**ATTENTION PLEASE!
I have a small request.
(Nearly)Every Thursday at 9pm EST, I tune in to Jeckles and Shitty Blog Radio, The Worst Show On The Internet.
(it is, in fact, not the worst show on the internet)
Anyway.
The station that currently hosts Shitty Blog Radio is tuning out, closing the doors, going off-air.
I hope, with your help, to convince Jeckles to stay on the air, somehow, some way.
Tune in HERE, tomorrow night, 9pm EST.
I know it's been awhile, but I haven't forgotten that I'm still in the midst of my Blogathon Bribe Payoff! Take a listen:
Click here to get your own player.
You know, I take good care of my poor old car. I check the fluids regularly, keep the oil clean and the gas treated, perform general maintenance. It's old, but it has run like a dream for a really, really long time.
Guess what? Last week, my car stranded me on the highway. Fuel pump. Yep.
Luckily SuperDad (my very wonderful daddy) managed to help me get it home (two hours of me pushing it with his truck)(but we prevailed). Then, over the weekend, he replaced the fuel pump for me.
Guess what else? Today, my car stranded me on the highway. Yep. Right at the tail-end of an on-ramp...luckily one of OKC's Finest pushed me to the nearest exit...and left me right at the stop sign. No sweat, SuperDad would be on the way.
Except he got held up (he was working, you know), so I sat. For about 2 hours. In a really groovy, super-fun section of town right near the railroad tracks! Awesome.
Just me and The Hitcher. Well, I guess he wasn't as creepy as THE Hitcher, because I saw the last person to give him a ride let him out and go tooling merrily along so obviously he didn't kill them or cut off their fingers to put in someone's order of french fries.
So I watched him change his socks (he actually threw the old ones under a tree, which sort of makes sense because after all, who wants to tote around stinky, dirty socks? *gag*), then he spread a little picnic...after a while I was sort of grateful for his presence because if someone really creepy came along, perhaps The Hitcher would rush to my aid.
Anyway.
The SuperDad suspects it may be the timing belt or timing chain or whateverthefuck it's called.
And guess what else? I've developed a weird pain in the area near my appendix.
Or maybe not, because I'm not exactly sure where my appendix is.
Perhaps it's simply some internal bleeding.
You know, I try (with the exception, perhaps, of the last couple of weeks) to find the humor in most situations, to laugh rather than cry...I hate for people to think I'm playing on their sympathies. It makes me feel guilty and somewhat anxious.
But I must have been putting some seriously bad karma out there, somehow, unknowingly. And
I.
Have.
Had.
Enough.
UNCLE, already.
I quit.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Parenthetically speaking
Once again I must throw myself 'pon your tender mercies and beg forgiveness for lack of commenting.
The passage of time has become my enemy--there is too much work left at the end of the day and no hours left in which to do it.
Perhaps I would benefit from a time-management course, because obviously I've lost all skills.
(and did you know? it takes about 4 hours-or so-to produce a 2-hour radio show. That's a lo-hoooot of work)
(is all I'm saying)
(but it is all.for.you. so I don't mind a single bit)
(and I forgive you for not listening to the show)
(and you can make it up to me by downloading it right here)
(plus don't you want to know about the perfect Christmas gift? And Halloween contest?)
(I'm sorry that it's in two parts, but you're smart enough to figure it out)
(it's really a pretty good show, all things considered)
Have you been on the Crosstown lately?
Have you seen that Diffee billboard on I-40 West, just east of Classen Blvd?
Have you noticed that the shirt that Diffee kid is wearing looks just like it should belong to Captain James T. Kirk?
and now, a Meme.
Kitty tagged me a little while back with this (sorry I'm just now getting to it!)
Here are the rules of the tag: List 5 weird things about yourself or your pets. Tag 5 friends and list them. Those people need to write on their blogs about 5 weird things, and state the rules, and tag 5 more people. Don’t forget to let the people you tag know by posting a comment on their blog!
Here's my 5 weird things most of you don't know:
1) I hold entire conversations with myself, OUT LOUD. Sometimes in the mirror.
