Wednesday, June 08, 2005

And the next Guest Blogger is...

...the charming and clever ELLE! Fabulous and funny, and yet another of my favorites. Let us give her a warm round of applause.


but first...
Remember a couple weeks ago when I told you I met Dr. Hottie, the dentist next door? Well today I met the neighbor on the other side.
We'll call him Mr. Investigator, as he works for a company called the American Bureau of Investigation.
Despite the unibrow, still very nice looking.

I'm sure he's quite taken with me already, because when he walked in I had just taken a huge yummy, drippy bite of my Braum's cheeseburger.
There may have even been some lettuce still clinging to my lower lip. Or maybe it was sliding down my chin.

I'm pretty as a picture, yes? ;)

AND...
we exchanged phone numbers (once I wiped the tomato juice and mayo from my hand).
Fast worker, you say?
I say...
YEAH BABY!

Okay, the truth...he wondered if he could have UPS (pronounced "OOPS") deliver a package here, and if I would mind giving him a call if it got here before I left. And he took my number as well...perhaps he thinks (quite rightly, in fact) that I have short term memory loss.
Or maybe he just thinks I'm a dumb blonde.


On with the show! And I should add that if you've never visited Elle, make tracks on over there. She cracks me up. And she says important things sometimes, too. :)
This particular piece...well, I'm just sorry I didn't say it first. OR as well as she did.


A love letter to Tom.

Dear Tom:

You are so hot!! I first fell in love with in you Taps. You were sooo cute in
your little army outfit! Then when I saw you in Top Gun I really fell hard for
you. How can anyone be spared when they saw how darling you looked in your
aviator
togs. As the Vampire Lestat, I wanted you to bite my neck (ooooooh chills) and
suck out all my blood.

But I'm sorry to tell you, I have to break up with you. Our long love affair
(in my head) must now come to an end. I can tolerate other wives, and
girlfriends,
but what you said on Oprah, I cannot forgive.

I think it's terrifice that you vehemently follow a religion based on the
rambllings
of a science fiction writer. In fact, I'm creating my own religion
"Bloggintology",
and I can only hope and pray I have such a zealous following. But I think the
electrodes they attach to your body during "auditing" has zapped you one to
many times. How can you denounce an entire branch of science, namely psychiatry,
and call all who work in the field crooked? Do you really believe that there
is no scientific evidence supporting any of the tenets in psychiatry? I would
think that someone of your notiarity would be a little bit more responsible
about what they say about such a sensitive subject matter. If you don't think
what you say matters, just ask your friend, Oprah about her little Mad-Cow
comment
and the Texans who sued her for it.

Just because your ass is so gorgeous it is omnipotent, doesn't mean that your
opinions are. Although it is apparent that your adorable head is up your
gorgeous
ass, so I can see where you can become confused.

Get over yourself. You're an actor. And grossly overpaid. Jackass.

Love always,

Elle
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