*claps with glee* Oh dear, I'm not sure I'm quite ready...does my hair look okay? Anything green or gross on my face? How 'bout my teeth? *wipes lipstick off teeth*
Today I was going to explain my "LIST OF THINGS...", but I do believe that it will wait until tomorrow. Today is a red-letter day (no, not a SCARLET A, in case you were wondering~~but that might be fun too) in the life of aka_monty, thanks to Seeing Double. This delightful mother of twins (GO TWIN'S MOMS!) has chosen to honour me as an interview subject. So please do NOT take issue with Seeing Double if this interview turns out to be dull, boring, and uninteresting. I accept full responsibility. :)
1. I've got to know about the pencil lead. How'd it get stuck in your thigh, and why didn't you get it taken out?
OH, the pencil lead. Well, I was in third grade, and was horsing around with a freshly sharpened pencil. Stuck it in my leg. It broke off, as these things have a tendency to do. I didn't get it removed because firstly, a friend of mine told me I'd probably die from lead poisoning, and I didn't want to get in trouble with my parents. Evidently I thought that if the lead didn't kill me, they would. So by the time I told them about it (a year or so later), it was too late. I can still see it in my leg, although I've gotten so...plump...it's much harder to see.
2. What can you tell us about your book? How long have you been working on it, and are you working on any others?
The book...well, that's sort of a grand way to put it! It's more like a collection of stories. When I was in college, I fancied myself quite the writer! I did actually manage to turn out a humorous story or two, mostly about the stupid things my family says and does. I wrote a really great (I think) story through the eyes of our cat...anyway, the idea is just to take my silly stories, polish up the "Diner Divas" tales, & perhaps someday make a little book. I guarantee we'll sell at least 10 copies. All to family members. And I'll give you an autographed one~~half price!
3. You have your choice of any man in the world, and you are guaranteed to have a long, happy marriage. Who do you pick and why?
All I can say is that if I already knew this guy, I'd've snatched him up. As I think about this question, I've sort of got a particular fella in mind...someone I had a fabulous relationship with. THAT saga is kept in my 'secret' LJ files. But I can tell you that the guy would have to fall in love with me AND my kids...be willing to take on a particular role in their lives. He'd have to be at least somewhat ambitious, hard-working, and be a good communicator. A fantastic sense of humor is a MUST when dealing with me...otherwise he'd probably just go nuts. Or let me drive him there. He would definitely have to put me in the 'top 5 priorities' list. I don't care if he doesn't cry when he watches Bambi or Old Yeller~~he doesn't have to be the most romantic guy in the world. Just...loving. Honest. Understanding (of my many, many, many quirks and issues). Good 'Dad' material. Also it wouldn't hurt if he had a totally smokin' ass. (and I think 'good in the sack' goes without saying) Oh yeah, and he has to take out the trash without being asked.
4. What do each of your kids do that makes your heart just melt? Do they use that to get their way?
My daughter, the drama queen...she knows all she has to do is turn those big ol' brown eyes on me and say "I love you, mom" and I will give her the world. The thought of disappointing that child breaks my heart, especially since she's such a good girl. I have SO many stories that illustrate her compassion and thoughtfulness, more than many adults I know. And YES, she certainly knows how to get around me. That kid is a hugger and a kisser...she knows what Mommy likes.
As for my son, he's got the most gorgeous belly laugh that I've ever heard, and the sweetest, most innocent smile in the world. Whenever he tips his giggle-box, I can't help but laugh. Then I have to hug and kiss him just because he's beautiful.
Both my babies understand how best to manipulate the mom.
5. Money is no object, and you are planning your dream home. Tell us about it, what special features are you putting in?
When I bought a lottery ticket whilst in Texas this past weekend, I actually gave this one some thought! (unfortunately, I did not win~~this time!)
As my son is disabled and in a wheelchair, my new house would most definitely include an elevator. And ramps. (Okay, so really they're for my lazy ass...but he needs 'em too!) I would HAVE to have auto-clean features in every room, from picking up to dusting to vacuuming (could someone get to work creating that for me? Thanks). If I could invent some sort of 'self-loading' diswasher, that would make my life complete! I was reading a book (somewhat futuristic) that had a device called an "Auto-Chef" which prepared delicious meals in minutes with the touch of a button...you can sign me up for one of those. A hot pool guy, a hot butler to see to my EVERY need *snicker*, and a hot gardener. Basically, plop me down in the middle of "The Jetson's" house. Complete with Rosie.
Thank you again, SeeingDouble, for taking the time to interview little ol' me! I hope I didn't disappoint too much.
Tune in tomorrow for Monty Explains It All. Same bat time, same bat channel...