And PS Kathy Griffin started the whole SUCK IT thing a long time ago.

I removed my earlier post because after visiting some blogs I realized that eerily, my post could be taken in the completely wrong context by people I'd never knowingly hurt.

Probably I'll put it back up at a time when several people won't think "BITCH IS TALKING ABOUT ME!", because most likely I wasn't. Or at least, not entirely.

I'm known for my excellent ill timing, of course.

And PS If you people would JUST TELL ME EVERYTHING, that wouldn't happen. Quite so often, anyway.

---

I would just like to remind everyone (including myself) that just because you read a post (here, there, or anywhere) that tweaks your (or my) conscience, it doesn't necessarily mean that the author had you (or me) in mind when it was written.

---

I've deleted several emails before I could send them, several tweets before I could post them, several posts before I could publish them.

Apparently I'm having a love affair with Delete today.
That never happens to me.

---

Sometimes there is more than one villain in a story.
We'd do well to remember the innocents.

---

"Make no promises when seized by joy; write no letters when seized by anger.” -Chinese Proverb

Which is why Delete and I just became such good friends.

---

We all have opinions on damn near everything; that's the beauty of blogging.
Sometimes, however, discretion is the better part of valor.
And sometimes offering my opinions is due more to a selfish need to be heard rather than any constructive reason.

Because as much as I'd like to believe otherwise, it's really NOT all about me.
Although it damn well should be.
Is all I'm saying.

---

Sometimes minding my own business is underrated.

---

Sometimes being able to vent my spleen confidentially to good friends -rather than here- makes all the difference in the world.
It becalms my mind, eases my heart, and refreshes my soul.

Plus also lets me think about things from different perspectives - and more rationally than I may have done on my own.

So, you know, thanks for that. <3

---

Condescension, patronization, attempting to make others feel small or ashamed and always having to get the last word in are very, very unattractive qualities in a person.
Hence some of my twitter unfollows.

---

Seriously, I'm an attention whore, but there are those who make me look like a rank amateur.
Hence even more of my twitter unfollows.

---

and now for the bad news...

Sorry, there will be no Friday Night Live Show tonight.

Feel free to weep, wail, keen, gnash your teeth, tear at your hair and tell me how much you will miss me.

I have to meet The Sperm Donor at the buttcrack of dawn in Ardmore, which is two hours from my house and about halfway between our respective homes.
So I've got a ton of shit still to accomplish, and I've got to get to bed at a decent hour.

With gas prices so high, it'll cost about the same if I stay in a cheap motel rather than driving back & forth, so I'll have no internet this weekend.

Which sucks for me, but may be a ray of sunshine in the dark for YOU.

---

Make sure you tune in to Friday Night Live next week, because I'll have a special co-host!'

---

OH and PS: If any of you are going to be around Ardmore this weekend, holla. Let's have a drink.
And also - since I will have no internet, please text and/or call so that I will be entertained. Kthx.

---

That is all.
Have a day.

Because if you don't listen, you might be a douchebag.

TONIGHT! FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE!
9pm Central, 10pm Eastern, 7pm Pacific

It's PETTY-PALOOZA!!

Tom Petty, that is. And maybe some Heartbreakers.

Time to tune it in and TURN IT UP: EMPIRE RADIO (or click Listen Here)

The Mosh Pit will be open!
Come and bring me a live request.

Hey, some of the other reasonably cool kids are doin' it.

Just one more little thing...

Oh HAI! And GUESS WHAT?



Yeah, baby.

Sometimes...all I need is the air that I breathe...

Summer is upon us, grass is growing, trees and flowers are blooming...mold and pollen counts are UP.

You know, I never had problems with allergies until I had kids. I never had problems with my teeth and never even had a coldsore until I was pregnant.
Kids just suck the life out of you. :)

Wait. That's a-whole-nother post.
Anyway, allergies.
My son's are TERRIBLE. He's allergic to so many things - his dairy allergy is so severe that if even kiss him right after I've eaten ice cream it makes his skin break out in welts.

