Weathering Nostalgic.

We're getting a little weather tonight, so it is with a heavy heart that I am pouring a little out for my Weatherman, Gary England.

Oh he's not dead, just retired.
But he always comforted me - I think he was a weatherman nearly as long as I've been alive and I trusted him to warn me, take care of me, shield me from The Bad Weather.
He never annoyed me, I would watch him for HOURS at a time every season as we had tornadoes and severe storms marching through our state.
I knew he would make sure I took my tornado precautions in plenty of time.
I knew he would remind me what those precautions were. He would remind me to put helmets on the kids and how to best protect us all.

Okay, yeah, so I already knew all of that, but he cared enough to tell me again. And again. And again.
I miss you, Gary England.
I hope you're enjoying your retirement.

But now I have to find a new game to play on Severe Weather Nights...
so in honor of My Special Weatherman, let's have one final round of:


THE GARY ENGLAND DRINKING GAME!



*Pregame

*1. Everyone selects a storm chaser other than Val Castor. 
(Monty sez: I choose Hank when I just want a little buzz. He doesn't get as much action)
(Val lives in Stillwater and Gary talks to him CONSTANTLY.) 
Every time Gary talks to your storm chaser, you take one drink.
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your storm chaser. 
Take four drinks if your storm chaser says “tornado on the ground.”

2. Everyone selects a county other than Pottawatomie County.
(Because we are always hearing about Pottawatomie County.)
Every time Gary mentions your county, you take one drink. 
Take two drinks every time we see footage from your county. 
Take four drinks if a tornado touches down in your county.

*One drink

*1. Take one drink every time Gary says the following:
“Hook echo” | “Updraft” | “Metro” | “Doppler radar” | “Wall cloud” |”Ranger 9″ | “Underground” | “Mobile home”
2. When Gary gives a list of counties, take one drink for every county in the list. 
(Oklahoma has 77 counties but somehow they all get mentioned at some point.)
3. Take one drink every time Gary interrupts a program. 
Take one drink if Gary says “You’re not missing any of [program name].”(This is a major concern damnit!)
Take one drink when Gary says “We’ll keep you advised.” (Like we had any doubt that you wouldn’t.)

*Two drinks

*1. Take two drinks every time Gary says the following:
“Baseball-sized hail” | “Waterloo Road” | “Pottawatomie County” | “Deer Creek High School” (How many times has that high school been hit anyway?!?)
2. Take two drinks every time Gary mentions the following towns:
Altus | Burns Flat | Dill City | Gotebo | Hydro | Lookeba | Meeker | Mulhall | Oktaha | Olustee | Shattuck | Slaughterville | Tryon | Vici |Waukomis | Wayne (or Payne) | Weleetka | Wetumkah (The only one that is even slightly big is Altus.)
3. Take two drinks every time Gary talks to Val Castor. (Now we are gonna get really drunk!)

*Three drinks

*1. Take three drinks if we see footage from Val Castor.
2. Take three drinks if we see footage from Pottawatomie County.
3. Take three drinks if Gary mentions the following:
“Immediate tornado precautions” | “National Weather Service” | “Mesocyclone” | “Portable Radio” | “Take shelter” | “Tornado warning in effect until …”

*Four drinks

*1. Take four drinks if Ranger 9 must land to refuel. (Notice it doesn’t say when it lands to take cover, we don’t land our aircraft in a tornado around here, we fly AROUND them.)
2. Take four drinks if Gary issues his own tornado warning, not recognized by the NWS (He’s a renegade that way) or says the following:
“Will someone please answer that phone?” (He takes this stuff seriously damn it, answer the phone.) or “Do you see the power flashes?”
3. Take four drinks if a shirt-less tornado victim is interviewed.(Redneck land, yo. There is a reason I get dressed and put on shoes when a storm is in the vicinity.)

*Finish your drink

*1. Finish your drink if someone uses the word tornado as a verb or if Gary mentions the cross streets nearest to you.
2. If Gary says “We’ve lost Val,” pour a little out for your homies and finish your drink. (Poor Val…)

If THAT won't get you drunk, it can't be done.

The bittersweet taste of April 19

I sort of love this day -- it's my birthday.
I love the sweet birthday wishes from everyone; they make me smile and feel happy and warm and loved. Thank you all so much for that. It's the day I feel truly Grinchy...by which I mean my heart grows three sizes. (Oh, no worries, it will shrink back down in a couple of days and I'll be back in Curmudgeonland)

I sort of hate this day -- it's my birthday.
I am older but seldom wiser, crazier even without cats, and more GET OFF MY LAWN YOU LITTLE BASTARDS.
It also (and more importantly) marks the tragedy of the OKC bombing in 1995. All those lives lost needlessly, those children in the daycare...for what? Because some whackjob wanted revenge against the federal government. I believe in Hell and I am bloodthirsty enough to hope that McVeigh & Co rot there.
My kids were still in the NICU on April 19, 1995, and after the bomb went off, bomb threats were called in to the Children's Hospital and I nearly went out of my mind when one of the hospital administrators tried to explain why they were not (yet) evacuating.

But I am glad that people remember the tragedy and pay tribute. I'm glad that some of us still drive with our car headlights on in remembrance of those lost 168.

And I'm glad that people care enough to remember my birthday.

It's a happy-sad day.

You will be ASTOUNDED at what you read in this post! #UpworthyStyleTitles

Okay, I'm not much of a giver. Usually it's because I don't have anything to give...but to be honest, even if I DID have stuff to give, I probably wouldn't because I'm thoughtless like that. I mean if you need something or want something that I've got, I will most likely say "of course! Just take it." If you ask for something and I have it, I will give it to you. But too often it doesn't occur to me to just GIVE something.

On the other hand, I try not to be too much of a taker. What I mean is - if you give me something, I will be surprised and deeply appreciative, but I don't expect things (unless of course it's my birthday and then I certainly expect you to sing me a birthday song or possibly do a little dance).
I don't like to ask for stuff (especially help, as my family and closest friends can probably tell you).
The point is - I end up getting a lot more than I give back.

