My pretend boyfriend WAI is here today!
He's got something to vent, and since he doesn't blog (O! The Horror!), he asked if he could borrow my place today.
Obviously I said yes.
In case you were wondering.
**Note: I have never been to New Jersey, so I cannot verify the accuracy of the following statements. However, if you substitute OKLAHOMA or TEXAS for every New Jersey, then yeah. It's spot on.
"I really can’t stand New Jersey drivers. A NHTSA survey has shown that they
are, by far, THE worst fucking drivers in this country.
Driving home this weekend (and every time I’m driving) on the New Jersey
Turnpike, I lost count of how many times one of these fuckheads came zooming
up my ass and then cutting over into the lane on my left or on my right at
the last second. Let me say it again. They come zooming up my ass and then
pass me on either side at the last possible second. WHEN THERE’S NO-ONE IN
THE EITHER LANE from the time I see them in my rearview mirror 100 yards
back to the time they pass me.
That’s because I’ve discovered that MOST of New Jersey’s drivers do not look
more than 50 feet in front of their cars, even though they’re traveling at
80 miles per hour. Eighty fucking miles per hour, and they’re only looking
50 feet in front of their cars.
Then there’s times when I’m passing in the left lane and some fuckhead
tailgates me until I move back over to let him pass, and the stupid asshole
just fucking sits there next to me in the left lane. And as I’m approaching
the car in front of me, I step on the gas to move to pass and the stupid
mother-fucker speeds up and blocks me from passing - almost.
And my personal favorite - I just fucking love when I’m cruising in the left
lane (because some stretches of road allows that) and some fuckwad zooms
right up my ass, I move over to let him pass, and the stupid mother-fucker
passes me, gets into my lane 20 feet in front of me and fucking slows down.
The stupid mother-fucker actually fucking slows down. And when I move to
pass, the mother-fucker speeds up. WTF??
And oh yeah, here’s a public service message to these stupid fucksticks: THE
GAS PUMPS AT THE SERVICE STATIONS HAVE HOSES LONG ENOUGH TO REACH AROUND TO
THE OTHER SIDE OF YOUR CAR. YOU DON’T HAVE TO WAIT IN A LINE 20 DEEP FOR A
PUMP THAT IS ON THE SIDE OF YOUR THAT YOUR FILL PIPE IS ON. There, I’ve
given you some valuable knowledge, but I doubt you’ll be smart enough to do
anything with it.
You know, I could have written this in a humorous light, but these assholes
are putting other people’s lives at risk and there is definitely no humor in
Now learn to fucking drive."
Considering I nearly got sideswiped TWICE today, I can only offer enthusiastic applause.