ALL times of the year are hard on him, the tree & grass & pollen and mold counts cause him endless stuffy/runny noses, achy heads, coughs. We can't have an indoor pet. There is no smoking allowed in my house.

But my house is VERY old and of course lots of dust and allergens from the outside filter in around the cracks of the windows and doors. It's a BITCH to keep these hardwood floors clean, I can tell you.

So, thanks to Mom Central, I got to check out the website for American Standar Air's AccuClean Air Filtration System.
It's got a nifty feature where you put in your zip code and it'll help you choose a system that's typical - and works best- for your area. You can choose the heating/cooling system that you already have, whether it's electric or gas, and American Standard Air will show you your best options.

Apparently it's an air filtration system of components that works best with your heating & cooling system to filter out an amazing 99.98% of unwanted particles & allergens from your filtered air, throughout your entire home.

And if you've got kids like mine who suffer from poor health due to prematurity, who are susceptible to SO many illnesses, you might be interested to know that a Harvard-led study recently proved that American Standard AccuClean™ removes over 99% of the common flu from the filtered air in your home.

Unfortunately I don't actually get to try it out (damn shame, it is), I suggest that you check out the site yourself, especially if you're thinking of replacing or upgrading your current heating/cooling system.

I would.
And you know that right in the middle of summer, on the hottest day of the year, is when your a/c unit is going to go all wonky - so at least take a look now so you'll be prepared.

oooh, VACATION ISLAND!

Okay, most of you know I'm a geek. In OH SO MANY WAYS. I love to play video games - I still have a Super NES. Super Mario World is STILL one of my favorite games. And Resident Evil on the Playstation? Well, I can't play it late at night when I'm up by myself because it creeps me, but I love it.
And online, I am only a little ashamed to admit that I play Neopets AND Marapets.
I KNOW. STOP IT.

So for Christmas, my daughter got a Nintendo DS.
I.LOVE.THIS.GAME.SYSTEM.

Plus I love to play the Pokemon games. Shut up.

I'm glad we she got the thing, because we got to review a game: GoPets: Vacation Island.

Overall? My daughter and I both liked it, it was fun. I like games where you have to unlock areas to explore, there are games to play & earn shells ($$), and adopt pets and dress 'em up.
You also start with a little "bungalow" that you can decorate with rugs and chairs and a fishbowl and curtains & other cute little things.
You can 'pet' your pets - and other people's pets too (and bathe them, and feed them)! You can communicate with other 'islanders' by Iku - which consists of little symbol cards with which you can make little haiku type messages.

What I DIDN'T like is that when you make "buddies" out of the villagers, you get INUNDATED with Iku messages. I mean like spam-in-your-email inundated. And if you try to answer all of them (just to be polite, for goodness sake!) some of your 'buddies' get mad and send you nasty Ikus. Like "NO MORE MESSAGE ! !"
Sort of rude. I didn't care for that part.


A couple things...
Maybe because I'm a grownup I struggled a little more with it than my daughter did, at first. I mean I had to actually READ all the instruction booklet to make sense of some things - to figure them out. And the Iku thing. And also? In the game area (OH, some of the games are REALLY FUN, like making food!!), one of the games has a big red "X" on it and we've yet to figure out if that even CAN be unlocked as a single player game.

BUT.
We haven't tried this feature yet, but you can do the multi-player thing if you've got wi-fi! Hook up and make new online friends, play with more pets, earn more shells, buy more stuff!
I likee.
Unfortunately, I don't have wi-fi so... we're hoping to try that out eventually. I'll let you know how it goes.

If your kid (or YOU) likes to play the pet games, like Dogz or Catz or Webkinz or one of those other Z things, I think you'd have fun with this game. It would be better if there was more stuff to do on the single-player game, though.
Still, I'd buy it.

Now, I have to go trump up some reason to ground my daughter from the DS so I can play.

---

---

OH and PS:
If you missed last night's FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE, feel free (and encouraged!) to go get the podcast.

---

That is all.
Have a day.