Since I know what a struggle it is every month around my own household, just getting by while running my own tiny business (PS GO LIKE THIS PAGE! Click the links and SHOP SHOP SHOP! SHARE the posts!), I thought that maybe I could give a little by offering a little free word-of-mouth advertising for my friends who also have little business or ventures.
These are people with whom I've actually done business, or used/purchased their products, or read their books, or know personally in "real life".
So I'm vouching for them, their products, and their excellent service. You should bookmark these and go back often (and this too!) Give them a little support, if you can.

Trust me. No, really.

---

Like fun vintage clothing, shoes, and costume jewelry? Visit my friend Jaclyn's Etsy store.

Make your house smell fantastic with Scentsy warmers and delicious scents - talk to my pal Deejay!

I know some of you are foodies and loooove to cook, so if it's fun and hella (do people still say hella?) useful gadgetry you want, holla at my friend Melody for Pampered Chef goodies!

Looking for some awesome books to read? One of my favorite couples in the world both write - completely different styles and subjects, but both are brilliant at what they do: read Beyond The Bridge by SK Waller for a rockin' rock & roll story, and So Faithful A Heart (the love story of Nancy Storace & Wolfgang Mozart) by Lynette Erwin for some actual, interesting romantic history.

If you're redecorating and need some wonderful artwork, may I (strongly) suggest you visit Neil Kramer and Megan Gordon? Because their photographs are completely different in style and completely stunning. Your walls will thank you, I promise. I have artwork from both of them and get lots of compliments.

Speaking of photographs, if you're in the Virginia area and need some absolutely gorgeous family photos, I highly recommend my very talented friend Kimberly. Go look at her portfolio too - she's amazing.

My friend Ed has written 5 (FIVE!!) books about New Orleans history - if you want to get to know NOLA, then Ed's your guy. He makes the history lively and interesting! Go get a book! (I'm particularly fond of the one about jazz)

Looking for something lovely to read to your child at bedtime? My friend Corey Feldman (NOT the 80s actor)(although it would be cool if that guy was my friend too) has just the thing - a series of books about Egret The Elephant.

Some of my most treasured books were written (and AUTOGRAPHED JUST FOR ME ONLY!) by my long-time blog friend Karen. The books written by her cats are even funnier than her own books. You should read them all.

The lovely Heather and Angie keep my skin smooth and smelling good with their delicious homemade sugar scrubs - and if you fancy fancyin' up your garden, they have some excellent garden pallet signs!

I do love me some Mary Kay products (they have some dermabrasion stuff for your face that makes it like SILK!) - and my friend Karmen can fix you right up with everything you'll ever need to keep looking young and fabulous.

If you're an old-time blogger like me, you've most likely heard of Golfwidow's Ministry of Silly Walks blog. Clever and funny, Golfwidow aka my friend Sondra has a funny, fabulous book you should buy!

If you want to get some permanent makeup - lips, eyebrows, eyeliner - then you should talk to my friend Crystal. I haven't had it done myself (because BOC BOC!), but she's trained and licensed and I've known her since about 5th grade. I would trust her to do it if I wasn't a needle-coward. She'll also make your skin awesome with a chemical peel or microderm abrasion.

---

I'm quite certain that I've accidentally left some people off this list and for that I'm sorry - I can only chalk it up to being old and forgetful. I have trouble remembering nouns. I say things like "go get me the thing by the dealie." So please don't take it personally, and send me a message and I'll advertise your business too. xoxo
(passive/aggressive PS: or maybe you don't ever engage with me or give me a "like" every now & again so that's why I forgot about you. Is all I'm saying)
(aggressive/aggressive PPS: or maybe I just don't really like you)

a day out of time

Apparently the 12th street Love's Country Store in Ardmore is a popular place for Kid Exchange. As we were transferring my kids/wheelchair/duffel bag from my van to the dad's truck, a lady pulled in next to me, a little girl with a suitcase got out & walked to the truck on the other side of my van, hugged Dad hello, hugged Mom goodbye, and the vehicles drove off in opposite directions. Then I went through the exact same scenario myself. A little funny. A little sad.

---

As many times as I've been to Ardmore, I never knew that there was a tiny library tucked on a little side street right across the way from my hotel. A small-town library (one of two libraries, I came to find out) in a mid-size town...where silence is still golden without the buzzing chat and activity that I'm used to at the Midwest City library near my home. It was so small that even hushed voices could be heard clearly, but it wasn't disturbing. There was the white noise hum of machinery, the quiet clicking of mouses and keyboards, the occasional cough or cleared throat, and soft, soothing Muzak in the background that barely registered but added atmosphere. It was the most pleasant, relaxing two hours I've spent in a very, very long time.

Compacted.

Most days I don't think much about my responsibilities...I mean, they're THERE, they exist, they get dealt with in order of importance (and insane-making ability).
Just life, deal with it, move along.

But some days are like this:

Today is one of those days.
That is all.

A book review that will CHANGE YOUR LIFE and BLOW YOUR MIND...

I've decided to start writing all my titles Upworthy style. So always be prepared to REACH FOR THE TISSUES, HAVE YOUR HEARTSTRINGS TUGGED, and BE AMAZED.
Really.
I mean it.
Or whatever.

Several months ago, my pal Nicole introduced me to author Taylor Stevens. Well, not INTRODUCED introduced, like a handshake and a butt-hug, but recommended, is what I mean to say.
Taylor has written a series featuring the character Vanessa Michael Munroe.

First of all, let me just say how much I love love love series. I get attached to the characters, I live with them, I think about them, I wonder what they'll be doing next.
I especially love series that are full of spies and espionage and bad-assery.
I love thrillers and detective stories and novels about assassins. And SEALS/Special Forces/Rangers. And covert operations/Black Ops. Crime solving psychologists and psychic government agents? Count me in!

I like the good guys better once they've got a little dirt on 'em. The ones who play outside the boundaries.

I love the Jason Bournes and the Mitch Rapps and the Jack Reachers and the Pike Logans and the Alex Delawares.
I love the ass-kicking women like futuristic cop Eve Dallas and ADA Alexandra Cooper and forensic sculptor Eve Duncan and brave youngsters like Katniss Everdeen and oh yeah, that fire-playing, hornet's nest-kicking chick with the dragon tat.
And Vanessa Michael Munroe.

