Me Thinks

Some days I wish I could just say "Hey, if everyone could just paypal me $5, that'd be great. Thanks."

I'm only half-way kidding on that first thing.

Instead of saying, "Do bears shit in the woods?" from now on I'm going to say, "Does Neptune shit in the ocean?" because I am a trendsetter like that.

Sometimes when you remove yourself - or at least step back from - a situation, you can see personalities and traits much more clearly. And they don't always show in a good light.

My truest friends are the ones who continue to try to scratch the surface, no matter how many times I reinforce the barriers.

I once thought of being a real writer, only I find writing dialogue TOO too tedious. Also I have no knack for it - I write the most boring conversations ever.

If you're going to pretend to talk on your cell phone like you're King Shit of Turd Mountain, you should remember to set your ringer to 'vibrate' in case someone actually calls.

It's not fear of committment, it's survival instinct.

If I ask you questions and you ignore them, how are you then surprised when I stop bothering to ask? I'm not going to waste my time.

Related to ^^: Just because I don't ask doesn't mean I don't care.

One of my biggest pet peeves is being ignored, or left out, or unacknowledged. YES I KNOW IT IS A SELF-ESTEEM ISSUE. It makes me irrational.

Related to ^^: There are many, many things that make me irrational.

Some things are only douchey when YOU do them. Because some people just have the knack for being douchetastic.

I get more annoyed with smart people who post stupid, ignorant, un-fact-checked nonsense on facebook than I do when ... smarts-challenged people do it.

Grumpy Cat makes me happy.

There are at least 3 people in the world who should be extremely happy that head-stabbing is against the law. And also that I am scared of prison.

I like to watch Chopped or Iron Chef when I am eating, so I can pretend my bacon is braised pork belly or I can call my home-made bacon bits "lardons" in a haughty manner, the way certain people I know insist on calling green beans "haricots vert".