So, I was listening to the radio on the way to work this morning, and a commercial came on and it said that 1 in 166 children are diagnosed with autism in its various forms.
I can't even believe it. My gast was completely flabbered. HOW is that even possible? ONE in ONE HUNDRED SIXTY-SIX. Period.
Seems to me that autism used to be a fairly 'rare' occurence, and it was always pretty severe when you did hear about it.
ONE in ONE HUNDRED SIXTY-SIX. Children.
Wow.
I can't wrap my brain around that.
I know that quite a number of you handle the issues of varying degrees of autism every single day, so what I'm wondering is this:
How is it possible that, up until recently, the signs of autism were overlooked?
Or has it always been this number, only nobody used to talk about it?
Or is the 'measuring stick' in determining whether or not a child is autistic in some way improperly calibrated? Perhaps the "norm" is skewed?
Or is it simply being used more often as one of those 'excuse' diagnoses--you know, like when they have a normal, very energetic kid that is slapped with the ol' ADHD label because Mommy & Daddy don't like disruption in their pretty little lives? Not to mention the fact that Mommy & Daddy feed the kid sugar in all its forms and let him/her stay inside watching TV & video games instead of riding bikes and playing Two-Below football, cupball, and exploring the great outdoors. But that's a-whole-nother rant for another day.
Forgive me, I don't mean to imply one bit that autism isn't a serious issue--I only ask the questions out of ignorance.
What's your take? Educate me.
in other news...
Don't forget to nominate your favorites for The 2007 Bloggies!
I've entered my personal choices...have YOU?
This thought just now popped into my head and made me laugh because it was so stupid:
Geek's Country & Western Song: "She Thinks My Protractor's Sexy"
You don't have to laugh. It's okay. I'm just easily amused and...simple. Yes, simple, that's it.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
But why did they cry?
Georgie Porgy, Mr. Puddin' and Pie...was a cowardly perv.
Those other boys should have chased him down & kicked the shit out of him.
in other news...
The 2007 Bloggies
I've put my nominations in...have YOU?
I may have entered you for a category, so go solicit some nominations!
Those other boys should have chased him down & kicked the shit out of him.
in other news...
I've put my nominations in...have YOU?
I may have entered you for a category, so go solicit some nominations!
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
'07, Day Two
I'm much recovered today, thanks for asking.
Now, I offer you a list of...well, not Resolutions, because let's face it--most likely I won't keep them and really? why set myself up for failure?
So without further ado, I give you my
New Year's Suggestions
1. Cut people some slack. Sometimes.
2. Give my house a good spring cleaning. (HAHAHA! I couldn't even type that with a straight face)
3. Try to control my excessive road rage.
4. Leave more comments on your blogs (just as soon as I figure out how to cut a small hole in the time/space continuum so that I canuse my powers for evil re-live a few hours each day visiting you)
5. Drink. More. Booze.
That's as far as I managed to get before I started to work--quite successfully, I might add--on Number Five.
That is all.
Have a day.
Now, I offer you a list of...well, not Resolutions, because let's face it--most likely I won't keep them and really? why set myself up for failure?
So without further ado, I give you my
1. Cut people some slack. Sometimes.
2. Give my house a good spring cleaning. (HAHAHA! I couldn't even type that with a straight face)
3. Try to control my excessive road rage.
4. Leave more comments on your blogs (just as soon as I figure out how to cut a small hole in the time/space continuum so that I can
5. Drink. More. Booze.
That's as far as I managed to get before I started to work--quite successfully, I might add--on Number Five.
That is all.
Have a day.
Monday, January 01, 2007
'07, Day One.
Could someone please turn that damn sun off?
Thanks, that'd be great.
Oh yeah, Happy blah blah blah.
Thanks, that'd be great.
Oh yeah, Happy blah blah blah.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Well shuck my drawers & call me nekkid
HOLY SHIT!
We just had a 2.5 earthquake.
!!!
Yeah, I know, some of you are thinking, "Big deal!"
But this is Oklahoma, for crap's sake. We get tornadoes, not earthquakes.