2) I sometimes shout "SPOOOOOOOOON!" or "CATFISH!" for no apparent reason. (actually they're inside jokes, but I use them even when no-one is around to get it)
3) I like to belch REAAAAALY long & loud, Booger style. Sometimes I can get halfway through the alphabet.
4) I am a packrat. I save stuff. LOTS of stuff. Hey, I might need it some day.
5) I am weird about eating chicken. I must pick it apart and make sure there is absolutely no pink anywhere.
You know my rules on tagging...feel free to tag yourselves. And don't forget to leave me a comment so that I may come andlaugh at your weirdness admire your answers.
That is all.
Have a day.
The passage of time has become my enemy--there is too much work left at the end of the day and no hours left in which to do it.
Perhaps I would benefit from a time-management course, because obviously I've lost all skills.
(and did you know? it takes about 4 hours-or so-to produce a 2-hour radio show. That's a lo-hoooot of work)
(is all I'm saying)
(but it is all.for.you. so I don't mind a single bit)
(and I forgive you for not listening to the show)
(and you can make it up to me by downloading it right here)
(plus don't you want to know about the perfect Christmas gift? And Halloween contest?)
(I'm sorry that it's in two parts, but you're smart enough to figure it out)
(it's really a pretty good show, all things considered)
Have you been on the Crosstown lately?
Have you seen that Diffee billboard on I-40 West, just east of Classen Blvd?
Have you noticed that the shirt that Diffee kid is wearing looks just like it should belong to Captain James T. Kirk?
and now, a Meme.
Kitty tagged me a little while back with this (sorry I'm just now getting to it!)
Here are the rules of the tag: List 5 weird things about yourself or your pets. Tag 5 friends and list them. Those people need to write on their blogs about 5 weird things, and state the rules, and tag 5 more people. Don’t forget to let the people you tag know by posting a comment on their blog!
Here's my 5 weird things most of you don't know:
1) I hold entire conversations with myself, OUT LOUD. Sometimes in the mirror.
2) I sometimes shout "SPOOOOOOOOON!" or "CATFISH!" for no apparent reason. (actually they're inside jokes, but I use them even when no-one is around to get it)
3) I like to belch REAAAAALY long & loud, Booger style. Sometimes I can get halfway through the alphabet.
4) I am a packrat. I save stuff. LOTS of stuff. Hey, I might need it some day.
5) I am weird about eating chicken. I must pick it apart and make sure there is absolutely no pink anywhere.
You know my rules on tagging...feel free to tag yourselves. And don't forget to leave me a comment so that I may come and
That is all.
Have a day.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Wow.
Did anyone watch last night's edition of Extreme Home Makeover, with the Bliven family?
That boy in the wheelchair, Aaron? Could've nearly doubled for my boy.
Only mine's cuter. :) (except for maybe that time I cut his hair & he looked like Lloyd Christmas)
I cried buckets. I mean full-on boo-hoo sobbing.
Every other minute I burst into fresh tears.
And I was...I'm not sure if comforted is the right word, but it's close...to watch them struggle with the exact same issues I face every day.
It made me feel connected to them, or something like that.
The hardships of carrying and lifting and bathing and living with a son with those particular disabilities, with CP and seizure disorder...whacking his head or legs against the doorframes, no matter HOW careful you try to be...I could only nod my head and say yes, yes, oh yes. I get it.
And then I thanked God for blessing that family with that amazing new home, and the people who built it.
That boy in the wheelchair, Aaron? Could've nearly doubled for my boy.
Only mine's cuter. :) (except for maybe that time I cut his hair & he looked like Lloyd Christmas)
I cried buckets. I mean full-on boo-hoo sobbing.
Every other minute I burst into fresh tears.
And I was...I'm not sure if comforted is the right word, but it's close...to watch them struggle with the exact same issues I face every day.
It made me feel connected to them, or something like that.
The hardships of carrying and lifting and bathing and living with a son with those particular disabilities, with CP and seizure disorder...whacking his head or legs against the doorframes, no matter HOW careful you try to be...I could only nod my head and say yes, yes, oh yes. I get it.
And then I thanked God for blessing that family with that amazing new home, and the people who built it.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Who said life was fair?
My friend (and one of my favorite Aussies) PETE said that to be fair I should post "How To Shower Like A Woman"...
