**ATTENTION PLEASE!
I have a small request.
(Nearly)Every Thursday at 9pm EST, I tune in to Jeckles and Shitty Blog Radio, The Worst Show On The Internet.
(it is, in fact, not the worst show on the internet)
Anyway.
The station that currently hosts Shitty Blog Radio is tuning out, closing the doors, going off-air.
I hope, with your help, to convince Jeckles to stay on the air, somehow, some way.
Tune in HERE, tomorrow night, 9pm EST.
I know it's been awhile, but I haven't forgotten that I'm still in the midst of my Blogathon Bribe Payoff! Take a listen:
Click here to get your own player.
You know, I take good care of my poor old car. I check the fluids regularly, keep the oil clean and the gas treated, perform general maintenance. It's old, but it has run like a dream for a really, really long time.
Guess what? Last week, my car stranded me on the highway. Fuel pump. Yep.
Luckily SuperDad (my very wonderful daddy) managed to help me get it home (two hours of me pushing it with his truck)(but we prevailed). Then, over the weekend, he replaced the fuel pump for me.
Guess what else? Today, my car stranded me on the highway. Yep. Right at the tail-end of an on-ramp...luckily one of OKC's Finest pushed me to the nearest exit...and left me right at the stop sign. No sweat, SuperDad would be on the way.
Except he got held up (he was working, you know), so I sat. For about 2 hours. In a really groovy, super-fun section of town right near the railroad tracks! Awesome.
Just me and The Hitcher. Well, I guess he wasn't as creepy as THE Hitcher, because I saw the last person to give him a ride let him out and go tooling merrily along so obviously he didn't kill them or cut off their fingers to put in someone's order of french fries.
So I watched him change his socks (he actually threw the old ones under a tree, which sort of makes sense because after all, who wants to tote around stinky, dirty socks? *gag*), then he spread a little picnic...after a while I was sort of grateful for his presence because if someone really creepy came along, perhaps The Hitcher would rush to my aid.
Anyway.
The SuperDad suspects it may be the timing belt or timing chain or whateverthefuck it's called.
And guess what else? I've developed a weird pain in the area near my appendix.
Or maybe not, because I'm not exactly sure where my appendix is.
Perhaps it's simply some internal bleeding.
You know, I try (with the exception, perhaps, of the last couple of weeks) to find the humor in most situations, to laugh rather than cry...I hate for people to think I'm playing on their sympathies. It makes me feel guilty and somewhat anxious.
But I must have been putting some seriously bad karma out there, somehow, unknowingly. And
I.
Have.
Had.
Enough.
UNCLE, already.
I quit.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Parenthetically speaking
Once again I must throw myself 'pon your tender mercies and beg forgiveness for lack of commenting.
The passage of time has become my enemy--there is too much work left at the end of the day and no hours left in which to do it.
Perhaps I would benefit from a time-management course, because obviously I've lost all skills.
(and did you know? it takes about 4 hours-or so-to produce a 2-hour radio show. That's a lo-hoooot of work)
(is all I'm saying)
(but it is all.for.you. so I don't mind a single bit)
(and I forgive you for not listening to the show)
(and you can make it up to me by downloading it right here)
(plus don't you want to know about the perfect Christmas gift? And Halloween contest?)
(I'm sorry that it's in two parts, but you're smart enough to figure it out)
(it's really a pretty good show, all things considered)
Have you been on the Crosstown lately?
Have you seen that Diffee billboard on I-40 West, just east of Classen Blvd?
Have you noticed that the shirt that Diffee kid is wearing looks just like it should belong to Captain James T. Kirk?
and now, a Meme.
Kitty tagged me a little while back with this (sorry I'm just now getting to it!)
Here are the rules of the tag: List 5 weird things about yourself or your pets. Tag 5 friends and list them. Those people need to write on their blogs about 5 weird things, and state the rules, and tag 5 more people. Don’t forget to let the people you tag know by posting a comment on their blog!
Here's my 5 weird things most of you don't know:
1) I hold entire conversations with myself, OUT LOUD. Sometimes in the mirror.
2) I sometimes shout "SPOOOOOOOOON!" or "CATFISH!" for no apparent reason. (actually they're inside jokes, but I use them even when no-one is around to get it)
3) I like to belch REAAAAALY long & loud, Booger style. Sometimes I can get halfway through the alphabet.
4) I am a packrat. I save stuff. LOTS of stuff. Hey, I might need it some day.
5) I am weird about eating chicken. I must pick it apart and make sure there is absolutely no pink anywhere.
You know my rules on tagging...feel free to tag yourselves. And don't forget to leave me a comment so that I may come andlaugh at your weirdness admire your answers.
That is all.
Have a day.
The passage of time has become my enemy--there is too much work left at the end of the day and no hours left in which to do it.
