with everyone...

Wha'?

From the "You've got to be shitting me!" Files...

Some genius is now selling Marijuana Flavored Suckers.
Way to go, guy. Let's start those kids off early.

Next I'll be awaiting the release of cocaine flavored truffles.

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NOW then.

Sometimes, life is all about the choices we make.

I sort've stole the premise for this game from Chase...hope you don't mind, buddy! :)

So you've decided to invite a guest for dinner.
Who do you choose?

Timothy Leary OR Denis Leary?

Harrison Ford OR George Harrison?

Barbara Eden OR Barbra Walters?

Will Smith OR Willie Aames?

Al Franken OR Frankenstein?

Rachel Hunter OR Rachel Dratch?

Ann-Margret OR Margaret Thatcher?

Dorothy Hamel OR Dorothy Parker?

Mark Twain OR Mark Wahlberg?

Now, what do you think your choices say about you?

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in medical news...
The cottonwood is crazy-bad around here...
perhaps that's why by head is stuff'd ub an throbbine...

I feel like an industrial sized can of hammered dogshit.

I'm just sayin'.

Sunday Ad Circular

Do you love eBay? Into VINTAGE and/or DESIGNER clothes, shoes, & accessories?
Then do me a favor, 'kay?
*shameless plug forthcoming*

Show my BossLady some love and CLICKIE CLICKIE.
The more she makes, the more I can make.
Help a sistah out.
Plus we'll be bonding. Or something. ;)

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I just checked out Who Strokes My Ego...
and I love you guys. Seriously.
You make me feel brand new. Or something. ;)

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FUN FACT:
According to Hot New Guy himself...
He and (former) wife spent a year or so as swingers.

Gak.

I'm more of the "I don't share my man" type. Oh, and of course the "STICKING TO YOUR VOWS" type.

For crap's sake.

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I'm uninspired today. Most probably because I have to go mow my back yard and I really don't want too...if it were any higher I'd need a brush hog.
And is that really poison ivy that I see?

Silly boys make GREAT blog-fodder.

but first...

THE A & Q GAME: round...3? 4?

The rules of play (in case you've not played before) are simple...I pose an ANSWER, you, in comments, give me the question.
If that seems too complicated, then I shall have to seriously worry about you.

THE ANSWER IS: "No, especially not when it's wilted."

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our top story...
If this keeps up, you're SO going to get tired of Hot New Guy stories.
No imagination, really. None.
Second verse, same as the first.

This week he's been pretty quiet, except for a couple text messages and an email.
Until this morning.
HE: Whatcha doin'?
ME: Cleaning house, how about you?
HE: blah blah blah remember I asked you to go somewhere tonight?
ME (sadly, I'd forgotten...see what happens when I don't get a follow up reminder?):
Yeah, I was just about to call and let you know that I don't have a babysitter. okay, so I lied. Sue me.
HE: Oh, I understand, blah blah blah blah chitchat Oh, let me tell you what happened yesterday...
ME started the eyeroll because I sense what is coming: What?
HE: This lady that I've known for a long time...and she is GORGEOUS, drop dead GORGEOUS, said something strange to me...she's married, been married for 10 years & I know her husband...she told me that she was attracted to me and didn't know what to do about it.
ME: ...
HE: I mean, why did she tell me that? What's the point?
ME *thinking* same reason you're telling me I guess, moron
HE: I mean, she's gorgeous, she's a good person, so nice, and exactly what I want in a woman, but she belongs to her husband. I'm not going there.
ME: That's a good thing. Why would you want to? That would just be stupid. If she wants to play around, she's stupid too.
HE: Yeah, yeah, I know. Of course I stroked her ego & told her that of course she was a very gorgeous woman, that I told her husband all the time how lucky he is, but I wasn't one to move in on someone else's wife. She said great, I finally worked up the courage to tell you & get rejected. I've been a good wife for 10 years, I've done everything I'm supposed to do...I just wanted something for JUST ME.

ME: Tell her to go visit a day spa.
HE: *laugh* Yeah, I should have said that. I tried to explain that it wasn't a slam at her or anything, not a rejection, but that she's married and I didn't want to have an affair when I'm looking for a real relationship.
ME: That sort of thing shouldn't even warrant an explanation. She took her vows. For a lifetime. If she wants to bail after 10 years, that's her problem.
But I have a low tolerance for that sort of thing.
HE: Yeah. Anyway, it was an ego boost for me, but it was just a weird situation.
ME: It's always flattering when someone lets you know they find you attractive. Anyway, I've got to go, sorry I can't go tonight *lie #2*
HE: I understand, no problem, I've got someone else in mind I can take.
ME: ...
HE: OH! I didn't mean anything by that, I meant a friend.
ME: Yeah, well, whatever. Sounds like fun.
HE: I'm sorry, I realized after I said it that it didn't sound very good...
ME: No, it didn't. But no big deal.
HE: Sorry! But I rectified it, right?

