Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Will the next Guest Blogger please stand up?

I see London
I see France
I see someone's underpants!

The pants I chose to wear are the kind that require white undies...but even forgoing the Wonder Woman Underoos, the only 'white' ones that I had clean have big red poppies on them.
I love flowery undies.
So, naturally, I decided to share that fact with everyone today~especially the people who've had to stand behind me at any point.

Today's Guest Post comes to us from the always funny and effervescent Brandie. I love Brandie. I wish I had been more like her when I was her age...she's brilliant, brave, and bitchalicious. I love that about her.
You really should visit Brandie on a regular basis...you'll be glad you did. I promise.

She does have one request: Please do NOT leave a comment on her blog about this particular post. Confine them to the Daily Bitch comment section, if you please.
Thank you.

To my dear friend:

You know I love you like a sister. You and I have been friends since we were 11-year-old girls comparing razor stubble in 7th-grade gym. I have helped you through career issues, marital issues, school issues, and God knows what else. I have put my own well-being on hold to benefit you. I have put off my own schoolwork to help you write papers for your various classes, causing me to spend many hours freaking out and trying to catch up on my own work. But I don't complain about doing things like that, because you are my oldest friend, and I sincerely like to help you out.

All that being said, your attitude towards me lately needs to stop but quick.

You asked me to come live with you while I am in between semesters. I agreed, even though we have found it difficult to live together in the past, because I figured things would be different this time around. And yet they aren't.

I am not a fucking child. And I am not your fucking servant. We need to make that clear right now.

For you to have left me a note demanding that I sweep and mop the kitchen floor, and to have left it positioned so it is the first thing I see after being at work all afternoon long while standing on my feet and dealing with irate customers, is the most inconsiderate fucking thing you could possibly do.

You sat at home all fucking day long. Hell, you sat at home YESTERDAY all fucking day long, playing hours upon hours of Sims, then bitching that you didn't have the time to do your homework, all while I was at work.

So why couldn't you mop your own goddamned floor?

I am not your servant. I will continue to clean up after myself, but by God, I will not clean every single little thing in this apartment. It is, after all, YOUR FUCKING APARTMENT.

And besides that-- I DO NOT do floors. For anyone. Period. End of discussion.

The second issue: yes, I agreed to cook dinner for you tonight, but I did not agree to go to the fucking store and pick up what you "forgot." You had plenty of time this afternoon to go get what I needed to cook the meal YOU begged me to cook in the first place. I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING ERRAND GIRL. If the ingredients aren't here, and you're not willing to go get them yourself, I ain't cooking. There's ramen noodles in the cabinet. Bon appetit.

I am tired. Do you not understand that? I am tired and I am stressed out. Trying to get everything right at a new job is beyond stressful-- it's panic-attack-inducing. And coming home to this shit is not helping me relax.

Do not talk down to me. Do not treat me like I should be eternally grateful that you are allowing me the honor and privilege of living here for two months. Remember, it was your idea-- yours alone-- that I move in with you for the summer. I told you it was a bad idea. But you swore to me it would be okay.

Well, it's not. And I don't see it improving any time soon, unless you decide to stop treating me like your fucking servant and start acting like the friend you are supposed to be.

I have tolerated your attitude thus far, and have excused you for it because you are my friend. But when it comes right down to it, there is no fucking excuse. Grow up already.


I think many of us can relate to that particular roommate situation, wherein one wants to obligate the other.
I say show her the back of your hand. Then blog about it. :)
THANK YOU, BRANDIE, for the most excellent post!

*note: Guest Posts are being...posted in the order in which they were received. If you haven't seen yours yet~never fear! I haven't forgotten you. I'm just a'goin' down the list. :)
Post a Comment