Perhaps I would benefit from a time-management course, because obviously I've lost all skills.
(and did you know? it takes about 4 hours-or so-to produce a 2-hour radio show. That's a lo-hoooot of work)
(is all I'm saying)
(but it is all.for.you. so I don't mind a single bit)
(and I forgive you for not listening to the show)
(and you can make it up to me by downloading it right here)
(plus don't you want to know about the perfect Christmas gift? And Halloween contest?)
(I'm sorry that it's in two parts, but you're smart enough to figure it out)
(it's really a pretty good show, all things considered)
Have you been on the Crosstown lately?
Have you seen that Diffee billboard on I-40 West, just east of Classen Blvd?
Have you noticed that the shirt that Diffee kid is wearing looks just like it should belong to Captain James T. Kirk?
and now, a Meme.
Kitty tagged me a little while back with this (sorry I'm just now getting to it!)
Here are the rules of the tag: List 5 weird things about yourself or your pets. Tag 5 friends and list them. Those people need to write on their blogs about 5 weird things, and state the rules, and tag 5 more people. Don’t forget to let the people you tag know by posting a comment on their blog!
Here's my 5 weird things most of you don't know:
1) I hold entire conversations with myself, OUT LOUD. Sometimes in the mirror.
2) I sometimes shout "SPOOOOOOOOON!" or "CATFISH!" for no apparent reason. (actually they're inside jokes, but I use them even when no-one is around to get it)
3) I like to belch REAAAAALY long & loud, Booger style. Sometimes I can get halfway through the alphabet.
4) I am a packrat. I save stuff. LOTS of stuff. Hey, I might need it some day.
5) I am weird about eating chicken. I must pick it apart and make sure there is absolutely no pink anywhere.
You know my rules on tagging...feel free to tag yourselves. And don't forget to leave me a comment so that I may come and
That is all.
Have a day.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Wow.
Did anyone watch last night's edition of Extreme Home Makeover, with the Bliven family?
That boy in the wheelchair, Aaron? Could've nearly doubled for my boy.
Only mine's cuter. :) (except for maybe that time I cut his hair & he looked like Lloyd Christmas)
I cried buckets. I mean full-on boo-hoo sobbing.
Every other minute I burst into fresh tears.
And I was...I'm not sure if comforted is the right word, but it's close...to watch them struggle with the exact same issues I face every day.
It made me feel connected to them, or something like that.
The hardships of carrying and lifting and bathing and living with a son with those particular disabilities, with CP and seizure disorder...whacking his head or legs against the doorframes, no matter HOW careful you try to be...I could only nod my head and say yes, yes, oh yes. I get it.
And then I thanked God for blessing that family with that amazing new home, and the people who built it.
That boy in the wheelchair, Aaron? Could've nearly doubled for my boy.
Only mine's cuter. :) (except for maybe that time I cut his hair & he looked like Lloyd Christmas)
I cried buckets. I mean full-on boo-hoo sobbing.
Every other minute I burst into fresh tears.
And I was...I'm not sure if comforted is the right word, but it's close...to watch them struggle with the exact same issues I face every day.
It made me feel connected to them, or something like that.
The hardships of carrying and lifting and bathing and living with a son with those particular disabilities, with CP and seizure disorder...whacking his head or legs against the doorframes, no matter HOW careful you try to be...I could only nod my head and say yes, yes, oh yes. I get it.
And then I thanked God for blessing that family with that amazing new home, and the people who built it.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Who said life was fair?
My friend (and one of my favorite Aussies) PETE said that to be fair I should post "How To Shower Like A Woman"...
...but Pete honey, it was all about steamy scents and sensuality and of course hand-held massage shower heads and I didn't think your poor heart could take it.
So I'm really just withholding it for your own good. You can thank me later.
:)
The pre-coffee look is probably why no one wants to sleep over.
The Shower Battle Of The Sexes
The men fight back...How To Shower Like A Woman, by PETER:
How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
I'll have you know I haven't shaved my legs in ages.
So there.
Which is probably another reason why nobody wants to sleep over.
...but Pete honey, it was all about steamy scents and sensuality and of course hand-held massage shower heads and I didn't think your poor heart could take it.
So I'm really just withholding it for your own good. You can thank me later.
:)
The pre-coffee look is probably why no one wants to sleep over.
The Shower Battle Of The Sexes
The men fight back...How To Shower Like A Woman, by PETER:
How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
I'll have you know I haven't shaved my legs in ages.
So there.
Which is probably another reason why nobody wants to sleep over.
This makes me laugh.
STOLEN FROM my friend DeeJay...
(of course, it was funnier when I read it on the radio show last Sunday-which you can still download RIGHT HERE)
How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
Get in the shower Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bathmat.