It made a big boom.
Did you know? Hershey's has Cordial Cherry Kisses.
And did you know? they are the height of gastronomic delight.
Orgasmic.
*shudder*
Don't forget to tune in to my Christmas Eve show on Sunday, 8pm.
There's going to be a new contest.
I got my Christmas cards out a little late.
I'm in hopes they'll arrive before Christmas...but don't hold your breath.
That is all.
We just had a 2.5 earthquake.
!!!
Yeah, I know, some of you are thinking, "Big deal!"
But this is Oklahoma, for crap's sake. We get tornadoes, not earthquakes.
It made a big boom.
Did you know? Hershey's has Cordial Cherry Kisses.
And did you know? they are the height of gastronomic delight.
Orgasmic.
*shudder*
Don't forget to tune in to my Christmas Eve show on Sunday, 8pm.
There's going to be a new contest.
I got my Christmas cards out a little late.
I'm in hopes they'll arrive before Christmas...but don't hold your breath.
That is all.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
!!!!!!!!!!
"Your friendships are the strong, colorful threads that weave the beautiful tapestry of my life." --aka_Monty
Where do I begin?
I begin, I suppose, with a Thank You.
To whom? To ALL OF YOU.
Even though the words "Thank You" are far too small to express what I want to say.
I would say it to each of you individually, but you have stymied me, you wonderful anonymous benefactors.
I was going to go with a whole Sally Field "You like me! You really like me!" thing, but...this is bigger, better, deeper than that.
I went to the mailbox this morning, feeling pretty good, since my boss gave me a little Christmas bonus yesterday and I was busy planning how to spend it, thinking on what little extra thing I could give my children.
I reached into the mailbox and withdrew a card addressed in red ink. No return address.
I didn't think that was unusual, because lots of people don't put a return addy on cards.
I smiled, wondering who it was from, and opened the envelope as I walked across the crunchy leaves in my front yard.
I smiled, reading the card, anticipating the inside, wondering who the card was from.
Then.....
A Gift Card. An extravagantly generous, unexpected, and wonderful Gift Card.
With no names.
I stood on the front porch in disbelief, knees weak, crying, smiling at the sky, thanking you in my heart and my mind. I think my heart grew so big with love for you that it spilled out all over my porch.
I could not speak.
I am undone by your love, your generosity, your caring.
I wish I knew any words big and powerful enough to convey what I felt at just that moment. What I'm still feeling.
YOU.ROCK.MY.WORLD.
And I mean that.
You make me rich beyond my wildest dreams.
In the history of the world, has anyone ever had better friends than I have?
I think not.
My children would thank you if they could, because they're in for a very, very Merry Christmas this year.
Thank you. I love you, each and every one.
OH and PS How in the hell did you manage to keep such a secret from me? :)
OH and PPS Wouldn't you like to reveal yourself to me?
PPPS Please?
Where do I begin?
I begin, I suppose, with a Thank You.
To whom? To ALL OF YOU.
Even though the words "Thank You" are far too small to express what I want to say.
I would say it to each of you individually, but you have stymied me, you wonderful anonymous benefactors.
I was going to go with a whole Sally Field "You like me! You really like me!" thing, but...this is bigger, better, deeper than that.
I went to the mailbox this morning, feeling pretty good, since my boss gave me a little Christmas bonus yesterday and I was busy planning how to spend it, thinking on what little extra thing I could give my children.
I reached into the mailbox and withdrew a card addressed in red ink. No return address.
I didn't think that was unusual, because lots of people don't put a return addy on cards.
I smiled, wondering who it was from, and opened the envelope as I walked across the crunchy leaves in my front yard.
I smiled, reading the card, anticipating the inside, wondering who the card was from.
Then.....
A Gift Card. An extravagantly generous, unexpected, and wonderful Gift Card.
With no names.
I stood on the front porch in disbelief, knees weak, crying, smiling at the sky, thanking you in my heart and my mind. I think my heart grew so big with love for you that it spilled out all over my porch.
I could not speak.
