Saturday, December 24, 2005

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas and Happy Hannukah! And happy Sunday to any of you who don't observe the holiday at all. :)


THANK YOU ALL so very much for all the cards, e-cards, and packages of goodies. I love 'em, and they make me feel special. Thanks.

I'm very glad to know each and every one of you. You enrich my life.


Twice today I tried to send e-cards, and both times I got error messages. *sigh*
Well, it's the thought that counts, right? I was thinking of you.


Now, for your enjoyment I have decided to sing you a selection of Christmas and Hannukah songs. Just choose whichever song suits you best.
Tip jar is on the counter.
Thank you.
*ahem*


For my Canadian friends:

Bob & Doug McKenzie

Ok, on the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me..
beer.

On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...
2 turtlenecks,
and beer.

On the 3rd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me..
3 french toast,
2 turtlenecks,
and beer.
There should be more there, eh?

Where?

On the 4th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me..
4lbs of backbacon,
3 french toast,
2 turtlenecks,
and beer in a tree.

Oh. See? ya need more.

On the 5th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me..
5 GOLDEN TOQUES!
4lbs of backbacon,
3 french toast,
2 turtlenecks,
and beer in a tree.

On the 6th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me..
6 packs of two-four.
5 GOLDEN TOQUES!
4lbs of backbacon,
3 french toast,
2 turtlenecks,
and beer in a tree.

On the 7th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me..
7 packs of smokes,
6 packs of two-four,
5 GOLDEN TOQUES!
4lbs of backbacon,
3 french toast,
2 turtlenecks,
and beer in a tree.
whew, this should be just the 2 days of xmas, this is too hard for us!

On the 8th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me..
8 comic books,
7 packs of smokes,
6 packs of two-four,
5 GOLDEN TOQUES!
4lbs of backbacon,
3 french toast,
2 turtlenecks,
and beer in a tree.

Wow,That beers empty

Day 12.

G'day and welcome to day 12.
5 GOLDEN TOQUES!
4lbs of backbacon,
3 french toast,
2 turtlenecks,
and beer in a tre-e.



For my redneck friends:

Jeff Foxworthy

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Some parts to a Mustang GT.

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Two huntin dogs and some parts to a Mustang GT.

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Three shotgun shells, two huntin dogs and some parts to a Mustang GT.

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Four big mud tires, three shotgun shells, two huntin dogs, and some parts to a Mustang GT.

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Five flannel shirts, four big mud tires, three shotgun shells, two huntin dogs and some parts to a Mustang GT.

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Six cans of Spam, five flannel shirts, four big mud tires, three shotgun shells, two huntin dogs and some parts to a Mustang GT.

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Seven packs of Red Band, six cans of Spam, five flannel shirts, four big mud tires, three shotgun shells, two huntin dogs and some parts to a Mustang GT.

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Eight table dancers, seven packs of Red Band, six cans of Spam, five flannel shirts, four big mud tires, three shotgun shells, two huntin dogs, and some parts to a Mustang GT.

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Nine years probation, eight table dancers, seven packs of Red Band, six cans of Spam, five flannel shirts, four big mud tires, three shotgun shells, two huntin dogs, and some parts to a Mustang GT.

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Tin of Copenhagen, nine years probation, eight table dancers, seven packs of Red Band, six cans of Spam, five flannel shirts, four big mud tires, three shotgun shells, two huntin dogs, and some parts to a Mustang GT.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Eleven wrestlin tickets, tin of Copenhagen, nine years probation, eight table dancers, seven packs of Red Band, six cans of Spam, five flannel shirts, four big mud tires, three shotgun shells, two huntin dogs, and some parts to a Mustang GT.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
Twelve-pack of Bud, eleven wrestlin tickets, tin of Copenhagen, nine years probation, eight table dancers, seven packs of Red Band, six cans of Spam, five flannel shirts, four big mud tires, three shotgun shells, two huntin dogs, and some parts to a Mustang GT.



For my Jewish friends:
Adam Sandler (old version)

Put on your yarmulke
Here comes Chanukah
So much funukah
To celebrate Chanukah
Chanukah is the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights

When you feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree
Here's a list of people who are Jewish just like you and me
David Lee Roth lights the menorah
So do James Caan, Kirk Douglas, and the late Dinah Shore-ah

Guess who eats together at the Carnegie Deli
Bowser from Sha Na Na and Arthur Fonzerelli
Paul Newman's half Jewish, Goldie Hawn's half too
Put them together, what a fine lookin' Jew

You don't need "Deck The Halls" or "Jingle Bell Rock"
'Cause you can spin a dreidel with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock- both Jewish

Put on your yarmulke
It's time for Chanukah
The owner of the Seattle Supersonicahs
Celebrates Chanukah

O.J. Simpson, not a Jew
But guess who is? Hall of famer Rod Carew- he converted
We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby
Harrison Ford's a quarter Jewish- not too shabby

Some people think that Ebenezer Scrooge is
Well he's not, but guess who is
All three Stooges
So many Jews are in showbiz
Tom Cruise isn't, but I heard his agent is

Tell your friend Veronica
It's time to celebrate Chanukah
I hope I get a harmonica
Oh this lovely, lovely Chanukah
So drink your gin and tonicah
And smoke your marijuanikah
If you really, really wannakah
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy Chanukah
Happy Chanukah



Updated version

Winona Ryder drinks Manischewitz wine
Then spins a dreidle with Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein

Guess who gives and recieves lots of Chanukah toys:
The girls from Veruca Salt, and all three Beastie Boys

Lennie Kravitz is half Jewish; Courtney Love is half too,
Put them together, what a funky bad-ass Jew!

We got Harvey Keitel, and Flash Dancer Jennifer Beals
Yasmin Bleeth from Baywatch is Jewish,
and yes, her boobs are real!

Put on that yarmulke, its time for Chanukah,
Two time Oscar winner Dustin Hoffman-akah celebrates Chanukah

O.J. Simpson, still not a Jew!
But guess who is: The guy who does the voice for Scooby Doo.
Scooby Doo!

Bob Dylan was born a Jew, then he wasn't, but now he's back
Mary Tyler Moore's husband is Jewish,
'Cause we're pretty good in the sack

Guess who got Bar Mitzvah'd on the PGA tour:
No I'm not talking about Tiger Woods,
I'm talking about Mr. Happy Gilmore

So many Jews are in the show biz,
Bruce Springsteen isn't Jewish,
But my mother thinks he is

Tell Daryl Lamonica, its time to celebrate Chanukah
It's not pronounced "Chanukah", The "C" is silent in Chanukah

So read your Hooked on Phonickah
Get drunk in Tijuanaikah
If you really, really wannakah
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy
Chanukah
Happy Chanukah!



Thank you, and good night!
HO HO HO!
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