Friday, April 29, 2005

I know you're busy an' all..

Dear Mother Nature~
Yo, Big Momma, wassup? You know I'm a big fan...however, I think we need to clear up a few things.
I know you've got a lot on your plate right now, what with tornado season here, hurricane season just around the corner, and the usual tidal waves, thunderstorms, winds sweeping down the plains, stuff like that...but seriously.
I have to tell you that I think you're...misdirected. Or perhaps suffering from early onset Alzheimer's. Personally I wonder if you could find your ass with both hands, a map, and a flashlight.
Why else did you decide to renege on our springtime?
I mean, hey, here in Okieland, we're pretty used to your games, for the most part...the way you like to tease us in the fall when you let it get up to 80º & then zip it all the way down to 40º in a matter of 30 minutes or so...the way you like to make it rain or snow whilst the sun shines, or bring the clouds in quicker than we can say "Bob's your uncle". No big deal.
But it's almost May, for crap's sake. We're supposed to be having a deluge of rain, complete with scary booming thunder and non-stop cracks of lightning. We're supposed to be having regular tornado warnings, and a sprinkling of hail just for funnies. We should come home every day and open up our basement/cellar doors, or keep a mattress near the bathroom for those unexpected F-4s.
So why the 45º high temp today, with a wind chill near freezing?
Did you get lost on your way to Greenland?
I respectfully request that you go back up North and take the Arctic weather with you. Stop punishing us. We're not the only ones responsible for pollution and the depletion of the ozone layer.
Seriously. I'd already turned off my heater for the year.
Gimme my springtime back. Or else.

Sincerely,
A Frozen-toed Monty
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