She's a gatherer and seller of information. Her androgynous look lets her slip easily between the "Vanessa" and the "Michael". She has a hard, tragic, violent past that has shaped who and what she is, and has left her a little feral and a lot dangerous.
She wants to be good, but she's not afraid to do what needs to be done.
I love her.

The latest in the series, The Catch, was written to be a stand-alone book...and I suppose it is, but it offers only hints and teases about her background - which is important if you're to understand Munroe at all.
(I suggest you start at the beginning of the series and read your way through - all series are best read that way if you ask me. And even if you didn't ask me, it's still true)

I'm not going to give you a long, drawn-out plot synopsis - that's what Amazon and book blurbs are for.
But I will say that The Catch is deliciously full of piracy and double-crosses, hidden agendas, violence and bloodshed. (♥ ♥ ♥)
And the understanding that it only takes the slightest ripple to send a whole plot awry.

This particular book does seem to focus more on Munroe herself, her internal struggles between what's best and what's right, her thought processes, her actions, and mostly single story arc as opposed to having several offshoots with other past characters, friendships, and plot lines intertwined as they were in previous books.
I liked that about The Catch - it added some depth and layers to the already complex and complicated Munroe.

What it all boils down to is this: get familiar with Vanessa Michael Munroe and her author, Taylor Stevens.
You can start with The Catch (available in July!) - or use the time wisely between now and then to start at the very beginning. A very good place to start. (okay, how many of you just read that in Maria's voice from Sound of Music? HA! I KNOW YOU DID!)

Sometimes the good guys wear the black hats, not the halos.

---

***Disclaimer: YES, I was given - for freebies! - an advance review copy to read. NO, I was NOT told that I had to publish a review, nor what kind of review I should publish if I chose to do so. There were no promises, no threats, no bamboo spears under the fingernails, not even a passive/aggressive tweet suggesting I write any particular kind of review at all. My opinion is my own, and if you don't like my opinion, you can SUCK IT. I say that with love.

Hey 19

I know, I know - you've read this all before.
Too bad.
It is time for the Annual Birthday Post!

My tiny little 1lb babies are 19 today.
I know, right? Some of you have been reading the Birthday Post since they were about 10 or 11.
Time is not just flying, it is traveling at the speed of sound.

I remember a tiny Becca setting her pacifier down in something that had spilled...she picked it up, took a suck, and said, "What the hell is all over this?!" It made me laugh so much that I couldn't even correct her.

I remember one single sentence of absolutely clear speech from Joshua in 19 years...he was sick and angry and yelled, "I WANT MY BOTTLE!"  It was astounding and amazing and thank goodness my mother witnessed it or I would have thought my ears were playing tricks on me.

Seems like yesterday, and a hundred years ago.

Much like the lady in the news right now whose husband works for AOL, I also have million-dollar-plus "distressed babies". Six months in NICU adds up quickly, even 19 years ago.

So to those of you who read this faithfully every year - my babies young adult children and I thank you.

Happy 19th, kiddos. Mommy loves you.

---

(Also? OMG I HAVE 19 YEAR OLD CHILDREN. Pretty soon I'm going to have to stop pretending to be 29. Only not this year, I'm not quite ready for THAT. Baby steps)

---

THE DUE DATE: June 4th

THE BIRTH DATE: February 14th.

I know, right? These children clearly get their lack of patience from me.  They were born at 24 weeks, or about 3 and 1/2 months early. They weighed just over 1 lb. each, and were about a foot long. I'm talkin' teeeeeny tiny. Micro-preemie, I think is what they are called now. 

Anyway, this is my boy, at about a month old:

I woke up the morning of February 12th, headed for the bathroom, and after about 5 minutes I called out to the baby daddy, "Either I've lost all control of my body functions or my water broke".

I'll give you a hint - my functions were still under my control.

So natch we rushed to the hospital, where the stupid ass snot face condescending nurse (actually I love nurses in general, but this one? NOT SO MUCH) had me lay on a gurney for an hour and then said that I was fine, no fluid was "leaking" (I know, gross), and the pains in my back and belly were just muscles stretching, NOT CONTRACTIONS...and then she tried to send us home. 

Me being me, I caused a scene.

Hey, guess who ended up being right about me being in labor?

Here is my little girl, at about a month old:

The doctors tried to stop my labor for 24 hours, but apparently my kids were having none of that. On the 13th of February, my boy arrived in the usual way - of course, I was knocked out for the entire thing. My daughter was still safe and secure in her bedwomb -- the idea was to let her 'cook' a little longer (which would have been weird to have twins with different birthdays, right?).  So they were wheeling me into recovery when Miss Contrary's heart rate dropped to zero, and they did a SUPERFAST emergency C-Section to get her out. Evidently she didn't like being alone.
So it was like Twins Two Ways, with extra Mommy Staples.
This is also where I discovered my love of morphine.

Their ears were still folded down (WEIRD! I didn't even know ears did that until my kids were born. It was like puppy ears or something), and their lungs were not completely developed, and their little hearts were working overtime/doubletime.

They struggled for every single breath. They fought to live.

And so they did.

Thank you, God.

Thank you for this little miracle....(my girl at about 2 months)

and this little miracle...(my boy at about 3 1/2 months)

The doctors gave them less than a 50% chance of survival.

Fortunately they got my stubborn genes as well as my temperamental ones, because my kids wouldn't listen to percentages; they were all YOU DON'T KNOW ME! I DO WHAT I WANT!
Their hearts were overworked, their lungs were and are covered in scar tissue, they are cursed with keloid scars as well as scars from perc lines and central lines and a million little junkie scars on arms and feet from being pricked with lancets every hour. They have scarred veins, they had damaging bleeding in their brains, preventing brain growth. And yet...
        

Becca's first day home from the hospital! Nearly 4 months old and barely 5 lbs. I still have this amazingly tiny dress - I swear it's barely bigger than Barbie size. Those booties she has on? The foot part is less than 2 inches long. Each twin came home attached to oxygen and an apnea monitor - whenever we all went anywhere together it looked as though we were leaving home for a month, so laden were we with electronic equipment, oxygen tanks, diaper bags, strollers...which is partly why I became the hermit I am today. #Lazy

Here they're about 7 or 8 months old, I think (did I ever mention that I am TERRIBLE about labeling pictures? Because I am). Clearly Becca was already trying to wear some sort of tiara:

One morning I discovered that my daughter knew how to climb into her brother's crib.