I am undone by your love, your generosity, your caring.
I wish I knew any words big and powerful enough to convey what I felt at just that moment. What I'm still feeling.
YOU.ROCK.MY.WORLD.
And I mean that.
You make me rich beyond my wildest dreams.
In the history of the world, has anyone ever had better friends than I have?
I think not.
My children would thank you if they could, because they're in for a very, very Merry Christmas this year.
Thank you. I love you, each and every one.
OH and PS How in the hell did you manage to keep such a secret from me? :)
OH and PPS Wouldn't you like to reveal yourself to me?
PPPS Please?
Monday, December 18, 2006
Don't be sad if you missed...
...MONTY DOES MOJO--because it is NOW AVAILABLE* for download!
Click here to get your own player.
*For a limited time only **
**Not really. It's ALWAYS available. Just like me.
Click here to get your own player.
*For a limited time only **
**Not really. It's ALWAYS available. Just like me.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
The Debriefing
First things first...
TONIGHT. 8pm Central. 9pm East Coast. 6pm West Coast.
MONTY DOES MOJO--THE HOSTILE TAKEOVER
There was a brief insurrection in the ranks, but I ruthlessly quashed it.
PLUS:
ºA Drinking Game
ºDouble Shots
ºTWO SPECIAL dedications
ºAs always, your weekly HOROSCOPE
You don't want to miss this show.
I appear to have survived The Mission, but I don't mind telling you it was touch and go for a while.
Unfortunately, as I was busy congratulating myself on a job well done, I realized that I had left two names off my list.
Dammit.
Now I have to go back. *gak*
And the wrapping, O! the wrapping.
I'm thinking gift bags. Or paper grocery sacks. Whatever.
Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Please refrain from answering that last question.
My darling daughter made a pot of coffee this morning, so that it would be ready when I got up. It was more delicious than mine.
She's either The Perfect Child or The Bad Seed.
Only time will tell.
However, I've started calling her Rhoda, just in case.
MONTY DOES MOJO--THE HOSTILE TAKEOVER
There was a brief insurrection in the ranks, but I ruthlessly quashed it.
PLUS:
ºA Drinking Game
ºDouble Shots
ºTWO SPECIAL dedications
ºAs always, your weekly HOROSCOPE
You don't want to miss this show.
I appear to have survived The Mission, but I don't mind telling you it was touch and go for a while.
Unfortunately, as I was busy congratulating myself on a job well done, I realized that I had left two names off my list.
Dammit.
Now I have to go back. *gak*
And the wrapping, O! the wrapping.
I'm thinking gift bags. Or paper grocery sacks. Whatever.
Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Please refrain from answering that last question.
My darling daughter made a pot of coffee this morning, so that it would be ready when I got up. It was more delicious than mine.
She's either The Perfect Child or The Bad Seed.
Only time will tell.
However, I've started calling her Rhoda, just in case.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Black Op
I am on a mission.
I have a list.
I will take no prisoners.
Yes, I am going Christmas shopping...
All.
In.
One.
Day.
I work better under pressure. Hey, that's how I roll.
Now...wish me luck.
I have a list.
I will take no prisoners.
Yes, I am going Christmas shopping...
All.
In.
One.
Day.
I work better under pressure. Hey, that's how I roll.
Now...wish me luck.
Requiem For A Blog (Or Two)
Friends, we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of THESE TWO blogs.
Their owners, due to some strange malady, perhaps a brain tumor or two, have elected to close up shop.
Their blogs are no more.
They have ceased to be.
Two of the most gifted people I've ever been privileged to "know"...two people who know how to string the words together so well as to make you feel the stories they share...you can touch them, taste them.
Brando's stories were sometimes surreal, yet perfectly understandable. He has the gift of being able to draw you in, make you empathize, feeling layers of emotion. Just self-deprecating enough to bring gentle humor and a sense of poignancy to the writing, without ever sounding like a martyr or a victim.
Brandon, I'm going to miss you something awful.