Dry off forearms and butt only.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the
woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
How well I remember.
Bleh.
:)
(of course, it was funnier when I read it on the radio show last Sunday-which you can still download RIGHT HERE)
How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
Get in the shower Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bathmat.
Dry off forearms and butt only.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the
woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
How well I remember.
Bleh.
:)
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
TAKE HIM BACK!
I seriously think JULES is giving out my email address to her psycho freaky guys...
I got this today (complete WITH (telf)TELEPHONE NUMBER):
"hello princesa mi telf es 405 6** ***2 come mi bebi please"
*sigh*
I got this today (complete WITH (telf)TELEPHONE NUMBER):
"hello princesa mi telf es 405 6** ***2 come mi bebi please"
*sigh*
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Choose your attitude.
Sometimes I feel like Ursula The Sea Witch...and I revel in it.
Sometimes when people are kind to me...I cry.
Sometimes I really really really really really hate being poor.
Then I get over it because I realize that I am rich in love, family, friendships, and faith-the things that really really really really really matter.
The moan I gave out when I bit into a cheddar pepper from the Crack House sounded orgasmic in nature.
It very nearly was.
Sometimes when people are kind to me...I cry.
Sometimes I really really really really really hate being poor.
Then I get over it because I realize that I am rich in love, family, friendships, and faith-the things that really really really really really matter.
The moan I gave out when I bit into a cheddar pepper from the Crack House sounded orgasmic in nature.
It very nearly was.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
RADIO SHOW UPDATE!!
!!!! There may be a glitch with the Live365 player on my radio show tonight!!!!
Sorry 'bout that.
Here, download your very own, brand new, SUPER EXCITING copy of MONTY DOES MOJO!
Click here to get your own player.
Sorry 'bout that.
Here, download your very own, brand new, SUPER EXCITING copy of MONTY DOES MOJO!
Click here to get your own player.
About A Girl, and a reminder.
but first...A Shameful Confession:
Sometimes when I have a really bad nightmare-you know, the kind where you wake up with your heart racing and you look around wildly, disoriented--I go back to sleep...
...with the lamp on.
When my daughter read the Little House on the Prairie series of books, she started calling me Ma.
Of course, when I was young and I read Little Women, I started calling my mom "Marmee".
And after I read "Mommie Dearest"...well, I started calling my mom "Mommie Dearest". I still do sometimes. Then she threatens me with Bon Ami.
ANYWAY. Back to the point.
We've finally moved past the "Ma" phase.
Now she calls me "Mum".
Evidently I'm raising a Brit.
Yesterday afternoon I told my daughter that we could have fast food for lunch (I was working and...well...too lazy to cook), as long as it was something inexpensive.
SHE: Is Mazzio's expensive?
ME: Oh yes, WAY too much money.
SHE: How about Long John Silver's?
ME: Well, that's pretty expensive too. Try again.
SHE: How about we go see what Grandma's got? 'Cause that's priceless.
ME *giggle*
Sometimes when I have a really bad nightmare-you know, the kind where you wake up with your heart racing and you look around wildly, disoriented--I go back to sleep...
...with the lamp on.
When my daughter read the Little House on the Prairie series of books, she started calling me Ma.
Of course, when I was young and I read Little Women, I started calling my mom "Marmee".
And after I read "Mommie Dearest"...well, I started calling my mom "Mommie Dearest". I still do sometimes. Then she threatens me with Bon Ami.
ANYWAY. Back to the point.
We've finally moved past the "Ma" phase.
Now she calls me "Mum".
Evidently I'm raising a Brit.
Yesterday afternoon I told my daughter that we could have fast food for lunch (I was working and...well...too lazy to cook), as long as it was something inexpensive.
SHE: Is Mazzio's expensive?
ME: Oh yes, WAY too much money.
SHE: How about Long John Silver's?
ME: Well, that's pretty expensive too. Try again.
SHE: How about we go see what Grandma's got? 'Cause that's priceless.
ME *giggle*
Thursday, October 05, 2006
The Scales Fell From Our Eyes
Last night I watched Peter Pan with the kids (for about the 300th time) and realized yet again...
Tinkerbell? High toned grade-A bitch. And turncoat. (I believe I have mentioned this before)
Wendy? Drama queen. And perpetual "victim".
Mermaids? Shrewish, mean-spirited harpies.
And Peter? Grandstanding show off. And a total playa.
Plus he likes to hit the hash pipe.
I begin to feel some small twist of sympathy for Captain Hook.
Tinkerbell? High toned grade-A bitch. And turncoat. (I believe I have mentioned this before)
Wendy? Drama queen. And perpetual "victim".
Mermaids? Shrewish, mean-spirited harpies.
And Peter? Grandstanding show off. And a total playa.
Plus he likes to hit the hash pipe.