When Becca was about two, this is what "Go get ready for bed" meant:



Josh had the softest, wispiest hair so I let it grow and grow... until that time I gave him a buzz-cut and he's been sporting a Greg Brady WhiteBoy 'Fro ever since. IT IS OUT OF CONTROL.

There were middle-of-the-night phone calls with doctors on the other end of the line telling me that they didn't think THIS twin or THAT twin would make it through the night- so we'd rush to the hospital to sit and put our hands in the "baby terrarium", as I thought of them, and listen to the beeps and the whooshing of the ventilator and wait for the inevitable.

There were six months in the NICU and 3 or 4 Thanksgivings and Christmases spent in the hospital. For awhile I thought they were going to name a wing of the children's ward after us, or at least keep "our" room in reserve.

There was RDS and BPD and ROP and a bunch of other things with initials that I barely understood.

There were staph infections and even a broken arm that was caused by changing my son's shirt whilst in the NICU - he of the tiny little brittle bones. There were breathing treatments and nebulizers and oxygen tanks and albuteral and constantly changing medications and seizures and paralyzing fear (well, that last thing was *me*).

All that and so, so, so much more...and I continue to be amazed that here we still are, 19 years later.

How could I not believe in a higher power? In miracles?

I love you, my babies. I'm STILL thankful for every breath that you take, every blink of your eyes, every morning that you wake. I love you with everything inside me.

You still make me laugh, you still make me cry, you still make me want to smack you upside your silly little heads.

If all the world was a beach, I would love you more than all the grains of sand added together. Times ten million.

Is that a Magic Stick in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Can I stuff your stocking with my Magic Stick?

Why don't you bring that Magic Stick over here and...charge me up?

Wait wait wait, this is starting off in a whole other place than I wanted to be.
Sorry.
Ahem.

Okay, so I got this Magicstick to review from Powerocks USA. It's a portable charger, and...

I FREAKING LOVE IT so far.

The fine folks at Powerocks were kind enough to send me one of these portable chargers to try out (they sent me a silver one but it also comes in a variety of pretty colors! I wish I'd got a green one but HEY FREE so I am not complaining). It's lightweight and compact - perfect for your pocket or purse. (and it even has a little velvet bag in which to store it)

One of the upsides is that it's so easy that a monkey could use it. You press a button on the end to check the charge with an LED light: blue is full, green is 70%-30% charge, and red means PLUG ME IN NOW. 

Actually it kind of reminds me of the thingy I had in the hospital when I was hooked up to morphine - just hold it and use your thumb to press the button every 8 minutes for deliciously dreamy pain relief which is probably another reason why I like this.

It's got two portals on the bottom - one for a standard USB and one for a tiny plug. Fortuitously, the charger cord for the Magicstick actually fits my kindle touch and my slide-open-keyboard T-Mobile phone (I don't have any kind of smart phone. I barely have the next step up from a flip phone - which is actually what I used up until a few months ago - but this charger worked on my sister's iPhone when I tested it) - so that's two less cords I have to worry about right there. Bonus! 

Also I use a USB adapter for a wall outlet, and the Magicstick can be used with that or charged from your laptop. 

I got the 'Stick fully loaded...then I charged my kindle (which was only at 1/4 power) AND then I charged the iPod nano (which was dead), and the Magicstick was still in the green when that was finished.

This little gadget is so cool! I remember when I took a train to Chicago from TX, and when I got to the train station I had to wait and then fight for an outlet to charge my phone enough so that I could call my friend to come pick me up. NEVER. AGAIN!
The 'Stick is supposed to deliver up to 2 full charges before needing to be recharged itself...I'd say that seems likely, judging by the use I gave it today.

I can't say how well this will work in the long term, since I just got it, but to all my friends who have long commutes or travel a lot and are always forgetting to bring at least one of the chargers they need for this or that - YOU NEED A MAGICSTICK. 

So stuff those stockings, charge yourselves up, and keep that Magic Stick in your pocket, mister!

(PS: Yes, I was given one free magicstick to review and either keep for myself OR host a giveaway - yeah, I'm keeping it. Get your own. No really, get your own. You'll thank me later.)
(PPS: Also I have received NO OTHER COMPENSATION except for the magicstick, and I wasn't told what kind of a review to give - if you've been a reader of this blog for any amount of time then you don't need to be told again that I only review products I'm interested in trying, and I will only write honest reviews -  if a product sucks I'll tell you why I thought it sucked. I won't do reviews for any company who puts conditions or restrictions on my reviews. Shit, you made me tell you again anyway.)

10 Books?

So I guess there's this meme on facebook - I've seen a couple of its incarnations and I'm not sure if I'm supposed to list 10 "favorite" books or 10 books that have had some sort of impact on my life or what.
I guess it means I'll just make up my own rules, which is better anyway.
Also? How do you narrow it down to just 10?

Hundreds of books have impacted my life, for better or worse, so I guess I'll just list the first 10 that occur to me - in no particular order.

Probably I was supposed to put this on facebook but I do tend to run on (NO! REALLY?!) and who wants to read 10 or more paragraphs on a single facebook status? THAT IS WHAT BLOGS WERE  ARE FOR.
Plus I think the average attention span on facebook is about 3 seconds per status - with a minute allowed for reading all the comments if there are more than 15.
10 Books I Always Remember

1. Girl Of The Limberlost: I remember spending the night at my Grandma's house...it was a Saturday and raining and Grandpa was working and Grandma was vacuuming and I was wandering around bored. In one of the spare rooms (the one I hardly ever went in because it smelled weird) was a bookcase filled with very old and very old fashioned books. I choose this one and it was so foreign to anything I'd read before (I was probably 10 or 11), with prosey, flowery language and ladies powdering their noses with rice paper and a short poem which stuck in my mind at the time and remains to this day. I learned about determination and perseverance before I really even knew what those things were.

2. The Witching Hour (Anne Rice): I remember this book because it took me approximately five years to finish it (true story) and it taught me that I will never be an Anne Rice fan (although I admit I've enjoyed a couple of her other books, like Pandora and Violin).

3. The Amityville Horror: This book scared the shit out of me. I mean seriously scared me. Whenever I see flies in the wintertime, I start getting nervous.