ME: *eyes rolling wildly out of control* Sure. It's really no big deal. Look, have a fun time! I'll talk to you later.
HE: Okay, you have a good day...blahblahblahblah

---

I'm pretty sure that if I keep talking to him, it is going to be for (your) entertainment purposes only.

Is that wrong? ;)

I'm the original HOLLABACK GIRL...

...by which I mean that if you holla at me, Ima holla back atcha dumb ass.

So. Yesterday morning.
Most of you know how I feel about the idiots who run the school bus when it is stopped (lights flashing, stop sign out) in front of my house.
As I was outside getting my son on that bus yesterday, the cars behind the bus were stopped, as they should be.
The cars coming from the opposite direction, however...well, that's another story. As a car flew by, I noticed that their windows were down, so quite naturally I yelled "WAY TO GO, MORON!" and barely restrained myself from giving them the obscene finger gesture. Only because of the kids on the bus, you know.

ANYWAY.

The guy first in line behind the bus apparently took this to mean he was free to go as well.
Again, quite naturally, I yelled "STOP!" and pointed my (index) finger at him.
He rolled down his passenger window...

...and proceded to make a total ass of himself.
HE: "YOU DON'T EVER TELL THOSE PEOPLE TO GO AND THEN TELL ME TO STOP!"
ME: "Um...what are you talking about? I didn't tell anyone to go."
HE: "DON'T YOU EVER TELL THOSE PEOPLE TO GO AND THEN TELL ME TO STOP! YOU CAN'T TELL THOSE PEOPLE TO GO AND THEN TELL ME TO STOP!"
ME: "Yeah, I didn't tell ANYone to go on. I said WAY TO GO MORON. Stupid."

He rolled up the window...then rolled it back down.

HE: "DON'T YOU TELL PEOPLE TO GO ON! I'M REPORTING YOU TO THE SCHOOL BOARD! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"
ME: (at this point I'm totally pissed and walk into the street and up to the side of his truck) "If you'll shut up for two seconds and listen, what I said was MORON, not go on. If you can't hear, that's your problem. I said MORON, moron. And you can report me to whomever you like. Moron."
HE: "GIVE ME YOUR NAME! I'M TURNING YOU IN TO THE SCHOOL BOARD" *window up....then window back down* "YOU SHOULDN'T BE YELLING AT PEOPLE ANYWAY, THAT'S HER JOB!" (pointing to the lady who assists on the bus) "YOU DON'T BE TELLING PEOPLE TO GO ON! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

At this point it's quite obvious that the guy isn't playing with a full deck, or else he's just exceptionally stupid.
I laughed in his face, said "For the last time, I said MORON, moron." and waved a hand to dismiss him and walked back into my driveway.

*window up......window down* More screaming of "GIVE ME YOUR NAME! I'M CALLING THE SCHOOL BOARD!" followed me.

I just laughed some more, because that really seemed to infuriate him. *giggle*

People should just know not to mess with me before I've had my morning allotment of coffee.

Lets play catch-up

but first...
Did I mention that I love my new job?
And muahahahahahah...I'm blogging at work.
It's the best!

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Intolerant much?
Why yes, yes I am.

I have a friend that pronounces her boyfriend's name "Wee-yum".
That drives me a little bit nuts.

I have another friend (yeah, I know, that makes 2 whole friends! Lucky me) who, whilst reading me a TV listing for "A Gnome named Gnorm" said this:
"A guh-nome named guh-norm. How stupid."
That drives me a little nuts too.

Along with all the people who pronounce the L in SALMON.

I'm just sayin'.

---

in other news..
I'm not sure how well Hot New Guy is going to work out.
I've already started the whole 'eye-roll' thing whenever we talk on the phone.

If I have one huge flaw (shut up, I know there's more than one), it's that I tend to get aggravated pretty easily.

My profile clearly states, under "What I'm Looking For"...
someone who understands what it's like to date a single parent

Hot New Guy and I went over this information. My social life is dictated by babysitters. On school nights, I'm generally unavailable.

He has his kids WED, THU, FRI, and alternating SATs.
Fabulous! I'm so glad that he spends so much time with his kids. I am.
I have my kids M,T,W,Th,F,Sat,& Sun.
I don't want company on school nights, since I put the kids to bed by 9 and am usually in ZZZZZZzLand myself by 11.

