In case you missed it on Twitter, I was making up my own "lightbulb" punchlines the other day.
How many twitterers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
100. 1 to screw in the lightbulb and post it to twitter, 99 to re-tweet it.
I like my coffee like I like my men: strong and bitter.
How many Social Media people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
100. 1 to screw in the lightbulb, 4 "gurus" to host a seminar on it, and 95 to discuss how to monetize it.
I like my coffee like I like my exes: finely ground and dark-roasted.
and now for something completely different...
Meg Fowler has got me involved in the fringes of an upcoming event: Social Media for Social Change NYC!
Finally a social media event that isn't about self-promotion. These folks are raising money for charity. They've had a previous event that was successful in raising $$ for Jane Doe in Boston, and now they've joined forces with City Harvest NYC, an organization which rescues food to help feed the homeless.
I love organizations which focus on feeding the hungry in THIS country. We all talk about feeding the people in other countries - which, naturally, is a noble task -- but what about OUR people? Sometimes in this country we care more about abused & homeless animals than we care about PEOPLE.
ANYWAY ANYWAY.
The actual event in NYC is April 3, but on Saturday, March 7th, there is going to be a "Stay At Home" night.
What they're asking is that you STAY HOME instead of going out on that one single night, and all the $$ that you would have spent taking in a movie, or Broadway show, or dinner at Olive Garden, WHATEVER... and DONATING THAT LITTLE BIT OF MONEY. Give fittycent. Or $50. Or whatever you normally spend on a Saturday night out.
Help feed some people. Feel good about yourself.
See? Easy peasy.
Oh, what am I doing? I'll be providing the background music while you stay at home and twitter, or blog, or make UStream videos.
That's right, a SATURDAY NIGHT SPECIAL edition of Friday Night Live!
WOO!
I'll be hosting a show, with updates on the fun things that other "stay-at-homers" (heehee, I called you HOMERS) are doing...maybe some call-ins to plug the actual event.
Everything from ABC to XYZ, Abba to the Zombies, Paul Anka to Warren Zevon.
So the only question left is...
Can you handle The Full Monty on a Saturday night?
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Untitled On Purpose.
Sometimes the pain is so huge that I want to cry, but I don't tell anyone.
There is a tiny, secret part of me that is bitterly amused at the silent martyrdom.
There is a tiny, secret part of me that is bitterly amused at the silent martyrdom.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
CUPCAKES FOR CANCER RESEARCH!
How sweet it is!I think this is my favorite Mom Central blog tour so far, because I feel like I CAN actually help make a difference.
This year for Valentine's Day (oKAY, I know it's already passed but you can still play!!), Kelly Ripa and Electrolux Appliances have teamed up to help fund research for ovarian cancer.
This is personal for me, as I've had family members succumb to this very disease.
So... LET'S RAISE SOME MONEY!! All you have to do is send a cupcake.
Srsly, who doesn't like cupcakes?
Here's what:
Register on Kelly's site, then log in and start sending those cupcakes!! For every cupcake you send, ELECTROLUX will make a $1 donation to the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund.
THAT.IS.AWESOME.
And as if that weren't enough, every day you log on and send a virtual cupcake, you are automatically entered for a chance to win a new Red Hot Red Washer & Dryer from Electrolux!!
Let's review:Send virtual cupcakes, automatically help fund ovarian cancer research, and be entered to win your very own, brand new, SUPER exciting RED HOT RED WASHER & DRYER!
What could possibly taste sweeter than that?
NOW GO SEND ME A DAMN CUPCAKE, YOU.
Friday, February 13, 2009
FRIDAY THE 13th BIRTHDAY! Woo!
***This is a re-post from last year (and the year before! and the year before THAT!)-I've decided to just keep posting it annually, because I'm incredibly lazy it just doesn't get any better than this.
Quote of the Day:
At fourteen you don't need sickness or death for TRAGEDY. ~Jessamyn West
Happy Birthday, my terrible twosome! You are 14 years old today!