Then there's Kat. Lordy, I'm going to miss that girl. She's incredibly talented--sharing bits of her life interspersed with the most wonderful stories that frequently brought tears to my eyes...and always, always left me wondering if the stories were true or a creation only of her mind.
It's part of the mystery of Kat, and the blogosphere is going to be a less wonderful place without I Hate Kit Kats.
If you are unfamiliar with either of those blogs, I can only say that it is surely to your detriment.
Now, in order to properly mourn them, we must drink a lot of booze, send drunken, nonsensical emails to people whether we know them or not, and post gloriously brilliant things.
I'm up for everything except perhaps the last.
I'm going to miss you two.
And I'm dedicating some music to you on this week's radio show. You'll like it.
Their owners, due to some strange malady, perhaps a brain tumor or two, have elected to close up shop.
Their blogs are no more.
They have ceased to be.
Two of the most gifted people I've ever been privileged to "know"...two people who know how to string the words together so well as to make you feel the stories they share...you can touch them, taste them.
Brando's stories were sometimes surreal, yet perfectly understandable. He has the gift of being able to draw you in, make you empathize, feeling layers of emotion. Just self-deprecating enough to bring gentle humor and a sense of poignancy to the writing, without ever sounding like a martyr or a victim.
Brandon, I'm going to miss you something awful.
Then there's Kat. Lordy, I'm going to miss that girl. She's incredibly talented--sharing bits of her life interspersed with the most wonderful stories that frequently brought tears to my eyes...and always, always left me wondering if the stories were true or a creation only of her mind.
It's part of the mystery of Kat, and the blogosphere is going to be a less wonderful place without I Hate Kit Kats.
If you are unfamiliar with either of those blogs, I can only say that it is surely to your detriment.
Now, in order to properly mourn them, we must drink a lot of booze, send drunken, nonsensical emails to people whether we know them or not, and post gloriously brilliant things.
I'm up for everything except perhaps the last.
I'm going to miss you two.
And I'm dedicating some music to you on this week's radio show. You'll like it.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
HEY! YOU! Yeah YOU!
So, you missed it.
So, you can download now.
BONUS: NAME THAT SHOW Contest!
(withexciting prizes!)
Click here to get your own player.
Quote o' the Day:
"Never miss a good chance to shut up." --James Patterson
So, you can download now.
BONUS: NAME THAT SHOW Contest!
(with
Click here to get your own player.
Quote o' the Day:
"Never miss a good chance to shut up." --James Patterson
Friday, December 08, 2006
Me Thinks.
As tempting as it (sometimes) is, I never, ever read the end of the book first.
It just seems sort of like...cheating.
Mostly it seems totally disrespectful to the author who labored to craft the story for you (and by YOU I mean ME).
It's the getting there that's the fun part.
If you (and by YOU I mean YOU) authored a book, wouldn't you want someone to be so absorbed in your words that they just kept reading so they could get to the end?
I would.
Maybe Thumper could weigh in here, as a published author of several books (that I do love dearly!).
It really irritates me when people call this
"A YING YANG". It
Seriously.
Annoys.
Me.
And I mentally roll my eyes and wonder why I'm talking to that person at all.
Do people say that in your state, or is it just Okies?
Sometimes I grossly overestimate my own appeal.
I live on a fairly busy street, and when my daughter comes home from school I go to the end of the driveway to "help" her across the street (because I don't trust the dumbass drivers who sometimes run the red light because they're utter MORONS)...and she is on her side and I'm on my side and the traffic is rushing between us...and the song "Running Bear" always plays an endless loop in my head.
I typed my URL as bran-soup.blogspot.com twice today.
Do you think I'm subliminally telling myself I need more fiber in my diet?
I wonder why people so often use discrete when they clearly mean discreet.
It just seems sort of like...cheating.
Mostly it seems totally disrespectful to the author who labored to craft the story for you (and by YOU I mean ME).
It's the getting there that's the fun part.
If you (and by YOU I mean YOU) authored a book, wouldn't you want someone to be so absorbed in your words that they just kept reading so they could get to the end?
I would.
Maybe Thumper could weigh in here, as a published author of several books (that I do love dearly!).