I begin to feel some small twist of sympathy for Captain Hook.
Stop Me If You've Heard This One
but first...
What do you say to someone...when there's really nothing left to say?
Very sad.
I really need to learn to temper my temper.
One of my most serious character flaws (of which there are many) is that I have so much trouble with Letting It Go.
I used the word "whatevs" in conversation yesterday.
I'm so ashamed.
I had a bizarre dream last night...and I feel as though I've had it before. I also feel as though I've told you about it before...maybe I did. Or maybe I just dreamed that I did.
Anyway.
So in the dream THIS GUY and THIS GUY (both VIEBs-Very Important Ex Boyfriends with whom I had long term relationships)(please excuse the pic of THIS GUY #2, we didn't part on good terms)(obviously) were fighting over me...by juggling flaming bowling pin thingies.
I was standing between them.
BUT WAIT!
They weren't fighting over who got to have me...they were fighting over who had to take me.
Talk about a downer.
Seriously.
Assholes.
and furthermore...
I had another bizarre dream after (re)falling asleep...
I was in a formal dress with some other people, and apparently my date was a younger Christopher Walken...
we were in this strange place, Willy Wonka-ish, with huge contraptions and cogs and moving lifts that you had to use to get around with.
Like, at one point right before I (re)woke up, we (Chris and I) stepped on this platform thingy that moved up, up up...
He was trying to comfort me, but we were in some sort of (mild?) danger or something and I was scared.
...anyway, the lift went up and we had to grab onto these handholds protruding from a giant cog-type wheel that was going around and we had to HANG ON because there was nothing below our feet, and I had a (his?) jacket draped over one arm and I was clutching something tightly in one hand that I COULD NOT DROP...so I was having trouble hanging on. I was actually starting to slip and Chris made a grab to help me when I (re)woke up.
Very weird.
But what does it all mean?!?
Maybe it means I just need to get laid.
OH and in case you wanted to listen...
here's last Sunday's LOOOOOOOOOVE show. Scroll down to Monty's Show #4.
It's in two parts for right now, so make sure you get part 1 first, mmkay?
Click here to get your own player.
What do you say to someone...when there's really nothing left to say?
Very sad.
I really need to learn to temper my temper.
One of my most serious character flaws (of which there are many) is that I have so much trouble with Letting It Go.
I used the word "whatevs" in conversation yesterday.
I'm so ashamed.
I had a bizarre dream last night...and I feel as though I've had it before. I also feel as though I've told you about it before...maybe I did. Or maybe I just dreamed that I did.
Anyway.
So in the dream THIS GUY and THIS GUY (both VIEBs-Very Important Ex Boyfriends with whom I had long term relationships)(please excuse the pic of THIS GUY #2, we didn't part on good terms)(obviously) were fighting over me...by juggling flaming bowling pin thingies.
I was standing between them.
BUT WAIT!
They weren't fighting over who got to have me...they were fighting over who had to take me.
Talk about a downer.
Seriously.
Assholes.
and furthermore...
I had another bizarre dream after (re)falling asleep...
I was in a formal dress with some other people, and apparently my date was a younger Christopher Walken...
we were in this strange place, Willy Wonka-ish, with huge contraptions and cogs and moving lifts that you had to use to get around with.
Like, at one point right before I (re)woke up, we (Chris and I) stepped on this platform thingy that moved up, up up...
He was trying to comfort me, but we were in some sort of (mild?) danger or something and I was scared.
...anyway, the lift went up and we had to grab onto these handholds protruding from a giant cog-type wheel that was going around and we had to HANG ON because there was nothing below our feet, and I had a (his?) jacket draped over one arm and I was clutching something tightly in one hand that I COULD NOT DROP...so I was having trouble hanging on. I was actually starting to slip and Chris made a grab to help me when I (re)woke up.
Very weird.
But what does it all mean?!?
Maybe it means I just need to get laid.
OH and in case you wanted to listen...
here's last Sunday's LOOOOOOOOOVE show. Scroll down to Monty's Show #4.
It's in two parts for right now, so make sure you get part 1 first, mmkay?
Click here to get your own player.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Two Things.
Creepy thing...
I downloaded the theme music from POLTERGEIST for Halloween...typically I listen to the preview as I download but I had a bunch of music queued up and I left the house to go to work.
Guess what?
That song won't play.
Won't.
I don't mean it just sits there with dead (heehee) air or anything...it won't play. I have it loaded into iTunes and it skips right over that particular piece of music. I try clicking on that song...and it skips to the next one.
Very strange.
I'm thinking of deleting it. It's scary.
Surprising thing...
Did you know I just now found out that Johnny Cash did a recording of my FAVORITE POEM EVER by Edna St. Vincent Millay?
Yeah. AWESOME.