And it is now time for me to start paying you back for all that embarrassment you caused when you were much younger.
HAHAHA.
Did you know that my due date was June 4?
But my impatient children arrived February 13, 1995.
24 hours of labor, which the doctors tried to stop.
My son came first, in the usual way. (in this picture he was actually one month and one day old)
As they were wheeling me to recovery, my daughter's heart rate dropped to zero, and she was removed by emergency C-section fifty-six minutes after her brother was delivered. (and she is one month and one day old here)
I was stapled from head to toe, practically. Or at least that's how I felt.
And I fell in love with morphine.
In recovery I heard my mom & stepmom talking about the children~I told everyone to shut up shut up shut up because I didn't want to hear that they had died.
But they hadn't. Thank you, God.
They struggled for every single breath. They fought to live.
And so they did.
Thank you, God.
For this little miracle....(my girl at about 2 months)
and this little miracle...(my boy at about 3 or 4 months)
The doctors gave them less than a 50% chance of survival.
We fooled 'em good, din't we?
About a pound each, about a foot long...
My girl here is about a year and a half old, this is one of my favorite pictures of her~she looks so pensive.
And here is my sister with two skinny little babies:
One morning I discovered that my daughter knew how to climb into her brother's crib..
And she always....
...always has loved him best.
(yes, her mouth is blue...she was putting eye shadow on. On her lips. Yep. You should have seen what she did to me earlier that day with lipstick...whilst I was catnapping on the couch.)
When she was about two, this is what "Go get ready for bed" meant:
Already trying to fill mommy's shoes, trailing that damned oxygen hose behind her (that I tripped on a thousand and one times):
Here's my little guy at about 6 or 7 months old, not too long after he finally got to come home from the hospital...
He had the softest, wispiest hair so I let it grow and grow...
How could I not believe in a higher power? In miracles?
I love you, my babies. I'm thankful for every breath that you take, every blink of your eyes, every morning that you wake. I love you.
You make me laugh, you make me cry, you make me want to smack you upside your heads.
If all the world was a beach, I would love you more than all the grains of sand added together. Times ten thousand.
Happy, happy birthday.
Quote of the Day:
At fourteen you don't need sickness or death for TRAGEDY. ~Jessamyn West
And it is now time for me to start paying you back for all that embarrassment you caused when you were much younger.
HAHAHA.
Did you know that my due date was June 4?
But my impatient children arrived February 13, 1995.
24 hours of labor, which the doctors tried to stop.
My son came first, in the usual way. (in this picture he was actually one month and one day old)
As they were wheeling me to recovery, my daughter's heart rate dropped to zero, and she was removed by emergency C-section fifty-six minutes after her brother was delivered. (and she is one month and one day old here)
I was stapled from head to toe, practically. Or at least that's how I felt.
And I fell in love with morphine.
In recovery I heard my mom & stepmom talking about the children~I told everyone to shut up shut up shut up because I didn't want to hear that they had died.
But they hadn't. Thank you, God.
They struggled for every single breath. They fought to live.
And so they did.
Thank you, God.
For this little miracle....(my girl at about 2 months)
and this little miracle...(my boy at about 3 or 4 months)
The doctors gave them less than a 50% chance of survival.
We fooled 'em good, din't we?
About a pound each, about a foot long...
My girl here is about a year and a half old, this is one of my favorite pictures of her~she looks so pensive.
And here is my sister with two skinny little babies:
One morning I discovered that my daughter knew how to climb into her brother's crib..
And she always....
...always has loved him best.
(yes, her mouth is blue...she was putting eye shadow on. On her lips. Yep. You should have seen what she did to me earlier that day with lipstick...whilst I was catnapping on the couch.)
When she was about two, this is what "Go get ready for bed" meant:
Already trying to fill mommy's shoes, trailing that damned oxygen hose behind her (that I tripped on a thousand and one times):
Here's my little guy at about 6 or 7 months old, not too long after he finally got to come home from the hospital...