...but Pete honey, it was all about steamy scents and sensuality and of course hand-held massage shower heads and I didn't think your poor heart could take it.
So I'm really just withholding it for your own good. You can thank me later.
:)
The pre-coffee look is probably why no one wants to sleep over.
The Shower Battle Of The Sexes
The men fight back...How To Shower Like A Woman, by PETER:
How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
I'll have you know I haven't shaved my legs in ages.
So there.
Which is probably another reason why nobody wants to sleep over.
...but Pete honey, it was all about steamy scents and sensuality and of course hand-held massage shower heads and I didn't think your poor heart could take it.
So I'm really just withholding it for your own good. You can thank me later.
:)
The pre-coffee look is probably why no one wants to sleep over.
The Shower Battle Of The Sexes
The men fight back...How To Shower Like A Woman, by PETER:
How To Shower Like a Woman
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
I'll have you know I haven't shaved my legs in ages.
So there.
Which is probably another reason why nobody wants to sleep over.
This makes me laugh.
STOLEN FROM my friend DeeJay...
(of course, it was funnier when I read it on the radio show last Sunday-which you can still download RIGHT HERE)
How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
Get in the shower Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bathmat.
Dry off forearms and butt only.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the
woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
How well I remember.
Bleh.
:)
(of course, it was funnier when I read it on the radio show last Sunday-which you can still download RIGHT HERE)
How To Shower Like a Man:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.
Get in the shower Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bathmat.
Dry off forearms and butt only.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch water fly off.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the
woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
How well I remember.
Bleh.
:)
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
TAKE HIM BACK!
I seriously think JULES is giving out my email address to her psycho freaky guys...
I got this today (complete WITH (telf)TELEPHONE NUMBER):
"hello princesa mi telf es 405 6** ***2 come mi bebi please"
*sigh*
I got this today (complete WITH (telf)TELEPHONE NUMBER):
"hello princesa mi telf es 405 6** ***2 come mi bebi please"
*sigh*
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Choose your attitude.
Sometimes I feel like Ursula The Sea Witch...and I revel in it.
Sometimes when people are kind to me...I cry.
Sometimes I really really really really really hate being poor.
Then I get over it because I realize that I am rich in love, family, friendships, and faith-the things that really really really really really matter.
The moan I gave out when I bit into a cheddar pepper from the Crack House sounded orgasmic in nature.
It very nearly was.
Sometimes when people are kind to me...I cry.
Sometimes I really really really really really hate being poor.
Then I get over it because I realize that I am rich in love, family, friendships, and faith-the things that really really really really really matter.
The moan I gave out when I bit into a cheddar pepper from the Crack House sounded orgasmic in nature.
It very nearly was.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
RADIO SHOW UPDATE!!
!!!! There may be a glitch with the Live365 player on my radio show tonight!!!!
Sorry 'bout that.
Here, download your very own, brand new, SUPER EXCITING copy of MONTY DOES MOJO!
Click here to get your own player.
Sorry 'bout that.
Here, download your very own, brand new, SUPER EXCITING copy of MONTY DOES MOJO!
Click here to get your own player.
About A Girl, and a reminder.
but first...A Shameful Confession:
Sometimes when I have a really bad nightmare-you know, the kind where you wake up with your heart racing and you look around wildly, disoriented--I go back to sleep...
...with the lamp on.
When my daughter read the Little House on the Prairie series of books, she started calling me Ma.
Of course, when I was young and I read Little Women, I started calling my mom "Marmee".
And after I read "Mommie Dearest"...well, I started calling my mom "Mommie Dearest". I still do sometimes. Then she threatens me with Bon Ami.
ANYWAY. Back to the point.
We've finally moved past the "Ma" phase.
Now she calls me "Mum".
Evidently I'm raising a Brit.
Yesterday afternoon I told my daughter that we could have fast food for lunch (I was working and...well...too lazy to cook), as long as it was something inexpensive.
SHE: Is Mazzio's expensive?
ME: Oh yes, WAY too much money.
SHE: How about Long John Silver's?
ME: Well, that's pretty expensive too. Try again.
SHE: How about we go see what Grandma's got? 'Cause that's priceless.
