Monday, December 26, 2005

Letting it all hang out.

True Confessions

I think to myself on an almost daily basis that I have no idea what it takes to be a good mother.
I read about the moms that do stuff with their kids. Join the PTA, Girl Scouts, take them to dance/karate/gymnastics classes, homeroom moms...and they actually enjoy it.
I'm a little jealous that I'm not like that.

I'm more of the 'don't bother me right now, I'm in the middle of something. Gimme a minute' mom rather than the "of course dear, lets go do some crafts!" type.

I'm not all that nurturing.
And I feel guilty about it.

I've never let my kids sleep in bed with me, nor I with them (except when my daughter had a nightmare and crept into my bed unbeknownst to me or when my son had seizures and I put him in bed with me to keep an eye on him).
I don't think of fun things for us to do together.
I haven't really read to my daughter since she learned to read by herself.
I yell a lot.
I don't really like kids. Other kids, I mean.
I don't go ga-ga over other people's babies. I don't want to hold them. I don't want to koochie-koo them under their little chins. I know how important it is for new mothers to have a fuss made over their little ones...I just don't want to do it. It makes me tired.
I always thought I'd be the 'cool' mom, and our house would be the one where all the kids would want to hang out. I've since re-thought that idea.

Perhaps that's why I was given the challenges of special-needs children.
If there's one thing I do love, it's a good challenge.

And surprisingly my kids are stable, good, loving children.
I refuse to take any credit for that whatsoever.

UNCLE: Becca, did you get everything you wanted for Christmas?
DAUGHTER: Yes, I mostly just wanted to be with my whole family.

I think I'm just feeling a bit out of sorts because I am a hermit-creature, and I've had three solid days of being sociable.
Oh, it isn't really a complaint~I've enjoyed my family.
But I crave my solitude.
I'm worn out with the hugging and pleasantries.

Could I be a bigger bitch? Or a more ungrateful wretch? *sigh*

My sister bought the Harry Potter Scene-It for us.
The disc is in French.
But we're going to try to play it anyway, to see how well we do. :)
Anyone got a French/English dictionary we could borrow?
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