He had the softest, wispiest hair so I let it grow and grow...
How could I not believe in a higher power? In miracles?
I love you, my babies. I'm thankful for every breath that you take, every blink of your eyes, every morning that you wake. I love you.
You make me laugh, you make me cry, you make me want to smack you upside your heads.
If all the world was a beach, I would love you more than all the grains of sand added together. Times ten thousand.
Happy, happy birthday.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Get Drunk With Gary! Woo!
Okay, so it's a little early in the year but as of yesterday Tornado Season here in Okieland has officially begun.
We got POUNDED by a long string of storms, one right after another - it was sort of like that crappy movie, Night Of The Twisters.
I was at the studio yesterday and I noticed that the lights in my office seemed awfully bright... went outside to take a peek and it felt so heavy and the clouds were sort of ominous.
Now, where I work we don't have any TV reception or cable -- at&t and cox have NO service where we are; the only thing we could get would be a dish & it's just not cost-effective. If we want to watch something, we pop a dvd in for background noise.
ANYWAY.
I knew we had a big chance of severe thunderstorms & I wouldn't be able to watch the forecast on TV, so I decided to leave work about a half-hour early.
I was about halfway home when the first tornado warning came on the radio...and it was right over Northwest Expressway & Rockwell -- which is exactly where I work.
By the time I got home the funnel had already started forming & I watched all the news coverage, and then I heard that the Target was hit.
My building is about a block or so away from Target.
If I'd have left at my regular time I'd have been caught right up in it -- probably I would have been right there on the road.
Scary, yeah?
What all this means is that it is time to break out the annual
GARY ENGLAND DRINKING GAME!
I stole this from Sleeping Mommy a couple-three years ago, and if you have ever lived in Oklahoma this game will make perfect sense to you.
Hell, if you've ever visited Oklahoma in the spring or summer, it will make perfect sense to you.
Have fun!
GARY ENGLAND DRINKING GAME
(I left SleepingMommy's comments in parentheses because they made me giggle)
*Pregame
*1. Everyone selects a storm chaser other than Val Castor.
(Monty sez: I choose Hank when I just want a little buzz. He doesn't get as much action)
(Val lives in Stillwater and Gary talks to him CONSTANTLY.)
Every time Gary talks to your storm chaser, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your storm chaser.
Take four drinks if your storm chaser says "tornado on the ground!"
2. Everyone selects a county other than Pottawatomie County.
(Because we are always hearing about Pottawatomie County.)
Every time Gary mentions your county, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your county.
Take four drinks if a tornado touches down in your county.
*One drink
*1. Take one drink every time Gary says the following:
Hook Echo | Updraft | Metro | Doppler radar | Wall cloud |Ranger 9 | Underground | Mobile home
2. When Gary gives a list of counties, take one drink for every county in the list.
(Oklahoma has 77 counties but somehow they all get mentioned at some point.)
3. Take one drink every time Gary interrupts a program.
Take one drink if Gary says "You’re not missing any of [program name]." (This is a major concern damnit!)
Take one drink when Gary says "We’ll keep you advised." (Like we had any doubt that you wouldn’t.)
*Two drinks
*1. Take two drinks every time Gary says the following:
Baseball-sized hail | Waterloo Road | Pottawatomie County | Deer Creek High School (How many times has that high school been hit anyway?!?)
2. Take two drinks every time Gary mentions the following towns:
Altus | Burns Flat | Dill City | Gotebo | Hydro | Lookeba | Meeker | Mulhall | Oktaha | Olustee | Shattuck | Slaughterville | Tryon | Vici |Waukomis | Wayne (or Payne) | Weleetka | Wetumkah (The only one that is even slightly big is Altus.)