I downloaded the theme music from POLTERGEIST for Halloween...typically I listen to the preview as I download but I had a bunch of music queued up and I left the house to go to work.
Guess what?
That song won't play.
Won't.
I don't mean it just sits there with dead (heehee) air or anything...it won't play. I have it loaded into iTunes and it skips right over that particular piece of music. I try clicking on that song...and it skips to the next one.
Very strange.
I'm thinking of deleting it. It's scary.
Surprising thing...
Did you know I just now found out that Johnny Cash did a recording of my FAVORITE POEM EVER by Edna St. Vincent Millay?
Yeah. AWESOME.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
september perfect post award
It is time once again to find that one perfect post.
Which of course is impossible because there are just so many to choose from!
This month I've chosen Birdie from The Beauty Dish for the post
Richer Than The Sum Of My Skirt.
Birdie is so very talented...she shares her life and adventures with us and you need no imagination--you're drawn right into the middle of her stories. Her zest for living and turning everything into an adventure is unmistakable, admirable, and enviable.
She wrings tears from me as regularly as hearty laughter, and I very often wish I lived in Birdie's house so that I could adventure alongside her.
Whoever said selling Avon was boring???
Then they didn't know Birdie J.
Which of course is impossible because there are just so many to choose from!
This month I've chosen Birdie from The Beauty Dish for the post
Richer Than The Sum Of My Skirt.
Birdie is so very talented...she shares her life and adventures with us and you need no imagination--you're drawn right into the middle of her stories. Her zest for living and turning everything into an adventure is unmistakable, admirable, and enviable.
She wrings tears from me as regularly as hearty laughter, and I very often wish I lived in Birdie's house so that I could adventure alongside her.
Whoever said selling Avon was boring???
Then they didn't know Birdie J.
Saturday, September 30, 2006
OH. EM. GEE.
*SCREEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!*
JOURNEY and DEF LEPPARD
are coming to town!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyone wanna take an old fat broad to a concert?
I (blank) on the first date, you know.
are coming to town!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyone wanna take an old fat broad to a concert?
I (blank) on the first date, you know.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
I think maybe I'm too picky.
I have a question to put to my dearly beloved friends who are educators.
Now, don't eat me, okay?
I know it's only fifth grade.
I know people make mistakes and typos and errors in sentence structure.
I do it all the time.
But if you're going to give a child a writing assignment as punishment, shouldn't it be error free?
Or am I picking nits?
I think maybe I just jumped right on the defensive because it was my kid.
Probably that's it.
Here's what my daughter brought home today, and she is supposed to copy it.
This is exactly as it appears:
Since I enjoy using the left hemisphere of my brain to talk and am not using the right spatial side of my brain for listening and learning, I have earned this writing assignment. Because I have demonstrated to Mrs. T******* that I have difficulty using self control where my mouth is concerned, and I continue to talk after numerous times of being asked by Mrs. T******* to be quite. I have trouble concentrating on my assignment or the lesson Mrs. T is trying to present. Instead of opening my mouth and insisting on talking out of turn I could concentrate on closing my mouth, learn to become a good and active listener, in order that I might gain a higher educational level. By learning at a higher level I assure myself that I will become a better citizen, get a better job, and have a brighter future in general. When I am asked by Mrs. T to be quiet I do not have trouble understanding what she is teaching or maybe assigning as class work. Yet, because I am making a conscious choice to not be quiet I have this writing assignment to remind me why I need to be a good and active listener while I am in Mrs. T's class. If this writing assignment does not get my attention that when Mrs. T asks for quiet and I refuse to give it to her I can expect that my parent(s) will be called. If my parents can't get my attention about my talking out of turn and it persists in Mrs. Thompson's room; then I will be sent to the principal's office where I will be given proper punishment for ignoring Mrs. T's instructions to be quiet, this writing assignment, and my parent's instructions. In order to complete this writing assignment I acknowledge that my parent(s), along with myself, have to sign and date this paper and that it is due no later than the day after it has been assigned. If I fail to bring this assignment back the day after it has been assigned and complete with parent(s) signature then my parent(s) will be called.
THAT is exactly how it appears (with the exception of the teacher's name, which I took out).
I'm sorry, but I'm not going to make her do it until it is typo-free, correctly punctuated, with sentence structure that can be understood.
Otherwise, what's the point?
Okay, my friends, you can let me have it. I can take it. It's okay.
I know I should not be fostering a disregard for an assignment.
THAT IS VERY WRONG OF ME.
Maybe I just don't like her teacher.
Maybe I'm just an asshole.
Probably that's it.
(and OH YEAH don't think the kid is getting off scot-free for talking too much in class. She's got trouble, the kind that has an M on both ends and and O in the middle)
Now, don't eat me, okay?