ME *giggle*
Sometimes when I have a really bad nightmare-you know, the kind where you wake up with your heart racing and you look around wildly, disoriented--I go back to sleep...
...with the lamp on.
When my daughter read the Little House on the Prairie series of books, she started calling me Ma.
Of course, when I was young and I read Little Women, I started calling my mom "Marmee".
And after I read "Mommie Dearest"...well, I started calling my mom "Mommie Dearest". I still do sometimes. Then she threatens me with Bon Ami.
ANYWAY. Back to the point.
We've finally moved past the "Ma" phase.
Now she calls me "Mum".
Evidently I'm raising a Brit.
Yesterday afternoon I told my daughter that we could have fast food for lunch (I was working and...well...too lazy to cook), as long as it was something inexpensive.
SHE: Is Mazzio's expensive?
ME: Oh yes, WAY too much money.
SHE: How about Long John Silver's?
ME: Well, that's pretty expensive too. Try again.
SHE: How about we go see what Grandma's got? 'Cause that's priceless.
ME *giggle*
Thursday, October 05, 2006
The Scales Fell From Our Eyes
Last night I watched Peter Pan with the kids (for about the 300th time) and realized yet again...
Tinkerbell? High toned grade-A bitch. And turncoat. (I believe I have mentioned this before)
Wendy? Drama queen. And perpetual "victim".
Mermaids? Shrewish, mean-spirited harpies.
And Peter? Grandstanding show off. And a total playa.
Plus he likes to hit the hash pipe.
I begin to feel some small twist of sympathy for Captain Hook.
Tinkerbell? High toned grade-A bitch. And turncoat. (I believe I have mentioned this before)
Wendy? Drama queen. And perpetual "victim".
Mermaids? Shrewish, mean-spirited harpies.
And Peter? Grandstanding show off. And a total playa.
Plus he likes to hit the hash pipe.
I begin to feel some small twist of sympathy for Captain Hook.
Stop Me If You've Heard This One
but first...
What do you say to someone...when there's really nothing left to say?
Very sad.
I really need to learn to temper my temper.
One of my most serious character flaws (of which there are many) is that I have so much trouble with Letting It Go.
I used the word "whatevs" in conversation yesterday.
I'm so ashamed.
I had a bizarre dream last night...and I feel as though I've had it before. I also feel as though I've told you about it before...maybe I did. Or maybe I just dreamed that I did.
Anyway.
So in the dream THIS GUY and THIS GUY (both VIEBs-Very Important Ex Boyfriends with whom I had long term relationships)(please excuse the pic of THIS GUY #2, we didn't part on good terms)(obviously) were fighting over me...by juggling flaming bowling pin thingies.
I was standing between them.
BUT WAIT!
They weren't fighting over who got to have me...they were fighting over who had to take me.
Talk about a downer.
Seriously.
Assholes.
and furthermore...
I had another bizarre dream after (re)falling asleep...
I was in a formal dress with some other people, and apparently my date was a younger Christopher Walken...
we were in this strange place, Willy Wonka-ish, with huge contraptions and cogs and moving lifts that you had to use to get around with.
Like, at one point right before I (re)woke up, we (Chris and I) stepped on this platform thingy that moved up, up up...
He was trying to comfort me, but we were in some sort of (mild?) danger or something and I was scared.
...anyway, the lift went up and we had to grab onto these handholds protruding from a giant cog-type wheel that was going around and we had to HANG ON because there was nothing below our feet, and I had a (his?) jacket draped over one arm and I was clutching something tightly in one hand that I COULD NOT DROP...so I was having trouble hanging on. I was actually starting to slip and Chris made a grab to help me when I (re)woke up.
Very weird.
But what does it all mean?!?
Maybe it means I just need to get laid.
OH and in case you wanted to listen...
here's last Sunday's LOOOOOOOOOVE show. Scroll down to Monty's Show #4.
It's in two parts for right now, so make sure you get part 1 first, mmkay?
Click here to get your own player.
What do you say to someone...when there's really nothing left to say?
Very sad.
I really need to learn to temper my temper.
One of my most serious character flaws (of which there are many) is that I have so much trouble with Letting It Go.
I used the word "whatevs" in conversation yesterday.