3. Take two drinks every time Gary talks to Val Castor. (Now we are gonna get really drunk!)
*Three drinks
*1. Take three drinks if we see footage from Val Castor.
2. Take three drinks if we see footage from Pottawatomie County.
3. Take three drinks if Gary mentions the following:
Immediate tornado precautions | National Weather Service | Mesocyclone | Portable Radio | Take shelter | Tornado warning in effect until ...
*Four drinks
*1. Take four drinks if Ranger 9 must land to refuel. (Notice it doesn't say when it lands to take cover, we don't land our aircraft in a tornado around here, we fly AROUND them.)
2. Take four drinks if Gary issues his own tornado warning, not recognized by the NWS (He's a renegade that way) or says the following:
"Will someone please answer that phone?" (He takes this stuff seriously damn it, answer the phone.) or "Do you see the power flashes?"
3. Take four drinks if a shirt-less tornado victim is interviewed. (Redneck land, yo. There is a reason I get dressed and put on shoes when a storm is in the vicinity.)
*Finish your drink
*1. Finish your drink if someone uses the word tornado as a verb or if Gary mentions the cross streets nearest to you.
2. If Gary says "We’ve lost Val," pour a little out for your homies and finish your drink. (Poor Val…)
If THAT won't get you drunk, it can't be done.
We got POUNDED by a long string of storms, one right after another - it was sort of like that crappy movie, Night Of The Twisters.
I was at the studio yesterday and I noticed that the lights in my office seemed awfully bright... went outside to take a peek and it felt so heavy and the clouds were sort of ominous.
Now, where I work we don't have any TV reception or cable -- at&t and cox have NO service where we are; the only thing we could get would be a dish & it's just not cost-effective. If we want to watch something, we pop a dvd in for background noise.
ANYWAY.
I knew we had a big chance of severe thunderstorms & I wouldn't be able to watch the forecast on TV, so I decided to leave work about a half-hour early.
I was about halfway home when the first tornado warning came on the radio...and it was right over Northwest Expressway & Rockwell -- which is exactly where I work.
By the time I got home the funnel had already started forming & I watched all the news coverage, and then I heard that the Target was hit.
My building is about a block or so away from Target.
If I'd have left at my regular time I'd have been caught right up in it -- probably I would have been right there on the road.
Scary, yeah?
What all this means is that it is time to break out the annual
GARY ENGLAND DRINKING GAME!
I stole this from Sleeping Mommy a couple-three years ago, and if you have ever lived in Oklahoma this game will make perfect sense to you.
Hell, if you've ever visited Oklahoma in the spring or summer, it will make perfect sense to you.
Have fun!
(I left SleepingMommy's comments in parentheses because they made me giggle)
*1. Everyone selects a storm chaser other than Val Castor.
(Monty sez: I choose Hank when I just want a little buzz. He doesn't get as much action)
(Val lives in Stillwater and Gary talks to him CONSTANTLY.)
Every time Gary talks to your storm chaser, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your storm chaser.
Take four drinks if your storm chaser says "tornado on the ground!"
2. Everyone selects a county other than Pottawatomie County.
(Because we are always hearing about Pottawatomie County.)
Every time Gary mentions your county, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your county.
Take four drinks if a tornado touches down in your county.
*1. Take one drink every time Gary says the following:
Hook Echo | Updraft | Metro | Doppler radar | Wall cloud |Ranger 9 | Underground | Mobile home
2. When Gary gives a list of counties, take one drink for every county in the list.
(Oklahoma has 77 counties but somehow they all get mentioned at some point.)
3. Take one drink every time Gary interrupts a program.
Take one drink if Gary says "You’re not missing any of [program name]." (This is a major concern damnit!)
Take one drink when Gary says "We’ll keep you advised." (Like we had any doubt that you wouldn’t.)
*1. Take two drinks every time Gary says the following:
Baseball-sized hail | Waterloo Road | Pottawatomie County | Deer Creek High School (How many times has that high school been hit anyway?!?)