Because you BETTER NOT FORGET.

TONIGHT! FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE!
9pm Central, 10pm Eastern, 7pm Pacific

It's BILLY-PALOOZA!!

We'll be playing Billy all night long, baby.
Which Billy? I guess you'd better tune in to find out.

Time to tune it in and TURN IT UP: EMPIRE RADIO (or click Listen Here)

The Mosh Pit will be open!
Come and bring me a live request.

Hey, some of the other reasonably cool kids are doin' it.

I'M NOT DEAD! I'm feeling better! I don't want to go on the cart!

Two imaginary bonus points if you get the title reference.

---

Wow, it is all dusty and neglected in here! I have no particular reason, except for the normal things like "I NEED MORE TIME!" and "I HAVE NOTHING MORE TO SAY TO YOU!".

Poor little blog.
I think I've given it an inferiority complex or something.

I DO have things to say, but I didn't want to just fill the space with the same old shit regurgitated in different words. BOOOOOORING!

Okay, it may ALWAYS be a little boring, but at least it'll be boring on a different topic.

---

Although I love twitter.com, the amount of social climbing, "star" fucking, brown-nosing, and fakery makes me almost physically ill.
Especially when you find out that people you really thought were sweet and caring and...relatively well-adjusted are really NOT LIKE THAT in real life.
In real life they are rude and thoughtless, selfish and uppity. AND LIARS.
And old enough to know better.
SHAME on you. SHAME.

---

I got an email from someone who said I was "scarily intimidating".
I don't see it.
Am I?
I don't even know what that MEANS.

Apparently (according to the same individual), the person worries that they can't live up to my expectations of them, my expectations of people in general.
WHAT?
What do you know of my expectations?
I expect people to be decent human beings, is all. Is that so hard?
I say what's on my mind. If I'm wrong, so be it.
I don't expect my friends to always agree with me, nor I with them. It's okay to have your own personal opinion and not be a "yes-person".

Just because I have low tolerance for constant whining or being a quitter or your little clique of holier-than-thou pals or the people who think they're the intellectual elite doesn't mean that you're wrong and I'm right although I probably am, it just means I don't like those behaviors or the people who embody them.
If you don't mind, then more power to you! Doesn't mean I can't like YOU.

So give me a fuckin' break, okay? Srsly.

---

and now for something completely different...

Get your GUILTY PLEASURE-PALOOZA podcast now!

I was 'outing' people left and right, playing the songs that they're embarrassed for people to know they listen to.

AND I NAMED NAMES.

---

Hey, guess what? I got nominated for a Best Of Blogs award, in the BEST PODCAST category!

Could I have your vote, please? There might possibly be wild monkey* sex involved!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

And PS You can vote EVERY SINGLE DAY. Is all I'm saying.

---

*this may mean sex with wild monkeys, unless none can be caught, in which case there might be a secret, stealthy trip to the zoo.

The scoop.

If you listened to last week's show, you may have noticed that right at the end of the show all my music disappeared from my winamp library.

As of yet, I haven't figured out how to get it back.
I tried to drag it back in like I usually do when adding new music, but it was only adding ONE song at a time & opening it up in Quicktime.

WEIRD!

I have no idea what to do.

ANYWAY.

Hopefully some of my hot geek friends will help me get it back on track...but unfortunately this means there will be

NO FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE TONIGHT

:( Boohoo.

Every day is Mother's Day. Or it should be.

"God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers." - Jewish Proverb

I don't know how to write flowery, prose-y things without sounding like an insincere asshole. So I'll just say...

Happy Mother's Day.
Y'all keep up the good work.

Great Expectations. And some other crap.

I love to read. Read read read read. I don't have many requirements of a book, except that it entertain me in one way or another. And as silly as it sounds, it can't be too wordy.
You know?
Like Danielle Steele's paragraph-long sentences with fourteen commas.
And Anne Rice. Did you know it took me six years to finish "The Witching Hour"? YAWN-FEST. I thought it was going to be my downfall; become the only book I started but didn't finish.
BUT I DID IT.
Then I made the mistake of trying to read "The Hunt For Red October", which, with all the technical stuff and choppy scenes, has been half-finished for about three years now. But I refuse to give up.