I know it's only fifth grade.
I know people make mistakes and typos and errors in sentence structure.
I do it all the time.
But if you're going to give a child a writing assignment as punishment, shouldn't it be error free?
Or am I picking nits?
I think maybe I just jumped right on the defensive because it was my kid.
Probably that's it.
Here's what my daughter brought home today, and she is supposed to copy it.
This is exactly as it appears:
Since I enjoy using the left hemisphere of my brain to talk and am not using the right spatial side of my brain for listening and learning, I have earned this writing assignment. Because I have demonstrated to Mrs. T******* that I have difficulty using self control where my mouth is concerned, and I continue to talk after numerous times of being asked by Mrs. T******* to be quite. I have trouble concentrating on my assignment or the lesson Mrs. T is trying to present. Instead of opening my mouth and insisting on talking out of turn I could concentrate on closing my mouth, learn to become a good and active listener, in order that I might gain a higher educational level. By learning at a higher level I assure myself that I will become a better citizen, get a better job, and have a brighter future in general. When I am asked by Mrs. T to be quiet I do not have trouble understanding what she is teaching or maybe assigning as class work. Yet, because I am making a conscious choice to not be quiet I have this writing assignment to remind me why I need to be a good and active listener while I am in Mrs. T's class. If this writing assignment does not get my attention that when Mrs. T asks for quiet and I refuse to give it to her I can expect that my parent(s) will be called. If my parents can't get my attention about my talking out of turn and it persists in Mrs. Thompson's room; then I will be sent to the principal's office where I will be given proper punishment for ignoring Mrs. T's instructions to be quiet, this writing assignment, and my parent's instructions. In order to complete this writing assignment I acknowledge that my parent(s), along with myself, have to sign and date this paper and that it is due no later than the day after it has been assigned. If I fail to bring this assignment back the day after it has been assigned and complete with parent(s) signature then my parent(s) will be called.
THAT is exactly how it appears (with the exception of the teacher's name, which I took out).
I'm sorry, but I'm not going to make her do it until it is typo-free, correctly punctuated, with sentence structure that can be understood.
Otherwise, what's the point?
Okay, my friends, you can let me have it. I can take it. It's okay.
I know I should not be fostering a disregard for an assignment.
THAT IS VERY WRONG OF ME.
Maybe I just don't like her teacher.
Maybe I'm just an asshole.
Probably that's it.
(and OH YEAH don't think the kid is getting off scot-free for talking too much in class. She's got trouble, the kind that has an M on both ends and and O in the middle)
U R $0 CRAY Z!!!111
Okay, so I had this bizarre dream the other night that I was standing around at a cocktail party or something with a big bunch of you and EVERYONE WAS USING CHATSPEAK.
You may wonder how, if we were having spoken conversation, I knew that they were using the loathed and reviled chatspeak.
Because everyone had FLUFFY WHITE SPEECH BALLOONS drifting out of their mouths and I could see the chatspeak.
It was awful.
See, this silvery white blob would drift out of your mouths, and then fill wi+# r3d L3++3rz 0f c#4+ 5p3aK.
I was entranced by the speech bubbles and until I deciphered what you were trying to say by reading it, I couldn't understand what you were speaking.
It was all...gobbledygook.
Weird.
Whoever threw that party? Please do not ever invite me again.
Thank you.
That is all.
You may wonder how, if we were having spoken conversation, I knew that they were using the loathed and reviled chatspeak.
Because everyone had FLUFFY WHITE SPEECH BALLOONS drifting out of their mouths and I could see the chatspeak.
It was awful.
See, this silvery white blob would drift out of your mouths, and then fill wi+# r3d L3++3rz 0f c#4+ 5p3aK.
I was entranced by the speech bubbles and until I deciphered what you were trying to say by reading it, I couldn't understand what you were speaking.
It was all...gobbledygook.
Weird.
Whoever threw that party? Please do not ever invite me again.
Thank you.
That is all.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Where Everybody Knows Your Name
Can there be a warmer, fuzzier feeling than walking into a room and being greeted with hugs and kisses by people who know you, even though you've not met before?
Because I can tell you it feels just fine.
Being with people who know not only the best of you, but the worst of you...and they (appear to) like you anyway.
Such was the Okie Blogger Round Up.
Wow.
I got to meet a true blogging icon (and a personal favorite of mine), Chaz. And Mike, who was responsible for most of the hard work in putting the event together.
There were so many wonderful bloggers there, and I was thrilled out of my shoes to finally meet STEPH and NETTL. We've been online friends for a long time, and I truly adore them both.
And then we got to meet, and I fell in love with them. They're FABULOUS.
Steph gave me a huge compliment when she said, "I knew you'd be just like this."
I yam what I yam, sez I. What you read is what you get.