4. Love Story (Erich Segal): I read this at a young age when my heart was at its most romantic, and the beautiful tragedy of the story swept me away, sort of like the movie Beaches did to my older self.

5. Fatal Vision: I sort of blame this book for my overindulgence in crime dramas, my love of forensic procedures, mysteries and detective stories. Also? HE WAS TOTALLY GUILTY. Horatio's crime lab on CSI Miami would totes prove it in like an hour.

6. To Kill A Mockingbird: I think I saw this on most everyone's list...which is as it should be. This book is meant to be impactful and if it didn't make some sort of impression on you, then you read it wrong.

7. Cujo (Stephen King): Because I had a dog at the time which was half German Shepherd and half St. Bernard. I watched her with a wary eye for months after reading this book - we lived waaaay out in the country and rabies was a real Thing.

8. Macbeth: I'm sort of cheating, since this is a play, but was the first time Shakespeare made me fall into his work and be a part of it in my imagination. Everyone knows a line or two from Romeo & Juliet, but Macbeth is my favored quotable.

9. Flowers for Algernon: I saw the movie based on this book (Charly), and it moved me on many levels so I immediately checked the book out of the library. Still moves me - probably more now than then. I cry every time I read it or watch the movie.

10. Forever (Judy Blume): "Like my mother said, you can't go back to holding hands". Another line never forgotten. Also? Some of my friends' mothers were scandalized when I recommended this book to their daughters.

I could probably add about 30 more to this list without breaking a sweat - including all the Little House On The Prairie books, all the Anne of Green Gables books, everything ever written by Louisa May Alcott, all the Harry Potters, all the Oz books, Scruples (by Judith Krantz - I was probably a little too young for that one when I read it the first time), all the Nancy Drew & Hardy Boys mysteries...and I just realized this list doesn't really include any of my current favorite books or authors.
This meme is too hard.
Every time I read your lists, I'm all "OH YEAH!" "OH RIGHT!" "I FORGOT THAT ONE!".
So in addition to these, I also include most of your own lists.

On being full of thankful.

A few days ago someone posted, "What are you thankful for this week?"
and my first thought was...nothing special.

WHAT?! NOTHING SPECIAL?!

What I mean is, there was nothing different about my level of thankfulness.
Every single morning that I open my eyes, I am thankful.
For the sunshine or the rain.
For my kids.
For coffee.
For family and friends, and the love and support they give so generously.
For love and forgiveness.
For the kindness of strangers.
For the food in our bellies.
For the roof over our heads.
For having a vehicle to drive.
For central heat and air.
For the ability to still be able to take care of my son, despite the back pain and arthritis.
For my daughter's job.
For the ability to work for myself, on my own schedule, and mostly at home to be with my boy.
For an income that, while tiny, is still enough to cover the bills.
In short, every day I am thankful for all that I have, all I've been given, all I am blessed with.
EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

So yeah, I'm glad everyone is thinking of things they're thankful for on this special day...but for me I'm thankful for nothing special...just everything.

SHUT IT.

I've seen this button appear on  my facebook newsfeed...

...and it is BUGGING THE SHIT OUT OF ME.

Don't get me wrong, I understand the sentiment behind it: greedy retailers blahblahblah greedy consumerism blahblahblah.

And for the record, I hate that people become animals on Black Friday (and now Thanksgiving Thursday)...great sales and saving a considerable amount of $ is no reason for everyone to suddenly go feral. It's disgusting and horrible.

But what, only people in retail deserve a holiday, to spend time with their families?

What about that guy at 7-11, who makes sure you have coffee and gasoline to get to your big ol' family gathering?

What about the pilot and flight attendants who make sure your family gets there on their flight?
Or the people at the rent-a-car place when your family gets off the plane at 7am on Thanksgiving morning?

I was in the hotel business for many years, and guess what? Without us working on holidays, away from OUR families, YOUR family wouldn't have anyplace to stay when they come to gather 'round the turkey at your house. They wouldn't have wakeup calls or complimentary coffee in the lobby before they get to your house. Or anyplace to get a toothbrush because Aunt Gertrude forgot to pack hers.

I BELIEVE IN FAMILY TOO.
But sometimes circumstances are what they are and most people are aware - BEFORE they accept a job - whether or not holidays are required. Most places rotate their employees on holiday shifts every year so that they do get a chance to spend time with their family on holidays.

And lest we forget - some people don't celebrate Thanksgiving. Or Christmas.
Some people have no family or friends to celebrate with.
Some people have no family or friends they WANT to celebrate with.

Face it: for many, many types of business, NOT JUST RETAIL, working on holidays is a Thing. It has always been a Thing and will likely continue to be a Thing.
And whether you decide to shop on Thanksgiving or not, some stores will still choose to be open.

Be honest - have you NEVER gone to the movies on Thanksgiving or Christmas? For some families, it's a tradition to hit a movie together. What about THOSE employees, hmmmmm?

When I worked at Hertz Worldwide Reservations center, we got paid DOUBLE time and a half for holiday shifts, and I needed the money so desperately I was glad to volunteer to work it.

OH RIGHT, those aren't greedy retail jobs so those employees don't deserve the time off to be with their families.
My mistake.

'Til Death Do Us Part

I think about death a lot.

I mean, I don't actively worry about it, but I think about it. It hovers in the back.
Regarding my son - I've told you before about my Cher moment, every morning. You know in the movie "Mask", near the end when the school calls and says Rocky isn't at school and she looks at his closed door? That look is how I feel in the mornings before I step across the threshold of my son's room.
He wasn't predicted to live past infancy, then doctors said it was doubtful he'd live past 12 years of age, and then they told me he'd not make it into adulthood.
But he's 18 now and all I can do is pray for at least 18 more years.

I think about death a lot.

I'm not, in actuality, a morbid person, but I think about it. More aptly, the thoughts pop into my head and my imagination takes over to give me worst case scenarios.
Regarding my daughter - whenever I read something or watch a show about head injuries that can be the cause of death several years later, I remember rushing home from work because my daughter had gashed her head open on a branch & fallen off a pony. Took about, what, 10 staples, I think? I've blocked it out. But I worry over that. I had to wake her up every two hours that night, to ask her name, my name, the day, where she was...scary stuff. She never cried though, not the whole (4 fucking hours) we were in a cubicle in the ER, not when the doctor (FINALLY) started rinsing the blood away from the wound, not when they were stapling it closed. Not a tear.
But I imagine subdural hematoma and frontal lobe damage and all sorts of other calamities.