ANYWAY.

One thing I really hate is a badly edited book. Typos, misspellings, grammatical errors, poorly constructed sentences...they distract my eye from the story as my mind tries to arrange them in proper form.
Really, really, really hate that.
I expect better.

Strangely, however, most of those things don't bother me in the least when it comes to blog reading...or writing.
I'm way guilty of all that stuff, and I don't proofread because if it looked right the first time, chances are I'll miss it the second.

But if one of you guys publishes a book, make sure your copyeditor does a good job.
And yes, I get the irony.

---

I'm thinking of homeschooling my daughter next year. Well, actually, my mom would do it.
She's a terrible student. Oh, I know, she's not the only one...but I also dislike her school.
If you've listened to my radio show or the podcast, you're aware of the current situation with the Band Candy and the trip to Six Flags Over Texas (the conclusion of which will be vented tomorrow, live on the show).
Dealing with the teachers, two principals, and a member of the schoolboard lodged the seed of discontent even deeper in my heart.
But my daughter is still not a good student, either way. She doesn't turn in her work. She doesn't do her stupid bellwork. She doesn't, despite the fact that she's grounded and yelled at, remember to take two seconds to put the homework in a folder that is specifically labeled for that purpose. She doesn't remember to write in her agenda, on which she is graded.
She does, however, get her nightly reading done. But then she doesn't write THAT in her agenda and have me sign it, so that she can receive a grade.
I know some of it is typical...but I also know that when she was born, the bleeding in her head caused some slight damage.
It's hard, if not impossible, to separate which might be the result of birth and which might be the result of teenageritis.

Oh, I can continue to sit with her as we go through her backpack, and she can continue to quail from the look I know appears on my face when she tells me - yet again- "I forgot".
I tried to abdicate and let her wing it.
Unfortunately I don't have that thing in me that other people have, that allows them to accomplish that.
She's a good kid. A thoughtful, sweet kid. A truthful kid. A smart kid. And in so many other ways, very responsible. She's well liked by her teachers and principals.
But the stress level isn't good for my heart OR for hers, which is already oversized.

So. Homeschool. Maybe for a couple-three years.

I need help. I know a lot of you are homeschooling moms...I could REALLY REALLY use some advice.

I have absolutely no idea whether or not I'm doing the right thing.

---

and now for something completely different...

---

MY SISTER: "What does 'refute' mean?"
ME: "Repudiate."

I laughed. She didn't.

---

If I ever predict your death, you can trust that it'll be completely accurate...because obviously I plan to kill you.

---

DO.NOT.MISS my show tomorrow night!
It's YOU BE THE STAR OF MY SHOW PART II!!
There's still time for you to record your song and email it to me.

And as an added bonus...
MR. FABULOUS co-hosts!!

A delicious review...and some other stuff

One of the things I like about Mom Central is the opportunity to review cool stuff.
Well, some things are cooler than others, but hey - FREE GOODS. Right?

This time was a total score.

You know I love my coffee. I also love to try energy drinks - especially when I'm gearing up for the Blogathon and 24 hours of straight blogging. I tried a lot of coffee the first year & MAN it tore up my stomach. I had acid reflux almost until the next blogathon.

Last year I tried a variety of energy drinks, and I have to say that: TAB ENERGY DRINK tastes like a can off ass juice.
Also the Monster drink with the red writing, and some weird off-brand I bought for 89 cents at Walgreen's.
THE.SUCK.

So Mom Central asked if I'd like to try an energy drink made by Ocean Spray, and since I like their Cran-Grape, I was all for it.

What I got was a couple bottles of Cranergy, in Cranberry Lift and Raspberry Cranberry Lift.

First of all? YUM
Second of all? It didn't give me a huge rush, it didn't give me the jitters, and it didn't make me clench my jaws--which is what I do when I'm all jazzed up on caffeine and/or energy drinks.