I, naturally, was at the loud & boisterous table.
I can't decide if it was loud & boisterous because I was there, or if I was simply drawn to it because of the laughter and noise.
Okay, I'm totally lying.
I am very loud and obnoxious, so that's the real reason. I hope I didn't embarrass the rest of my table too much.
If I did...screw you.
KIDDING!
I was also overjoyed to spend time with one of my favorite favorite people (that I have met before), BRIAN from Audience Of One.
It's always a wonderful, wonderful treat to spend time with him. He's one of those nice, kind people who is truly nice and kind.
AND I got the added Super Bonus of meeting Terri, Brian's Mystery Girl. (you may envy me now)
She's everything he described and more, she's gorgeous and smart, funny, and just a nice lady. They make a stunning couple, and I sincerely hope a Happily Ever After for those two.
OH and PLUS I won an award! Yes, yes I did.
Best Audio Blog.
Evidently my terrible singing of silly songs for the Blogathon has paid off in more ways that one. GO ME!
For a complete list of weiners, go see The Danz Family.
Then my Rubber Duck trophy(being mine and immediately taking on the attributes of its owner) promptly seduced Brian's trophy, buying him drinks and getting him drunk...then they got Chaz's Rubber Ducky to join in for a drunken threesome.
Those rubber ducks simply have no shame whatsoever.
I hope to have a picture post of the whole debacle, but here's a hint of how things were going...
There is no controlling drunken duckies. Am I right, or am I right,Brando Ducky Dear? (and is weird that I thought of you whilst the Rubber Ducks cavorted? Because I did)
There were many other bloggers there that I was so happy to finally meet, and I'm hoping to have more time later to share the link love.
It was the best time I've had in ages.
P.S. In case you missed the show last night (shame on you!):
Click here to get your own player.
Because I can tell you it feels just fine.
Being with people who know not only the best of you, but the worst of you...and they (appear to) like you anyway.
Such was the Okie Blogger Round Up.
Wow.
I got to meet a true blogging icon (and a personal favorite of mine), Chaz. And Mike, who was responsible for most of the hard work in putting the event together.
There were so many wonderful bloggers there, and I was thrilled out of my shoes to finally meet STEPH and NETTL. We've been online friends for a long time, and I truly adore them both.
And then we got to meet, and I fell in love with them. They're FABULOUS.
Steph gave me a huge compliment when she said, "I knew you'd be just like this."
I yam what I yam, sez I. What you read is what you get.
I, naturally, was at the loud & boisterous table.
I can't decide if it was loud & boisterous because I was there, or if I was simply drawn to it because of the laughter and noise.
Okay, I'm totally lying.
I am very loud and obnoxious, so that's the real reason. I hope I didn't embarrass the rest of my table too much.
If I did...screw you.
KIDDING!
I was also overjoyed to spend time with one of my favorite favorite people (that I have met before), BRIAN from Audience Of One.
It's always a wonderful, wonderful treat to spend time with him. He's one of those nice, kind people who is truly nice and kind.
AND I got the added Super Bonus of meeting Terri, Brian's Mystery Girl. (you may envy me now)
She's everything he described and more, she's gorgeous and smart, funny, and just a nice lady. They make a stunning couple, and I sincerely hope a Happily Ever After for those two.
OH and PLUS I won an award! Yes, yes I did.
Best Audio Blog.
Evidently my terrible singing of silly songs for the Blogathon has paid off in more ways that one. GO ME!
For a complete list of weiners, go see The Danz Family.
Then my Rubber Duck trophy(being mine and immediately taking on the attributes of its owner) promptly seduced Brian's trophy, buying him drinks and getting him drunk...then they got Chaz's Rubber Ducky to join in for a drunken threesome.
Those rubber ducks simply have no shame whatsoever.
I hope to have a picture post of the whole debacle, but here's a hint of how things were going...
There is no controlling drunken duckies. Am I right, or am I right,
There were many other bloggers there that I was so happy to finally meet, and I'm hoping to have more time later to share the link love.
It was the best time I've had in ages.
P.S. In case you missed the show last night (shame on you!):
Click here to get your own player.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
*****UPDATE:
There were friends, well-met.
There was wine.
There was laughter.
There was wine.
There was an award for me!
There was wine.
There was drunken duck porn.
There was wine.
There may be pictures, but I forgot my camera so I'm relying on Steph & Brian for those. Of the duck porn, I mean.
Did I mention the wine?
Oy.
FABULOUS.
BRILLIANT.
LOVELY.
tipsy.
tired.
'Night.
Friday, September 22, 2006
Just a quick warning..
If you think that you may see me at the OKIE BLOGGER ROUND-UP tomorrow, keep this in mind: since I quit smoking I have gained a LO-HOOOT of weight.