While I certainly appreciate the fact that he wants to spend time with me, and is willing to drive an hour to come see me...I can hear the frustration and irritation in his voice when I have to say "NO. Sorry."

Especially when we're in the beginning phase of what could be a potential relationship.

Maybe I'm too spinsterish. Or something.

But what really aggravates me...
well, read on.

HE: blah blah blah chitchat I had fun at the...and this lady extended a job offer, and then asked me out on a date! blah blah blah
ME: Really? Do you think you might take the job? *eyeroll*
HE: blah blah blah blah (for several minutes)...oh, and last night at this club this girl was stalking me because we used to dance together...blah blah
ME: Fun. You should've bought her a drink. *eyeroll*
HE: blah blah blah...and then I ran into this girl I used to be in a relationship with...
ME: Yeah? Cool. It's nice you're friends. *eyeroll*
HE: I didn't really want to talk with her, just said hi & gave her a hug..blah blah blah.

You see where I'm going.
If he's trying to tweak my jealousy...it ain't working. I'm not emotionally invested yet.

On our very first telephone conversation, I heard AAAAAAALLL about his ex wife and nearly every date and relationship he's had since the divorce.

For crap's sake.

---

More to come tomorrow...along with blood-boiling altercation I started my day off with. Now, I must get back to work.

Mommies, Moppets, and Marigolds

I would just like to wish all my fellow MOMMIES a most wonderful MOTHER'S DAY. I hope that your families are treating you like the Queens that you are. :)

---

Now, regarding American Idol...
is there anyone who hasn't slept with Corey?
For crap's sake.

This just in...

The Daily Bitch keyword search of the week...
"chocolate covered boogers"

WTF???

*DRUMROLL, PLEASE!*

Today I will be reading excerpts from that hot new bestseller, "How Monty Got Her Groove Back".

**The producers ask that you hold all applause until the end of the session. Thank you for your cooperation in this matter. Standing ovations are encouraged.

---

but first...
Thanks to everyone for the encouragement and support. Even though (most) of us have never met in person, you people are important to me. Call me a sentimental sap, but it's true.

I have company coming for dinner tonight, so I won't have time to catch up with my reading much, but tomorrow has been mostly set aside for just that purpose. I feel so out of the loop...

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Our featured presentation...
My poor neglected computer is trying to punish me for ignoring him for the last several days, but I have no doubt that I shall triumph in the end.
Go me.
Now...
I.GOT.A.JOB.
Of course, the job I decided to take was naturally the one furthest from my house, that pays the least.
I'm such a rebel.
But the pros so outweighed those two little factors...
No stress, casual, fun environment.
Working for an individual, rather than a company.
Flexible hours.
Some work I can do from home if I want to.
Nice, nice, nice people...did I mention how nice they are?
I went to work for a lovely lady who, in addition to her private practice of counseling, owns an eBay business. What I get to do is photograph her products (mostly vintage clothing, which means I get to play "Dress Up Life Size Barbie" with the mannequins), crop and adjust the photos, and list them on eBay.
I discovered that I have a talent for writing descriptive copy for the listings.
Plus I get to watch TV at work. :)
There is always something to do, so the last couple of days just flew by in a wink.
AND I got paid already for the two days I worked.
I.LOVE.IT.

and then...
Met a nice guy, smart, funny, employed...HOT.
He thinks my eyes are (and I quote) "WOW. AMAZING."
Awwwwww, shucks.
He invited me to a concert at the zoo yesterday...REO SPEEDWAGON and KANSAS.
Two of my favorites! I've seen Kansas before, when they opened for Styx, so I know they put on a good show.
Unfortunately, I did not have a babysitter, so I couldn't go.
*all together now...OOOOOOOOH NOOOOOOOO* :(
But never fear, my knight in somewhat tarnished armour sold his concert tickets and spent the evening with me anyway, after I put the kids to bed.
Lovely, lovely.
(Norman darling, don't be jealous, you know you're my true love) ;)

---

So...what've I missed? ;)
The highlights of your lives, if you please.

How did I know it was Monday? Let me count the ways...

I didn't even feel like touching the computer yesterday. *waits for chorus of horrified gasps*
To be frank (you can be earnest), I don't much feel like it today either. Bleh.
Monday sucked ass.
My heater stopped blowing sometime in the early hours, and hasn't worked since. It's freezing in here.
I stepped in a puddle and soaked my shoe, sock, and pant leg...right before I left for an interview.
On the way to the interview, the vehicle that I am currently borrowing since my transmission went out, died.
(thank goodness I got it re-started...eventually)
I had a migraine.
My anxiety level was up up up.
I did NOT get the job I had hoped for...they hired someone a little (15 years or so) older than me, with more experience.

whinebitchmoangroan

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go finish sulking. It could take awhile.