What I liked about Cranergy (besides the delicious flavor) was that it did give me a gentle boost and sort of...unfuzzed my tired brain. I felt more alert and awake.
The first bottle I drank in the morning-time in lieu of coffee; I KNOW, right? But it seemed to do the trick, and I didn't even have to wait for it to brew.
The second bottle I tried the next day in the late afternoon (around 4pm I usually start fading & need a lift), and it boosted me nicely so that I didn't yawn my way through dinner. Also? Did NOT make it hard for me to sleep that night.

It's got green tea extract, antioxidents, the all-important B vitamins and - here's the good part if you're a calorie counter - 50% fewer calories compared to other energy drinks and sodas.
Since I'm in the midst of dieting right now (BLAH!), that was a bonus.

So try some Cranergy. It does not taste like ass-juice, and is WAY tastier than Red Bull.
Is all I'm saying.

---

---

in case you missed it live...

You can get the podcast!

FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE - YOU ARE THE STAR OF MY SHOW!

It's one you don't want to miss - some of my friends from twitter.com sang some songs! They were awesome. I also had a fantastic and very funny co-ho, PseudoJoe.
It wants to be heard. It NEEDS to be heard.

This coming Friday will be YOU ARE THE STAR PART II.

Record me a song (with YOU singing, naturally), email it, and I'll play it for tens of people! Woo!
Hurry up though, I won't wait forever.

**BONUS! This week's guest co-ho is none other than Mr. Fabulous himself!
You'll really, really want to be there.

FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY

TONIGHT! FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE!
9pm Central, 10pm Eastern, 7pm Pacific

It's the YOU BE THE STAR show!!

That's right, we've got some excellent singers I found in my twitter.com stream

(PART II next week - won't you sing me a song? Be the star of Friday Night Live!)

Time to tune it in and TURN IT UP: EMPIRE RADIO

The Mosh Pit will be open!
Come and bring me a live request.

Hey, everyone else is doin' it.

I can haz LOLbloggerz?

Mr. Fabulous, in his comic brilliance, has created LOLBloggers (of which I am one, this week):



Go check out EVEN MORE LOLBloggers!

I'm not nitpicky.

Really. I'm SO NOT. I don't like to pick the nits.
DO.NOT.
See, lice and nits fall under that whole "any kind of bugs touching my skin FREAKS ME OUT!" umbrella.
I was lucky as a youngster; I never had lice. Never, not once.
Which now strikes me as having dodged a bullet, since all my girlfriends and I shared brushes, combs, hats, and jackets.
My sister, though? She had lice about 4 times, and I laughed and laughed and made fun of her.

BIG mistake. HUGE.

Because the first month of kindergarten, I got a call from my daughter's school.
Yep.
"Come pick up your girl, she's got head lice."

OH.EM.GEE.
I had no idea how to deal with it.

I was all OH, no PROBLEM, I'll get some of that lice shampoo and comb her hair and BAM! No more lice.

And I did that (gagging a few times & shuddering & ceaselessly scratching my head and neck). Sent her back to school the next day...yeah, you guessed it: "Come pick up your daughter, she's still got lice."

Let me tell you, she spent a whole week at home and I spent that week practically in tears because I COULD NOT GET ALL THE DAMN THINGS OUT.
Stupid little teeny comb. Stupid stick-on lice. Stupid BUG-O-PHOBIA.
Mean Mom wouldn't help.

Two months later...SHE GOT IT AGAIN.
I almost just shaved her head that time.
Luckily good sense prevailed & I did NOT shave her head...but she did get a really cute (and very short) pixie cut. Well, sort of. I called it a pixie because it was short and uneven and sort of shaggy, because let's face it - hair-cutting is not where my talent lies.

ANYWAY. I used Rid those times (and I'm sure that's a name many of you are very familiar with), but I wanted to let you know about a PESTICIDE FREE lice treatment that's available now, LICE MD.
It's pediatrician tested, it helps prevent re-infestation, and -BEST OF ALL!- has a proven 100% effective comb.
AND you can reapply as needed! And it isn't STINKY!
I wish I'd've had Lice MD back then...but you can bet I'll be giving it a shot if there's a next time.