I'm so ashamed.
I had a bizarre dream last night...and I feel as though I've had it before. I also feel as though I've told you about it before...maybe I did. Or maybe I just dreamed that I did.
Anyway.
So in the dream THIS GUY and THIS GUY (both VIEBs-Very Important Ex Boyfriends with whom I had long term relationships)(please excuse the pic of THIS GUY #2, we didn't part on good terms)(obviously) were fighting over me...by juggling flaming bowling pin thingies.
I was standing between them.
BUT WAIT!
They weren't fighting over who got to have me...they were fighting over who had to take me.
Talk about a downer.
Seriously.
Assholes.
and furthermore...
I had another bizarre dream after (re)falling asleep...
I was in a formal dress with some other people, and apparently my date was a younger Christopher Walken...
we were in this strange place, Willy Wonka-ish, with huge contraptions and cogs and moving lifts that you had to use to get around with.
Like, at one point right before I (re)woke up, we (Chris and I) stepped on this platform thingy that moved up, up up...
He was trying to comfort me, but we were in some sort of (mild?) danger or something and I was scared.
...anyway, the lift went up and we had to grab onto these handholds protruding from a giant cog-type wheel that was going around and we had to HANG ON because there was nothing below our feet, and I had a (his?) jacket draped over one arm and I was clutching something tightly in one hand that I COULD NOT DROP...so I was having trouble hanging on. I was actually starting to slip and Chris made a grab to help me when I (re)woke up.
Very weird.
But what does it all mean?!?
Maybe it means I just need to get laid.
OH and in case you wanted to listen...
here's last Sunday's LOOOOOOOOOVE show. Scroll down to Monty's Show #4.
It's in two parts for right now, so make sure you get part 1 first, mmkay?
Click here to get your own player.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Two Things.
Creepy thing...
I downloaded the theme music from POLTERGEIST for Halloween...typically I listen to the preview as I download but I had a bunch of music queued up and I left the house to go to work.
Guess what?
That song won't play.
Won't.
I don't mean it just sits there with dead (heehee) air or anything...it won't play. I have it loaded into iTunes and it skips right over that particular piece of music. I try clicking on that song...and it skips to the next one.
Very strange.
I'm thinking of deleting it. It's scary.
Surprising thing...
Did you know I just now found out that Johnny Cash did a recording of my FAVORITE POEM EVER by Edna St. Vincent Millay?
Yeah. AWESOME.
I downloaded the theme music from POLTERGEIST for Halloween...typically I listen to the preview as I download but I had a bunch of music queued up and I left the house to go to work.
Guess what?
That song won't play.
Won't.
I don't mean it just sits there with dead (heehee) air or anything...it won't play. I have it loaded into iTunes and it skips right over that particular piece of music. I try clicking on that song...and it skips to the next one.
Very strange.
I'm thinking of deleting it. It's scary.
Surprising thing...
Did you know I just now found out that Johnny Cash did a recording of my FAVORITE POEM EVER by Edna St. Vincent Millay?
Yeah. AWESOME.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
september perfect post award
It is time once again to find that one perfect post.
Which of course is impossible because there are just so many to choose from!
This month I've chosen Birdie from The Beauty Dish for the post
Richer Than The Sum Of My Skirt.
Birdie is so very talented...she shares her life and adventures with us and you need no imagination--you're drawn right into the middle of her stories. Her zest for living and turning everything into an adventure is unmistakable, admirable, and enviable.
She wrings tears from me as regularly as hearty laughter, and I very often wish I lived in Birdie's house so that I could adventure alongside her.
Whoever said selling Avon was boring???
Then they didn't know Birdie J.
Which of course is impossible because there are just so many to choose from!
This month I've chosen Birdie from The Beauty Dish for the post
Richer Than The Sum Of My Skirt.
Birdie is so very talented...she shares her life and adventures with us and you need no imagination--you're drawn right into the middle of her stories. Her zest for living and turning everything into an adventure is unmistakable, admirable, and enviable.
She wrings tears from me as regularly as hearty laughter, and I very often wish I lived in Birdie's house so that I could adventure alongside her.
Whoever said selling Avon was boring???
Then they didn't know Birdie J.
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