Aaaah, those (not so) fond memories...

but first...
Smug, smarmy people really annoy the piss right out of me.
I'm just sayin'.

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REASON #483 TO BE THANKFUL I LEFT HOTEL MANAGEMENT:

PROM NIGHT

Oh. My. Damn.

I'd forgotten what season this is until I heard on the news last night about 'extra patrol cars' working the streets to help stop the drinking and driving.

I can't even tell you how many groups of kids I had to kick out of the hotels I worked for, this time every year.
Dragged my ass out in the middle of the night, dragged my kids out of bed, to go to the hotel and start giving 'em the boot.
So to the irresponsible parents and your bratty, spoiled children~~Thanks so much for that. And for the business we lost, due directly to you.

Oh, I'm sure your children wouldn't have acted like that. I'm talking to the other people.

Here's a tip, free of charge: The hotel staff should not be considered your personal babysitters.
It's a freakin' business, for crap's sake. You wanna take your kids to your office & turn them loose with 15 of their best friends and some booze?
Now I can't blame all the parents...some of the kids were more enterprising and got older siblings (or friends of) to rent the rooms for them.
But for the most part, it was MOM or DAD who rented the room.
I don't know who supplied all the booze, but I have my suspicions.
You think, oh, they can have a little party after the Prom, make them feel all grown up, PLUS the added bonus of having them out of your hair for the night.

Do you want to know what really goes on at these "little parties"?

Sure you don't.
That's why you sent them to my place instead.
But being the nice person I am, I'm going to tell you anyway. I've seen it. I've talked to them. I've had to deal with your drunk and belligerent 16-17-18 year olds. I've had to wipe their faces & clean up their puke. I had to yell at them. I had to shame them for their behavior. I had to call the police when the damage was so great, and watch your kid cry about it and beg me not to tell his/her parents. I had to kick them out of the hotel at 3am.
Here are some of the things that go on, that you probably didn't even hear about.

1. There is ALWAYS, without exception, damage/destruction of the hotel room.
2. Underage drinking. Excessive underage drinking.
3. Date Rape
4. Lots of sex. Sometimes multiple partner sex. Not a pretty sight when you have to walk in on it.
5. Drugs
6. Did I mention date rape?
7. Alcohol poisoning.

Just thought I'd hit the highlights.

True story:
As many precautions as we take at the hotel to keep the 'Prom Parties' out, when the parents rent the room we usually have no idea that's what they're renting it for. One year I got lucky...a woman had rented connecting rooms (one for boys, evidently, and one for girls~~shah, right, that was gonna happen) for her son and his friends.
This particular group of kids started drinking and carrying on before they even left for the prom. They decided to get tanked up while they were getting all frou-frou'ed up.
HA HA! Victory is mine. I could nip this right in the bud, kick 'em out (NO refund, of course...but you'd be surprised how many people wanted one. Give me a frickin' break), and have one less room of rowdies to deal with.
So I marched down to their room, confiscated 4 cases of beer, 3 bottles of whiskey and 4 bottles of cheap wine...and sent them on their way.
They pitched a fit. They had permission from their parents.
Say what?
I doubt that, little buddy, is what I said to him.
I hadn't heard the last of it, he informed me.
Hey, guess what? He was right.
I had a pissed-off mama come at me with bared teeth and a bad attitude the very next morning.
Bad move, lady...I was tired from being up all night kicking the little shits out of the hotel and dealing with the cops when the other guests called them.
You've got no idea how much paperwork that creates.
Anyway, anyway...
THIS bitch gets right up in my face and says she'll have my job and where the hell did I get off kicking her son out of the room and I am the irresponsible party for putting her son on the street so that he'd have to drive after he'd been drinking so if anything had happened it was my fault, solely my fault and she would sue my ass from here to Sunday and how could I live with myself after having done such a thing and on and on and on and on.
Plus she wants a refund since her kid wasn't allowed to stay in the room.

I laughed right in her face.
I showed her the registration card and asked who's signature was on it.
(it was hers, naturally)
So she was responsible for the room and any charges incurred. She didn't stay IN the room? Not my problem. We don't do bed checks~~it ain't boarding school.
I asked where the kids got all the booze...which she was quite welcome to take with her when she left.

Unsurprisingly, she had no answer to that.
Here's a clue, sister, they didn't get it from here.

There was much bitterness and shouting (on her part). I just looked at her, shaking my head in disbelief.
She did not get either my job or a refund. :)

Don't let this be you.
I'd hate to have to give you the smackdown.