Check out their website: http://www.LiceMD.com

Now excuse me, I need to go wash my hair. And scratch.

Holy Shit.

I'm 40.

How can turning 40 be bad with THESE?!??

OH EM GEE THIS IS THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER AND IT ISN'T EVEN MY BIRTHDAY YET!

Got my killa bunny slippers, which are made of awesome.
And today?

Got one of my all time top five favorite movies from someone who loves and appreciates it too:


And also?
If there was a prize for Biggest Supporter And Good-Thought Thinker Ever, it would have to go to my dear friend Steph, who sent me THIS AMAZING AND MARVELOUS PIECE OF ART:


*sigh*
My life could NOT be any better right now. I don't even have the words to say thank you. Except...well, THANK YOU!

So if you'll excuse me, I have toys to play with, a golden lasso to wrap around my daughter to make her tell the truth, and an awesomely clever movie to watch.

It's raining babies! Halleluja!

That's right, it's a baby shower! Turn your umbrellas upside down.
Raehan is one of my oldest (and most favorite) blogfriends. She's sweet natured and gentle, super-intelligent and kind -- I know, I know, my complete opposite. Why are we friends again?
Mostly through my good luck and her bad taste. :)
ANYWAY.
The beauteous Raehan is due to give birth very, very soon, and we're having a virtual baby shower! It's open to all you lovely people, and you don't even have to bring a gift (but of course, you can if you want to - GO HERE to donate to the cause!).
Her due date is officially April 29, but since MY birthday is April 19th, I took that date in the baby pool. COME ON BABY, it's only 10 days early! Do me right.

Now, YOU run on over to Raehan's Place and tell her congratulations and have a glass of punch. Make sure you get the green punch, because that's the bowl I spiked.

LOVE YOU, RAE!! And all your babies too. xoxoxoxoxoxox

---

And also?

TONIGHT! FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE!
9pm Central, 10pm Eastern, 7pm Pacific

It's COLOR-PALOOZA!!
Songs with all the colors of the rainbow will abound tonight.

And Empire Radio is all moved into its new home - LISTEN HERE or HERE!

The Mosh Pit will be open!
Come and bring me a live request.

Hey, everyone else is doin' it.

HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

To date, the best birthday present EVAR!
Okay, my birthday's not until the 19th...but they CAME EARLY.
Totally not my fault. :)

They're soft and furry, they're cozy and squishy and warm...

MY NEW BUNNY SLIPPERS!
(and OH EM GEE how CANKLE-Y do I look from that angle??)




Awww look, it's just a cute fuzzy bunny!




What?! AAAARRRRGGGGHH!!




DEATH AWAITS YOU ALL WITH NASTY, BIG, POINTY TEETH!



Thank you so, so much DeeJay!! You're my hero.
XOXOX

TWO IMPORTANT THINGIES!

First...

TONIGHT! FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE!
9pm Central, 10pm Eastern, 7pm Pacific

It's the ALL REQUEST SHOW!!

And Empire Radio is all moved into its new home - LISTEN HERE!

The Mosh Pit will be open!
Come and bring me a live request.

Hey, everyone else is doin' it.

---

AND ALSO!

This Sunday, APRIL 6th at 6pm EASTERN - It's the
BIG HONKIN' DUET SHOW
with Mr. Fabulous!

You won't want to miss it on Blog Talk Radio.

A lovely Tuesday surprise, and it wasn't even an April Fool's joke

Many of you already know that Kimberly of Petroville and Lindsay of Suburban Turmoil host a monthly event: The Perfect Post Awards.
(if you didn't know, then shame on you!)



I'm feelin' the love this month, because two of my favorite blog-pals decided to honor me with an award!

Thank you so much, HOSS and SIMPLY SASSY! I'm very glad you enjoyed THIS POST.

Y'all ROCK.