I think about death a lot.

I'm not really scared of dying, I'm scared of the unknown. And possible pain. Because I am a baby like that.
Regarding myself - mostly when it concerns me, I think about my final wishes and how you people better make sure they're carried out correctly. But when I worry, I think: I don't want to outlive my children. I don't want my daughter to have to be the one to find me. I don't want to be home alone with my son when it happens.
As a single parent, I have to think about these things. I mean, sure I'd love to fall asleep peacefully in my bed, but what if that happens and my daughter, my CHILD, has to be the one to find my body? Because EW. And also traumatic. And also I wouldn't be around to pay for her therapy to recover from it.
And what if she is gone - moved out, or on vacation or away for the weekend and I'm home with just Joshua? That worries me the most, I think. Because who would know? I don't have any "just dropped in for coffee!" kind of friends who would come over regularly. My phone is often dead or at least buried at the bottom of my purse where I can't hear it, so friends & family are used to me not answering calls or texting back right away.
Who would know? What would become of Joshua? It hurts my heart to think of him here, stuck in bed or his wheelchair with no one to feed him or give him juice or change his diaper or pay attention to him or turn on the TV or change the dvd for him. THAT, my friends, is a scary fucking thought.

I think about death a lot.

I don't brood over it, or actively seek out the thoughts of death, I don't plan my own (sometimes I plot yours, though)...but it's always there, that little dark cloud in the back of my mind.

PS: I also think up ways to haunt you. Because COOL.

First Paycheck.

Today Becca got her first official paycheck. Granted, it's small because she only worked 2 half-days before the pay period ended, but STILL.
FIRST PAYCHECK!

I don't know why I feel so emotional about it...maybe it's this whole menopause deal because half the time I'm crying about one thing or another and the other half of the time I'm irrationally angry about one thing or another.
Mostly though, I think my eyes just got completely opened to the fact that SHIT, SHE'S LIKE A GROWNUP NOW.

Which, when I think about it, is groovy because I'm always wishing for grownup to come and handle All Of The Things. So maybe she can do that now.

[dammit I am trying to type and eat a hot dog because I skipped dinner and I just dropped a big blob of mustard and relish on my WHITE tank top because AWESOME]

I just keep thinking about how tiny she was at birth, how she wasn't expected to live, how the bleeding in her head back then caused significant developmental delays, her enlarged (and holey!) heart...

And now she has a job and a PAYCHECK and come Monday she'll have her own checking account as well.

*sigh*

Music is my boyfriend. No, really.

For a week or so I was feeling pretty bad. Mean(er), nasty(er), depressed(er) (I know depresseder isn't really a word BUT HEY IT IS LITERARY LICENSE), and anxious. I wasn't sure why. I also realized that during this time I'd been watching a way lot of online TV shows and hadn't even opened iTunes or Pandora at all.
So thought I'd try an experiment.

Observation: I don't listen to music when I watch too much TV. I am mean and anxious.
Hypothesis: My life without music is bad.

Experiment: No music for 3 days, only TV shows (did I mention I watch a lot of crime dramas?).
Then minimal TV for 3 days, but lots and lots of music and singing.

Results: At the end of the 3 No Music days, I was moody, cranky, feeling left out and lonely, a little paranoid, and self-pitying. At the end of the 3 LOTS OF MUSIC days, I was happier, livelier, funnier (at least to myself), and feelin' cooooooooool.

Conclusion: Music is necessary for a happy life. I need it. You probably do too.

In related but different news, I'm going to start calling my daughter Dolores Umbridge because whenever I start singing, she does this weird little throat-clearing thing. I don't know what that's about but it irritates the shit out of me. Next time she does it, I'm going to start replying to her only in song lyrics.
She does NOT KNOW WHO SHE'S MESSING WITH.

Cloak of Invisibility

Sometimes I wish I could fade into invisibility. No fuss, no fanfare, just quietly fade away (from the internet, I mean). Disappear myself. Relax away from reading about perfect lives and food pictures and lolcatz and "too funny!" comments on the most unfunny of posts. Relief from petty envy. Of course then I think that no one would ever notice that I was gone and worse, no one would miss me. Or if they did eventually notice, it would be like "hey, whatever happened to that one girl? You know, hated everyone, weird, sometimes funny...what was her name?" Then my ego goes all Breakfast Clubby and starts singing "DON'T YOU FORGET ABOUT ME!" and yelling "I AM HERE! I AM HERE! I AM HERE!" much like the Whos whom Horton hears.
HEY I HAVE VERY COMPLEX EMOTIONS.

Brand THIS: A BigAss Change

After...what, 8 years?...I am going to change the name of this blog. YES YOU HEARD ME CORRECTLY. I don't give two shits about all the fancy "You are a brand. Be your brand. Represent your brand" talk. I am not a brand, I am a person. I am a blogger. I am a mother. I am a friend and a daughter and a sister and an aunt. I am not a brand. Although if I WAS a brand, it would totes be designer quality. Is all I'm saying. See, when I started this particular blog in 2005, it was sort of a riff on our local newspaper, The Daily Oklahoman. Back in the beginning, I kind of had it set up with sections and labels mirroring the newspaper. Somehow that whole thing got left by the wayside some years ago. ALSO (and more importantly) THERE ARE TOO MANY OTHER BLOGS USING THE SAME NAME. Even facebook pages! I DO NOT LIKE THAT. So I'm going to be going with one of my tag lines as the new Name. So if you still have blogrolls or whatever people are using nowadays AND if I'm still on that whatever, We (the royal We, you know, because I am the Queen of My Blog) will hereafter be known as Brain Soup For The Dysfunctional Soul. Or "Brain Soup" for short or if you're just too damn lazy to type out the whole thing. So go. Update. DO IT OR I WILL CUT YOU LIKE A CHEAP STEAK.

