Saturday, July 08, 2006

SEE THE AMAZING RANDI!

but first...
THANK YOU THANK YOU for your generosity...I've reached my first little goal.
Shit, that means I owe you a song.
Okay, tomorrow I'll sing one for you.
I'll sing you a song for every $100 I raise for the BLOGATHON.
HERE'S A PRESENT FOR YOU to put on your blog:

OR



Now PLEASE GET A SPONSORIN'!

(If you'd rather spend your $5 on ice cream and candy instead of HELPING DISABLED KIDS, then who'm I to stop you? Of COURSE I won't stick a pin with your name on it in my VOODOO DOLL)


Today's Guest Poster is fairly new to my acquaintance, but MAN OH MAN is she a hoot! Today she's giving us a nice dose of reality~if you've got kids you'll know she speaks the absolute truth. This post could be straight from my own life.
She's totally my kind of mom.
Give a nice warm welcome to RANDI, and go visit her at If You Can't Say Something Nice...Come Sit By Me!



Remember when you were young, I mean like 16 or 17 and you started thinking how adorable babies were and how you'd love to have one sometime? Did anyone else figure in their head how many kids they'd have, or what they'd like to name them, or am I just neurotic? Anyway, when I was about the whole "how my life will be" thing, I remember thinking certain things about how I'd raise my children.

THEN: When I have my children I'll be in a loving marriage. We'll have a house and I'll have a great job after college. We'll finally decide children are right for us and we'll be able to give them everything I want to buy them.

REALITY: I was pregnant while ON birth control and in college and living in my boyfriend's trailer. My boyfriend said he'd propose to me during labor and I told him if he did I'd shove the ring up his ass.

THEN: I will cook everything for my children, from birthday cakes to breakfasts. They'll have everything from me.

REALITY: Who wants a Happy Meal?

THEN: Two children will be perfect! A boy and a girl! They'll love each other and play great with each other and protect each other.

REALITY: I only step in when blood is on the walls.

THEN: I will never use the T.V. as a babysitter.

REALITY: Okay, first up is Dora, followed by Blues Clues, and then an engaging episode of Pinky Dinky Doo.

THEN: I will NEVER have my children watch the Teletubbies. They're messengers from Satan.

REALITY: Yes...okay...yes honey, stop bawling....yes the Belliebubbies will be right on (although they're still from Satan).

THEN: I will have my kids help in the kitchen preparing meals. They'll learn to cook and we'll have tons of fun doing it every meal!

REALITY: GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN!!!! GO PLAY!!! NO!! Flour does NOT belong on the floor!!!

THEN: I won't use toys as a bribe.

REALITY: Hey Toad...if you're good while we're visiting maybe we can go to the dollar store later.

THEN: We'll go out once a week and have a nice supper out.

REALITY: MWA HA HA HA HA!!!!

THEN: I'll have them potty-trained before they are two.

REALITY: I'm convinced Babygirl will be in diapers through college.

THEN: And when they go to bed my wondeful husband and I will have our alone time and be able to cuddle and talk about everything that's been going on. We'll have romantic dinners by candlelight on our anniversary and make slow, sweet love in front of a fire place.

REALITY: Me: Night.
Him: Night.



RANDI, I laugh every single time I read this, and I'm terribly jealous that I didn't come up with it myself. :):)
It's brilliant (which is most likely WHY I didn't come up with it myself).
Thanks so much for being here!!


Stay tuned for Jeckles...
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