Yes, I have bypassed voluptuosity (I don't even think that's a real word, but so what) and moved into Fatty McFatterson territory. My ass has assumed EPIC PROPORTIONS and I don't want anyone pointing and laughing (or blogging) about it.
In fact, I had almost decided not to attend, but my eagerness to mix with my fellow local bloggers shunted aside my vanity and so I will go.
I'm guessing it's going to be FANTASTICALLY FUN.
See you there.
Yes, I have bypassed voluptuosity (I don't even think that's a real word, but so what) and moved into Fatty McFatterson territory. My ass has assumed EPIC PROPORTIONS and I don't want anyone pointing and laughing (or blogging) about it.
In fact, I had almost decided not to attend, but my eagerness to mix with my fellow local bloggers shunted aside my vanity and so I will go.
I'm guessing it's going to be FANTASTICALLY FUN.
See you there.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Fake Thursday SomethingTeen
Okay, so I was going to do the Thursday Thirteen thingy, but there were too many rules to read about joining and something about comments being off or on and quite frankly I'm already so far behind in my work that I didn't have time to read it.
Perhaps next time.
If I meet the criteria (see, that's part of what I didn't have time to read through)(somehow I thought it would be much simpler)(but we all know I'm technologically challenged anyway and don't understand stuff).
If I wassmart enough to figure out all the stuff going to play, here's what my list would be:
"Thirteen Handy-Dandy Hints For Everyone Thinking Of Auditioning For Survivor"
1. Learn to make fire, using just wood and coconut fluff-stuff. Practice, practice, practice making fire.
2. Learn to make fire, using a flint and knife. Practice, practice, practice making fire.
(seriously, have you never watched the show? For crap's sake)
3. Read some books on building simple shelter with bamboo and palm leaves. There is almost always bamboo and palm leaves.
4. PRACTICE building simple shelters. Practice, practice, practice.
5. Learn to fish. Part of learning to fish is learning to clean 'em & cook 'em up on the fire that you built out of just wood and coconut fluff-stuff.
6. Ladies, wax the pits & legs. A professional job would be best.
7. A bikini wax would not be amiss.
8. Men, wax the backs. This is actually good advice whether or not you decide to audition for Survivor. It should be part of your regular routine. Because ew.
9. When you find out you get picked, WEAR.APPROPRIATE.UNDERGARMENTS. The heavy duty kind might not be a bad idea. Leave the lacys at home.
10. Read some books on recognizing edible tropical plants. And bugs. Some of them might be tasty and packed full of protein. You never know.
11. Tone up a little. There will be a number of rigorous challenges. (Seriously, I ask you again--have you never watched the show?)
12. LEARN.TO.SWIM. Need I say more?
13. Read "101 Ways To Cook Coconut". It just makes good sense.
Please forgive me for the dearth of commenting lately. I am a terrible blog-friend.
And I've become a lurker, somehow.
I do, however, have a plan to correct this behavior. I'll tell you about it later.
That is all.
Have a day.
Perhaps next time.
If I meet the criteria (see, that's part of what I didn't have time to read through)(somehow I thought it would be much simpler)(but we all know I'm technologically challenged anyway and don't understand stuff).
If I was
"Thirteen Handy-Dandy Hints For Everyone Thinking Of Auditioning For Survivor"
1. Learn to make fire, using just wood and coconut fluff-stuff. Practice, practice, practice making fire.
2. Learn to make fire, using a flint and knife. Practice, practice, practice making fire.
(seriously, have you never watched the show? For crap's sake)
3. Read some books on building simple shelter with bamboo and palm leaves. There is almost always bamboo and palm leaves.
4. PRACTICE building simple shelters. Practice, practice, practice.
5. Learn to fish. Part of learning to fish is learning to clean 'em & cook 'em up on the fire that you built out of just wood and coconut fluff-stuff.
6. Ladies, wax the pits & legs. A professional job would be best.
7. A bikini wax would not be amiss.
8. Men, wax the backs. This is actually good advice whether or not you decide to audition for Survivor. It should be part of your regular routine. Because ew.
9. When you find out you get picked, WEAR.APPROPRIATE.UNDERGARMENTS. The heavy duty kind might not be a bad idea. Leave the lacys at home.
10. Read some books on recognizing edible tropical plants. And bugs. Some of them might be tasty and packed full of protein. You never know.
11. Tone up a little. There will be a number of rigorous challenges. (Seriously, I ask you again--have you never watched the show?)
12. LEARN.TO.SWIM. Need I say more?
13. Read "101 Ways To Cook Coconut". It just makes good sense.
Please forgive me for the dearth of commenting lately. I am a terrible blog-friend.
And I've become a lurker, somehow.
I do, however, have a plan to correct this behavior. I'll tell you about it later.
That is all.
Have a day.
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