CRS Disease

So clearly even a paragraph per day is too much for me. Although in fairness I should say the shortfall wasn't due to lack of words, or ideas, or interest - it was entirely due to a faulty memory. I got caught up in running a business, a side job, and the regular old housekeeping and kid-caring and just simply forgot. So that's a paragraph's worth, right?

Typical Pitch

After years of bloggers complaining about this very thing, I do not understand why companies still employ people who send this type of pitch:
"Hey 

We just released the fourth issue of *|REDACTED! HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?|* and I thought that you and the readers of *|BLOG|* might find the content interesting."

HEY?! How professional of you! How respectful! How...to show you have no idea who I am! And WTF exactly is *|BLOG|*? You didn't even make an effort to find out the name or URL of my blog. I can't believe that this practice is STILL HAPPENING. Oh yeah, the people who hire these "marketers" and the "marketers" themselves don't bother to even look at our *|Blog|*s, so they probably haven't read all the complaints. I don't care if you wanted me to share or review something I can't live without...I wouldn't do it for this company. I am, however, looking forward to telling them that I wrote about them today.

Getting personal

My friend Lisa said that I should write something about her during my "one paragraph per day" challenge. I told her I wasn't sure I could come up with a whole paragraph or maybe even a whole sentence past "Lisa sucks". But in order to prevent much whining (like she does whenever she doesn't get her own personal ringtone on my phone), I guess I can tell you that she's probably one of the best people I've ever met - she's generous to a fault and she can be sort of mean and very sarcastic and of course you know I like that in person. If she were an animal, she'd be a bulldog because she does NOT LET (the Guinness*) GO. That can be sort of bad if she's on the wrong track, but mostly it's a very good thing except if she's nagging. Also? She's really pretty and she lets me say rude things to her in texts. She exercises a lot which makes me hate her a little, but she makes up for it by not reminding me that I'm fat and lazy. She's a good houseguest too, except when she makes me fetch her coffee like eleventy-three times per day. But I guess I love her anyway. Mostly.
Don't be jealous because I didn't write about you - she asked, you didn't. Also she is an attention hoor.

*inside joke

Stream Of Consciousness - A brief & uncensored peek into my brain.

I dare you to try it. Close your eyes like you're preparing to meditate and just type whatever floats across your mind. No peeking! Ready? Okay. Now what? I can't think of anything because I'm tryig to think of something. I think this is why I stopped blogging. No, actually I think I stopped because I started making more friends and then my family started reading and I started caring what people thought. I mean I've always sort of cared what people think about what I write, but I don't get all weird about it because I typically try to offset my bitchiness with a litle humor and oh shit I think I just made a typo. OMG what if my fingers were on the wrong keys all along and this is a bunch of gibberish? Did I spell gibberish correctly? I wnat to peek but I won't cheat. OH cheating. I could write something about that. This will probably be the longest paragraph ever, sort of like one of Danielle Steele's paragraphs only without eleventy three commas per sentence. But she makes millions so I guess maybe I should try doing things her way. I wonder if anyone else ever picks up a Danielle Steele book and thinks well, I wonder who is giong to die or get maimed first? Because that seems to be a recurring theme, not to mention all the broken hearts that happen. Where was I going with that? Diphenhydramine. I don't even know what that is or why I just htought of it. I wonder if I spelled it correctly? WTF am I even thinking about? I am clearly a lunatic.

Your turn - I triple-dog dare you.

blah blah blah

I just deleted my paragraph for today because it was very ranty and I wasn't in the mood to take any shit from anyone over it. So instead, I decided to tell you about my paragraph for tomorrow. Many years ago (some of you will remember because you participated!) I did a little thing here with "Stream Of Consciousness" typing - close your eyes (NO LOOKING at the keyboard or the monitor!) and just type whatever thoughts are going through your head at that moment. It's a fun little peek into your thought process. It doesn't have to mean anything or even make sense, but I invite you all to try it and drop me an email or FB message so I can look into your brain for a minute or two. Right now I'm trying to decide if I should do mine before or AFTER coffee. Maybe I'll do both.

OMG BLOGGING ABOUT BLOGGING.

I guess blogging is sort of like writing with pen and paper - if you don't do it often, you sort of lose the knack. I mean, you don't forget how to make letters just like you don't forget where your fingers go on the keyboard, but it feels awkward and messy. So maybe this '1 paragraph per day' challenge bring a little life back to my imagination...I write plenty of blog posts in my head while showering every day, but by the time I towel off I'm all "MEH, I'll type it later" and then it never gets done. So we'll see. I'm just excited that I've managed three days in a row without forgetting...although I have to admit that I've got a post-it note reminder. Although the success of the post-it hinges on me actually READING the note. Well anyway, Day 3, in the bag. Go me.

BUY! BUY! BUY!

Okay, this is going to count as my paragraph for today, but it's actually more like a commercial interruption.

However, since it isn't interrupting anything important, it's okay.

And the commercial is for me and my family and our business, so it's double-okay.

Also it's going to be more than a single paragraph, so I am a TOTAL REBEL today.

Our Family Business is having a 3-ebay store-wide INVENTORY CLEARANCE/BACK TO SKOOL sale!

We're getting ready to move in the cashmere sweaters, suede boots, warm wool skirts, and vintage coats for fall and winter...but first ALL THE SUMMER STUFF MUST GO! High quality designer pieces at low low low prices!

What can you find? 

For women: skirts, pants, capris, jeans, dresses, suits, belts, shoes, purses, tops, cardigans, and more!

For men: Sport coat/jackets, dress shirts, and ties

Sizes 00 - 18

• If the item says "Best Offer", we will happily accept any reasonable offers!
• Find more than one item you want? We will COMBINE SHIPPING to save you lots of $ on postage!
• Tops and skirts starting at 9.99, dresses and pants from 12.99!
• Tons of BUY IT NOW items - Once you pay, it ships the NEXT DAY!
• Lots of NEW WITH TAGS items at 80-90% OFF RETAIL TAG PRICE!

Please visit ALL THREE of the following stores and load up on the bargains!

Sale will run through August - check back often for MORE MARKDOWNS and NEW LISTINGS!

http://myworld.ebay.com/mybargaincouture
http://myworld.ebay.com/laurenfashions
http://myworld.ebay.com/dnlrobinson

Tell your friends! Buy as gifts! Get an awesome designer wardrobe for your college-bound kid! Treat yourself to some new threads! (does anyone say threads anymore? #StuckInThe70s)

And now, back to your regularly scheduled program. 