It really irritates me when people call this
"A YING YANG". It
Seriously.
Annoys.
Me.
And I mentally roll my eyes and wonder why I'm talking to that person at all.
Do people say that in your state, or is it just Okies?
Sometimes I grossly overestimate my own appeal.
I live on a fairly busy street, and when my daughter comes home from school I go to the end of the driveway to "help" her across the street (because I don't trust the dumbass drivers who sometimes run the red light because they're utter MORONS)...and she is on her side and I'm on my side and the traffic is rushing between us...and the song "Running Bear" always plays an endless loop in my head.
I typed my URL as bran-soup.blogspot.com twice today.
Do you think I'm subliminally telling myself I need more fiber in my diet?
I wonder why people so often use discrete when they clearly mean discreet.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Big deal.
So, I got a note from my son's teacher.
It may not seem like much--after all, he's 11 years old.
You may not understand why, but not only is it a big deal, it's a HUGE deal.
You see, he fed himself. All by himself. He scooped the food out of the bowl and put it in his mouth, with no-one holding his hand or elbow. And then he did it again. And again. Until all the food was gone.
He fed himself.
I cried.
It may not seem like much--after all, he's 11 years old.
You may not understand why, but not only is it a big deal, it's a HUGE deal.
You see, he fed himself. All by himself. He scooped the food out of the bowl and put it in his mouth, with no-one holding his hand or elbow. And then he did it again. And again. Until all the food was gone.
He fed himself.
I cried.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
An Addendum
I've been fretting, worrying, about Christmas this year because...well...quite honestly my financial situation is somewhat grim and I can't afford to give everyone the lovely things I want to give them.
Now, I try to keep the focus on what Christmas means--means to us, in my family, anyway--but there's nothing I love more than the bright and glowing faces of children when they wake up Christmas morning and see what's under the tree.
Then last night I overheard a conversation between my mother and my daughter.
MOM: "So, what do you want for Christmas this year? You haven't given me a list."
DAUGHTER: "I don't really want anything, I just want to spend time with the whole family together. That's the important thing."
This tiny 11 year old person could teach me a thing or two.
How did I ever get so lucky?
A recommendation...
Mamacita sent me this book:
and I urge you to read it. It's wrenching and warming and beautiful.
After I turned the last page, my heart--like the Grinch's--grew three sizes that day.
If you missed Sunday's show, you can LISTEN HERE to Monty Does Mojo.
In case you were wondering.
Have a day.
That is all.
Now, I try to keep the focus on what Christmas means--means to us, in my family, anyway--but there's nothing I love more than the bright and glowing faces of children when they wake up Christmas morning and see what's under the tree.
Then last night I overheard a conversation between my mother and my daughter.
MOM: "So, what do you want for Christmas this year? You haven't given me a list."
DAUGHTER: "I don't really want anything, I just want to spend time with the whole family together. That's the important thing."
This tiny 11 year old person could teach me a thing or two.
How did I ever get so lucky?
A recommendation...
Mamacita sent me this book:
and I urge you to read it. It's wrenching and warming and beautiful.
After I turned the last page, my heart--like the Grinch's--grew three sizes that day.
If you missed Sunday's show, you can LISTEN HERE to Monty Does Mojo.
In case you were wondering.
Have a day.
That is all.
Monday, November 27, 2006
The Taste Of Vindication is like...candy
Dear Kid Rock and Pam Anderson,
I TOLD YOU SO. In July, for crap's sake.
Is all I'm saying.
Sincerely,
The same person who still thinks you're effed in the heads but still sort of likes you both anyways
I TOLD YOU SO. In July, for crap's sake.
Is all I'm saying.
Sincerely,
The same person who still thinks you're effed in the heads but still sort of likes you both anyways
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Wastin' away again...
...in margaritaville.
5:30pm
I'm deepintheheartof Margaritaville right now.
And I ain't alone...Jules is with me.
7:45pm
I crawled over toj thec omputer abecause we rannnnn out of margareita mixes snad now we are moving to appletini terictoryh ans MAN i'm so tired!