2. Take two drinks every time Gary mentions the following towns:
Altus | Burns Flat | Dill City | Gotebo | Hydro | Lookeba | Meeker | Mulhall | Oktaha | Olustee | Shattuck | Slaughterville | Tryon | Vici |Waukomis | Wayne (or Payne) | Weleetka | Wetumkah (The only one that is even slightly big is Altus.)
3. Take two drinks every time Gary talks to Val Castor. (Now we are gonna get really drunk!)
*1. Take three drinks if we see footage from Val Castor.
2. Take three drinks if we see footage from Pottawatomie County.
3. Take three drinks if Gary mentions the following:
Immediate tornado precautions | National Weather Service | Mesocyclone | Portable Radio | Take shelter | Tornado warning in effect until ...
*1. Take four drinks if Ranger 9 must land to refuel. (Notice it doesn't say when it lands to take cover, we don't land our aircraft in a tornado around here, we fly AROUND them.)
2. Take four drinks if Gary issues his own tornado warning, not recognized by the NWS (He's a renegade that way) or says the following:
"Will someone please answer that phone?" (He takes this stuff seriously damn it, answer the phone.) or "Do you see the power flashes?"
3. Take four drinks if a shirt-less tornado victim is interviewed. (Redneck land, yo. There is a reason I get dressed and put on shoes when a storm is in the vicinity.)
*1. Finish your drink if someone uses the word tornado as a verb or if Gary mentions the cross streets nearest to you.
2. If Gary says "We’ve lost Val," pour a little out for your homies and finish your drink. (Poor Val…)
If THAT won't get you drunk, it can't be done.
Monday, February 09, 2009
Wheee!
Well would you look at that?
Guess who won BEST AUDIO BLOGGER IN THE WHOLE DAMN STATE OF OKLAHOMA????
And to all thelosers people I was up against... I'm sorry, but there can be ONLY.ONE.WINNER.
ME ME ME ME ME *bootyshake* *"I WIN" dance*
Seriously, congratulations to EVERYONE nominated in all the categories, whether you made the top of the list or not...I know we all work hard to make our blogs/podcasts the best they can be.
Now I must go bask in the glory.
Guess who won BEST AUDIO BLOGGER IN THE WHOLE DAMN STATE OF OKLAHOMA????
And to all the
ME ME ME ME ME *bootyshake* *"I WIN" dance*
Seriously, congratulations to EVERYONE nominated in all the categories, whether you made the top of the list or not...I know we all work hard to make our blogs/podcasts the best they can be.
Now I must go bask in the glory.
Friday, February 06, 2009
It's GREEN!
Our commitment to being more "green" around my house is coming along...slowly but surely.One thing that makes it so much easier for lazy asses like me is when the wonderful ladies at Mom Central send me new greeeeen products to try!
As you know I'm fiercely brand loyal to Clorox, so I get excited every time I get to try a new green product from them. I love that they're offering so many new products to help save the environment!
I am really into checking labels for the word BIODEGRADABLE -- and I just got to try some really excellent GreenWorks Natural Cleaning Wipes from Clorox -- they are 99% natural and BIODEGRADABLE.
I'm a HUGE fan of cleaning wipes, especially in the kitchen. I've always used them on my counter tops (because I'm messy and spill shit all the time), so they're handy.
Let me just tell you that these GreenWorks Wipes smell SO LEMONY and delicious, they clean really well (even my disgusting refrigerator, and PS HOW DOES IT GET SO GRUBBY UNDERNEATH THE HANDLE??), and NO STICKY residue left behind.
I've used other wipes that have left a film on the countertops, but these don't.
PLUS BIODEGRADABLE so how can you NOT want to do that small thing for the environment? Unless you're just dumb, then okay.
Go get some Clorox GreenWorks products and just try them. OR you can do what I do and make your kids try it while you ... supervise. Isn't that what kids are for? What, no?
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