You can shop and watch TV at the same time, right?

In Which I Take Up A Challenge

I miss blogging - I may have mentioned that a time or two. I read back over the last 5 or 6 years' worth of posts and sometimes think I have already written my best posts and thought my best thoughts.
And then I go back to composing blog posts in my head while I'm in the shower (because everyone knows that's when you think your best thoughts) and end up never typing them or even writing notes. Then a friend posted this "one paragraph a day for 30 days" challenge and I figure that SURELY (don't call me Shirley) I can come up with one tiny paragraph. Until I forget and skip a day which becomes four days and then I give it up as a bad job due to very poor memory.
But for today, I accept the challenge and count this as my paragraph.

Grin and bare it.

Okay, so I loooove trying out new skin care products. I review them every chance I get -- I have some favorites, but often those are the most expensive ones so once my review sample is gone, I go back to my same ol' ways. But I keep trying every single product that is offered to me.
It's sort of like the Princess kissing all those frogs; eventually there will be some magic transformation.
I'm not really sure if I'm the Princess or the frog in this scenario. ANYWAY.

I really have trouble with some "skin care systems" because they require about 6 steps day AND night and that's about ... well, I didn't go to math school but that's way too many steps for me to commit to. Sort of like most of my relationships. ANYWAY.

My regular regime is: wash face when I am in the shower. Apply moisturizer if I remember. The end.

Also I don't like heavily perfumed face stuff. It's yuck and gets all in my nose and my sinuses swell up and I can't breathe and some day this will probably cause my death. In fact, if I'm found un-living on my bathroom floor with a pot of skin cream in my hand, please make sure my family knows to sue the shit out of whatever company that is.
And those thick, greasy "nighttime" moisturizers? 9 of 10 times I hate those -- they're supposedly "so rich and thick" that your skin will look amazingly dewy and glowy.
Right. The glow is the amount of oil sitting there in that thick mess on top of my skin.
Remember that night cream your grandma used? That "glowed" with so much oil that it looked like she'd stuck her face in a bowl of Wesson Oil.
Or maybe that's what she did. ANYWAY.

The point is, I love trying new products even if I end up not liking them in the long run.
PRINCESS. FROG. KISSING.
Thanks to Klout Perks  and Eclos, I'm taking the #EclosGoBare  DARE TO GO BARE challenge - they sent me a sample kit and challenged me to take a bare-face BEFORE picture and after using the product for two weeks, a bare-faced AFTER picture. Here's what I got:

Skin Prep Cleanser

Moisture Therapy Regenerative Cream

Daily HydraPrimer SPF 30

***OH YEAH - DISCLAIMER THINGY:  I was given a free sample of this product because I am a KLOUT influencer (damn right I am), but I'm under NO OBLIGATION and no one is torturing me with thumbscrews or bamboo spears or even a passive/aggressive tweet to make me talk about the product or use it or even open the box in the first place. Clear? Excellent.***

I'm not super-fond of having my picture taken. I don't do "selfies" (also could there be a more ridiculous word? Well, maybe "irregardless. That one's pretty ridiculous and also redundant. ANYWAY.), so no making fun of me. At least where I can hear it. Or read it.

I took an EXTREME CLOSE UP no makeup picture showing just my problem areas because you don't need to see a whole faceful of that - dull skin with freckles and a ruddy tone. Lots of crow's feet from lots of sarcastic laughter. Horribly, deeply lined forehead. Puffy eyes.
I realize this post means I will NEVER DATE AGAIN.
ANYWAY.
Before:

(OMG WHEN DID THAT BUMP ON MY NOSE GROW? I don't remember it being that enormous!)

The wash was nice, not super-foamy, but felt good and my face felt clean afterward. The scent was fresh, basically just a light whiff of lemon
The day/night moisturizer was very thick - which scared me for a minute - but not oily and it absorbed well into my skin without feeling heavy or greasy. Also very lightly scented with lemon, not at all offensive to my nose.
The third and final step - a skin toner/moisturizer/anti-aging primer...well, I'm reserving judgment on that. I've only used it once and I don't care for tinted face creams. I feel like the tint will Oompa Loompa me. Also it's a bit of a weird texture and I can FEEL it on my face - I mean, my face feels it sitting there. Although in fairness I should say that when I touch my face, it does feel nice and soft and smoother.

ECLOS products are made with apple stem cells and are reported to be "anti-aging". Well I'm no Ponce de Leon but we'll see how youthful I look after 2 weeks.
Wanna see more (and hopefully less pretty)(shut it, allow me my petty vanities) "Dare To Go Bare" Eclos challenges?
Follow: #EclosGoBare on twitter and instagram

Wish me luck! And pray that I don't turn out to be horribly allergic to some apple-y ingredient and get all swole up and rashy and itchy and hivey and such. And if I DO...then pray it's not permanent.
But so far, so good.

Stuff I don't get.

I have yet to read a reasonable explanation that makes ANY sort of logical sense from those parents who BAN HARRY POTTER books and movies because they're so chock-full of THE DEVIL STUFF: sorcery and witchcraft and evil...when those same parents welcome Disney with open arms.

Like...Sleeping Beauty - you know, with Maleficent and magic spinning wheels and those silly little fairies.
Or Cinderella - you know, with a fairy godmother wielding her magic wand and turning veggies and farm animals into other stuffs. Not to mention talking mice.
And Snow White, where murder is the main theme.
Or like Aladdin, with the magic carpets and wish-granting genies and evil Grand Vizier.
And take the Little Mermaid - sixteen WHOLE YEARS OLD giving up her voice to a spellcasting octopus, while her dad carries a giant magic fork.
We can't forget Peter Pan, with the sewing on of shadows, the magic dust (PCP? DRUGS THAT MAKE YOU THINK YOU CAN FLY!), nasty little vicious Tinkerbell, murdering mermaids...
And let us not forget Beauty and the Beast, where an enchantress turned everyone into mundane objects...except for that giant, hairy, bloodthirsty beastie.

And that's a fraction of the list.

GOOD SENSE. You should get some, it's nice.