Julie drunk called Brian and Terri and I'M watching Criminal Minds so I can learn to plna the prefect crimesx.
is what all im saying.
5:30pm
I'm deepintheheartof Margaritaville right now.
And I ain't alone...Jules is with me.
7:45pm
I crawled over toj thec omputer abecause we rannnnn out of margareita mixes snad now we are moving to appletini terictoryh ans MAN i'm so tired!
Julie drunk called Brian and Terri and I'M watching Criminal Minds so I can learn to plna the prefect crimesx.
is what all im saying.
On the road again....
Hey, guess where I am??
At JULIE'S!
Yes, here I am again, having just eaten the best Chinese food ever...and waiting until we get a little closer to cocktail hour before we start mixing up the apple-tinis and margaritas.
With any luck, there will be drunken blogging tonight.
So stay tuned--same bat time, same bat channel....
One of the disadvantages of living next door to your parents...
MOM: "So, I was outside the other day and I 'happened' to see in your living room window...
ME: "MMMMhhmmm, just happened to, okay..."
MOM: "Do have your Christmas decorations up already? Because I saw something with a snowman on it."
ME: "Yeah, that's still up from last year."
At JULIE'S!
Yes, here I am again, having just eaten the best Chinese food ever...and waiting until we get a little closer to cocktail hour before we start mixing up the apple-tinis and margaritas.
With any luck, there will be drunken blogging tonight.
So stay tuned--same bat time, same bat channel....
One of the disadvantages of living next door to your parents...
MOM: "So, I was outside the other day and I 'happened' to see in your living room window...
ME: "MMMMhhmmm, just happened to, okay..."
MOM: "Do have your Christmas decorations up already? Because I saw something with a snowman on it."
ME: "Yeah, that's still up from last year."
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Too bad they're not prophetic...
So I had this dream last night involving James Spader. Although it was more the Stargate James than the Boston Legal James...but either way, I wouldn't kick him out for eatin' crackers in bed.
Anyways.
We were on some private jet or something and we were talking about our scars (okay, that's weird), and then he took my hand & kissed it.
I'm not going to give you all the naughty details, but there was some...stuff going on. Not on the plane, though. Dammit. I wanted to be in the Mile High Club.
Next thing I know we're in love and the REASON I know is because he told me, as he was driving me to some girl-only party at a country club or something.
*dreamy sigh*
Get to the country club or whatever it was--bunch of skinny girls in scanty clothing dancing around everywhere and I realize that I'm wearing jeans and a jacket and I'm horribly underdressed. Figures.
Then one of my girlfriends gets kidnapped or something and it just got too weird and I woke up.
I totally tried to fall back asleep & back into the part of the dream with James, but it didn't happen.
But for a moment, he loved me.
Speaking of celebrities, did I ever mention that Jeremy Irons makes me tingly in all my secret places?
Because he does.
If you're having a problem with ants, it probably isn't smart to put on banana-flavored lip balm before you go to bed.
Is all I'm sayin'.
Have a day.
That is all.
Anyways.
We were on some private jet or something and we were talking about our scars (okay, that's weird), and then he took my hand & kissed it.
I'm not going to give you all the naughty details, but there was some...stuff going on. Not on the plane, though. Dammit. I wanted to be in the Mile High Club.
Next thing I know we're in love and the REASON I know is because he told me, as he was driving me to some girl-only party at a country club or something.
*dreamy sigh*
Get to the country club or whatever it was--bunch of skinny girls in scanty clothing dancing around everywhere and I realize that I'm wearing jeans and a jacket and I'm horribly underdressed. Figures.
Then one of my girlfriends gets kidnapped or something and it just got too weird and I woke up.
I totally tried to fall back asleep & back into the part of the dream with James, but it didn't happen.
But for a moment, he loved me.
Speaking of celebrities, did I ever mention that Jeremy Irons makes me tingly in all my secret places?
Because he does.
If you're having a problem with ants, it probably isn't smart to put on banana-flavored lip balm before you go to bed.
Is all I'm sayin'.
Have a day.
That is all.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
What's so golden about silence, anyway?
Thank you for the emails-I love you for caring. Love, love love.
There are a number of reasons for my absence--time management (or lack thereof) factoring largely into the equation.
But...
There are other things. This field has lain fallow and untended, for I have been at war within myself.
The things I have wanted to say have been the definition of ugly, and there are those who would feel as though I were targeting them. Perhaps I would have been.
I have sat meself down several times to try and post, but my thoughts get jumbled and tangled, sliding over each other like...you know the worms you get for fishing bait in the styrofoam container? Yeah, like that.
So I stayed away.
I was/am struggling, barely coping, smothering beneath the weight of my life. I was/am resentful of the haves who crow their good fortune to the sky. I've never been one to begrudge others having things, because I realize that the value of things is nil in the long run. But I was becoming that person, that bitter person...
So I stayed away.
Then my two old friends, Depression and Anxiety, noticed that my hands were full and my shoulders bowed with the everydailies of life and they decided to come calling, as I hadn't the strength to turn them away. And they knew it, as they always do.
Their silken, honeyed voices whisper in my ears, bind my heart. They work together to work against each other, Depression bringing me low whilst Anxiety tries to pump me up.
And then a regular boarder at the House Of Me, Insecurity (who normally keeps a fairly low but constant profile, stays mostly quiet and unassuming) decided that Depression and Anxiety were having so much fun that it would pop in and join the party. Insecurity even brought a party gift, Self-Doubt.
See, Insecurity noticed, kept records...
Over a two week period, I sent 5 emails that required information and/or questions that needed answers...none were answered.
I had done a project for someone, as they requested, and it didn't get used as it was supposed to be used. Allegedly that is corrected now, but I haven't seen any evidence of it yet.
Two people who had said, "Oh, I'm SO going to do this for you" (weeks and weeks ago)neglected, as usual, to follow through.
The number of comments here went down, down, down.
I was going to get a blog re-design, and the designer backed out.
I signed up for MixMania, pimped it out, and still got left out of the mix due to an oversight.
I work so hard on putting my radio show together every week, and yet hardly anyone was listening live or downloading it.
Silly things, all.
But just like my everydaily issues, they grew and they grew and loomed larger in my mind every day.
So Insecurity said, "SAY! This is my kind of shindig!" and brought some Self-Doubt with him to pass around.
See up there? the part about the comments going down?
Yeah.
See, that bothers me...it bothers me that I noticed it.
I don't check my stats. Maybe once every few months I might remember to look, but mostly I don't. I never knew who my 10,000th visitor was. Or 75,000th. Or whatever. I don't notice that sort of thing--for me the comments always been about YOU, in particular, sharing your words, your thoughts...not the numbers.
I LOATHE those whiny-ass posts that say "Oh dear I only got 18 comments yesterday instead of the normal 40 oh don't you love me anymooooooore?"
Pah. I always want to smack someone upside the head when I read those posts.
But I was in serious danger of becoming that person, because the stats began to matter to me. Blame Insecurity, it's totally his fault.
I was becoming obsessive about checking them, worrying when no one visited or commented, feeling more blue and unloved and...unnoticed.
I wanted-needed-acknowledgement. I needed to know that I mattered to you.
So Anxiety and Depression were dancing in the middle of the room, Insecurity was insidiously sliding around the edges, drifting, passing out Doubt, planting the seeds wherever he came to rest.
Add to that a healthy side dish of Guilt because I wasn't leaving comments for you, due to the aforementioned Time Management thingy.
And I turned away from a friend because they have become appalling to me-their practices and values are such that I cannot tolerate them without serious irritation.
I realize the flaw lies within me, but still, the Irritation is something I don't think I can stand at the moment, so I turn my back. I think of it as Self-Preservation.
I feel weak and cowardly, but I'm fighting it.
I really do love you for caring-thank you again for the lovely concerned emails.
One more thing...I've lost my sense of humor. Have you seen it? Should you run across it lying around somewhere, just drop it in the nearest mailbox and send it home to me, won't you? Because I'd like to smile.
There are a number of reasons for my absence--time management (or lack thereof) factoring largely into the equation.
But...
There are other things. This field has lain fallow and untended, for I have been at war within myself.
The things I have wanted to say have been the definition of ugly, and there are those who would feel as though I were targeting them. Perhaps I would have been.
I have sat meself down several times to try and post, but my thoughts get jumbled and tangled, sliding over each other like...you know the worms you get for fishing bait in the styrofoam container? Yeah, like that.
So I stayed away.
I was/am struggling, barely coping, smothering beneath the weight of my life. I was/am resentful of the haves who crow their good fortune to the sky. I've never been one to begrudge others having things, because I realize that the value of things is nil in the long run. But I was becoming that person, that bitter person...
So I stayed away.
Then my two old friends, Depression and Anxiety, noticed that my hands were full and my shoulders bowed with the everydailies of life and they decided to come calling, as I hadn't the strength to turn them away. And they knew it, as they always do.
Their silken, honeyed voices whisper in my ears, bind my heart. They work together to work against each other, Depression bringing me low whilst Anxiety tries to pump me up.
And then a regular boarder at the House Of Me, Insecurity (who normally keeps a fairly low but constant profile, stays mostly quiet and unassuming) decided that Depression and Anxiety were having so much fun that it would pop in and join the party. Insecurity even brought a party gift, Self-Doubt.
See, Insecurity noticed, kept records...
Over a two week period, I sent 5 emails that required information and/or questions that needed answers...none were answered.
I had done a project for someone, as they requested, and it didn't get used as it was supposed to be used. Allegedly that is corrected now, but I haven't seen any evidence of it yet.
Two people who had said, "Oh, I'm SO going to do this for you" (weeks and weeks ago)neglected, as usual, to follow through.
The number of comments here went down, down, down.
I was going to get a blog re-design, and the designer backed out.
I signed up for MixMania, pimped it out, and still got left out of the mix due to an oversight.
I work so hard on putting my radio show together every week, and yet hardly anyone was listening live or downloading it.
Silly things, all.
But just like my everydaily issues, they grew and they grew and loomed larger in my mind every day.
So Insecurity said, "SAY! This is my kind of shindig!" and brought some Self-Doubt with him to pass around.
See up there? the part about the comments going down?
Yeah.
See, that bothers me...it bothers me that I noticed it.
I don't check my stats. Maybe once every few months I might remember to look, but mostly I don't. I never knew who my 10,000th visitor was. Or 75,000th. Or whatever. I don't notice that sort of thing--for me the comments always been about YOU, in particular, sharing your words, your thoughts...not the numbers.
I LOATHE those whiny-ass posts that say "Oh dear I only got 18 comments yesterday instead of the normal 40 oh don't you love me anymooooooore?"
Pah. I always want to smack someone upside the head when I read those posts.
But I was in serious danger of becoming that person, because the stats began to matter to me. Blame Insecurity, it's totally his fault.
I was becoming obsessive about checking them, worrying when no one visited or commented, feeling more blue and unloved and...unnoticed.
I wanted-needed-acknowledgement. I needed to know that I mattered to you.
So Anxiety and Depression were dancing in the middle of the room, Insecurity was insidiously sliding around the edges, drifting, passing out Doubt, planting the seeds wherever he came to rest.
Add to that a healthy side dish of Guilt because I wasn't leaving comments for you, due to the aforementioned Time Management thingy.
And I turned away from a friend because they have become appalling to me-their practices and values are such that I cannot tolerate them without serious irritation.
I realize the flaw lies within me, but still, the Irritation is something I don't think I can stand at the moment, so I turn my back. I think of it as Self-Preservation.
I feel weak and cowardly, but I'm fighting it.
I really do love you for caring-thank you again for the lovely concerned emails.
One more thing...I've lost my sense of humor. Have you seen it? Should you run across it lying around somewhere, just drop it in the nearest mailbox and send it home to me, won't you? Because I'd like to smile.
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